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05/10/2024
Hello fellow spirits and fellow souls,
Shana Tovah, to all of you. I need to purge myself of a few things. Humor me, will you? I have not been so active on social media, but really truth be told, I haven't been active socially, period! I wasn't sure why, but if it weren't for the state of the world lately, and how divided we are in the country, but now it is the world. What are we to do? .......Then it hit me......What am I gonna do? How am I going to be the change I want to see? So, I realized, out of my own hurt and anger, I walked away from my tradition, my tribe. You see, sometime ago, exactly two years to be precise, I was hired for High Holidays to be musical director and choir conductor for a temple in Los Angeles, I know quite well. (For those who are immediately reading into this, No it is not BTS) I was presently, and still do live in Virginia, a move that happened in the middle of the pandemic. Taking this job meant that timing out travel, for rehearsals was crucial, as to not spend any more money than necessary. I came into the first rehearsal with a positive outlook, mainly because I was so grateful that I was working, and doing the thing that I'm good at. Unfortunately, I was not greeted or welcomed with warmth or general kindness. It was obvious, I was not liked. As a professional, that doesn't really bother me, because I have a job to do, and I believe this kind of work is holy work, and I will just use my talents to elevate these unfriendly sorts and slowly change their mind about me. Well, I didn't work, in fact the following week later I got a call from the temples music director and was indeed told that I was not liked by quite a few women in the choir, that were affluent community members. The main reason was I was not giving eye contact, when conducting, and I explained that I had my face in the vocal score, and when I felt a bit more comfortable with the music I would give plenty of eye contact. I assured the director I would make a point of eye contact at the next rehearsal. The following week was a scary week for my family, because my mother fell and broke her hip, and was going to need surgery. No sooner had I received the news about my mother, I was preparing for a rehearsal the following evening, I received a 2nd call from the music director, but this time it was a three way call with one of the big donors, and a board member at the temple. I asked what was this about, as I had already been told what my shortcomings were to this joyful choir, and that I was prepared to give plenty of eye contact. Right at that moment I had that sinking feeling, and the no sooner had my words been cut off by,...."no, no no, that's not gonna work, its not working out"....my reply was....WHAT???.....'what are you telling me......you're firing me?'.....totally hit me from the side....I had really never been fired musically from a gig.....I told the board member, that i traveled all the way from Virginia, and that this is not right, that the correct thing to do, was that you don't hire me again, but to fire me mid stream days before our S'licot service and Rosh Hashana. I thought about my Mom and that they even knew about my mother breaking her hip, and this whole thing just seemed so wrong, and definitely not something a jewish institution behaves like. I then called up the Cantor who was, very angry about all of this happening, but not angry enough to be Righteous. It made me think that I had no advocates for me, and I remembered those words "evil flourishes when good people do nothing".....I didn't want to tell my mom because she was going through a scary surgery and so I told my dad, and that was my advocate......My dad, the professional musician, wrote a letter to the temple, explaining that you don't do this, mid stream....I then told my dad I will have them send the money they owe per the contract and I will never work for them or send any recommendations their way......I called the accounting office to let them know where to send the check, and it was then that i learned that, they were only paying me for my time I was there, no more no less......What???.....I i called and asked for the Rabbi, who I know for some time as I have played piano for their shabbat and b'nai mitzvah services, hundreds of times......yes I said hundreds....I have had a history with this temple, and its been all good, so to be treated like this, I was sure the rabbi was not aware of this. All he said to me was, that "these women have been stuck inside for months because of the pandemic, and they want to sing what they want to sing, the way they are used to singing and they want the director that they want" .....I said....WHAT?......I couldn't believe what I was hearing.....I then told him that, they are paying for only the time I put in.....I said this is not right, and honestly, he could care less. I never heard back from them regarding my dads letter......which brought up a feeling I have about my dad who had sent letters to 10 different jewish federations, in different districts from miami to west palm beach, regarding some possible financial support for the two orchestras that he is conductor for, yes my dad is a Maestro. In the letter my father explains, his story how he was a child of the holocaust, and made it out and came to america ....moved to miami after he married my mother, and raised 4 children, and has an impeccable reputation as a musician, arranger/conductor. he says in the letter that the first thing to go when the moneys gone are the arts, and that perhaps they could help or direct him to help. Well out of the 10 letters sent......0 response......yep that is zero response....my father had never told his story in such a vulnerable way, as to explain he is a survivor, and needed help so his 2 orchestras wouldn't just fold after over 25 years of seasonal classical concerts......WHAT?.........The fact that this lack of action and concern and the fact that I was fired from a job with lack of concern and treating me unjust, I felt like, " the hell with the jewish religion and tradition".....so hurt and angry, I walked away, and I haven't done one, shabbat service, or bnai mitzvah or High Holiday, since.......but I got to thinking about it and the state of the world, let alone, the country......we are disengaged.....that is not the answer......the answer is to engage. We need to engage.....even when its fighting every part of us to see adverse experiences as wanting to disengage, when the answer is to engage. These days i don't know who, where or what my community is....I just know that my best self come from the teachings in Torah.....Sometimes I just have to laugh, I also know that I was born on Yom Kippur, Oct 6 1967....during the 6 day war..... the doctor told my pregnant mother....."don't get me out of High Holiday services to deliver this baby".....ha ha ha.....my life has always been an adventure......part war....part comedy....the unknown.....the same thing with the characters in the Torah.......so I am working these days in the furthest thing from playing piano for high holiday services.....I am in wisconsin for the past 4 months in a musical, that will be ending.....when?.......Sunday, Oct 6th, my birthday. I told you so!!!!
Thank you for listening and letting me get some things off my chest
Don't give up
Shana Tovah
JF
