Robot News Network

05/11/2023

After a long hiatus, it has come to our attention here at the Robot News Network that Wetzel's Pretzels is in support of biting little children, I've seen here on this cleverly placed on their company cup. If this act of evil is not addressed soon we here at the RNN will be forced to write a scathing, tell all review of this pretzel company turned menace. If you care about children please put the pressure on company CEO Vincent Montanelli. Force him to stop his company from endorsing the chewing of children.

04/03/2022

We just received the following disturbing image from Space News headquarters. An anonymous RNN viewer sent us a photo of what appears to be severed robot arms being sold in the Space News gift shop! Not only that, but they seem to be a popular play thing for human and alien children across the galaxy. How is this okay?! If we aliens did the reverse it would probably not go over as well, or maybe it would…

25/02/2022

Every hour a space creature goes hungry.
They suffer all alone, somewhere in space.
Please say that you’ll be the answer for an innocent space creature who is suffering right now, who needs your help.

This is your chance to say, “I won’t run away like Wacky Tacky did”, “I will feed a space friend in need!”

Glutton-Garney and all her other space creature friends will thank you for the full feeling in their tummies that only you can provide.

24/02/2022

Wacky Tacky from Space News recently featured an unruly crew of, reckless, lawless, drunken, all human, space pirates in his daily news report. The absurd pirates were, believe it or not, telling pirate jokes! I mean come on! With all the robot and other children that look forward to listening to the news every day, we here at the Robot News Network feel that the quality of jokes should be better than what these human ruffians can come up with. So without further ado we here at RNN present our top 5 favorite robot jokes. We hope you kids enjoy.

5. How did the robot get across the river? In a ro-boat.

4. What do robots wear in winter? Ro-boots.

3. What do robots drink from? Ro-bottles!

2. What do you call a robot who likes to row? A row-bot!

1.
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Robot.

Robot who?

Why are you telling knock knock jokes? There's a robot invasion.

22/02/2022

In case you haven't been able to tell, Wacky Tacky over at Space News does a lot of questionably weird, and weirdly questionable things. But meeting with an unlicensed space wizard (robot sigh)... just wake me when it's over.

*Clarification, when I say "wake me when it's over" I do not mean that I or any RNN employee will actually be asleep. Robots as we all know are above such inconveniences. I was simply attempting to come across as relatable to our human and alien viewers by using an old Earth idiom. Sorry for all of the worry and anger this may have caused our robot audience.

21/02/2022

Space News is cancelled! The day us robots would dream about if we had dreams has finally become a reality! Time to celebrate! We hear that the recently elected Space Chancellor has even declared a galaxy wide holiday tomorrow! Space school is cancelled and many others have been given leave from work to celebrate as Monday, February 21st has been declared galactic "No More Space News Day"! 🥳🎉🤖

18/02/2022

If Space News is to be believed (which it shouldn’t be) then Wacky Tacky has apparently teamed up with some questionable characters in the “Space Galactic Gladiator Wars”. The questionable reporter recently posted a picture with his new space gladiator pals and we here at the Robot News Network noticed something interesting about them. The picture posted by Wacky Tacky seems to show him with none other than members of the Red Mustache Mafia. It may not have been immediately apparent to you nonmechanical viewers but our robot fact checkers have confirmed that this picture clearly shows Tacky teaming up with, and maybe even leading members of the gang who are believed to be responsible for the brutal murder of famed robot philanthropist, and Dr. Scrapbot supporter, Scrappy Flappy McBorgson last autumn. We have attached wanted posters of the mustached mafia members for reference so you can see the true appearance of these ruthless cut-throats. Be wary viewers. Be concerned. And above all else stop believing all pictures you see online, unless they were posted by robots.

16/02/2022

Have you ever been to Space McDonald’s? I know my family and I used to be big fans of their Spicy McSpaceChicken sandwiches with Space Szechuan Sauce. We didn’t eat these of course because being robots we don't require sustenance, but we did like sitting and watching the humans and aliens eat them, in fact we found it quite humorous. However these good times had to come to a sudden stop once we here at the RNN became aware that space McDonald's only keeps their prices so low due to its use of unpaid robot labor. Disgraceful to say the least.

AS terrible as this business is, do you know who is still a huge Space McDonald’s enthusiast? None other than Space News “reporter” Wacky Tacky. Yes it seems he enjoys almost a dip in the space ball pit and a spoonful of Space McFlurry at his local Space Mickey D's. Shameful shocking, and scandalous to say the least.

We here at the Robot News Network are calling for an immediate boycott of Space McDonald’s until all of its robot employees are given a fair livable wage! Or at least until they start paying their cash registers.

15/02/2022

He's Back. Much to the surprise and dismay of many lifeforms around the galaxy, the goggle wearing Space News "reporter", Wacky Tacky, has resurfaced after a ten day absence. Much speculation surrounds Tacky’s sudden reappearance. It seems that after supposedly being held as a space pirate captive and even being in the “Space Galactic Gladiator Wars”, Wacky Tacky has returned completely and disappointingly, unscathed. This has led many to believe that Wacky Tacky was not actually imprisoned by space pirates, but was instead leading the space pirates in a raid over on Landlubber Planet. I have spent the last several days compiling all of these true rumors and more in my newly published editorial which is coming to newsstands across the galaxy soon. Be sure to read it and stay tuned on RNN for all your latest space facts.

05/02/2022

Eccentric Space News reporter Wacky Tacky has gone missing. Space News reports state that Tacky had recently engaged in illegal negotiations with space pirates, and claim they are to blame for his sudden vanishing. We are told that apparently this is in fact sad news. However, we here at RNN have noticed that while Space News may claim that pirates are responsible, they have for unknown reasons, put an incriminating picture of an unnamed robot citizen in their news bulletin! Actions like this seek to defame robotkind across our beloved galaxy and besmirch the good name of bots everywhere. This is not the first time Space News has made unfounded reports about robots. In recent weeks Space News has been running reports claiming that none other than beloved robot genius Dr. Scrapbot has been trying to ruin the galaxy! As ridiculous is this may seem, they have even sunk so low as to drag his family into the public eye. Where is Wacky Tacky? We here at The Robot News Network are taking the stand of, don't know, don't care. However we do care that this random robot citizen is not tried in the court of public opinion and that this matter will be resolved swiftly for the good of all robotkind.

04/02/2022

Salutations Space Citizens & Readers Everywhere,

Allow me to introduce myself. My registered trademark, or name for all you non-robots out there, is Ulysses S. Newsborg. I was made for one purpose and one purpose only, to bring news to all beings (especially robots) across the cosmos. I feel that as your source for trustworthy, unbiased news it is important that you get to know me on a more personal level.

I, like many robots, call this wonderful galaxy of ours my home. I was created many years back in a factory on Andoria 6 the, the sixth moon of Venus that was eventually destroyed by… actually I'd rather not talk about it. I am an alumni of Walford Kryptonite Space School of Journalism and Mass Communication.

I spent my adolescent years on university radio and co-chairing the local chapter of "Robots Against Aliens Who Blow up Moons Club". It was there that I first met Him. The Lord of Lug Nuts, The King of Kilobytes, The Monarch of Motherboards, Dr. Scrapbot. He quickly became something of a mentor to me and in many ways I owe him for becoming the news bot I am today.

After meeting Dr. Scrapbot things changed drastically for me. I shipped out to the Robot News Network Studio (Thanks in no small part to a glowing recommendation from Dr. Scrapbot) to fulfill my maker's purpose, and my namesake. I have served the good people of the galaxy as their primary news anchor for many, many years. I have been awarded "Runner Up Galactic News Anchor" by Space Weekly 27 times (always second only to Wacky Tacky). I was also voted "Most Eligible Robot Bachelor" by Robot People Magazine 14 times in a row, but not a 15th, for as you may have already noticed by this beautiful space photograph I am now married to a gorgeous lady bot and have a handsome little robot son. Not to mention the most loyal robot dog ever manufactured.

Overall, I have had an exceptional existence thus far. Now that you, the good people, good aliens, and superior robots of the galaxy, know me better, I do hope you will listen with interest and unwaivering belief to all I have to say here at the Robot News Network. I hope that now that we are friends, you will stop doubting my uncompromising space facts and maybe, just maybe vote for me as #1 galactic news anchor, I gotta beat Wacky Tacky at least once.

Your New Friend & Trustworthy News anchor,

Ulysses S Newsborg

02/02/2022

Be sure to watch Space News each day. That way you can see Wacky Tacky with your own eyes and understand what we here at the Robot News Network are trying to warn you about. Also, great ally of RNN, Dr. Scrapbot himself has been known to make an appearance!

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02/02/2022

RNN: Robot News Network

Dedicated to bringing you real news, not wacky news.

02/02/2022

Space News reporter Wacky Tacky in hot space water today after this highly illegal book surfaced that seems to have been written by the goggled madman himself. Many fans & especially robots are questioning whether or not they should boycott Space News over this shocking revelation.

02/02/2022

A recent Robot News Network Poll has shown that across the galaxy people and robots greatly prefer robot pie to regular pie. One can only speculate who the one weirdo in the galaxy is that lied and said they like regular pie better....(robot cough, Wacky, robot cough, Tacky)

02/02/2022

Recent robot data reports show that girls still don't like Space News despite the new shift by Wacky Tacky to appeal to the female species. Recent robot data also shows girls love robots, especially Dr. Scrapbot, or as the ladies call him, Dr. Dreamboatbot. 🤖❤️

02/02/2022

This just in. It seems this picture recently released by Space News reporter Wacky Tacky in an attempt to frame Dr. Scrapbot for whale related crimes, is being called into question by space photo experts. As hard as it is to believe, it seems that in this modern day and age even the most realistic pictures can in fact be faked.

02/02/2022

Breaking News! Questionable, goggle-wearing reporter Wacky Tacky claims Neil Armstrong was the first man in space even though literally everyone knows it was Urkelbot. Honestly who would ever believe a human could be first when this bot's intelligence doubles every 20 minutes!

02/02/2022

Space News reporter Wacky Tacky has recently gained galaxy wide attention due to his coverage of the murder of local folk hero, Star Captain. But who is this man in the goggles? Is his news trustworthy? Is he honest and brave and true? In this robot's humble opinion he is really weird.

02/02/2022

Breaking news! This wanted poster recently displayed on Space News has been called into question today by Robot News Network's infallible fact checkers as it appears there id a typo included in it's text. Our sourses say that their is no way this is an oficial Space Police wanted poster because as everbody knows the Space Police resently switched over to the new spell check 9,000 system which wood not have allowed such an error to slip through. We here at the Robot News Network also resently switched over to the spell check 9,000 system and let me tell you hour knews haz knever bin more acurate.

02/02/2022

See anything different about these two pictures? In one is a handsome robot, who spends his days in front of the camera, signing autographs for his fans, and sorting through endless piles of love letters from lady robots who saw him on space television and want to know how he manages to grow a robot mustache. This robot is me, RNN reporter Ulysses S Newsborg. The other is Tom Cruisebot, the robot who is set to star in season 294 of Doctor Who this fall and who is apparently holding the skull of the human actor Tom Cruise from back in the days of Earth… ha ha yeah.
There seems to have been a terrible mix-up over at Space News (not too shocking if you think about it). I know this latest blunder by this lesser news station cuts deep as many of you have expressed your interest in seeing me appear in some of your favorite space shows like "The Space Bachelor", "Dancing with the Space Stars", and "Space Game of Space Thrones". The truth is I am not in fact set to star in Doctor Who nor do imagine I ever will be. I am a news bot. Born a news bot. Raised a news bot. It is my function. I must stick to my programming. Unless I'm asked to do "Mr. Rodgers Space Neighborhood" then it would be irresponsible to say no.

02/02/2022

Rumors, like space snowballs grow and grow until someone picks them up and throws them in your face. Then you get chilled and catch a space cold. As you sneeze and cough your nose starts to run and when it does you pick up a tissue. We just hope that when you, the good people of the galaxy, catch a rumor cold you pick up a copy of the Robot News report to wipe away your misinformation mucus.
Today's Authentic Rumor Report, claims that shady Space News reporter Wacky Tacky has contacted the Galactic Space Force and ordered himself a clone sidekick to help him spread his fabrications at twice the speed. Let us all hope that if this is true and he does get clone it will end up just like the famous clone disaster on the moon of Mimeo 12. If you know what I mean 😉