Suicide Matters Podcast

09/11/2021

Ok, the post yesterday provoked some interesting emails. Here’s part of one, referencing her friend whose one year old died:

“All she ever talks about is how sad she constantly is. I’m so tired of being around it… it brings me down and there’s nothing I can do to help.” (Sharing with permission)

She loves her friend but she doesn’t love “it”; that is, grief, because it’s a hard emotion to confront. For sure, especially in a positivity-only focused, happiness cult.

First, I gently invited her to read my book (Bearing the Unbearable) which she’s now purchased. That will most definitely increase her capacity to understand grief better and not feel as afraid of it. I also directed her to my website for her to learn more in the meantime.

Second, I gently asked her if the helplessness she felt around her friend felt like fear- fear of not being able to support her, fear of strong emotions, fear of being impotent to change the face of intense sadness and grief. This is not an uncommon issue in a world where “fixing” equates to power.

Finally, I asked if she could lead with love instead of fear. Could she set aside her own need to avoid sadness in order to help someone she loves who is hurting more deeply than many would even want to imagine? After all, just being with her friend and witnessing her sadness IS helping her.

I also reminded her, gently, that as tired as she is of her friend’s “constant” sorrow, her friend is supremely more tired of her child’s constant dead-ness. Every day this mama wakes up to a world without her precious child.

Can you *imagine* that agony?

Can we center another’s needs for compassion above our own fear of grief? Can we suspend our fear and aversion of grief long enough to, perhaps, help someone who is suffering so much that living feels like a lonely burden?

Thank you Anonymous Friend for asking the question. It was loving and brave. 🙏🏽

Please read more about being a good friend or caring colleague or present family member at missfoundation.org or joannecacciatore.com or just read BUB, please, https://www.amazon.com/Bearing-Unbearable-Love-Heartbreaking-Grief/dp/1614292965/

23/03/2020

Hold your nerve and feel better with these simple coping strategies.

23/03/2020

A list of useful resources...things to help keep busy when stuck at home, help manage mental health whether struggling or not. Please feel free to share any other resources you have found to be helpful!

https://stories.audible.com/start-listen

https://chatterpack.net/blogs/blog/list-of-online-resources-for-anyone-who-is-isolated-at-home

SilverCloud (online CBT)
* A selection of online cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) programmes to equip us with tools and strategies to be able to better manage challenges within individual context.
* Programmes available for stress, anxiety, depression, combined anxiety and depression, and positive body image.
* Delivered as a selection of information, exercises and reflective practice.

10 Minute Mind
* A mindfulness programme to help with stress and anxiety.
* 10 minute sessions delivered to your mailbox daily.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/coronavirus-and-your-wellbeing/

LinkedIn Learning
LinkedIn Learning gives you access to a range of online learning options to enable you to improve your skills while working from home.
There are a range of online courses, guided mediations and breathing exercises. You can access a selection of courses on how to support your wellbeing.

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/blog/covid-19-and-anxiety-part2/

The constant information that we are all receiving regarding COVID-19 (also known as coronavirus) is enough to worry any of us but can specifically cause challenges for those with live with anxiety on a day to day basis/have a pre-existing anxiety condition. With self-isolation being so heavily sugg...

23/03/2020

Thanks Divya for sending me this.
Going to post a few resources today to help us all manage our mental health in these troubling, isolating times. Stay posted...

05/02/2020

How many people will get online & do this 20 minute su***de prevention training with me? I know from experience that even professionals don't always ask the right questions or see the signs; and speaking to friends/colleagues about su***de can be even more challenging. You can use this as CPD, or you can just get involved with educating yourself about a problem that is of epidemic proportions. Dont be ignorant of something that can happen to anyone. Give yourself some tools & See, say & signpost!!

If you do one thing today, please take our FREE ***deprevention training 💛

You may just http://bit.ly/2P5M0nc

24/12/2019

25/11/2019

Why not spend 20 minutes completing this before Xmas.. a very difficult of the year for so many. We can all do something to help xx

We want to give proper recognition to what we call our ***deguardians - those of you who have taken the time to complete our ***deprevention training.

Informed by clinicians and experience from those who have lived through ***de, our training will teach you the skills to approach those in trouble and may just

Please remember to tag us in once you've completed the course - it only takes 20 mins - so we can share and celebrate what you've done to protect your friends and family.

Here's the link to the training in case you haven't tried already: http://bit.ly/ZSAinSt

27/10/2019

‘Smash the silence, release your pain, feed your heart’ Yass The CALMzone - what an amazing event to have been part of, and some new friends made along the way. An emotional walk but proud of us for all smashing the walk & getting out there for Su***de Prevention. Well done team 🙌💃💪 ***deprevention ***deloss

26/10/2019

We are walk ready..it’s all a bit emosh to be honest. Love how many people are out & walking for su***de loss. Together, united- we walk we talk we prevent further loss. Rach keeps on telling me it’s a competition and I need to try and win the race lol 😂 ***deloss ***deprevention

25/10/2019

Rach and I loved going hiking/walking together..or I tolerated it while she placated my whinging as we went up another ridiculously steep hill with kisses and the promises of wine & pizza post walk 😂. But; honestly just being out in nature having fun together was the best; and some of my fondest memories are of the walks & adventures we did. I haven’t done much walking since she died, but tomorrow I’m going to make a start to get back into it and bring Rach with me. Tomorrow, myself, my mum , aunt .sheppard.1426 and mine & rachs friend and ex-colleague Ed will be completing the .calm.zone week walk; a walk to remember those ones we have lost aswell as those struggling left behind; and a chance to unite together in raising money to prevent su***de and help to smash the stigma around su***de one step at a time. We are walking 10 miles across London (from Greenwich to oval) starting at 11pm, making the most of the clocks going back to have more time to talk & remember. So, if you are out & about in London and see a hive of around 1000 people walking in central London, cheer them on, say hello, and importantly remember and think about why we are all walking. This could be any one of you. We want it to be something that no one goes through; but it’s happening at beyond scary proportions and leaving rippling trails of devastation. Su***de is everyone’s problems. ***dematters
This is for you Rach; I’m awaiting you roaring at me like a lion to keep me, ‘the gazelle’ & us all going when we get tired and start whining, and no doubt some wine and pizza will be consumed before ?during & afterwards. Ready to go team 🙌 ***deprevention ***de

22/10/2019

Can’t believe I wasn’t aware this series existed; it’s wonderful; just reiterates why I do psychiatry. Everyone should listen to this & see the true wonder & power of psychiatry- the stories, the intrigue. Remember we all have a story to tell, and there is always someone ready to listen. Go take a listen to some of these amazing peoples stories & the way Dr Clare eases them into talking

22/10/2019

Anyone else watch last night talking about . One dr every 3 weeks dies by su***de in the Uk; and we know from recent research that rates are also increased in nurses & other healthcare professionals. We need to start caring for those who we need to care for us. Department of health & social care have Just announced that their successful London initiative now exists country wide for all NHS drs & dentists to seek out confidential mental health support, whatever the problem may be, however small or big! ***deprevention

17/10/2019

This is a great article summing up the things that can make losing someone to su***de very different to some other losses. It’s been referred to as ‘grief on steroids’ for good reason. Worth a read, especially if trying to support loved ones or friends going through such a loss xx

Bereavement after su***de shares characteristics with other types of bereavement, yet it is also different. Understanding how and why it differs is helpful when supporting people who have suffered a loss from su***de. The grieving process is often complicated and typically lasts longer than other ty...

17/10/2019

Today was my first visit to the 40ft container of Rach & mines world possessions- had to finally brave it as I need some clothes & shoes. Seeing our life reduced to a shipping container of things/memories made my insides feel like they have been ripped from within and splattered on the floor. It hurts...a lot...and then this photo fell out of a book in one of the boxes and everything seemed even more impossible. How is she not here, living life with the joyful loving force she always did?! That was one amazing night Now I have to attempt to open the boxes & somehow go through her clothes. How on earth do people manage this awful task of sorting belongings after a loss like this? ***debereavement

10/10/2019

just feels like Groundhog Day to me...everyday is impossibly hard since Rach died & today I couldn’t face the world & felt the pain physically & mentally. I have moved from bed to sofa to fridge to sofa...I haven’t showered...I should...I haven’t ventured outside and even the idea of talking seems impossible! Life frankly feels pretty impossible. That’s mental health for you; and su***de bereavement. But, I’m aware of this...this is one of the downs of the many ups and downs (not many ups); I have to try and be kind to myself and allow the rest my grieving exhausted mind and body is craving after a full on few weeks. Sometimes you have to push to do more; but today is not that day.
I know exercise, nourishing food, no alcohol would help; but doing those things feels impossible in this headspace. But; I managed an online therapy session, I’ve watched a good Netflix series. I comfort ate and will try not to drink too much. It’s hard...the loss after su***de is Just indescribably painful;the longing the missing the pain just encroaches on every inch of your being. Life no longer feels complete. You hope the person you lost is at peace but then you know she would also want to be here. It’s a constant state of why and what if?! Su***de prevention is about everyone; because it can happen to anyone; with seeming no risk; high risk; mental illness no mental illness, young, old. It doesn’t discriminate and us bereaved people; we are at a 1 in10 increased risk. So we know and we don’t want anyone else to go through this horrific pain. Whether you talk to a friend or family member you are worried about; whether you do an extra curricular su***de prevention training day; whether you just choose to try and reduce judgement around mental health and su***de and realise it’s not the unusual it’s the usual and we all need to see and talk about it like we do physical health problems.
So...here is to a very hard world mental health day like a lot of other days; which I know is soo hard for so many others too. It’s ok to not be ok; I’m here for you and always open to chat about the difficult stuff xx ***depreventionday

09/10/2019

Every 40 seconds...it’s just too horrifying for words. We all need to take notice and do something. There may be a climate crisis but there is a mental health crisis that will wipe decent people out well before they have the chance to deal with climate change & other stuff. This is too important to ignore. Tomorrow is world mental health day; I urge you...phone a friend/a family member and ask them; no..how are you really? Reach out to someone, check in with A colleague, or check in with a stranger or yourself? Are you struggling? Do you need help, some extra support? I currently just want to hide away, everything frankly feels impossible; but tomorrow I’m going to a coffee shop world mental health catch up and I’m going to reach out to people around me and say how difficult it is...because it is...and whilst others might not be in the exact same position, we are not alone ###

09/10/2019

Tomorrow, October 10th, is World Mental Health Day, recognised by the World Health Organisation. This year's theme set by the World Federation for Mental Health is su***de prevention.

"Prevention is something that we can all individually help with. A short conversation with another person can sometimes be enough to make the difference between life and death for them.

The advice ‘WAIT’ is one good way to remember how you can support another person who may be suicidal."

For more information, please see https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/su***de-prevention-wait

04/10/2019

Thursday the 10th of October is World Mental Health Day and we'll be offering 2 for 1 tea and coffee at our Waterside Cafe. So come and have a chat, catch up with a friend or check in with a family member! It's always good to talk ☕

25/09/2019

This slide really sums up why so many people came together today . These facts cannot be ignored! I’m a psychiatric dr, widow to su***de and member of the + community- that means I’m in 3 high risk groups for Su***de. However, I want to use my position to share an important story, and hopefully in doing so help others who may be experiencing similar pain. In doing so we encourage others to speak & our collective voice is stronger. We need to work hard together to improve postvention support for those bereaved to su***de and reduce Su***des in the first place. We all have a voice & it’s ok to not be ok and to talk. You are not alone! ***deprevention ***debereavement

25/09/2019

What has struck me & moved me so much today at is the power of our voices as those who have lost people to su***de. Sitting with so many others personally & professional impacted by su***de loss, it gives me that push to keep on speaking out & ask others to do the same too. Our collective voice & work together will lead to positive forward Action in helping those bereaved by su***de & preventing Su***des ***deprevention ***debereavement @ Mercure Manchester Piccadilly Hotel

25/09/2019

So great to see so many people at the 8th International Su***de Bereavement conference ***debereavementuk . More than 400 people from 14 countries. United in one aim to reduce stigma around su***de & open up conversations around loss by su***de ***debereavement ***deloss

20/09/2019

How do people feel about the use of the word ‘committed’ when it comes to su***de? I know I struggle with it, and prefer to use died by Su***de. With stigma and shame around su***de still so rampant, we need to be compassionate with our words & our actions ***destigma

Stigma: a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.

Su***de, sadly, remains stigmatized. It is a challenging topic. The mere mention of the word tugs at our heartstrings, our minds, and our very souls.

When an individual dies by su***de, the family and friends go through what are often considered, “unspeakable” feelings. Guilt, shame, and the inability to answer all of the unanswerable questions fill the heart.

Su***de remains difficult to understand and frightening to talk about. It’s often challenging to find healing when grieving a death by su***de. When something remains a societal stigma, it can create an extra layer to the already heart-wrenching pain of grief.

Language informs so much of our perceptions and beliefs. In recent years, mental health professionals and the American Foundation for Su***de Prevention (AFSP) have worked hard to change the language around su***de. Removing the word “committed” and replacing it with “died by” is terminology that serves to remove the stigma.

The history of su***de is such that it was considered a crime. And although it is no longer, the attachment of that shameful residue remains. People experiencing stigma may feel fearful, diminished, or discounted.

What we know today from the AFSP is “There is no single cause of su***de. It most often occurs when stressors exceed current coping abilities of someone suffering from a mental health condition”. Most often, people die by su***de when they can no longer clearly see their way to any other answer.

While some find the change in language a mere attempt at political correctness, my heart tells me it's about compassion, hearing others, opening our hearts to what is true and honest and real. When we remove "committed" it helps remove that stigma so we can begin embracing individuals and families with honor, dignity, and respect.

Healing cannot begin in an environment of fear, shame, and silence. Words matter. People matter. Removing stigma helps us begin wrapping our arms around people with compassion and understanding.

***depreventionmonth
***destigma

19/09/2019

Alliance of hope is a platform who’s mission is ‘to decrease stigma, increase understanding of the su***de loss experience, and provide direct support to survivors’. You can join their online forum and find ‘strength in sharing, comfort in connection, healing in hope’

Those who have lost a loved one to su***de often sense others’ discomfort, making it difficult to express their grief.
***deiscomplicated

18/09/2019

I’m looking forward to attending this next week. Anyone else going? ***debereavement

17/09/2019

So here we go, some practical tips to help sleep following su***de loss
💊MEDICATION: So this is one to talk with your GP about. There are some over the counter options aswell as prescribed medication. You may have heard of sleeping tablets like Zopiclone & Benzodiazepines- these are controlled carefully and given only for short periods of time for good reason due to the possibility of dependency. So see your gp regardless for helpful suggestions & to make sure what you take, over the counter or not doesn’t interact with any other meds you take. I know that I could not have got through the first few months without the ‘palliative care’ of some sleep aids.j

😴 Sleep hygiene
-Minimise the alcohol 🍷 & caffeine ☕️intake. It’s difficult I know; it numbs some of the anxiety & pain and helps you drop off to sleep; in the short term that is. But….it makes you more anxious and depressed, and it reduces the quality of your sleep in the long term.
-Minimise screen time for the few hours before bed, as the artificial light can negatively impact your sleep.
-Try & get into a regular sleep routine-going to bed & waking up at similar times and aiming for 8-9 hours. I found not napping almost impossible until recently. The grief exhaustion was horrific and sometimes I just needed to sleep or couldn’t face moving out of bed. But, small steps towards a better routine each day helps.
-Relaxing music or stretches can help wind down; though vigorous exercise can have the opposite effect. Hot baths, milky drinks; journaling to get out those thoughts that are whirring around your mind are all good.

🧠Mental health disorders: Watch out for signs of mental health problems like PTSD & depression, that can cause sleep probs. It may be that treating those conditions improves your sleep. Check out www.mind.org.uk for some common symptoms and check in with your GP regularly

🧘‍♂️Meditation: Despite previously loving meditation, I found this near on impossible given the images and memories in my mind’. I however did find listening to stories/audiobooks helpful. The app have some great stories & sounds to drop off to. What have others found helpful? ***deloss

17/09/2019

Lets talk SLEEP 💤 following su***de loss.
I wrote the following words 6 months after the loss of my wife when sleep was proving a living nightmare.

I woke up; actually I mean, I gave up trying to nap away my total & utter exhaustion just now after another night of 6 months of tortured, minimal sleep. Take constant sleepless nights, add to them nightmares, vivid dreams, the mental torture, the what if’s and why’s, the physical pain, the longing, the loneliness. Essentially I am woken up or can’t get to sleep constantly because of a dead person; my dead person.

I wake up and it’s just like ‘groundhog day’-when you suddenly realise that person is dead again. I might sleep occasionally but even when I sleep I feel awake, and everyday it feels like I have been hit by a sledgehammer of mental and physical extreme pain. And it doesn’t seem to make any difference whether I exercise, get a better sleep routine, drink, don’t drink.It feels like nothing will ever help.

I used to complain all the time about being tired just from work and life etc especially if I had a bad nights sleep; but now I would do anything to be sleep deprived and have my person with me! So value your bed hogging, snoring, tossing and turning partners, children and siblings too. Because, let me tell you it’s a total sh***er being woken up by your favourite dead human.

Poor sleep & insomnia are unfortunately a very common side effect of grief and of PTSD; a disorder I will talk about in other posts, which can be a disabling sequelae of loss to su***de.

So, what can you do? 9 months in now & my sleep is marginally better and so see my follow up post to this for some helpful practical tips to aid your sleep

Finally, just a reminder to be kind to yourself. I’m in it, and it’s a daily battle. So be compassionate for where you are right now. Step by step, hour by hour we keep on moving. You are not alone, even in the dark torturous early morning hours.
What have you noticed with your sleep? ***deloss

17/09/2019

Which countries have banned pesticides used in su***de? https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-49662340

Pesticide self-poisoning is one of the leading causes of su***de in Asia.

17/09/2019

Join us for Tea & Talk. The Mental Health Foundation are encouraging people to get together for a cup of tea to encourage conversation about mental health and to increase openness on the topic on the 10th October on World Mental Health Awareness Day. We will be hosting an event. Further details to come...https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/get-involved/tea-and-talk/planning

Read our six-step guide to organising and holding a successful Tea & Talk.

16/09/2019

Article looking at whether a new diagnosis could aid su***de prevention; interesting, especially given 'more than half of those who take their lives do not have a known mental health conditio
Also some interesting points referenced against the utility of a new diagnosis or prediction unless it can lead to a valuable preventative measure; as sadly, su***de risk prediction and therefore prevention remains a huge universal challenge with much less known than people assume ***deprevention

https://undark.org/article/new-diagnosis-prevent-su***de/?fbclid=IwAR0n6z0t8MzazvMFks8mXYkumeU8G7ASGY1oc5nXEKdg3RSMUJCPrIVSQtQ

There is no established method of identifying patients in immediate danger of attempting su***de. Some researchers want to change this.