SeeEvil SpeakEvil

15/04/2020

I knew mine and because he was my step father I felt love for him, he was right when he said no one would listen and I wasnt, BUT because I chose to remember and learn from mistakes made by others. I am a mom of two daughters looking at them and showing them that even when were hurt time heals, I've just kept all this in for too fu***ng long because my own parents didnt believe me I didnt think anyone would. This has been a rough life no doubts about it, but I'm not gonna sit here and allow more children get hurt. I will get my justice somehow someway, I'm sure the detective has been working hard, atleast let's hope someone is. In all my video watching of crimes I've never heard of a child being so badly failed by multiple people. I always wanted my family but they always wanted what they wanted so I cut them out, they were always quick to tell me my father was amazing blah blah blah, but in reality he didnt even know the ages of my children, let alone cared. My step mother she cared only for what she wanted which was control in all things. Including me having any type of normal life. They chose to ignore me, they even went so far as not getting me help. I've got a great head on my shoulders it's just taken losing people I loved to recenter and regroup. Like I said all I have left is the truth!

14/04/2020

14/04/2020

SeeEvil SpeakEvil

14/04/2020

13/04/2020

Okay now that ive literally dealt with the phone call, I want to know now how THE F**K a little girl went unnoticed? How the f**k did I get failed so fu***ng badly by not 1 state BUT 2? The system is fu***ng broke and I'm standing here saying its F**KING broke! I am over everyone else's bu****it because now I know without a fu***ng doubt my family's suck ass! What kind of mother allows her child to stay in the care of someone who was fu***ng with her daughter? Or better yet make me feel like I was lying all the time? Oh and then my father and step monster oooo how the f**k do you not listen ALSO? How the f**k do you not listen and get me PROFESSIONAL HELP? Who just locks there problem away? I was literally treated like I was the problem, I tried pleasing everyone just so I can F**KING SURVIVE be ause I knew one day I would be a mom and when it happened at age 17 I thought well this is what I wanted and I moved forward BUT NOW I'm over living some bu****it life because I'm scared I'm being judged I dont care if you been here this whole time, this is who I am! I am someone who cares, and loves deeply but I'm also a foul mouthed dont give two s**ts if you disrespect me my volume goes up when my volume goes up THATS WHEN IM DONE! I'm done hurting! I'm done feeling sorry for myself and worrying how the world will except me cause I've been me my whole life and I just needed to let go of my past and stop stressing that one day I'll be happy again cause I fully believe I will be however life chooses it for me! I want friends, I want to trust that if things are to be better it starts with myself, but also for those to do the right thing for once! People suck but I still choose to live because I know I dont fu***ng suck! Oh and if your scared of me fu***ng stop its annoying af, I'm a good person just tired of drama I WANT DRAMA FREE NOW LMFAO!!!!!

13/04/2020

08/04/2020

Havent spoke on this page much but I'll have an update soon I hope

06/04/2020

I mean hello this needs to be in my wardrobe lmfao

26/03/2020

It's always stormy before the sunshine I know this too shall pass but flashbacks are happening MORE and more each day and what I know scares alot of people so in turn scares me as well which is why I seemed to always lash out in anger because that's seriously what's conditioned into me, I want to let my anger go and embrace my family with out fear of rejection by everyone. Yes I'm a fu***ng HOT MESS atm but give me awhile to reevaluate all this s**t because to me boundaries help me and when I'm called out on my s**t I except it but I also know I've walked this path my whole life never knowing who I was and why this s**t was happening, I still dk who I fully am and it's a process that I need to now take off facebook. I deactivated my fb for a bit but I had a horrible flashback and it wasnt even Jesse's fault it was the situation I was in, it took me straight back to when I was a child and it scared the holy hell out of me and it wasnt anyone's fault but my own. For now on I will be social and media distance for I want awhile to reground fully so I can start making better words to spread like I originally wanted I feel great things coming for my family and I, so as long as I learn patience again I should be fine, I will be painting a ton but not Boards because this needs to be for me and my family right now I'll post stuff maybe thinking for recording more stuff to be more productive with my time who knows but I know I gotta get out of being a child again and being a mother again because I want to be a great mother for my children and I want to stay faithful and loyal to jesse because in the end jesse saved me first, sarah saved me 2nd and kenzie saved me last. I'm not perfect I just struggle with who I am because I dont know. I've been basically the lost one my whole life because i always felt invisible when I spoke so this too has been an issue for me and why I never opened "pandoras box" but in order for me to live my happy ever after I gotta unplug for awhile. My family should know I've always wanted them, I wanted ALL of them. Fate has guided me because I'm worth more then what ive been given.

24/03/2020

Photos from SeeEvil SpeakEvil's post

24/03/2020

I'm not perfect never claimed to be, I've made my share of stupid decisions but I have always owned my bs never harbored hate or I'll will towards anyone just tired of all the bs. I havent loved or respected myself in 8 years the day I found out I was pregnant with my youngest was the same day I found out jesse was having an affair on me YET I STILL LOVE HIM AND ACCEPT HIS FLAWS AS HE DOES ME! So tired of feeling like no ones listening maybe it's because my own tiny family hasnt been listening or respecting me this whole time, maybe it's me having bad days all the fu***ng time but I will not let this continue to drag me down. I wanted my kids to have a relationship with there other family, aka there cousins but I wont allow them to think they can treat me like someone's bitch because I'm not! I love my family they know who they are and I love myself more for it. So back off if you think you can pull a fast one on me cause it isnt gonna EVER happen!!!!! Time for people to own up for there own bs and stop being so damn angry all the time because your fu***ng with my vibes!!! Now imma go talk with my actual family and friends and enjoy what's left of my evening!

20/03/2020

Seriously like JoJo Rabbit was an amazing movie, my daughter recommended it cause she said it was funny and made fun of Hi**er so of course I wanted to watch it lmao but the ending though ripped my damn heart out cause of so many things I could relate to in so many ways

20/03/2020

Seriously like JoJo Rabbit was an amazing movie, my daughter recommended it cause she said it was funny and made fun of Hi**er so of course I wanted to watch it lmao but the ending though ripped my damn heart out cause of so many things I could relate to in so many ways

20/03/2020

Heres another reason why I dont trust technology. Although I set up the Google thing to start expanding some but I did it long before talking about my past, but this person started messaging me out of the blue right after I went to the police station, as you can see I know to trust my gut because I dk who this really is because they are not communicating with basic common sense such as an artist from another artist my worry is that its Anthony because I dk what this man has been doing for the last 20 years, including not knowing where he actually is, the detectives are stating they dk where he is, when I brought this particular issue up to the victim advocate she stated I should take it to the local pd but what if I'm wrong? I have no idea what im supposed to do, the state of Colorado failed me so many times that I dont trust that there even looking for him, I know investigations take time but it is my right to know what progress is being made in any form or fashion, instead I get met with bs. I dont trust anyone but those that have my best interest at heart everytime, I wont ever truly feel safe until I know where Anthony is hiding, I have a feeling hes been using my brothers account to keep tabs on me I dk that could just be my paranoia but this man literally threatened to kill me if I ever spoke and HELLO....... does this not scream red flags or am I just to paranoid? Either way i dont feel safe in any way except for myself and jesse and our friends because if god forbid this man does track me down and trys to hurt me or my babies I wont hesitate and I'll kill him my fu***ng self, he cant keep controlling my life because I'm afraid that's bu****it, everyday I wake up facing new bu****it brain storms because this mfer is still walking around free af, and as far as my father and step monster goes they too are a disappointment so is my mother, i cant keep fighting the darkness because i have literally never been able to hurt a living soul in the same manners I've been hurt, I am having trouble trusting God's will sometimes because I'm constantly fighting my inner demons and can never seem to just live in the moment everytime because I've been set up to worry what others think of me because I cant handle people hating me or being mad at me, I always but the effort into everything I do so I can plan my life out accordingly and prepare myself for any bad coming my way because that's what I've been conditioned to do since day 1, having been able to finally say what he did to me was releasing however it caused more unnecessary problems because I dont want to be hurt ever again I want to live happy and healthy and grateful everyday for a new day.

Ps I did a reverse phone number look up and the number is possibly from Jersey and if I'm not mistaken Anthony has family up that way so I dk I could use some actual advise about what I need to be doing to protect myself from anyone who dont have MINE, JESSE and MY GIRLS best interest at heart because I will not allow more pain and suffering to enter my new home after we move I wont because I can not live another day like today!

18/03/2020

17/03/2020

My twin.... lmfao jk @ Perdido Key Florida

16/03/2020

Roflmfao omg I'm a dork

16/03/2020

When your family takes forever getting ready you entertain yourself bahahahaha

16/03/2020

I hate that I spent so many years hiding away trying to figure out why I kept getting hurt by everyone that I respected and loved, I hate that I loved and respected enough for everyone else and I'd hide at home all the time, could never get my kids to listen to me when they needed to do something they would .ake me feel so damn mad all the time and it scared me because I couldnt understand why I would flip so easily for years, it always felt like everytime i would talk nobody was listening and all my life they havent been, I cant lie, I cant hurt another person (besides my past exs I mean that was teen years and before my kids so I was atypical teen girl hahaha), after being hurt so many times now I could never do the same to anyone in any fashion because what's the point? Who wants to live in fear and anger? What I've gone through by now I should of been dead honestly, I am glad I keep trucking along and all but sometimes I wonder how the f**k I'm still caring, and hopeful, and so loving and trusting all the time? I dont go to church, not because I dont believe because I do believe 100% that there is a god, I believe that what you do down here on earth represents your afterlife, I'm no saint but life has thrown so much evil my way I should of been a nun lmao. Growing up wasnt always hard it had it's great moments as well, I remember when it was one of my birthdays I cant remember which one but it was when we lived in the apartments and Big Tony (that's what the adults always called him, and we all called our baby brother little tony) "grounded" me to my room by grounded I mean screamed at made to feel like s**t sort ground me, while sitting alone in my room for hours on end I was looking out my window and seen my grandma, and other family and friends showing up but in my head I couldnt understand why they were all there until finally I was let out of my room to a surprise party, I'm not sure who put it together I'm thi king my mom but i feel like big tony had part just cause he truly made me feel like s**t but when i came out he was making my fav dinner so i dk. I remember I got britney spears first album and Christina Aguileras album. That's when my music love started really first two cds I ever owned that my mom started lol. I look at my daughters and think on how they have had massively different lives then I did and I'm so thankful and grateful for the chance to inspire my girls to be strong independent women as they grow up, they at times dont realize it but they truly will be incredible and I cant wait to see their future play out!!!

15/03/2020

Enjoyed today just laid around on the beach and relaxed, now out to dinner at the jellyfish restaurant XD @ Jellyfish Restaurant

14/03/2020

Relaxing on the beach XD @ Pensacola Beach, Florida

11/03/2020

Would really like for a detective or someone to call so I knew what was happening since the victim advocacy hasnt emailed me back I'm assuming I need to get a lawyer which I've emailed one but I'll look harder once were back from vacation i guess.

11/03/2020

Social anxiety is causing my baby to crumble because shes scared she will be made fun of because she thinks her hair turned out bad I think she looks beautiful but in her head she doesn't :( please give her some happy thoughts for school tomorrow I caused this social anxiety because of my own bs but I will not let her drown in fear like I had to....

11/03/2020

Everyday is a new experience watched frozen 2 today with my youngest well actually she turned it on then she went and played on her phone 🤦‍♀️, while I dyed my eldest hair for our vacation lol 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧 and jesse is busy reading his new book lol

10/03/2020

Feeling the weight pile back on to my brain, when I stay busy it's not so bad but when I'm just sitting my brain starts over analyzing my life so far. This was harder then I thought, i hate that i never truly stood a chance in life thanks to my parents but I've always push past it. This however being so open and out there bare to those I love I've watched those who claim they loved me but avoided me, then have those who claim they love you after you start speaking as if they gonna act like they been here the whole time. Facebook dont count! I'm stressed because the victim advocacy hasnt emailed me back with some answer about paper work she sent me and I dont feel comfortable not understanding what's fully going on. I want an update before my vacation just so my mind can calm down some, been going into freak out mode alot lately with so much piled on top of all this. I'm spent, I think tomorrow just gonna cuddle up in my warm blanket and play games all day to just reset mentally. Sorta take my anger out on some bad guys. The rage keeps building each day because each day I realize just how s**tty my past is so it causes a deep fire to keep growing. I've tried thinking positive but how can I when I feel like I'm constantly fighting myself and or feel lost in the millions of people surrounding me.

08/03/2020

Still learning, everyday is a new adventure but also carry the thought of how you acted the day before to learn from it and to stay positive. Yes there are things outside of my control such as emotions from other people and I know it's a struggle for alot of people including myself but positive thinking can and will catch on if your in a bad mood put happy music on or watch a happy movie, your mood reflects how others approach you. I cant stress it enough. Yes my anger gets away from me but that's because I'm mad at how my life has been up to this point and that had I just spoke up sooner or had an actual adult listen to me as a child I guarentee I wouldnt be in fear of being hurt again. I know the investigation is on going and they are doing there jobs because I finally opened up about what happened, maybe I'll get justice maybe I wont but the beautiful thing is i dont have to hide any more because atleast this man is being looked into further because i made them. I'm terrified theres other kids hes harmed, I know for a fact he abused the hell out of my little brother after me and our older brother was out so that begs to question what else is he capable of? And or whom else should be being heard but to frightened to do so? I want him to be locked away till the day he dies.... maybe I'll get it?

07/03/2020

Ughhh honestly the middle school is still denying anything is wrong WHY? THIS BOY IS SCREAMING FORBTHE ATTENTION BUT IS ALSO WANTING IT IN HIS OWN WAY WHICH IS WHAT HES TELLING THESE KIDS HES GONNA DO LISTEN TO THEM!!!

07/03/2020

After speaking with both my daughters as well as jesse come monday I will allow my kids to go to school just because there education means more to me then them living in fear of some kid, BUT this town needs to stop thinking these kids are dum, when you put them in front of a screen to babysit then that's all they want to do... I know this because I've been doing this with my own kids because there always up my ASS lol and it's ok it's just because they love having fun with me they love just hanging out, that's the beauty of my life although I had a s**tty past my girls keep me grounded with there sense of adventures and there outlook on life I have been living through my daughter because I could never live the way I wanted because I sacrificed myself for those I loved everytime, my reality is shakey but that's all because I've got trauma that's finally being heard by someone and it takes me back to when I was a child and all my dreams and wants i ever wanted and although life thru those curve balls at me it's because life was guiding me to this exact moment. I don't want to come off as some disrespectful person just because of the language i speak, I dont want my page full of hate because i cant take the hate. When I said I'm an empath I mean it because I have had to deal with every pain and emotion since I was born and can feel a situation out quickly because I want to make sure my happiness and those I love happiness dont become an issue at any given time. I read situation before going in because I know how both sides of the field are going to react. I dont want more pain and suffering theres enough of that going around I want peace and love and prosperity, I want my family to feel like nothing can stop them if they just believe in themselves, I finally love myself it's been one hell of a fu***ng rollercoaster just cause I'm fresh off speaking about my past but just know I know what I want and I'll get it however I need to in a positive manner not ever in anger again cause that's what causes misinformation to be given to people and spread. I, no matter what want every child in this county to feel loved and be loved, validate there feelings as well its always a two way street if you come into something mad and angry that's what you will most likely get in return this was also a hard lesson to learn because it's hard for me to trust people to do the RIGHT thing all the time!

06/03/2020

Damned if I do and damned if I dont so atleast I tried and that's all I can do at this point, I need to step away from everything social media infact imma turn my phone completely off for the weekend because the hate I'm feeling is to much to deal with atm

06/03/2020

For those new to my page and dont understand me fully it's ok, we can take it slow however you need to know a bit about myself before coming onto my page judging me, the first 12 years of my life I live with a molester and a drugged out mother, then as soon as I'm in my father's home he ignored me and my step mother felt threatened by me cause I just wanted to bond with my father, THEN I met the live if my life and he finshed breaking my heart and trust in humanity. Dont step up on me with out knowing me and what I've had to endure like I said I know a thing or two because I've had to SURVIVE a thing or to, if you dont like my colorful language to damn bad, dont like I'm not good with grammar and spelling well that's just me in a pi**ed off mood and typing! I want to just educate I hate that I have PTSD I hate that my main fu***ng trigger is fu***ng respect I cant help that! My life so far has lead me to this point and I will keep, keeping on but in a positive manner from now on, I cant trust that I can change the world obviously but one day I know I will have earned the respect I fu***ng deserve after still standing here with all my fu***ng baggage and still if sound mind telling you to wake the f**k up and get into the mind set if the ages just because "social" media is such an issue for the schools should of been dealt with by using it as a tool instead of rebelling against it. Children are hell of alot smarter then you all give them credit for and that's bu****it!! Whej somethings wrong and every kid in school is fearful it's for a reason you need to listen to them instead of always being defensive!

05/03/2020

My vaca cant come fast enough so I can get out of this miserable state for awhile

05/03/2020

Jesus I cant win for loose in this damn county I stay quite I'm not involved I speak they shut me down, I seriously hate people sometimes because there so damn disappointing and so damn predictable. I have TRUST ISSUES UGHHHHHHHHH 🖕🤯🖕🤯🖕🤯🖕🤯🖕

05/03/2020

Seriously why is it so damn hard for men to respect women LIKE WTF? Yes I swear big fu***ng deal I went to sarahs school today to voice my concern in person because my daughter truly wants to be at school, yes I went in pi**ed off but guess what IM F**KING ALLOWED TO BE you sent ONE MOTHERF**KING email and expect 600 some students parents to all be in acknowledgement of the situation yet I have more kids and adults telling me there actual truth and THATS BECAUSE BIG MAN MACHOS ARE IN CHARGE AND DONT F**KING CARE ABOUT WHAT RESPECT IS AND HOW TO RESPECT WOMEN IN GENERAL F**KING BU****IT!!! I F**KING WENT IN AS CALM AS I COULD BE STILL A F**KING MOM AND THE MINUTE I STARTED QUESTIONING ANY OF THEM I WAS SHUT DOWN AND NOT HEARD BECAUSE IN THE END OF THE DAY THE MAN ALSWAYS FEELS LIKE HES RIGHT AND WOMEN ARE WRONG WELL F**K YOU IM NOT SOME PUSH OVER ANY F**KING MORE! LEARN TO RESPECT THE F**KING KIDS AND THERE FEELINGS LEARN HOW TO ACTUALLY HANDLE A SITUATION NOT SHOVE THE KIDS OFF THATS NOT HOW S**T WORKS I WANT THE VICE PRINCIPAL FIRED! AND WHOM EVER HIS LITTLE STRING BEAN OF A SIDE KICK AS WELL I AM A F**KING MAMA BEAR HEAR ME F**KING ROAR MOTHERF**KERS!!!

05/03/2020

Learning about myself more and more and the fact that only one school called me to find out where my child was today tells me I'm not fu***ng crazy I'm not stupid I just fu***ng know how to read people and god damn it if I'm not right then I'll shut up but a kid bringing the gun to school playing mind games with the cops and then screaming at them it's going to happen should fu***ng tell them to take ACTION!!! Every damn action has a reaction no matter how you look at it, read the signs surrounding you. I can not stress this enough!! My children's safety is and always will be my #1 TOP because after everything I've already fu***ng endured this will not continue to cause my kids fear every time they have to go to school that's bu****it.

05/03/2020

The more I open up about myself the more everything makes sense due to a very wise loved one XD I've learned I'm an empath I never understood it, I never knew why, I never thought in a million years of it cause I've never been truly taught it but holy f**k I trust my gut and my gut says something bad is about to happen for our city and I so hope others take things more seriously after or even catch it before it happens.... like I've been saying to my loved ones I sound like a commercial (you'll know it as soon as you read it in ur head lmfao) I know a thing or two because I've seen a thing or two, and I've never truly excepted my true self because I never understood it. But now I need people to start listening so this world can heal!

05/03/2020

I promised an update as soon as I got one and honestly it doesn't surprise me, I will still be keeping my babies home because my daughter was the one who over heard the kid whom she believes to have been the boy plotting something but she over heard the kid telling his close "friends" to wear the color purple so as to keep themselves safe, now in my experience (Columbine) the shooters normally look for there targets by what they are wearing! I may be over dramatic but I also feel my daughters fear because even the school is ok with threats made of such brutality as boys being boys NO! NO MATTER WHAT it's a felony, any type of threat such as that should ALWAYS be looked further into, now the reason I'm mad is because even the local pd is saying theres really no foundation for it YET we are a small town nothing to keep these kids minds off anger but instead play it off as something none serious. That is not how we want these kids to think that everytime we make a serious threat no one will take it serious eventually someone is going to follow through with taking there anger out and that terrifies me. I may be fresh off my own mental issues but I can see trouble before trouble arrives and I smell trouble brewing in the farmington school district! Wake up start taking threats more seriously or our children will suffer hugely as well as ourselves!!!!!!!

05/03/2020

Parents of Farmington school district not sure if your kids came home but there was a serious threat at my daughters school today along the lines of telling certain kids what color shirts to wear to avoid being killed and from what I'm hearing now its being looked into of course BUT I will still side on caution and my babies wont be at school tomorrow so heads up adults kids are talking LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!