K Squared

03/04/2024

Pain and suffering happened quite frequently in my life and I accepted that it was part of life and I had to survive it. It wasn't until I looked at my life and realized the pain always turned into som**hing beautiful once I realized the source,which was my own mind and bent perception that I could then make the pain stop.

I stayed in trouble and it made the paper almost every time. This taught me to 1.) stop getting in trouble (seems simple enough) and 2.) not to always believe everything I read and see in the media. I did do the things it said but the media doesn't tend to take the time to explain addiction and living on survival mode due to life circumstances.

I was in unhealthy relationships time and time again. I learned discipline, intentionality and courage to change myself first and foremost. I learned compassion and how to not become resentful about things that didn't work out. It simply wasn't meant for me. I learned to choose myself.

I learned about life and I grew up. I finally realized I couldn't do it all on my own. I found a support circle and I leaned on them. I leaned on my family and decided not to give up. Recovery is possible.

If you are struggling or need to reach out don't hesitate. You are loved and you are worthy.

31/03/2024

Happy Easter!! 3 years ago she was in jail for Easter. We are grateful to spend another holiday with family and waking up and choosing recovery another day!

If you are struggling or need to reach out don’t hesitate…you are loved and you are worthy!❤️🤍

29/03/2024

I recently have found myself to be apart of many large group conversations on the topic of drugs and addiction. And while I know addiction is not som**hing that affects everyone's lives, it is always shocking to hear other people's opinions.

I attended a drug summit the other day. Topics ranged from fentanyl to overdose to rehabs and everything in between from varying professional perspectives. Comments I overheard after, stopped me in my tracks. It amazed me that people sitting around me who heard the same message I did about ending the stigma, could walk out of there and make comments making them part of the stigma itself.

I think a lot of times us as humans wonder what we can do to do our part and make a change in these big topics of discussion. I think it starts as simple as being open minded and educating yourself on addiction. Be the person who makes the change. Addiction is real and it does not discriminate. Don’t ever believe you and your loved ones are above addiction. There is still a stigma to end & we have to be the change.

If you are struggling or need to reach out, don’t hesitate. You are loved and you are worthy! 🤍

-Gracie

14/03/2024

Years ago I had an experience where I realized I had no control over any mind altering substance. We were on vacation and my sister-n-law and cousin wanted to go out. I had already had criminal consequences so I knew I had a problem but I hadn't fully accepted alcoholism as a disease. I had no defense. I went out drinking..they sipped on drinks and I slammed them. They went out to socially drink with the girls and my goal was to drink until I couldn't feel. We get in the taxi and I'm scoping out the cab driver. He had an "emo" look to him,long hair, dark eyes, looked a little depressed,perfect....I judged this man by his looks,only to get a feel on whether he could be a potential plug. I mustered up the courage to ask him if he could find he**in. A total stranger, an unfamiliar town and the alcohol wasn't giving me the fix I desired. The next morning I woke up with the realization the phenomenon of craving had kicked in. I wanted more. I needed more. I would find more.

If you are struggling or need to reach out don't hesitate. You are loved and you are worthy! ❤️❤️

11/03/2024

You are loved and you are worthy!❤️

10/03/2024

Let today be the day you choose to live❤️

If you are struggling or need to reach out,don't hesitate. You are loved and worthy!

01/03/2024

The appointment was scheduled 3 months out. I had been on the same mental health meds for about 2 years and the combo seemed to work. I gained weight with the psych meds and would say to myself,"thick or crazy?" I chose the weight gain. I felt myself losing grip on my overall well being and the noise in my head got increasingly louder. I reached out and was proactive about the symptoms I was experiencing. But for 3 months I had to white knuckle it. Drown the noise with music,my kids and life. Remind myself that this would pass. I amped up my recovery and spirituality to balance out my mental health. Some days I just didn't get high and that was a successful day. I went to the psychiatrist and the appointment was in and out. Med change. My 6 months of struggle was addressed in 10 minutes. My mind instantly went to panic mode...what if I spaz out trying to transition to this? What if I relapse? What if it makes everything worse? Is my insurance even going to cover this? It's going to take 4-6 weeks to kick in...that's fine,max-6 weeks. I can do it 6 more weeks.

This is the part of having a dual diagnosis that can make or break sobriety. Gracie would go a couple days without hearing from me and I'd get a text,"Hey you okay?" I wasn't but I got through those 3 months of waiting without getting high.

Some days are hard..but they pass. If you've experienced anything like this just reach out and hold on. It'll pass JUST DON'T go back. If you are struggling or need to reach out,don't hesitate. You are loved and you are worthy.❤️

13/02/2024

THREE WHOLE YEARS SOBER!!! Three years ago today was the turning point we are all forever grateful for. I don’t think I will ever be able to put into words what it means to have her present and sober everyday. I thank God every day that he allowed you to make it through your hardest days to be able to see your best ones. I am forever proud of you for choosing this life, your best days are yet to come! 🤍

-Gracie

09/02/2024

Highlighting people in recovery is so important. Visual aids tend to emphasize the HUGE transformation that a person experiences. Today we want to highlight Rene B. This is what she had to say:

January 5 2020

4 years ago I thought my life was over.. I was sitting in a jail cell with no hope of getting out in sight.. I hadn't talked to my oldest daughters in years and I hadn't had custody of my youngest daughter in going on 5 years.. no job, no car, no hope of ever having any real life and I was okay with that. I was scared but what could I do? I was served with parental rights termination papers sitting in a jail cell and that was the lowest I had ever been in my whole life. I thought to myself, Rene what the hell are you doing? That was the moment I decided I wanted a different life for myself. I wrote a letter to the judge begging him for help. I got released to a treatment center while my case was in progress and worked their entire program from start to finish. I lived in sober living for 8 1/2 months, went to meetings, took suggestions, graduated classes, took more drug screens than I could possibly count, held myself accountable, got a job and worked my butt off, and got a car. I started rebuilding the relationships I had destroyed. I started supervised visits with my youngest daughter. At 1 year sober I reached out to my oldest daughters and started from scratch. At 14 months I got my CHW/CRS and started working at that treatment center. At 16 months sober I lost my oldest daughter to su***de, at 17 months sober I lost my mom. I kept going. It was hard but I did it and finally the miracle happened. I gained back the trust I had lost, I co-parent successfully for my youngest daughter, I have a relationship with my now oldest daughter. I get to be a mom. I married the love of my life and gained 3 amazing bonus kids. I worked hard at that job and got promoted. I went back to school and I'm working on a degree. I've successfully completed 1 year of DAPS, 2 years of Probation, and 18 months of Community Corrections. I've still got lots more time to complete but it helps hold me accountable. Now I get to help carry buckets of water back in to the fire of other peoples lives and show them a way to put it out. If you had asked me 4 years ago what I thought my life would look like, never in my wildest dreams would this have been my answer. ✨️Don't give up before the miracle happens, it may take a while but I promise you it's worth it.✨️

23/01/2024

I had to go to the Dr. the other day and I went to check in and they needed to update my file. The secretary asked,"Emergency Contact still Gracie Gardner?"

I have to explain...I started laughing because I was instantly humbled. About 4 1/2 years ago I called around to all of my medical providers (literally ANY facility I'd ever stepped foot in) taking my mother off of my emergency contact and replacing her with Gracie because I was convinced my family was conspiring to kill me for a life insurance policy. Side note: They weren't. Psychosis was goin hard in the paint.

Thank God for sobriety. If you are struggling or need to reach out, don't hesitate. You are loved and you are worthy!

11/01/2024

This is my Mamaw. In my eyes, she is a saint of a woman. Throughout my addiction she never stopped loving me. She would drop hints that she knew I wasn't healthy but she carried the message with such poise and grace. In the midst of my chaos, watching her made me realize that I was raised around women with great tenacity. Giving up wasn't an option. Through rehabs, jails and programs she continued to pray for me and tell me about God's forgiveness.

Although I'll never be able to repay her for all of the prayers, we have made it a thing to have a short visit on Wednesdays for the last 2 years. She knows my routine and if she doesn't hear back from me right away, she's tracking me down! I'm grateful for the routine and the consistency. I am grateful for the strong women in my life and the unconditional love I was shown in my darkest of days. Recovery has given me a life full of purpose.

Here's your sign...if your Mamaw is suggesting you might need to get some help..YOU DO. They are never wrong. If you are struggling or need to reach out, don't hesitate. You are loved and you are worthy! ❤️

Krista and Gracie hope to bring light to the darkness of addiction through their podcast “K Squared".

01/01/2024

Every year we spent New Year’s Eve with Krista. It was som**hing we all looked forward to every year. She would prepare each year by making a bunch of snacks, planning games, buy party hats and horns to blow at midnight. Each year we would wait until 11:58 to find the channel for the ball to drop and almost miss it every time. Even though it’s been a couple years since we’ve all celebrated together and we’re all a little older, Krista’s niece messaged me tonight saying how much she missed us all celebrating together, how it was always so fun and that no matter what her plans were, she would drop them to spend another New Year’s Eve at K’s and I would have to agree. We never knew Krista was struggling because year after year, she showed up and pulled herself together to keep the tradition special for us.
-Gracie

It was the only thing I consistently showed up for year after year. No matter what I was hiding, what I was going through or how much I was struggling, I had to put on a brave face and pretend like I was okay for these kids. I'm grateful going into this new year that I don't have to pretend anymore. Consistency is a big part of my recovery and showing up like the bona fide roller coaster that I am.
-Krista

Holidays can be rough for an addict or anyone for that matter..if you are struggling tonight don't hesitate to reach out. We are here for you. You are worthy and you are loved. ❤️ Happy New Year! 🎊

25/12/2023

3 years ago I was rationing my opiates and m**h to get me through the holidays so I wouldn't be dope sick...this Christmas I'm trying to get my kids and pig to collaborate for a nice Christmas photo. RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE. Merry Christmas everyone from KSquared and our families!

If you are struggling or need to reach out, dont hesitate. You are loved and you are worthy!❤️❤️

14/12/2023

In case you missed it, make sure to check it out! 💜
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We had the pleasure to team up with our friend Matt Lewis with "CrossTalk" to share a little of our story. If you have a minute check out what he's doing to spread hope in the Paducah area!
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Link to the episode:

Join us this week when Matt checks in with the famous (infamous?) K's!Turning Point is part of Four Rivers Behavioral Health’s comprehensive substance use di...

11/12/2023

We had the pleasure to team up with our friend Matt Lewis with "CrossTalk" to share a little of our story. If you have a minute check out what he's doing to spread hope in the Paducah area!
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Link to the episode:

Join us this week when Matt checks in with the famous (infamous?) K's!Turning Point is part of Four Rivers Behavioral Health’s comprehensive substance use di...

19/11/2023

Today we celebrate Matt K. What a beautiful transformation! Here's what he shares...

"Wow... 5 years 🥹 I remember when 5 days seemed impossible. The man I was on November 19th 2018 compared to the man I am today cannot be explained with words. I'm so not perfect, I probably never will be, but I am exponentially better than I used to be. The greatest day God ever made. This day is without a doubt the most important day of my life. Without this day, every other day would be meaningless. This is my new year's, this is my Christmas, this is my everything. I love everyone in my life. There are so many people that helped make this possible. I'm living a life that I couldn't have imagined. I never have to use again for the rest of my life, Just for today. "

If you are struggling or need to reach out,don't hesitate! You are loved and you are worthy!🤍❤️

15/11/2023

This was my first vacation with my first child. A family vacation to enjoy each other and make memories EXCEPT I was on day 3 of m**hadone withdrawal in this picture. My skin was crawling, throwing up and anxiety that was stuck deep in my chest. I woke up everyday forcing myself to pretend like I was okay so I didn't ruin everyone's trip. A time where it looks like beautiful memories were being made but I was in full blown detox in this picture and there wasn't any child,family member or memory that was going to win over craving for that drug. A time where building sand castles, searching for crabs and playing in the ocean should have been the highlight of my day but all I could do was count down the days and hours until I could get home to meet my dealer.

I am grateful for recovery. I'm grateful to wake up everyday and make memories with my family. I've messed up so many times I've lost count...but with that being said, don't give up. Today can be the day you choose life. Surrender,cease fighting, get off the drugs, whatever you want to call it...we're here to help you start living.

If you are struggling or need to reach out don't hesitate. You are worthy and you are loved! ❤️

Krista and Gracie hope to bring light to the darkness of addiction through their podcast “K Squared".

10/11/2023

I found this screenshot of a text message my mom had sent to Krista a couple years ago in the peak of her addiction. When I looked at it, I thought, “wow, what an accurate description of how scared and worried we were each day”.

I sent it to my mom and asked her what ran through her head when she saw it. She said “When Gracie first sent me a picture of the text I sent Krista I knew immediately why I sent it. She wouldn’t respond to Gracie and Gracie was so upset. I was out of town and couldn’t do anything for either of them. I was so worried about Krista. At the same time mad because I wasn’t there to comfort Gracie. Even now sometimes when I text and she doesn’t respond I worry just a little even though I know she is healthy. I think my mind will always jump there when I don’t get a text back, even if it is just for a split second.”

This is the power of the worry that floods your mind when you love an addict. The worry doesn’t just come and go, it consumes your mind constantly. It’s the first thing that hits your mind when you wake up, and the last thing that you think of before you fall asleep, “will my family member still be here in the morning?” or “will tomorrow be the day?” praying to just let them live one more day. Battling the feeling of “I am about to scream”.

If you are struggling or need to reach out, don’t hesitate. You are loved and you are worthy! ❤️❤️

-Gracie

07/11/2023

In case you missed it, make sure you check out our newest episode! It’s a special one!
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Link:
https://youtu.be/emAEvr0XWyM?si=RxgOtqMZ9ZAoRvZT

05/11/2023

Episode 26: Love Back to Life
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NEW EPISODE with a very special guest out now! Link to watch below. 🤍
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https://youtu.be/emAEvr0XWyM

04/11/2023

make sure you check back tomorrow! 🤍

04/11/2023

Check back in Sunday for a very special episode!
🤍
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https://youtu.be/oAl7iyRkS0U?si=EjRh6iarKasJva65

28/10/2023

It is normal to feel uncertain, scared, hurt or even angry when someone you love is struggling with substance use. Tune in next week, as Brandy shares how addiction has impacted her life and how recovery is improving the overall family dynamic!

If you are struggling or need to reach out, don't hesitate! You are loved and you are worthy! ❤️❤️

28/10/2023

In case you missed it, episode 25 out now!

26/10/2023

Episode Twenty Five: Cycles
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Watch it on YouTube:
https://youtu.be/ETIi2vS8D1A
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We are so glad to be back! Thank you all for always supporting us. Don't ever hesitate to reach out to us! You are loved and you are worthy!🤍

23/10/2023

Make sure you tune in this Thursday for a new episode! Catch up on our previous episodes with the link below. 🤍

Our YouTube Channel:
https://youtube.com/?si=YDCyrJzlRrZQaRdS

22/10/2023

WE ARE BACK! We will see you Thursday! 😀

01/10/2023

I asked my mom to tell me the honest truth of what she thought when she saw this picture. I know the truth behind that smile but I wasn't the only one fighting. This is a family disease.

"Sadness...You are hiding sickness behind your smile. If there was a smile, everything is okay. I remember the overwhelming sadness when the baby was born. I knew you couldn't raise her and it would be up to dad and I to take care of her. Fear about how we could do this at this stage in our lives to have an infant. And to look at you and know how unhealthy you were just crushed me. Not knowing how to help you see how you were killing yourself right before our eyes......

At first it felt like a crushing blow that had ruined all the plans we had made for ourselves. We also had quit wondering what we had done wrong. We always thought this child will do amazing things when she grows up. You are smart beautiful and multi talented.why would you keep ruining your future. Then we just decided that the best thing to do was take this child who didn't ask to be born in this chaotic world and love her and care for her until her mommy can find her way back. We did a lot of praying after the anger had subsided. We knew to just let go and trust that God would take care of her. We had no control over you getting sober. We had only the power to care for children who were victims of a disease that does not discriminate."

I am so grateful to have the family that I do that stepped up when I fell short. I will forever be grateful. If you are struggling or need to reach out,don't hesitate. You are loved and you are worthy!❤️❤️

26/09/2023

When the ICU nurse asked me why I had wanted to end my life I remember telling him, "If all this ugliness is inside of me and equally surrounding me..I don't think I deserve or want to be apart of it." I meant it with every fibre of my being. I had prayed for years,not my will,but yours be done....

The couple in the picture changed my life. I arrived at their doorstep one winter morning LOOKING INSANE. I was lost in a cornfield all night,frozen,beat down and coming off a pretty lengthy drug binge. I passed several houses and ended up walking up to their door because of a construction trailer and a child's trampoline in the yard.(it felt safe to me) I reluctantly knocked on the door,expecting rejection but the door opened and the man,holding an infant said,"Let me get my wife."

I was mortified. I knew I looked crazy. My heart was racing from anxiety anticipating the cops being called and then appeared,Abbie. I was so embarrassed and relieved at the same time. We'd known each other since we were kids. Without hesitation,she said come in. They let me use the phone and allowed me to take a hot shower while I waited for my ride. (My hair was actually frozen at that point) As I stood in their shower,seeing baby toys,baby shampoo,and a sweet little love note taped to the shower....my entire perception on life changed that quick. I haven't looked back.

I have stayed in contact with Abbie throughout recovery. Mainly, on sobriety milestone days..I will shoot her a message and thank her for the role she played in my life. Each time, she always responds by telling me she's proud of me. When I asked if she would mind if I shared this story she was so humble and didn't want the recognition. This isn't about the recognition,although screaming this story couldn't begin to show the gratitude I have for her. This story is to highlight the importance of being kind, showing someone grace and compassion and what impact that can have on a person. I'm not minimizing their act of kindness....it was A HUGE risk to open the door to someone in my state of mind and I don't recommend just opening your home to the next person that knocks at your door but I have no doubt that my higher power orchestrated this entire encounter. I will forever be grateful for Gods's will.

If you are struggling or need to reach out don't hesitate! You are loved and you are worthy!❤️