Honest Dave's Daley News

26/04/2021

https://newsthump.com/2021/04/23/we-shouldnt-have-to-work-today-its-a-disgrace-says-man-sat-in-garden-occasionally-moving-his-laptop-mouse/

A man has declared that we should not have to work today and it should be declared a bank holiday, whilst sat in his garden in the sunshine occasionally moving the mouse on his laptop.

28/02/2021

https://twitter.com/RAF_Luton/status/1365980150454751233?s=19

“BREAKING: A Merlin helicopter carries out a roadblock in Chiswick (London) to assist local authorities find 2 ladies seen queuing for coffee without facemasks who were over 2 miles from their home. ”

22/02/2021

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2021/02/21/excitement-grows-as-john-lewis-prepare-to-broadcast-christmas-advert/

With only 312 shopping days left until Christmas, John Lewis is preparing to show its much-anticipated Christmas advert, with Morrisons and Tesco promising to launch theirs next week. According to some sources the John Lewis ad will feature a sad snowman who is befriended by a Brussel sprout.

22/02/2021

https://newsthump.com/2021/02/19/prince-shortage-sees-fresh-prince-of-bel-air-and-freddie-prinze-jr-drafted-into-royal-family/

With both Prince Andrew and Prince Harry stepping back from royal duties to focus on the kids, the Royal Family has found itself plunged into crisis with the worst prince shortage since the 1950s.

15/02/2021

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2021/02/11/young-woman-forgets-to-post-photos-of-snow-on-social-media/

I sent her a message saying U OK hun and one of those face symbol things but she didn't even reply

15/02/2021

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2021/02/13/east-end-virus-variant-leaves-patients-with-a-cockney-accent/

I've seen over-worked nurses here blubbering away when they have to tell some posh hooray type in Hampstead that 'daddy' is calling his telephone the 'dog and bone.'

13/02/2021

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/relationships/your-extremely-specific-and-100-per-cent-accurate-valentines-day-horoscope-20210212205296

WHAT do the stars predict for your Valentine's Day? Here is a very definite and not-at-all made up insight into the most romantic day of the year.

13/02/2021

https://newsthump.com/2021/02/11/study-finds-that-if-you-do-not-know-how-to-correctly-use-an-apostrophe-then-your-an-idiot/

A study has today confirmed that if you dont know to use apostrophes' correctly then your a complete idiot who regularly make's a fool of themselves' online.

06/02/2021

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/politics/politics-headlines/how-to-govern-the-uk-using-plots-from-movies-by-matt-hancock-20210205204973

THIS week I explained that I based the nation's Covid response on the movie Contagion. Which is fine and not worrying at all. Here are some other movies I’d like to turn into policy.

06/02/2021

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/animals/animals-headlines/cat-blanks-owner-in-the-street-20210205204978

A WOMAN is heartbroken after the cat she has fed and housed for over five years completely ignored her in the street.

31/01/2021

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2021/01/31/viking-longships-french-men-owar-and-spanish-galleons-seen-off-kent/

The EU are escalating their sabre-rattling foreign policy as they seek to distract attention from their woefully inept Covid vaccination strategy. Not

31/01/2021

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/cold-water-swimming-latest-health-trend-people-need-to-shut-up-about-20210129204809

SWIMMING in cold water during the winter months is the latest wellness fad that people are sick of f**king hearing about.

29/01/2021

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2021/01/29/local-newspaper-inadvertently-covered-story/

The Warrington Observer has been fined an undisclosed sum by the Press Clickbait Ombudsman after a recent article ‘Local Man Finds Shoe’ displayed several

29/01/2021

https://newsthump.com/2021/01/29/morons-shocked-as-nicola-sturgeon-sides-with-eu-instead-of-the-union-she-has-dedicated-her-life-to-leaving/

Tory pundits were horrified as the Astra Zeneca dispute led Scottish nationalist Nicola Sturgeon to help an organisation she desperately wants to join instead of a political institution she openly detests.

26/01/2021

https://newsthump.com/2021/01/25/white-house-churchill-bust-spotted-at-washington-dc-pawn-shop/

A bust of Winston Churchill that was removed from the Oval Office has appeared in a DC branch of cash converters.

23/01/2021

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/woman-buys-fking-ugly-dog-20210122204567

A WOMAN who has treated herself to a canine companion during lockdown has decided on one that is incredibly f**king ugly.

23/01/2021

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2021/01/22/houses-of-parliament-renovations-halted-after-rare-lib-dem-mps-discovered-within/

Building and Environmental Control officers have called an immediate cessation of building work at Westminster Palace after a small cluster of Liberal Democrat

19/01/2021

"Trump Rioter Knocks On Senate Door To Ask About Retrieving Left-Behind Car Keys" https://politics.theonion.com/trump-rioter-knocks-on-senate-door-to-ask-about-retriev-1846022923

WASHINGTON—Returning to the legislative chamber mere days after violently forcing his way inside with thousands of fellow insurrectionists, 37-year-old Trump rioter Joshua McSherry reportedly knocked on the Senate door Monday to ask about retrieving the set of car keys he had left behind while sto...

19/01/2021

"Apple Removes All Apps Since Any Of Them Could Be Used To Incite Violence | The Babylon Bee" https://babylonbee.com/news/apple-removes-all-apps-since-any-of-them-could-be-used-to-incite-violence

CUPERTINO, CA - Apple has removed all apps from the App Store and the iOS platform since any one of them could be used to incite violence.The new iPhone will just have a blank screen, to ensure you can't incite violence with it.'Phone calls and text messages? You can plot violence. Books? You can be...

19/01/2021

"‘Fact-shaming’ to be criminalisedNewsBiscuit | NewsBiscuit" http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2021/01/16/fact-shaming-to-be-criminalised/

Fact-shaming – the act of embarrassing people by telling the truth or providing evidence that they are lying – is to be made illegal under new

17/01/2021

"Criminals allowed to break law in 'specific and limited way' - The Rochdale Herald" https://rochdaleherald.co.uk/2020/09/09/criminals-allowed-to-break-law-in-specific-and-limited-way/?amp

The Home Office has confirmed that British criminals will now be allowed to commit crimes in a 'specific and limited way' following the government's -

16/01/2021

Welcome to Daley News. All the news here is nearly new news, mostly with one previous owner. All likes and shares are genuine.

16/01/2021

"Mike Read ends ban on Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s ‘Relax’ | NewsThump" https://newsthump.com/2021/01/15/mike-read-ends-ban-on-frankie-goes-to-hollywoods-relax/

80s DJ and hair pioneer Mike Read has today announced that he is formally ending his ban on Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s s*x disco classic 'Relax'.