Incredibly Disappointing

10/12/2021

22/02/2021

You can only park here if you s**t your pants A LOT

14/02/2021

Fun fact: the only time I’ve ever been written up at work was when I was working at Whataburger back in the day and a regular asked me how I was doing and I said “my life sucks, but today is no worse than usual”. Oh and my boss started the reprimand off with “I know your life sucks, but...” and that fu**ed me up because I was kidding when I said it to the regular.

13/02/2021

My plans for the weekend

21/01/2021

How political civility goes downhill while nobody thinks it’s their fault:

1) one person on the other side does something stupid.

2) the media on your side overreports on it to make it seem worse than it was, and like it’s a common thing everyone on the other side does.

3) you and everyone else on your side does something equivalent to the media-inflated version of the stupid thing a single person on the other side did as payback

4) people on the other side who did not do the thing get pi**ed you just did the thing to them

5) you play the victim and accuses the person from #4 of being the person from #1 even though #1 didn’t do the thing to you and #4 didn’t do the thing at all.

6) since 4 =/= 1, 4 retaliates. Maybe escalates.

7) repeat until country falls apart.

19/01/2021

The only difference between anarchists and moderates advocating for term limits is the length of the term.

17/01/2021

If you have a special voice you use when talking to your dogs that you don't use around them if people are within earshot, you prioritize the opinions of a different species than I do.

12/01/2021

Pro tip: when someone tells you a story about facing the consequences of their actions, instead of saying “I’m sorry” just say “that sucks” because:

1) it still acknowledges their story, which is mostly what these type of verbal queues are really meant for.

2) Unlike “I’m sorry”, it doesn’t weirdly imply that you were at fault. Plus it doesn’t give them the opportunity to be the absolute worst person ever and reply “you didn’t do anything”. Like, I know Megan. I wasn’t the one who got caught cheating on YOUR husband. It’s just a thing people say.

3) it also doesn’t imply that you think their situation is unfair. Let’s face it, even when it’s your friend there’s a part of you thinking “ya that’s what’s supposed to happen when you do that how did you not know that?”

09/01/2021

Ugh what’s next, Mike Pence gets banned from Grindr?

07/01/2021

Sorry there’s nothing funny today. Today lived up to the page name in spades. Better luck tomorrow.

04/01/2021

Folk who say “WAKE UP PEOPLE” are cranky and should probably take a nap.

03/01/2021

Some people are like “oh no this tastes like almonds, what if it’s arsenic?” and I’m just here like “oh no this tastes like almonds, what if it’s almonds?”