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Welcome to You Deserve Medals, where Jay and Benny spend every episode biting down hard on the pop-culture pillow, to watch the movie classics from our childhoods, and see whether they deserve to be called classics.

Six months ago, I decided that I wanted to leave something behind for my three amazing children. Not anything material (...
14/03/2024

Six months ago, I decided that I wanted to leave something behind for my three amazing children. Not anything material (although I’m sure they would have preferred money), but something about them that they could hand down and share with their kids. Something they could experience and remember fondly, that would immortalize them as well as our dog, Winnie.

So, I did what I have wanted to do for over 20 years - I wrote a book.

The Relic of Hoomspire - the first in a three-part trilogy - is a speculative science-fiction novel/chapter book aimed squarely at middle grade kids who want to sink their teeth into a wholesome and epic adventure about the power of family, growing courage under fire, unconditional love, and the unbreakable bond between kids and their dogs.

I don’t expect anyone to buy it, and I certainly don’t expect to make a living out of this. But if you’d like your middle grade-aged kids to enjoy a warm, engaging chapter book adventure with three amazing children, loads of danger, laughter, discovery, and…well…talking dogs, I think you and your kids will enjoy my story quite a bit.

Available on Amazon: https://a.co/d/jcRwU5M

“Everyone comes to a moment in their life when they must make a choice - a big, huge choice, that defined who they were, and who they would end up being. Mei thought she had already come to a moment like that, back when they first made the mistake of walking through that air duct. Now, once again, was a fork in the road, and a choice to make. But now, after all this time, she finally understood. If you’re faced with that choice, and you’re determined to do the right thing…You really don’t have a choice at all.”

10,000 years have passed since asteroid 2086 BF scorched the planet, forcing humanity to slip beneath the surface in desperation. They had settled into a comfortable life in their subterranean cities, and had everything they ever needed – food, water, power, and all the technological marvels that could sustain them. But merely sustaining wasn’t enough for Mei, a motherly 14-year-old who craved adventure above the surface but was afraid of her own shadow. Thanks to her insane yet brave little sister Su, and her steady and reliable stepbrother Jaden, she would get the adventure she desired after all – whether she liked it or not. Needing to find a map to their city entrance after being trapped outside, the children embark on a journey to a nearby human ruin, and the university within.

During that first desperate exodus, humans had to leave everything behind, including their four-legged best friends. Friends who, many millennia later, would worship and emulate their former companions by using their Hoom artifacts to build wondrous cities, learn to speak their language, and rapidly evolve to walk and use tools like them. One of those Kineen, Winnie, was a simple herder who wanted more than anything to strike out into the wilderness in search of ancient Hoom ruins and relics. After her best friend Chase returns from a hunt with some of those treasures, and the location to a former Hoom settlement, the friends enthusiastically embark on a quest of discovery, joined by the elite Guard Copper, the gentle scholar Ruby, and the wise master of the Wonder House, Winston.

Hoom and Kineen lives would forever change as the two travelling groups encounter one another, pursued by the vicious Untamed and their savage leader Rock. Through tragic loss and heart-stopping danger, the new friends would face the revelation that Kineen were once considered pets and property. Hearts are shattered and new bonds strained, but when Rock tries to use the children to cut off the air to their city and take revenge on the people who left them behind to die so long ago, the Kineen remember that their Hoom’s belong to them, just as much as they belong to their Hooms.

Mei and Winnie, Su and Chase, Jaden and Copper, they all represent the best and worst in us, but the undeniable power of a love between a human and their dog is something that will always withstand the test of time.

As we cross into the second half of our 3rd season, we've been doing some thinking. And as we all know, thinking is almo...
23/02/2022

As we cross into the second half of our 3rd season, we've been doing some thinking. And as we all know, thinking is almost as dangerous as being a trucker in Canada. We kid, we kid! (not really). However, Jay and I came to a few realizations:
- Life is too short not to spend it doing things that we love
- We're old and tired, and definitely past the midway point in our lives

To our core group of listeners, thank you so much for putting up with our uncontrollable laughter, incessant belching. and Benny constantly calling ci******es "darts". But despite our best efforts, audience growth has been stagnant, and we're not sure if the effort is really worth it, considering all of the normal life stuff we're dealing with.

Season 3 has 10 more episodes in it. And for those 10 episodes, we are strictly talking about movies we LOVE love, starting with The Crow. If, at the end of the season, we decide to hang up the mics, at least we went out talking about the movies that really meant something to us.

Who knows - we may keep going into season 4, as long as a coronary doesn't claim one or both of us by then.

End of Season One Special: The Current State of Star WarsJust like Benny stopping randomly in a supermarket and pinching...
12/05/2021

End of Season One Special: The Current State of Star Wars

Just like Benny stopping randomly in a supermarket and pinching his bu******ks to prevent a pant-crapping, we all have things in our lives that we internalize. Whether we exchange whispers with close friends or shower Twitter with our hot takes, eventually those pent-up thoughts need to erupt and bathe passers by with a gooey dose of personal truth and perspective. In news that may shock and upset all 8 of our listeners, Jay and Benny are Star Wars fans. Not just “I saw part of that one with the little soccer ball robot and it was cute” fans, but “I just finished clocking over 80 hours in KOTOR, and I’m going to do it all over again but this time I’ll do all the bad things to see the dark side ending” fans. And, since everyone and their creepy uncle is posting their thoughts on the daily goings-on over at Lucasfilm, we thought we would toss our own two credits in and discuss the current state of Star Wars in our super special pre-season-two super special. Or something like that.

Join two grown men fighting off early onset type-2 diabetes as they take a deep dive into Star Wars today. From the early days, to the dark times of the 90’s when books and video games were all we had, to how horrible the new trilogy is (without using words like “wamen”, “cuck” or “SJW”), Jay and Benny talk about a truly childhood and industry defining IP - where it was, where it is, and where it seems to be going. If you’ve ever played TIE Fighter through dozens of times, took turns hammering away at Dark Forces while being berated by an OCD friend for eating chips outside of the kitchen, or watched Last Jedi and said to yourself “there are about 37,761 things wrong with this movie, and absolutely none of them are political”, then this episode is for you.

May the Force be with you...because it’s sure as hell on the ropes right now.

We watch movies from the 80's and 90's, so you don't have to.

Episode 15 - DARYL: A Delightful Film About a Boy, his SR-71, and...Brain Death?When is a sci-fi movie not a sci-fi movi...
05/05/2021

Episode 15 - DARYL: A Delightful Film About a Boy, his SR-71, and...Brain Death?

When is a sci-fi movie not a sci-fi movie? In this case, it’s when someone puts a computer brain into a lab-grown 10 year old human body husk, and spends the entire film showing it having human interactions while generating all the excitement of a filling at the dentist. Is the movie you’re left with serviceable? Yes. Is it about as memorable as the wet fart you ripped at your child’s birthday party six years ago? You betcha. Welcome to the latest episode of You Deserve Medals, featuring D.A.R.Y.L, a mid-80’s family romp with a story premise as ridiculous as the title’s acronym.

Join Jay and Benny as we dive face-first into yet another movie that Benny remembers vaguely - yet fondly - as one of the greatest films he has ever watched in his entire life, only to discover that it isn’t any of that at all. It isn’t terrible...it really isn’t much of anything. It’s a movie, with a robot boy who wants to be a real boy in a real family. Will he age along with the rest of his family, or stay a young boy forever as he awaits the ravages of time to eventually claim his cortex? Will his intelligence and memory cap out like most computers? Will a 1993 Packard Bell Pentium II make fun of him for being a dinosaur? These are things that no one thinks about, because you’ll probably forget this movie a few days after watching it.

Grab yourself a copy of Pole Position, throw on a God-awful teal coloured baseball outfit, and strap into an SR-71 with us as we discuss such vitally important topics as:

- This movie has one of the worst musical scores we have encountered thus far. And considering we barely made it out of Krull with our lives, that’s saying a lot
- From the old couple who find Daryl in the woods wearing a fancy suit, to the adoption agency director, to the parents who adopt him, no one seems to give a hot crap about how Daryl got where he is. Like, no one is asking questions
- Apparently, orphanages in the 80’s were like Chuck E Cheeses’ with a room full of cots. If you’re going to, say, lose your parents in a horrific accident, an orphanage in Daryl looks like an awesome place to land in
- Pro tip to all movies - past, present and future - to show a character being really amazing at video games, speeding up the gameplay speed makes absolutely no sense
- Turtle is the redeeming glue that holds this movie together. Every time we thought it was time to start loading the off-switch revolver, he said or did something that entertained us enough to stave off the sweet release of death a little while longer
- You’re a foster family who have adopted a young boy. He’s become part of your life and you love him. Then some random couple show up with a few Photoshopped pictures of the kid and no one asks any questions before letting them take him. This seems normal
- When the military decides to destroy an experimental AI android, the most effective path is to allow the creating scientist, who has repeatedly fought the decision, to destroy the AI behind closed doors with absolutely no witness or surveillance
- This movie reminds us of just how cool the SR-71 Blackbird was. When it was being test flown, people all over the southern US spiked the number of UFO sightings, and there’s no surprise as to why
- “Brain death! Brain death! Just so you know, we’ll say it an obscene amount of times!”

We watch movies from the 80's and 90's, so you don't have to.

01/05/2021

A podcast that watches 80’s and 90’s film classics so you don’t have to.

We all remember the movies from the 80's and 90's that filled our rainy days, and shaped our childhoods in profound yet subtle ways. Or do we? Welcome to You Deserve Medals, where Jay and Benny spend every episode biting down hard on the pop-culture pillow, to watch the classic 80's and 90's movies from our childhoods, and talk about what made them great - or what made them disturbingly and aggressively less than great. Some of them are far better than we remember, and are definitely worth a serious Saturday night re-watch. Some of them make us hate all of humanity with a red-hot rage that never seems able to simmer.

No matter what, we take the pain and anguish - hard - so that you don't have to. So join us on a detailed trip down memory lane, as we explore and review the "oh yeah, I remember that movie, I haven't seen it in forever" flicks from yesteryear.

Visit our website: https://youdeservemedals.io/

Check out our Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/you-deserve-medals/id1548198332?itsct=podcast_box&itscg=30200

01/05/2021
01/05/2021
01/05/2021

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