21/05/2026
I still look for him.
The hardest part is that heâs everywhere.
He is my sofa cushions, the walls of this house, the grass outside, the silence at night, the routines I still havenât learned how to break.
I know I said Iâm back. And I am. Iâm here. But I also need to be honest with you all⊠Iâm still carrying an unbelievable amount of pain.
Some days I feel okay for a little while. I can laugh, answer messages, post videos, function normally. And then there are other moments where the grief hits so hard it feels physical. Like my chest is caving in. Like the air gets heavy. Like Iâm standing in the middle of my life, but emotionally Iâm somewhere else entirely.
Losing your soul dog changes you in ways people donât always understand unless theyâve lived it themselves. Moose wasnât âjust a dogâ to me. He was comfort, routine, safety, companionship, unconditional love, and honestly⊠part of my identity. When you lose a bond that deep, the silence afterwards can feel unbearable.
I think one of the hardest parts of grief is that the world keeps moving while your heart is still trying to understand what happened. People see you smile once and think youâre okay again. But grief doesnât work like that. It comes in waves. Sometimes quietly. Sometimes so loud it knocks the breath out of you.
But I also want to say this for anyone else going through it right now: please donât think the pain means youâre failing. Loving deeply comes with grieving deeply. And somehow, even though it feels impossible at first, you do learn how to carry it. Not perfectly. Not quickly. But little by little.
If youâre struggling after losing your soul pet, I need you to know that you are not crazy for hurting this much. You are not weak. The grief is real because the love was real.
I donât have all the answers yet. Iâm still figuring it out myself. Some days I feel present, and some days I feel like Iâm just existing and trying to make it through the next hour. But Iâm trying. And if you are too, then Iâm proud of you for that.
Thank you for staying here with me while I learn how to live around this kind of loss. I love you all.