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With the loss of the Kansas City Chiefs tonight, we’re raising the rapture warning level to Red. We’re not saying Taylo...
04/12/2023

With the loss of the Kansas City Chiefs tonight, we’re raising the rapture warning level to Red.
We’re not saying Taylor Swift is the rider on the red horse from Revelation 6, but we’re not NOT saying that either.

Is THIS evidence that the rapture is happening incrementally? How else can you explain the most secure location in the ...
08/07/2023

Is THIS evidence that the rapture is happening incrementally?
How else can you explain the most secure location in the world being unable to find the person responsible? Rapture is the only plausible explaination.
The lack of rapture dust in the UK further supports this claim. Time is short family.

Remember kids
14/12/2022

Remember kids

Your car is prophesying- glory to God!
13/12/2022

Your car is prophesying- glory to God!

Upon todays discovery that the queen of England is, in fact, an old man- the rapture threat level has been elevated to j...
18/11/2022

Upon todays discovery that the queen of England is, in fact, an old man- the rapture threat level has been elevated to jasper.
We’ve been carefully monitoring world events to bring you the latest rapture news.
Remember:
1. Every election has something to do with end times.
2. Every war is what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 24:6.
3. Your least favorite celebrity or politician (probably British) is definitely the antichrist.

Have you thought about what will happen to your pets if you’re raptured? Pet ownership may end in your animals being sto...
01/09/2022

Have you thought about what will happen to your pets if you’re raptured?
Pet ownership may end in your animals being stolen by heathens in case of rapture. Here’s some tips
1- get a dog. Only dogs have the capacity for forgiveness
2- make SURE you train your dog to respond in the affirmative to the question “did Jesus come in the flesh”. This basically means your dog is saved.

Public Service Announcement:Our team of engineers and theologians has determined that metal roof technology could* poten...
19/06/2022

Public Service Announcement:
Our team of engineers and theologians has determined that metal roof technology could* potentially hinder your path to the rapture. Don’t let your soul get trapped in the attic!
We recommend these steps:
1- don’t get a metal roof, and don’t spend too much time in walk in coolers or lead lined rooms
2- if you have a metal roof, sleep outside when the rapture threat system indicates a high warning color
3- avoid England

The Advisery Team is bringing you a special rapture statement: After prayerful consideration, we’ve elevated the threat ...
15/06/2022

The Advisery Team is bringing you a special rapture statement:
After prayerful consideration, we’ve elevated the threat level to Burgundy in Wisconsin.
For your consideration:
1- Wisconsin is abundant with rivers- Revelation 22:1-2.
2- Wisconsin is pregnant with prophetic words- so much that we believe the rapture will START in Wisconsin. This dispensation may come years before the fulfillment of the whole rapture (a form and a shadow).
3- Wisconsin is, essentially, the opposite of England.

working to keep you safe
15/06/2022

working to keep you safe

15/06/2022

Due to the existence of England, the Rapture Threat Level has been elevated to BROWN

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