The Caterpillar Vow

14/09/2023

😘☺️

Today, our brilliant literary writer, Chesca Suarez, celebrates another year older of life. Everyone here at The Current wishes you a happy birthday.

May your pen continue to captivate hearts and minds, leaving inspiration in every word you write.

11/09/2023

𝐆𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐃

In my early years in the academic realm, I was never expected to do so much, but I was encouraged. From elementary school all the way up to high school, I genuinely thought that I was smart, that I did very well for my age, and that I had the burden of making everyone proud or else I would disappoint their expectations. Now, in my college years, as a sophomore at the university, I realized that I was never an overachiever; I just had people who trusted and supported me fully, and I that made me think I was ahead of others. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that I have positive and loving people around me that support and care for me in every step I take, but I just hoped that I didn't cope with the things "I thought" were pressure bestowed upon me in a way that it was a bad thing to put so much effort into. That being recognized as a "gifted child" was a curse. Because now that I look at it, it's great to be a great player in the game; it feels good whenever I push myself. As I remember, the sky is the limit when I have myself and my people.

-TheCaterpillarVow🐛

05/09/2023

"Want"

I was in elementary school when I discovered ‘whim’. I was at my cousin’s house, and I saw her rectangle-shaped, ten-inch-wide device that is full of cool games and has an app in which you face the camera and it will make funny-looking faces. It was a tablet, and she told me her mom bought it for her for only three thousand pesos. I was amazed. The day after, while my mother fetched me from school, I excitedly told her about the tablet my cousin has, and I told her it was three thousand pesos ‘only’, and by only, I thought it was cheap at the time... for us. I told her that I wanted it too and asked her to buy it for me because I thought we could afford it. My mother did not even spit a word. I mean, that cousin I was talking about is well off in life, so basically for her, it was cheap, and I know Mama pretended not to hear me when I told her the story, but there, I already get it.
Weeks later, my father won a bet from a basketball league called "Ending" and the prize was a tablet, and yes, it has cool games and a funny camera app that can be installed. I was amazed at the time and noticed how life gave me what I wanted when I already accepted that we couldn’t. I did not think about it much; I was busy taking pictures and playing Temple Run.

Years later, I dreamed about having a room of my own—a pink bedroom. It was a sneak preview of something I really wanted, but just like the tablet incident, I did not expect myself to have my own space because our reality at those times was eating, sleeping, watching, and studying in the same space. We were four people living in a small house, but I am okay with it because it is a home.
2019 was the year that reminded me that I was wrong again. I went home from school when my father and my older brother were busy almost destroying our house. I thought there was a problem, but it turns out we’re upgrading our house.

I was so happy at that moment; I believed I felt like a main character, and of all things, aside from not having to squeeze each other or have sleepless nights when it's hot, I was happy because then I thought I would be a less victim of bullying. Finally, I can let some classmates crash when we have group activities. I was beyond grateful for that, and I still believe that 2019 is one of the best years of my life.

Now, I have my own phone with a good camera and a high storage capacity, I can install any game I want. I have my own bed, and I have a goal to make it the cutest coquette pink room ever. I can eat at a fast food chain once or twice a month. Back then, we went to fast food to take a p*e, and there was no other option for a comfort room. I can buy silly things I want sometimes, and I realized that I can have whatever I want if I push through, if I make it possible, and that if I ever want something positive in my life, the universe will lend it to me.
Want, demand, dream, wish, and seek good things for your life. Be grateful for what is and expect what will be. Notice how your desires became a reality in your life. That is, what you want already came your way.

-TheCaterpillarVow🐛

03/09/2023

I am nearly 19, and all I know is that I've changed. I am not sure how many times, what phase I am in, or whose version I am taking in; for all I know, the 17-year-old me would be happy because then, I thought, legally means free. As the days went by and my time as an 18-year-old girl got shorter and shorter, I was actually wondering if it was okay to change every year. Every month? Or even every day. I know we acquire knowledge as the day passes, and it will definitely affect our views and opinions. Over time, we will outgrow the moments, the experience, and eventually ourselves.

It stuns me how sometimes I can't recognize myself. Countless midnights, I ask myself, Who am I? When will a version of me be created specifically for me? I realized I was so caught up in being liked by everyone that I didn't create the version of me that I liked. I wasn't free at all. I cannot be quiet because then my family and friends will think I am sad because I am always bubbly around them. I have to use all my social energy to not look like I am mad or a snob. It's hard for me to practice being myself, and it sounds ridiculous, but it happens.

There are people we don't actually know; our friends have their secrets; family members have traits we don't know about, and it's not because they don't want to share; for them, we are not the right person to witness that version of them. It's okay if you're the one who's getting robbed of the opportunity of knowing someone, and it's okay if you are having a hard time showing who you really are; all that counts is that you know there is something in you and you are not afraid to be with it when no one is looking, because then you'll know you have your own preference for you and you do not let anybody rule with it being just you.

-TheCaterpillarVow🐛

31/08/2023

Cheers to the moments that our past-self conquered for us.

-TheCaterpillarVow🦋

29/08/2023

"𝐸𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝑜𝓃𝑒'𝓈 𝒶𝓃 𝒜𝓇𝓉"

🌸ꗥ～ꗥ🌸 𝐈𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐞, 𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬? 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞, 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥, 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐥, 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦, 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐞𝐦.

𝐀 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧, 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐩𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞, 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭.

𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐭? 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝; 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐚 𝐰𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞; 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭... 𝐀𝐫𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨? 𝐖𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥, 𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐥, 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬, 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝-𝐛𝐨𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐨𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝. 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 ‘𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠’. 🌸ꗥ～ꗥ🌸

-TheCaterpillarVow

28/08/2023

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆

I grew up without a role model; I mostly learned new things out of curiosity, and I had no one to teach me life lessons when I was young. I didn’t have cool interactions with older folks; I didn’t grow up with any grandparents because they were all late before I was born. And so I was jealous of the kids in the mainstream. I pretty much thought that my life wasn’t worth telling because, growing up, I didn’t witness any representations. It was hard for me to finish a novel because I always did not like how unrealistic it was for me. Oblivious main character with loving grandparents? a childhood with lots of friends? lots of treasured memories? Yeah, I did not have those. That is why I started having a journal when I was sixteen, because that way, when there’s something new for me yet pretty common for others to experience, I write it down. That way, I would not forget that something so nice and average happened to me.

But because I kept a journal for the sole purpose of not forgetting anything and not for celebrating, I ended up not enjoying the moments when I would stop and write, record, and re-enact the moments I had just to show them to my future self. I was so obsessed with my future self's feelings and nostalgia that I stole the momentum of my present self, the self that I already knew, the self that is here. I forgot to look at myself in the moment, and I did not think if she even felt anything.

I thought that I had to experience every relatable story of others before I could consider that my life is moving and that someday, somewhere, I will meet a person that will change my life. Or in a situation, I even put my hopes on clothes, thinking that if I wear this new top, it will feel as if I am the main character of a rom-com K-Drama I watched. and then I got tired. I stopped hoping for changes; I gave up all of my hopes on new clothes, and I started doing nothing.

For the first time, I did not expect anyone to come into my life. I was hopeless, but I had no choice but to live a life with no direction, or so I thought. After a few months of not looking at others lives, I started to see my own. I practiced gratitude, and it changed my view of life. I saw the process I ignored because I was too focused on fast gratification; I noticed my funny moments; I discovered new things about myself; and soon enough, I saw myself.

I found how amazing the people I have already are; how they helped me in dark times; how they saw me when I didn't; how they know my story; and how, for them, I have a wonderful life to share.

I realized that I don’t have to experience success and achieve all my goals before I decide to look at my life in a nicer way. 𝑬𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏 𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒏𝒐𝒘. 𝑩𝑬 𝑮𝑹𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑭𝑼𝑳 𝑵𝑶𝑾. 𝑫𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆; 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚.

25/08/2023

𝐋𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡; 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧.

I grew up thinking that I needed to surround myself with a bunch of influential people to succeed. I thought that I had to network with people and use them to my own advantage because that was the only way I could escape my current reality, experience new things, learn, and ultimately win.

Now, to give you an insight into my reality, it was basically a life without anyone to teach me anything beneficial. Nobody taught me what books to read or where to go. No one asked me to go out and meet more people, which is probably why I had social anxiety for a long time. No one around me was cool enough to be a role model. It might sound ridiculous, but I honestly lived a life without much experience, and I was so insecure because I didn't have any cool friends to hang out with. I didn't have nearby cousins to build a memorable childhood with, so I basically believed that I was such an innocent little freak. A loser that didn't have any cool experiences like others, and I thought I wouldn't make it because I had no one to give me tips or information. I believed that if you don't have a story, you probably won't make it, because I thought experience was the sole drive to do something. I realized I hadn't even put myself out there and was expecting a miracle to happen, that I would probably meet new people in the restroom or the bookstore where I normally stayed for three minutes and then went home.

I did not try for anything because I believed that I lacked experience, and so I didn't get more experience. I was insecure about being out there because I thought the only way was to have a background or to be exceptionally great. Not realizing that to achieve a level of mastery is to try, to have it once, and twice, and then get addicted I couldn’t stop.

And then it hit me, hard. It was so hard that I did not recover for months, questioning my naivety. Why did I put my faith in others? Why did I ever tell myself that I would not make it because I don't have connections to help me? Why do I have to blame external factors instead of learning where I excel, where I should stay, and ultimately believing in myself? Why do I even care about people laughing at me when I try, when I couldn't care less about people who look dumb for doing something in their lives?

I had to unpack what I had learned. Although I admit that I cannot blame outside forces for my situation, it would be impossible for me to say that I do not think my environment contributed to the cause. The mainstream made us all believe that we have to have connections to win, to have privilege to step up from the rest, to be naturally gifted, or pretty much someone who is extroverted. I am not saying that these are not true, because I know for a fact that these are key factors to succeed. However, you do not have to push yourself to be extroverted when you are not, do not try because you are not talented enough, or complain so much that when you fail, you put blame on those who have connections and are more privileged than you are.

While you may feel like you fought fairly, having a hot head for those who you think don't have to try and still get what they want is limiting your growth and trapping you in a bland room. The people who you think don't even have to try are often the ones who try the hardest and make it look effortless. So try, be desperate, move, and believe. People make it seem easier because they were once like you and didn't understand the game, but once you get it, you will win. Make it seem flawless, so that your enemies are threatened. They try to make it seem easy because they are ashamed of what others might think. There is a reason why "trying hard" is considered an insult. Do you think being entitled and cool in your field would be a good reputation if it looked like you were trying too hard? Idols are praised for their talent, but they train for years, some even for decades, to achieve their feats. So can you. If you think you're ugly, do it ugly. If you believe you're dumb, then do it foolishly. If you look at your work and think it all sucks, make even more sucky work that younger people, who also suck, will admire. Do it without anyone knowing. Do it when no one is looking. Do it with nothing. And someday, somewhere, you'll look at yourself and see something.

23/08/2023

8/22/23

AHHHH, JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT, I AM IN SO MUCH AWE THAT I CANNOT EVEN SMILE PROPERLY BECAUSE MY MOUTH IS WIDE OPEN. YOU KNOW CATRIONA? When she was announced as Miss Universe 2018? YEAH, HER FACE? HER MOUTH? I look like that. Don't come to me and say you don't see the resemblance, though.

I am happy to share with you one of my feats, and there are many more to come. guess what? I got accepted in the current as a literary writer! yey! Isn’t that so cool? I am a writer for a student-led media outlet at my university, and people get to read my pieces?

I am going to be there. I am the writer of my dreams. just one step at a time. While watching a documentary of Catriona’s journey in Miss Universe, she said something along the lines of, "𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝒿𝑜𝓊𝓇𝓃𝑒𝓎 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒶 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓁𝑒 𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓅. 𝒲𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒶 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂 𝑜𝓇 𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓂𝒷𝒾𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝑜 𝒻𝒶𝓇 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓈𝑜 𝒽𝒾𝑔𝒽 𝓊𝓅, 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓂𝑒𝒹, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓅 𝒶𝓉 𝒶 𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒, 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒹𝒶𝓎, 𝓎𝑜𝓊’𝓇𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊’𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒 𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃."

It was such an inspiration. Indeed, we get overwhelmed at times; we overthink, we stay up at night until we don’t realize it is midnight, and we wonder how we can’t sleep when we don’t even use our phone. We are just lost little souls mindlessly looking at the ceiling, worrying about what could have been, and trying to control everything. But as you get exhausted, you realize that you don't need to carry everything at once, that writers use prompts, actors do not shoot their shots at once, doctors do consultations and schedule everything, not doing everything all at once, and that they all have a process to trust, so why can’t you? Someone who knows she has directions but gets overwhelmed by everything so that she can stumble upon her ways?

All you have to do today is chin up, unpack that bag you're carrying, and take one thing. That’s it. It might not look like it does something, but trust Mother Catriona, it does. Do your little thing, and one day you’ll realize you have an entire big thing.