22/04/2024
Part of a post-panic attack rambling I wrote yesterday. I'm positive I'm on the right path, but nearly six years into this Christian walk, I still don't feel that I have quite figured out how to be who God made me to be. I think there is meant to be a reconciling of those pre-Christ creative talents and empathetic traits I had with this post-Christ life. I just don't yet know how to do that.
As an aside, this may seem "too" vulnerable. Suffering in silence helps no one, though. Being a Christian does not mean my life is perfect. I'm trying to write more, and I just want to show the world some realness, I guess.
I talked a lot about hope before becoming a Christian, but all of that "hope" was contingent upon circumstances mostly outside of my control. It was not tethered to anything certain or real. Jake now often reminds me that someday I will die, and I won't have to suffer from these mental ailments anymore. That may sound morose, but honestly? That's hope. This world is broken, but this world is not all there is. God will redeem my broken mind. God has forgiven me all of my sins. I would not give up that hope for anything in the world.