25/11/2020
A bit off the Adventures in Quilting path but I thought some of you might get a chuckle out of this. I had some time on my hands while waiting for my staff to finish the next Adventures in Quilting episode . . . I came up with this.
Oh, and be sure to listen to the Adventures in Quilting podcasts . . . Available through all major podcasts providers.
A Christmas Visit from Fauci
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and with our convictions,
Not a creature was stirring due to Covid restrictions.
The stockings were hung by the chimney – really? who cares?
‘Cause quarantine was keeping St. Nicholas far from there.
What really matters we got from our neighbor,
Now hangs in our bathroom, yes, rolls of toilet paper.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Zoom learning lingered in their heads.
And, mamma on her iPad and I with my Switch,
Hoping the wifi ran quickly without any glitch.
When out on the lawn there came such as clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see “what’s the matter.”
To the window I ran but stub my toe on the bed,
Mamma peed herself laughing ‘til her face glowed red.
Cursing and limping I pulled back the curtain,
Forgetting my jammies, I flashed all for certain.
The moon glittered brightly on the new-fallen snow,
Giving a luster of midday to objects below.
Just dim signs for Black Lives Matter, Biden and Trump,
Then suddenly a crunch and a rather loud thump.
Then what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But Dr. Fauci carrying a six-pack of beer.
His cheeks were all rosy, his nose like a cherry,
Clearly smashed but who cares, he was so very merry!
I knew in a moment this was better than St. Nick,
‘Cause he whistled and shouted and called them all pricks.
(I really must say, I’m sorry about that language,
Our friend just wanted to send a strong message.)
“Now, Donald! now, Mike! now Lindsey! And Mitch!
Now creep away, crawl away into a ditch.”
He staggered up the steps to our rusty porch swing,
and popped another cold one as he started to sing.
“There’s hope for a bright future if only we’ll push.”
Then he stumbled to the rail and puked in our bush.
He turned and he grinned, shoving a swab up his nose,
“Oh, yes, testing . . . you gotta love those.”
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
“The science is glorious, elegant, pristine!
Soon Pfizer and Moderna will have their vaccines.”
He sprang to his limo and gave his driver a whistle,
Away they flew like a SpaceX missile.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight –
“There’s a Starbucks up there, it’s just to the right.”
But, the grinchiest Grinch was waiting you see,
His plans were all ready, just waiting was he.
Silence loomed over his over his cold dark place,
Valdimir sat planning with a smile on his face.
“I’ll give Fauci and Nicholas just this one day,
But I’ll be ready, I’ll conguer, they’ll be ready to pay.
Merry Christmas . . . bah humbug! There’s more to my story,
Voter fraud, cyber attacks . . . all part of my glory!”
In D.C., Kamala reclined, keeping watch with our spies,
Whispering, “Just try it you fool!” Then sipping wine with a sigh.
“Momala will s***k you, like you’ve never seen.
I’ll just smile and curtsy, while ripping out your spleen.”
Through the window he saluted, “Well done,” St. Nick said.
While Fauci slept soundly all nestled in bed.
Nick climbed in his Tesla, his eyes twinkling bright,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
And finally, the postscript, it must be added,
Dear reader, truth hurts but don’t get frustrated.
Is it over? Will it end? This dreaded 2020.
‘Cause I’ve had enough! Too much! Absolutely plenty!
But, I still scribble, Mom quilts – just having some fun.
And, we’ll be okay, we’ll get through this . . . God’s will be done.
