27/08/2024
*Taps microphone* Me me me me me meeeeee! *Is this thing on* Helloooooo *Steps proudly up on the proverbial soapbox with a pair of 5-inch stilettos on, no girdle and unraveling braids, unslicked edges and sipping on my second cup of coffee today in my cute Dunkin Donuts cup.
So revisiting yesterday with a twist, because at this point, we - well some of us already know that Cam Newton and Nick Cannon are clowns in some ways - understand I said SOME ways, not all. They definitely know how to get people talking and I firmly believe that as good fathers they do - or I hope, they do, understand the impact of their actions on their children. In all honesty, it's rather selfish in my opinion on both their parts. Nevertheless, this long-winded post is not really so much about them, as it is about the terms and overly used words HIGH VALUE/LOW VALUE.
Yesterday, a guy friend of mine who is also a lawyer—y'all know we go back and forth and debate like an old married couple all the time—and I had a back-channel conversation about the Cam Newton interview and the logic behind high/low value and also high/low functioning, old school versus new school, and so on and so forth.
Well, this morning – I mean very early this morning, my girl Arneé Harrison and I were dialoguing at 6 AM! It was a similar conversation but from two female perspectives. And it wasn't about bashing Cam or Nick at all - our conversation quickly became rooted in the high-value ideology and what it TRULY means to each of us.
And here is what I said if you care to read:
The thing is, and I had this discussion with my lawyer guy friend yesterday. High value is not always equated to money with women. Men have gotten so caught up in the Kevin Samuels ideologies that they have no clue what many women see as high value. They pick and choose the womens opinion who fit into the narrative and support the belief that women equate high value to money, clothes, cars, etc., and allow it to take lead over listening to what most women are saying. Which is that all they want is a man who makes them feel secure. However no matter how much we say it, the narrative is to tell US what we want and expect because it feeds into the believe we are simple minded in that aspect.
For me – Clolita Casandra Castleberry, a HIGH VALUE MAN, yesssssssssssssssssss…….. it’s having your own s**t, because we need to match in that sense ---- for me! So miss me with that what if he….bulls**t. On my phone right now I have five different gig apps I swing between – LYFT and AMAZON FLEX (that’s partly why I have a Jeep now instead of the Camaro. “You went from a Camaro to Jeep?” – Yes, because that isssh don’t move me. I have Instacart, Doordash and Shipt, as well. So if I can get out here and hustle a full time, five gig jobs and make a few coins off my book sales, I don’t want to here no damn WHAT IFS! MATCH MY HUSTLE OR NOPE!
But you don’t have to be rich. My expectations have never been more than my offerings. Just have your own, just like I have worked since I was 15 to have mine. If I can raise a whole human alone, with ZERO help or child support for 18 years, then I don’t want to here no damn WHAT IFS! A chair should sit high on BOTH ENDS of the proverbial “TABLE”! Lately, men have wanted to know what women bring to the table, but I have not heard one man outline for me what he brings to the table, that embodies what I need in a man.
For THIS black woman, a HIGH VALUE MAN doesn't need to drive a Tesla, Porshe, Denali or Benz. He doesn't need to live in Thurgood Estates in Ellenwood, or make six figures.
For me it's about.......
Do you make me feel secure mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically? Do I feel safe in those aspects when I am with you? Do you feed into my dreams - pushing, encourage and supporting me? Can I depend on you to be there when I need you and even when I don’t? Can you understand WHY you sometimes must make me sit down when I am doing too much independent s**t because I’ve had to do it my whole life, and also understand it’s a process of unraveling damage from the past? Do you stimulate me mentally? Yeah, I need that real bad. It makes me tingle when a man talks that talk that has nothing to do with s*x but everything to do with just vibing about life. Can we ust get on the road and be within the confines of a vehicle for hours and talk about everything and nothing? Can we build TOGETHER, and both put in hard work to reach those goals? Do you have individual goals I can be your cheerleader for and help you manifest and vice versa? Are you open to receiving feedback as much as you give it? My ex and I used to have this saying, “Will you allow me to help make you BETTER”, and do you really understand that I am here for that purpose and it’s not to change you in a way that will hurt you but will instead grow you and grow US! Can you effectively communicate or at least are open to genuinely learning how to, because let’s be totally honest, more cannot effectively communicate than think they do. Most times the communication is autonomous and self serving. Can you adjust your ego and listen with an open mind and to try to understand verses just wanting to be heard.
And here is what she said that was so profound!
Arnee Harrison and I quote:
“We all value different things and have different trigger points and traumas etc. We all need to stop making blanket statements and assumptions about what each group is seeking or motivated by, and that marriage and relationships are at the forefront of everyone’s goals.”
In other words, your values are not mine and mine are not yours, so please don’t tell me what my definition is. ASK ME an take it for what it means.
Be blessed Bookies!
