SAD BUT RAD CLUB

13/10/2024

While a trainee at the , me and a friend of mine completed the 40 hour DV Advocacy Training together. I’m grateful she encouraged me to do it with her, otherwise I would have been too introverted to follow through, despite the fact that I believe trainings like this should be required as a therapist.

I remember one of the sessions fell between days of the big work event I host annually, so I attended the all day virtual training from my hotel room in Hollywood. My space was messy with rejected outfits and office supplies I needed to use (it looked like I had been partying, but at Staples), and for a moment in a time, I was confronted with the many painful realities of DV.

Holding space.❤️‍🩹 . .

・・・
October is . 💜 Domestic violence can happen to anyone and is NEVER the victim or survivor’s fault. Sending unwavering love, support, and solidarity to those who… 

Are being abused 
Are enduring abuse no one knows about
Are trapped in their situation
Are not believed by others
Are witnessing a love one be abused 
Are continuing to give support to a loved one in an unsafe situation 
Feel shame for the abuse they’ve endured 
Are recreating their lives in shelters
Have lost a loved one to domestic violence 
The system has failed

Resources for those who may need help ⬇️

National Domestic Violence Hotline (): 800-799-7233 (SAFE) or text START to 88788
R**e, Abuse & In**st National Network (): 1-800-656-4673
National Child Abuse Hotline/Childhelp (): 1-800-422-4453
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (): 1-800-537-2238
Children’s Defense Fund (): 202-628-8787
National Deaf Domestic Violence Hotline (): 855-812-1001
Deaf Abused Women’s Network: 202-559-5366
National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center (): 855-649-7299
National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life (.us): 1-608-255-0539
StrongHearts Native Helpline ()
Women’s Aid ()
Futures Without Violence ()
Respect UK ()

09/10/2024

Yesterday I went to my very first hockey game thanks to my infinitely lovely friend . She lured me with me the promise of being able to buy cute branded merchandise and assured me that I didn’t need to be familiar with the sport in order to enjoy myself. 😂

She was right (mostly). I confessed to her that my reference for hockey was The Mighty Ducks and nobody in the crowd (or our neighboring seats) seemed to appreciate when I excitedly yelled out “They’re going to do the Flying V” when the Kraken Players started to skate into formation (that was definitely not a Flying V), but nonetheless, I still had fun.

We lost 3-2, but by the third period (I think they are periods haha), I figured out when it was appropriate to grunt and yell with the correct team (in either excitement or disappointment). Despite my ever-high levels of social anxiety, I’m so glad I leaned in to try something new. It’s a nice reminder thats sometimes even when you lose, you still win.

I also learned that also they are the Seattle Krakens, their mascot is a very PNW-looking Yeti named Buoy. Naturally, we had to run back to the team shop after the game to snag the last one.

Hopefully and will invite me back for another game! 💙
-
***r

04/10/2024

[Q***r Prom Photo Dump #1]

It’s been exactly one month since and I hosted our very first Q***r Prom as . I find myself still reflecting on the events of that week and the challenges that preceded it.

That night, I took a quiet moment for myself backstage, tucked away in a corner where I could allow myself to enjoy Q***r Prom as an attendee instead of the host. I was relieved to be here, that I didn’t allow myself to drown in grief and heartbreak. I had immense gratitude for my chosen family, who stitched me back together, helped me suit up, and then poured all of their love and intention into making the event a success.

The marks of people I adore are all over this event and I love that I can tell. ❤️
-
***rProm ***rProm2024 ***r

28/09/2024

Today is my birthday. My loved ones will tell you I get particularly antsy on my birthday. I’m often difficult making plans with today. Sometimes I like to be a hermit. Sometimes I like being alone. I often need to be tricked into celebrating me (e.g. I’ll have to say it’s just a regular activity in order to feel comfortable participating 😂), and for the most part, my loved ones have lovingly bought in and showed up.

My life looks so much different today than it did a year ago and practically unrecognizable to how it looked five and ten years ago. I’ve had great birthdays, I’ve had horrible birthdays, but today, I am just hoping for a birthday I spend authentically. ❤️

At some point today maybe I’ll blow out a candle and make a silent wish that I’ll forget about later (because, ADHD), but right now, I’m speaking this hope aloud. This year, I’d like to work back towards feeling like myself again. I see sparks of it in these pictures, I know it’s still in me. I look at these two childhood photos of me being silly with my Grandma on my birthday and I know I look for that version of myself in my photos now.

I have an app on my phone that highlights photos from exactly a year ago. Sometimes I’ll go months without opening the app, hesitant to remember which memories my iPhone documented in years past. Today, I was reminded of a photo I took of Chompers 17 years ago, sleeping on the couch like a human. I miss her so much, particularly today, but I am so grateful for this memory and reminder. ❤️‍🩹
-
***r

26/09/2024

I sometimes forget that my ability to mask my pain is both a superpower and a hinderance to myself. And that while I am able to push through A LOT, sometimes my body will make it very clear to me that I am not in control.

I was casually talking to a friend recently about some of the things I went through in the last few months and they were shocked they had no idea what was going on at the time. I thought about how I worked full-time and was in grad school full-time while Dan was sick with cancer. I thought about I hosted a large event about a month after Chompie passed away and a few weeks after my life blew up.

Yesterday, I was between clients and started to experience acute stomach pain. I tried to tell myself I should just stick it out (that was the wrong decision LOL). I ended up having to lay on the ground in a very specific position. Eventually, I went to Urgent Care (but even that required bargaining for me to justify going).

Look, there is nothing more humbling than joking with the nurse about my inability to take my meds regularly, getting roasted by her, and then having to ask for a vomit bag because my symptoms shifted so quickly I thought I was going to pass out.

I am feeling a bit more myself today, but I will be accountable that it required me to ask for help (something I’m terrible at doing) and be vulnerable in the process (also something I’m terrible at doing). ❤️‍🩹
-
***r

14/09/2024

I miss Chompers’ quiet support and sometimes distractions while I finished up my BA, started to pursue freelance work, and eventually navigated going to grad school, graduating, practicum at the , and becoming an associate therapist at . For the many variables that had changed throughout the years, I took great comfort in our school/work routines together.

She’d sometimes sleep on my desk while I worked/studied and kept me company while everyone else slept, but my favorite was her taking an interest on what was on my screen. It felt like she was checking my work (she wasn’t lol) and I always found it particularly heartwarming during the years where she wore a bowtie as her collar.

Grief is a funny thing. For me, grief about Chompers pushes up grief about other situations and people, some related and some not, and I am often surprised by how all of these feelings have been knotted together without my consent.

This has been a month of untangling and re-grounding, but I am still here, using the same tools and self-compassion I ask my clients to practice. There is no way to rush through it, I know, and finally, I am beginning to see the fruits of my labor and feel things re-settling into place.
-
***r

10/09/2024

22/08/2024

I’m currently writing this post while lying down in a semi-weird position. I feel discomfort in a way that makes me tired. I had a diverticulitis flare-up not long after Chompie passed, which has now also given me an ulcer and fu***ng shingles. Sorry, they’re not fu***ng shingles, they’re regular shingles (in case that matters), and apparently they’re supposed to be very painful, except I cant feel a thing other than my own discomfort in this body.

I made all the space I could for my grief. I wanted to be tender with it, take my time with it, but that proved to be a short-lived wish because what has transpired instead is a series of genuinely horrible things that has left me speechless. When I begin to spiral the universe is punishing me, I can internally hear my therapist (lovingly) remind me it’s not, and sometimes things are just terrible. My therapist brain also knows it’s not that personal, but it takes work to be so grounded.

As I piece together the gaps in what I’ve missed or misunderstood about my life, I have to fight against feeling defeated.

My clients and I often process this concept of sitting in discomfort and how to manage the discomfort in being in such a position as we work through the things the things we need to do. Today it means lying down in a semi-weird position to manage the discomfort of my ulcer, my regular shingles, and my profound grief. But in a few minutes, I will do something else. And then something else.

I also want to thank & apologize to those who have sent me condolence gifts and cards. I want you to know I have received them and want to open them when I can be present in the moment. I also want to send proper thank yous to you each individually to express my gratitude.

Thank you my support system, the majority of who go publicly without direct acknowledgment from me in an obvious way on this platform due to the nature of this account. I will continue to express my gratitude to you each directly and do my best to carry through my day in a way that honors you and the support I’ve received. So much of my life exists beyond the grid of social media, as it should, but I would feel remiss if I didn’t mention it above.

10/08/2024

Instagram notified me that I hit 80,000 followers yesterday. It seems like a random milestone to celebrate, but my account had stalled at around 2,000 for nearly a year, and so it’s wild to think how much has changed since then.

Many of my friends are content creators, with accounts that are in the 100k, 200k, 300k. They have years of experience navigating the complexities of being front-facing brands. But me, I’m not really a public figure, so the thought of having 80k followers is such a foreign concept to grasp.

I use this account (and myself) as a psychoeducational tool to illustrate that healing is non-linear and that we can be sad, anxious, manic, messy, and it doesn’t take away our value as human beings. Today I’m reflecting on how this milestone overlaps what’s going on in my personal life, in all the places I share here and all the places I keep to myself. I remember previous milestones I hit while navigating the grief of losing my PB (Dan) to cancer. Today, I’m thinking about Chompie and all the milestones and challenges we went through together.

The heaviness of my grief is held together with sincere gratitude that you are all here with me on this journey, whether because you know me personally or because you’ve decided I get to be companion on your own healing path. Thank you for being with me, and being patient with me.

In love and sadness,
K
-
***rtherapist

03/08/2024

This post is rushed because I didn’t anticipate to lay Chompers to rest late Thursday night. I’m sure I will post more about her in the future, but right now, I just wanted to thank you all for your good vibes and wishes while she was in the ER. Many of you have been kind enough to ask for updates on her, and I had later realized I needed to create a permanent post because my Stories disappear in 24 hours and therefore the update I posted would have been lost.

In the last 1.5 weeks, I’ve had to shoulder the unexpected grief from losing my aunt, from Bevy, and now Chompie. And it is heavy.

I will be taking a social media break to allow myself space/time to grieve, not only for myself but so that I am able to support and be present for my family, clients, and my community. I’m sure I will still pop in here and there while I take a break. I think I will also focus a bit of my grief on Patreon where I can write. So I will be around a bit, just not necessarily here as active as usual.

I have some pre-recorded content scheduled so that my videos will continue to find you when you need it. ❤️ I also have some fun Collabs/duets I made to promote the Q***r Prom I’m hosting in nearly a month. I hope you all will continue to engage with my content like usual. ❤️‍🩹

I mention all of the above in the spirit of my own vulnerability and transparency. I will notate in videos when it’s scheduled content, so people aren’t confused that I may appear or say things that feel incongruent to my current state of grief.

Talk soon. ❤️
-
***rtherapist

09/07/2024

I don’t often feel cool. But on this rare day exactly a few years ago, I felt cool (and authentically me). Thank you, Mike. ❤️

📸:
-
***r 🌈 ***rfashion

05/07/2024

Yes, I know it’s 4th of July, but more importantly, today is my 17-year anniversary with Chompers. ❤️

She continues to be the longest relationship in my life. She has seen me through the lows of my depression, the depths of my grief, the uncertainty of chronic illness, and the pain of heartbreak. So much has changed since our first year together, with me feeding her Cheerios with her wrapped up in a bath towel in my arms. In some ways these days, she feels like a kitten again, frail and tiny in my arms when I hold her.

Never thought we’d make it to today, but I am so very grateful we’re both here. ❤️
-
***r

27/05/2024

🎉 Facebook recognized me as a top rising creator this week!

Oooooh, I’m fancy this week! 🤩

26/05/2024

I've received 6,000 reactions to my posts in the past 30 days. Thanks for your support. 🙏🤗🎉

Whoa, that’s so awesome! 🥹❤️

13/05/2024

I’m currently sitting cross-legged on the floor in a busy terminal at LAX heading to Miami for a conference. Most of my work these days is contained in a single room, in front of my computer, and involves one-on-one interactions. Rarely do I have to strain to hear anyone, but right now I am listening to music in order to drown out the external distractions of the airport so I can hear myself think.

What are your favorite tips for self-care while traveling? Mine involve overpacking to anticipate all of the “what if I need it?” Questions my anxiety brings up for me. 😂😂😂
-
***r

09/04/2024

🎉 Facebook recognized me as a top rising creator this week!

Ooh I’m fancy this week 😂❤️

02/04/2024

I told myself I wouldn’t use my social media to ask for things from other people, but I don’t know what else to do.

Chompers has been my best friend for the last 16 years and right now she’s sick and in the ER. I am sitting in my car trying to pass the time until I have more answers. She is my firstborn, my longest relationship, and has been there through the beginnings and endings of relationships, the deaths of my grandmas, and me graduating from undergrad and then eventually becoming a therapist. She has seen me at my worse and my best.

If you have bandwidth or a spare moment, would you mind sending my Chompie some good thoughts or energy? At this point, I’ll take all the help I can get. And if it means that more people are thinking of her and hoping she’ll get better, maybe it’ll tip the universe in her favor (and mine).

Anyway. I appreciate it. ❤️‍🩹

31/03/2024

Today is ( ). The event was created by trans advocate Rachel Crandall in response to the overwhelming amount of media stories about transgender people focused on violence. According to , “She hoped to create a day where people could celebrate the lives of transgender people, while still acknowledging that due to discrimination, not every trans person can or wants to be visible.”

The validity of your identity is not tied to your visibility or outness in this world. You are who you are. You are valid.

To my trans family, friends, and strangers on the internet, I see you. I love you, and I will continue to fight to make this world a better place for you to be your authentic selves with confidence. ❤️🏳️‍⚧️
—

・・・
On , make your support for trans youth VISIBLE! Head to igb.to/transyouthdeservebetter to read the letter written by some of our trans Youth Voices - amazing youth activists who chose to make their stories visible in the hopes that they can inspire you to take action for their rights.
-
🧠 ***r

27/02/2024

For context, on the video I posted the other day about being sad and normalizing that sadness for others, I received a comment from someone on Tiktok essentially asking how a depressed therapist could do their job and help others when they are depressed.

I responded explaining that my education, training, knowledge, or skills does not go away when I am depressed or sick or otherwise injured.

They disclosed they were a life coach and that they use psychotherapy for people with depression (note: psychotherapy is something that is done by a therapist or a mental health professional under that licensure umbrella) and that they know licensed therapists who need to check in with themselves before helping others.

Both myself and my friend/colleague Nick tried to kindly explain to them where there was potentially a gap in knowledge/understanding, and well, this is my response (which they did not like, because they started to leave numerous comments on that video now).

Anyway, this video is not meant to antagonize but rather explain the difference between life coaching and therapy and why that distinction is important.

14/02/2024

Happy Valentine’s Day! 💐

Love,
Your friendly neighborhood small fry 🍟❤️
-
***r ***rjoy

29/01/2024

Growing up in Hawaii, the dead are honored and celebrated with a specific kind of reverence and care. I think it’s just part of the cultural fabric of Hawaii that many of us understand that the veil between the living and dead is very thin.

Things have happened to me (and around me) my whole life. Ghost/paranormal stories were told as facts. And we all had those stories.

I binged in one sitting. In some ways, it felt like being seen for the very first time. To see a group of q***r people have this experience together, held with such care and reverence not only for the paranormal but for those who were impacted by their presence, felt like a very specifically q***r experience. I am forever grateful for this documentation of something magical.

Featuring: Ken Boggle Alexandre LeMay Roz Hernandez Juju Bae Logan Taylor

Trailer Credit: Hulu Living for the Dead - Hulu Series 2023
-
***r ***rstories

08/01/2024

A few weeks ago, I learned that I had reached 1 million IG accounts in a 30-day span. This morning I hit 20k followers on Instagram. My first instinct was to hide my phone in my freezer indefinitely. I didn’t tell anyone about what happened. I was suddenly self-conscious by the thought of it. You see, as an adolescent, I was mostly invisible in class, even though there were only six other students in my grade. In high school, I was simultaneously ignored and yet stood out for the wrong reasons in a class of 50-something people. In the moments when I tried to be my authentic self, I was bullied and ridiculed for not only being gay, but being a gay weirdo (which I still am, proudly). It was then I learned to hide (within myself) and sometimes quite literally did just that.

I was often the last picked for teams, the bag holder of my friend group, the person people cut in front of while in line at the store, and the roadblock that strangers ignored or found annoying because I stood between them and the friend/date/partner they were trying to hit on in front of me. I often felt like people did not see me and eventually, I turned into a ghost. I felt like there was nothing to see in me, so I stopped celebrating myself or my milestones.

The thought of so many people watching my videos here feels hard to grasp, not only as an abstract concept but especially as a human who has spent the better part of their existence feeling like a background character in their own life. Sad But Rad Club is not only about changing the narrative many of us have about mental health and wellness, but it’s also a reclaiming of who I am (and the denim shirt I loved wearing as an awkward teen).

I guess what I’m trying to say is…thank you for being here with me. ❤️
-
***rtherapist ***r

29/10/2023

Adele as Morticia? Yes, please. ❤️

29/10/2023

Friends was such a part of my formative years. It was something I often watched when I was sad, bored, lonely. As an awkward teen, I identified with Chandler’s journey and it’s unique ups and downs and cheered for him when he finally got his happy ending. ❤️

Matthew Perry sat down with the Times in April to discuss his memoir, “Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing,” at the Festival of Books. Pressed to name how he’d like to be remembered, Matthew Perry told the Times:

“As a guy who lived life, loved well, lived well, and helped people. That running into me was a good thing, and not something bad.”

Read about his life: https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-10-28/freinds-star-matthew-perry-dead-at-56

12/10/2023

Happy Coming Out Day to little Kristel, the ever curious explorer. One day, after what will feel like a very long time, you’ll feel like yourself again. I promise. ❤️🏳️‍🌈
-
***r