08/04/2021
Anger Management (Repost)
âWhen you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, donât take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you donât know, but you know deserves it. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call Iâd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying âHello.â
I politely said, âThis is Rick. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?â Suddenly, a manic voice yelled out in my ear, âGet the right f***ing number!â and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldnât believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robynâs correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the wrong number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, âYouâre an a**hole!â and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word âa**holeâ next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, Iâd call him up and yell, âYouâre an a**hole!â It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic a**hole calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, âHi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. Iâm calling to see if youâre familiar with our Caller ID Program?â He yelled âNO!â and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, âThatâs because youâre an a**hole!â and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that Iâd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a For Sale sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a**hole, I thought that Iâd better call the BMW a**hole, too. I said, âIs this the man with the black BMW for sale?â He said, âYes, it is.â I then asked, âCan you tell me where I can see it?â He said, âYes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd. in Fairfax. Itâs a yellow ranch style house, and the carâs parked right out in front.â I asked, âWhatâs your name?â He said, âMy name is Don Hansen.â I asked, âWhenâs a good time to catch you, Don?â He said, âIâm home every evening after five.â I said, âListen, Don, can I tell you something?â He said, âYes?â I said, âDon, youâre an a**hole!â Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a**holes to call. Then I came up with an idea⊠I called a**hole #1. He said, âHello.â I said, âYouâre an a**hole!â but I didnât hang up. He asked, âAre you still there?â I said, âYeah!â He screamed, âStop calling me!â I said, âMake me.â He asked, âWho are you?â I said, âMy name is Don Hansen.â He said, âYeah? Where do you live?â I said, âa**hole, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd. in Fairfax. A yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.â He said, âIâm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.â I said, âYeah, like Iâm really scared, a**holeâ and hung up.
Then I called a**hole #2. He said, âHello?â I said, âHello, a**hole.â He yelled, âIf I ever find out who you areâŠâ I said, âYouâll what?â He exclaimed, âIâll kick your ass!â I answered, âWell, a**hole, hereâs your chance. Iâm coming over right now.â
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oak Tree Blvd. in Fairfax to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down in Oak Tree Blvd in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch the two a**holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better.â đđ
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