Manic Mama Redeemed

03/09/2024

31/08/2024

Worry had overtaken me to the point of speechlessness.
All I could muster to my Creator and King were breath prayers.
Lord, help me.
Lord, heal me.
Lord, give me peace.
Lord, protect them.

As the trial progressed, I began also asking -
Lord, help me truly know You.
Lord, break any misconceptions I have of You.

He showed up -
In meals prepared and delivered,
Supplies purchased and set up,
Milk and crafts and Nerf gun wars for my children whose lives had been turned upside down,
Floors swept and laundry washed,
Company and car rides and concerned messages,
Hugs and prayers while I cried.

My whole life, I have struggled to truly know in my heart that God loves me.
In my suffering, He used His people to reach my heart and root this truth deep down inside of it:
I am loved. I am loved. I am loved.

22/04/2024

Part of a post-panic attack rambling I wrote yesterday. I'm positive I'm on the right path, but nearly six years into this Christian walk, I still don't feel that I have quite figured out how to be who God made me to be. I think there is meant to be a reconciling of those pre-Christ creative talents and empathetic traits I had with this post-Christ life. I just don't yet know how to do that.
As an aside, this may seem "too" vulnerable. Suffering in silence helps no one, though. Being a Christian does not mean my life is perfect. I'm trying to write more, and I just want to show the world some realness, I guess.
I talked a lot about hope before becoming a Christian, but all of that "hope" was contingent upon circumstances mostly outside of my control. It was not tethered to anything certain or real. Jake now often reminds me that someday I will die, and I won't have to suffer from these mental ailments anymore. That may sound morose, but honestly? That's hope. This world is broken, but this world is not all there is. God will redeem my broken mind. God has forgiven me all of my sins. I would not give up that hope for anything in the world.

26/10/2022

Here's the (long-awaited 🙃) story of how I came to saving faith in Christ.

It is not linear. Some of it is sad. A lot of breaking had to happen - but oh, the redemption.

How did you come to Jesus? Did you grow up in a family of faith, or did you heed His call as an adult?

New blog post is live. Link in bio.

05/10/2022

Waiting is hard, isn't it?

Sometimes it feels like God is being silent. That can feel so discouraging. Rest assured that God's timing is perfect. He has the whole picture, He sees every possible outcome- you see a tiny fraction of the here and now. He knows what He's doing. Worship while you wait.

What are you waiting for? How can you worship while you wait?

PS I promise a new blog post is coming. I'm throwing much of my energy into potty-training N before she turns 3 this weekend, so life is a little hectic right now. 😅

23/09/2022

I have struggled with mental health issues for twenty years. I was only 11 when I first started feeling consistently depressed. The road since has been long and hard, marked with a lot of suffering and strife. When I started having children, the struggles became so much harder, because I knew they deserved so much better.

But God.

He changed the way I deal with my mental health issues. He granted me a new, eternal perspective. He gave me hope.

Are you a Christian mama struggling with mental health issues? You're not alone!

New blog post is live. Link in bio.

19/09/2022

Classic toddler selfie, am I right?

N woke up with a swollen, rashy face this morning. You know what I'm doing today anyway? Praising King Jesus. Let me tell you why.

Stuff like this used to derail me. A cough, a fever, a rash, a tummy ache; and all my plans for the day would go out the window in favor of panic-Googling symptoms. I would have anxiety attacks, wondering if my child would make it through this particular illness or if this was the end.

I allowed fear to rob me of so many moments with my family. I ran from God, afraid of His power, afraid of His will. But now, thanks to His grace, I am secure in the knowledge that He will work all things for my good and His glory. I still get anxious. I still worry sometimes. But I run to God and lay those things at His feet - instead of running away from Him - and that has made all the difference.

"Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." James 4:8

12/09/2022

Motherhood has not come naturally to me. I have had to fight tooth and nail to become the mother that I am, and I'm not even half of what I someday hope to be.

Motherhood can be messy and hard, but I don't accept that as the status quo. God sanctifies us through the children He blesses us with, and that means we should continually see the mess recede, the hard get easier.

Besides, as one of my favorites writers .is.for.mama always says, "Hard is not the same thing as bad". Motherhood is truly kingdom work, and I praise God for the chance to partake in it! There is so much joy in raising these eternal souls.

Has motherhood come naturally to you? Do you see the ways God has grown you in it, or have you been content to sit in the mess?

New blog post is live. Link in bio!

07/09/2022

First blog post is live! Link in bio.

07/09/2022