24/01/2023
A reader asks: “My husband and I built a luxurious house near ours for his sister and brother-in-law after we learned that they were starting a family. Our motive was admittedly selfish: As two men, we wanted to be part of a nuclear family and help raise their children. We are well off; our brother-in-law is a blue-collar worker, and my husband’s sister stays at home because of untreated anxiety. We agreed to pay the substantial annual real estate tax and not charge them rent. We are forgoing the $6,000 a month in rental income with the understanding that they will maintain the house. The problem is that they now expect us to pay for all repairs and upkeep, including simple appliance repairs. My husband’s sister, who surrounds herself with enablers, has become a recluse in her beautiful home and won’t even accept responsibility for meeting repair workers when they arrive. It is a source of tension between me and my husband. He feels that we can easily pay those expenses, while I think they should budget for them. Am I wrong to insist that my husband’s sister and brother-in-law either maintain the home as a condition of continued occupancy or allow us to sell it, recover the money invested and perhaps provide them with a more limited subsidy?”
The magazine’s Ethicist columnist on the continued obligations we have while financially supporting our family members.