At Last She Said It

21/01/2024

I was surprised when this popped out of my mouth in our conversation with CA. Sometimes you don’t know what you think until you hear yourself say it. Why would anyone choose guilt over happiness? Why would feeling bad seem safer than feeling good? As a kid I absorbed the idea of my “natural woman” being “an enemy to God”: naturally at odds with the spirit, more likely to have a hard, foolish heart than a right one, a lover of this world unfit for the Kingdom. I was convinced I’d need a lifetime of remodeling to ever become acceptable. So maybe I felt afraid any happiness couldn’t last, and probably shouldn’t. Surely a jealous god would sn**ch away a gift I didn’t deserve yet, if I did somehow manage to get it! But you know what? I never wanted to be God’s enemy. I guess that’s why nothing in my life has brought me more happiness than finally exchanging that lie for this truth: I, like you, am completely acceptable, understood and loved just the way I am. —Susan

20/01/2024

Our practically-on-staff-therapist-guest, C.A. Larson, always drops a truth bomb. Or two. How much guilt are you carrying about churchy things you never even consented to accept?

18/01/2024

Say More No. 8 is out today, and it's full of good things like this line from the first essay, Egalitarianism. In conversation with her daughter about what she wants to do when she grows up, Tracy says, "The feminist in me was thrilled to seize the moment and tell her that she could be or do anything she wanted in this world! Her simple reply was, 'but not at church.'" Which begs the question: why not at church? You can read Say More with a paid subscription, a free 7 day trial, or give us a shout if neither of those options works for you and we'll hook you up. And remember, your subscription will also give you access to ALSSI's Substack chats. Join us!

17/01/2024

I gave a talk in my ward’s sacrament meeting last Sunday. This was my outfit, definitely not the smartest shoe choice given the weather. 🥶

I spoke about the Syrophoenician/Canaanite woman found in Matthew 15. I focused on three reasons why I absolutely love this scripture story.

One of them is that Jesus was vulnerable and teachable in his interactions with her. His words towards her seem harsh, she calls him on it, and he changes his mind. 😯 Bam! A non-Jewish woman, an outsider to his faith and customs, taught the son of God? It appears so.

No matter how enlightened or educated you think you are, walking through life with a soft heart and a teachable mind seems to be a key element in Being Human 101. And it was modeled for us by the Savior of the world. Point taken, Jesus.

—Cynthia

16/01/2024

In Episode 171, Susan and Cynthia continue their discussion with therapist C.A. Larson about guilt and shame. Where are they coming from? What are some specific ways these emotions might affect Latter-day Saint women, and how can we recognize and work through them in healthy ways?

In Episode 171, Susan and Cynthia continue their discussion with therapist C.A. Larson about guilt and shame. Where are they coming from? What are some specific ways these emotions might affect Lat…

16/01/2024

Is it just me? —S.

13/01/2024

Mark your calendars...at last it's coming! First discussion: Falling Upward | A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life, by Richard Rohr. Whether it's your first read or a refresher, you won't want to miss the opportunity to talk about this classic with the ALSSI community. Register at our website today!

12/01/2024

Having an LDS therapist come on the podcast this week to talk about guilt and shame was the right move. C.A. Larson was full of all kinds of truth bombs like this one.

11/01/2024

I don't remember when I first realized a feature of my church life was not being able to say things out loud, but the first time I told my story in public I said, "There's nothing like not being able to talk about a thing to give it the wrong kind of power." That realization was the first step of my journey, and it's still on the short list of What I Know. Once you say stuff out loud, shame loses its power. —Susan

09/01/2024

“The most liberating process is to realize that no one’s expectations for my life matter but my own,” says therapist C.A. Larson. In Episode 170, she joins Cynthia and Susan for the first part of a discussion about guilt and shame. What’s the difference between these two emotions? How do they help or hinder our growth and progress? And what tools can we use to manage them in healthy ways, and move toward greater self-acceptance?

“The most liberating process is to realize that no one’s expectations for my life matter but my own,” says therapist C.A. Larson. In Episode 170, she joins Cynthia and Susan for the first part of a…

07/01/2024

It was refreshing to hear Lisa Torcasso Downing on the podcast this week explain where the struggle really is. It's not with her.

05/01/2024

A great reminder from our episode this week that belief/faith/hope are enough.

04/01/2024

We know hitting a paywall is irritating, to say the least! Our podcast will always be free, so we're asking for support on Substack to help keep the ads away. Paid subscribers get the monthly ALSSI newsletter, all Say More content, live Friday Chats with C & S, and ALSSI community chatting (think of it as moving the conversation off social media and into a private RS room). If you're already a donor, no need to make a change! Remind us with an email and we'll hook you up. And if you can't swing financial support now, send us an email and we'll add you, no questions asked. We want all our listeners to be able to participate. Happy 2024 from the team at ALSSI, and thanks for your support! (You can subscribe using any of the links in the comments.)

02/01/2024

"My religious life is beyond the confines of my ward or stake,” says Lisa Torcasso Downing, a Latter-day Saint woman for whom using her voice is an integral part of her faith life. She describes her long-running blog, "Life Outside the Book of Mormon Belt": “That’s where I’ve been saying it!” In Episode 169, Lisa joins Susan and Cynthia for a rich conversation about everything from her unique conversion story to some of the foundational ideas that shaped her Mormonism to the ups and downs of learning to advocate.

“My religious life is beyond the confines of my ward or stake,” says Lisa Torcasso Downing, a Latter-day Saint woman for whom using her voice is an integral part of her faith life. She describes he…

31/12/2023

Whenever we make any kind of post about increasing the visibility and responsibility of women at church (ahem, see our last post) there’s always someone who says all this nurturing and caretaking comes easily for women and that’s why men need to be in charge ….. so that they can learn nurturing and caretaking skills too.

Nothing makes my blood boil more than to hear this. It’s a poor excuse for upholding patriarchal systems and keeping women away from the decision making tables. Men are in charge because they are men, not because there’s some altruistic goal of making them softer and kinder. If that were the case, we’d make sure every LDS man had an opportunity to serve in pastoral leadership, not just a few. But I digress.

My real issue with the stereotype that women are just better at {any nurturing skill} is that it diminishes the real and hard (learned!) skills of caretaking. None of that came easily for me because of my gender. I’m good at it now only because I’ve practiced for years. Decades. There were some days where I had to say to myself, ‘now do this step, okay now do this’. I was awkward and clumsy as I learned how to take care of little humans and a home. It’s. Damn. Hard. Work.

Let’s stop minimizing the learned skills of emotional and physical labor of women in favor of elevating men.

—Cynthia

29/12/2023

When I say we could change everything by next Sunday without touching doctrine, this is what I'm talking about. —Susan

26/12/2023

Some questions need to be revisited often so we don’t lose sight of the fact that no satisfactory answer has been given. In Episode 91, Cynthia asked, “If history shows that patriarchy is bad for women, and data shows that girls and women fare better when they can see themselves at every level of leadership in our churches, schools, and societies…why do LDS women and men continue to cling to old ideas that deny history and data?” Unfortunately, her question stands, as little if any progress has been made. In Episode 168 we preface a rerun of this previous conversation with a few of the thoughts we have about it now.

Some questions need to be revisited often so we don’t lose sight of the fact that no satisfactory answer has been given. In Episode 91, Cynthia asked, “If history shows that patriarchy is bad for w…

21/12/2023

We're taking a tiny break, but we'll be back with an episode Tuesday, December 26. Wishing you all the very best! —C & S

19/12/2023

Sometimes it’s good to just have fun! Episode 167 is a peek behind the curtain at ALSSI. Cynthia and Susan turn on the mics for an unscripted chat about everything from podcaster-pet-peeves to “spilled tea” to Christmas traditions. It’s the kind of conversation that’s probably good to publish now and then just to remind ourselves and everyone else: we’re two average LDS women trying to keep it together and figuring stuff out as we go.

Sometimes it’s good to just have fun! Episode 167 is a peek behind the curtain at ALSSI. Cynthia and Susan turn on the mics for an unscripted chat about everything from podcaster-pet-peeves to “spi…

17/12/2023

After almost four years of asking our podcast guests, “what do you know?”, it’s amazing how many women have said that what they know is that God is Love. Me too.

I’m not sure if I could’ve fired the god of worthiness, or the god of checklists without hitting various rock bottoms. I needed to come to the end of usefulness for the checklisty god before I could pray, ‘okay I’m done forcing this. Let’s do this your way.’ And their way turned out to be Love. Imagine that. God is love. But that’s what it took for me. What did it take for you?

—Cynthia

15/12/2023

Us too, Lyric. Us too. 🤜🏽🤛🏽

14/12/2023

Our December Say More is available today and it's a special issue—our gift to you! Join us on Substack for an ALSSI poetry reading: Heavenly Mother, patriarchy, polygamy, motherhood, invisibility, metamorphosis...all these topics and more, sacred personal stories and perspectives, written and shared by and for the women of this community. Don't miss it! ❤️

12/12/2023

Lyric Montgomery Kinard uses the word expansion to describe her faith journey because, as she says, “it feels like spirituality has burst my Mormon box wide-open.” In Episode 166, she joins Susan and Cynthia to talk about her experiences as a Latter-day Saint. It’s another glimpse into the life of a woman who’s given herself permission to walk the path in her own way, honest about what fills her and what doesn’t, and willing to speak her truth.

Lyric Montgomery Kinard uses the word expansion to describe her faith journey because, as she says, “it feels like spirituality has burst my Mormon box wide-open.” In Episode 166, she joins Susan a…

10/12/2023

We're so glad we played the actual voices of 20 women on episode 165 talking about all the complicated feelings that can surround patriarchal blessings. Here's a spotlight of just a few.....

08/12/2023

So much great talk about Patriarchal Blessings this week! So much I'd never thought of! We received this message from a friend this morning, and filed it immediately under Exhibit A: We Don't Believe Our Own Stuff. —Susan

08/12/2023

We asked, you answered! In Bonus Episode 165, women from the ALSSI community share personal experiences and thoughts about Patriarchal Blessings. It’s a dessert you won’t want to miss! (link in comments)

05/12/2023

When it comes to Patriarchal Blessings, there are as many experiences as there are members who give and receive them. In Episode 164, Cynthia and Susan are joined by Blakelee Ellis for a discussion about some of the many ways these highly anticipated blessings can be complicated for Latter-day Saint women. From the experience itself to the advice given or promises made, there can be plenty to unpack at the time the words are spoken, but also as we continue to revisit the transcript throughout our lives.

When it comes to Patriarchal Blessings, there are as many experiences as there are members who give and receive them. In Episode 164, Cynthia and Susan are joined by Blakelee Ellis for a discussion…

03/12/2023

When Autumn read this quote on episode 163, it struck me to my core. And I’ve been thinking about these words ever since we recorded—particularly the words about anointing and ordination. Indeed us parents feel called.

I was the guest on Questions from the Closet this week* and we discussed why moms are the most vocal allies in the church. I really believe this quote by the amazing Pastor Stan is why. The goodness and wholeness of our kiddos ordains us to act.

And so we speak. And preach. And fly flags, march in parades, write poetry books, wear pins, create groups, start podcasts, hold firesides, and bear testimony to anyone who will listen. Everything is on the line, everything is on the table. May there be better days ahead in our churches for all LGBTQ+ individuals and families.

—Cynthia 💚💛🧡❤️🩷💜💙🩵



*season 6, episode 10 released Nov 28, 2023

01/12/2023

I don’t know what questions Church leaders are asking—or not. I have no idea what specific revelations they seek. Do they listen to the pleas of members? I hope so. But I know many members are choosing to skip the middleman and take some big questions straight to the source, and with good reason. You can’t always wait for someone else to find answers to the questions that really matter to you! Eve knew, and Autumn from this week’s episode knows too: Sometimes you have to trade your handbook for a compass. —Susan

01/12/2023

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November/December 2023