Autism Mom Gaolai

20/02/2024

My oldest Ivan is 13 years old. He was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and speech delays. We had to grab a few things from the store for them to pack for school lunch tomorrow. Both of his youngest siblings (Isaac & Zyana) who are also on the spectrum and non-verbal stayed home with dad while we ran to the store quickly.

After 15 minutes goes by, Ivan asked if he can use my phone to call his dad (my husband) because he wants to make sure that his siblings are okay at home.

🥹 My sweet child. 💙💚❤️💛🦋

16/02/2024

This month is one of those months.
The kids' sleep schedule is off. They've been taking turns getting up early, or at a different time. They still get up early even when our sleep schedule is the same. It's most definitely not easy having a child(ren) on the spectrum that struggles to fall asleep or staying asleep. It's not their fault. Most of the time, they can't explain why they can't fall asleep. I'm speaking from my own experience having three kids on the spectrum. I keep getting up, because I love them and I want to know they're safe.

We've been sleeping around 10 p.m. and up before 6 a.m. Today, we were up at 2:30 a.m. to start our day. Isaac and Zyana couldn't sleep anymore. Zyana woke up talking and singing. Isaac woke up super silly and ready to start his usual routines.

To all of the autism parents/caregivers: Hang in there! We got this!

To everyone on the spectrum: It's not your fault. You are doing your best, and I'm proud of you! Hang in there! 💙💚❤️💛🦋

13/02/2024

Today marks one year since I opened this page. Thanks everyone for your support! 💙💚❤️💛🦋

I’ve thought about this for some time now and I’m ready to share some of my experiences as a mom of 3 autistic children. I don’t expect anyone to follow me but if you feel like what I do can help you in some way, stay a while and let’s chat.

Hi, my name is Gaolai. My husband, Steven and I are parents to 3 silly smart kids, Ivan, Isaac and Zyana. We enjoy baking, cooking, hiking and outdoor adventures together. For the past few years, Mom life has taken up my entire schedule. I've been taking care of my health and doing photography as a hobby for close relatives. A typical day with my kids is pretty hectic. From some morning coffee at 5am (sometimes 4am) to school pick up at 1:30pm, and play time at 4pm to dinner at 6pm, we barely have time to ourselves. At this point, my kids are my only friends.

I don’t believe that kids should be limited to certain things or excluded from events because they’re diagnosed with autism. There’s always a way (as long as it’s the right and healthy way) and parents should always do their research to find ways to help their children with autism as they do with any children.

I’m simply here to share my knowledge and if there are any parents out there who can fill in some missing pieces or would love to share their experiences with me, please send me a message. What I do with my children may not work or be for you and your family so please consult with a professional if you have questions or concerns about your own children. I am not a professional nor will I diagnose anyone with anything. To all my autism families out there, remember you're not alone on this journey.

13/02/2024

Drinking yogi cold season tea. Still recovering from a cough and cold.

Answer the questions in the comment. 👇👇
"What can you appreciate in this moment?"

Mine is healthy & happy kids & husband.💙💚❤️💛🦋

06/02/2024

For anyone that is new to autism. You're not alone.
💙💚❤️💛🦋

I found some old notes I wrote down years ago, when I was still new to autism and trying to understand my kids.

I used Google to help with the hmong part. Not sure if it makes sense. 😅 My hmong isn't good either.

06/02/2024

Zyana is autistic & non-verbal. (For the new followers that don't know.)

As we were walking down the snack aisle in the store, Zyana refused to look at the snacks. She kept repeating “soft white, soft white, soft white” while pulling my hand and tried dragging me out of the snack aisle. I told her “okay, go.” She walked away.
I followed her, but stopped at a distance to observe what she's going to do next. She disappeared behind a register. I quickly walk over to her to make sure she is okay, and she came out quickly with a bag of white bread that said “soft white” 😅

The whole time, she wanted that bag of white bread. She must have seen it behind the register when we walked in. She refused to put it down, so she carried it around the store the whole time. She doesn't even like bread. 🤣

Following their lead helps me understand what they want and need.

Don't forget to be kind and patient.
We're all doing our best.
💙💚❤️💛🦋

31/01/2024

(Hmong writting after the english writing)

Dysregulated.
Self-injury.
Pinching others.

Isaac is autistic and non-verbal.
He's been Dysregulated lately, he picked up a new behavior that we haven't seen before. He's been biting himself out of frustration and other unknown reasons. Pinching others if anyone is nearby.

All I can do is sit with him and remind him that it's going to be okay, and distract him from biting himself, or make sure he doesn't pinch anyone. I can tell it's tough for him during those moments, because he's clearly trying to tell me something through his frustrations, but he couldn't get the words out. His first reaction will be self-injury or pinch anyone he can around his area.

It's been tough for Isaac the past couples of weeks.

To everyone (parents, caregiver, autistic people) that's currently going through the same, it's not your fault and it's most definitely not your loved ones on the spectrum's fault either.

Sometimes things work for a bit, and stop working. We'll have to keep finding what works. It can be very exhausting sometimes, we are all doing our best. Keep doing your best. Don't give up! We got this.
💙💚❤️💛🦋

HMONG:

Yog koj muaj ib tug menyuam muaj Autism, (Autism yog lo lus America) yog nws tsis paub tham lus, thiab yog muaj ib lub sijhawn nws ntaus neeg, los yog nws ntaus nws niam thiab txiv, tsis yog vim nws xav ntaus neeg, thiab tsis yog vim nws niam thiab txiv tsis qhuab qhia nws ua zoo. Muaj ib yam dab tsi ua rau tus menyuam tsis zoo siab. Nws lub ncauj hais tsis tau cov lus nyob hauv nws lub siab tawm rau leej twg, thiab ua rau nws tsis zoo siab thiab ua rau nws ntaus nws tus kheej thiab ntaus lwm tus.

Rau sawv daws: Ua txhua yam rau koj tus menyuam.
Qee zaum nws tuaj yeem ua rau koj qaug Zog, tab sis tsis txhob tso koj tus menyuam tseg. Koj ua qhov zoo tshaj plaws. Nrhiav lwm txoj hauv kev los pab nws. Koj ua tau.
💙💚❤️💛🦋

26/01/2024

Credits: Joy of Autism

26/01/2024

Happy national spouses day.
We're not perfect, but perfect for each other.

Being autism parents can be lonely.

It's NOT EASY.

Autism parents:

If you have heard others say your life must be easier now since your autistic child is over 5yo, we see you.

It's NOT EASY.

If you you have heard others say it's easier now since your child can say a few words, but they don't really understand everything else COMPLETELY and was diagnosed level 1, OR 2, OR 3, we see you, too.

It's STILL NOT EASY.

Our children will always need our support.

Hang in there. We got this!

💙💚❤️💛🦋

25/01/2024

All of my kids are on the spectrum. Cutting kids on the spectrum's hair can be challenging. They are constantly moving, and they dislike the sounds of buzzers/scissors. I'm speaking from my own experiences with my three kids. Ivan, my oldest, seems to be okay with the buzzer and all the sounds it makes. But, Isaac, my middle child, really dislikes the buzzing sounds. He's sensitive to most sounds. Zyana, my youngest doesn't mind the scissors but dislike the buzzer sounds.

I found these CALMING CLIPPER, The Silent Haircutting Kit for Children with Autism and Sensory Sensitivity on Amazon.

After testing it out on Isaac's hair, because his hair is getting long. Isaac still doesn't seem to like it much. He kept moving away from me. We took many breaks, and I flipped the camera around for him to check out his own hair. We resume after a minute break.
He kept needing breaks in-between each cut, it could be him disliking the cutting sounds the scissors makes. Or something else. I'm curious to hear from him one day about why he doesn't like it.

I'm so proud of him for staying until the end of the cut. I'm not a pro at cutting hair but as long as it's out of his eyes. 💙💚❤💛🦋

To autism parents/caregivers or autistic ones:
Have you found a way for your loved ones or yourself? Drop down in the comment. 👇


Music Credit: Time Slips By - Go By Ocean _ Ryan McCaffrey

20/01/2024

Checking in.

How's everyone?
How's the weather where you are currently at?

It's freezing here. The kids and I have been taking turns feeling a little under the weather. It's been icy and too slippery to go out. We have been staying in. Our power went out the other day. But we're okay.

Hope everyone is well and healthy! Don't forget to check in on your loved ones. Take good care of yourself, too. 💙💚❤️💛🦋

18/01/2024

15/01/2024

14/01/2024

Isaac is 11 years old. He is autistic and non-verbal.

He has a high tolerance for pain and all sorts of things. He ran out barefooted in the snow. I tried stopping him from running outside without shoes but he ran past me and out the door. (Our backyard is gated and he didn't last 2 seconds outside.😅)

My silly boy kept giggling while he was outside in the snow barefooted. I sometimes wonder how he feels. His giggles always make us laugh and reassure us that he's okay.
💙💚❤️💛🦋

Wherever you are, stay safe & warm and healthy!🌨❄️

11/01/2024

National Autism Association

Then you miss out on so much more...😇

10/01/2024

To all of my followers that are content creators drop your page(s) down in the comments.👇👇👇 (Shoutout to everyone that's been with me since day one!💕)

Comment one of your new year's resolutions beside being an autism parent/sibling/caregiver/ other professional.

Autistic people comment: what's your new year resolutions?

Parents/caregivers: What's one goal you have for your loved ones on the spectrum this year?

💙💚❤️💛🦋

Mine: Get stronger mentally & physically.
For my kids: Safety. Staying by my side when we're out in public/at the park.

Follow me on ig : Mamagaolai
If you're also getting started on your journey to getting healthy follow me on ig. I want to live longer for my babies. I keep fighting every day to stay healthy and stronger for them and me. It's not easy but don't give up. Remember you're also your number one cheerleader. Take care of yourself. You deserve to be the best version of yourself for yourself so you can take care of your loved ones.

09/01/2024

This is Zyana. She's autistic and non-verbal.
She is 7 years old.

She's not a fan of showers, but is okay with baths. Everytime she needs to wash her hair, I have to help her wash her hair really quickly. Sometimes, she refuses to shower at all.
(It's common in a few autistic kids. I can only speak from my own experience, because I have three kids on the spectrum. Showering isn't their thing.)

Last night during shower routines, she did something all by herself. It caught me off guard.

During shower routines, I still have to help her 90% of the time. From adjusting water from cold to warm and washing her hair, washing her body. Properly turning off the water. I'm constantly teaching her steps by steps and saying every step I do out loud so she knows.

Last night, when I was adjusting the water temperature, she pumped shampoo on her palm, and put it on her head, and walked to the shower to rinse it off. 🥰 I've always known she could do it, but needed time.

I'm so extremely proud of her!!!!!!

*I understand that it's not because they don't want to shower. There's a reason why they don't like water on their heads. Hopefully someday they can explain their reasons to me in any form of communication.
💙💚❤️💛🦋

Reminder:
Be kind and patient.
Everything takes time.
Everyone goes at their own pace.

02/01/2024

Ivan turned 13 years old 11 days ago.
For those that don't know, he's autistic and has speech delay.

He wanted to help vacuum the house. But he missed the corners and along the walls. I had to teach him to use the hose to vacuum the corners and along the wall. It is not something kids on the spectrum know. I'm very proud of him! He followed my instructions after the first time explaining to him on how to do it. He even wrapped the cord and put the vacuum away after.
💙💚❤️💛🦋

Reminder: Be kind and patient

01/01/2024

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year filled with love, laughter, great joy and good health!

May all your dreams come true in 2024!

Took almost 100 photos, these were the best photos of us as a family. Zyana was done with photos before it even started. 😅 💙💚❤️💛🦋

30/12/2023

Today, I just want permission to feel sad.

Let’s normalize being sad. I understand people’s need to fix things, offer advice, and encourage a positive perspective, but gosh, it feels dismissive.

Sometimes I just want someone to tell me, “It sucks, I get it.”

Sometimes, I don’t want to hear what solutions worked for your cousin’s neighbor’s grandfather.

Sometimes, I don’t want to hear what I could do better as a mom.

Sometimes, I just want someone to hold my hand—not too softly, 'cause it tickles—and tell me, “I get it.”

Sometimes, all I want to hear is, “You’re allowed to feel sad.” Sometimes, I just want to know I’m not alone.

I want to hear I’m not a bad mother if the weight of Charlie’s profound autism dawns on me. If I can’t smile through it all. If I can’t keep my pain inside.

I want to hear from others who don’t see autism as a blessing.

Sometimes I just want permission to feel—to feel all things.

I’m a fierce advocate for my autistic son. I’m stubborn as hell, and I will never give up on Charlie and his right for inclusion despite his severe behaviors. I will always fight to get him help. I will always adapt to his needs. I will always love him with every fiber of my being.

But sometimes I just want to hear that it’s okay not to be okay.

Today, I just want permission to feel sad.

25/12/2023

Ivan's 13th birthday. (Late post)

Thanks for always being so thoughtful and asking your baby sister if she want to blow out the candles. (She enjoy blowing out the candles.)
💙💚❤️💛🦋

25/12/2023

Happy belated 13th birthday to my big boy Ivan. Dec. 22 - been a busy week.
(For those that don't know, Ivan is autistic and has speech delay.)

Thank you for all that you do, Ivan!!!💕
I admire the strong, young man you’ve become. No matter your age, I will love you infinitely. I’m so grateful that I've been chosen to be your mother.

We are blessed to have you and we love you!
💙💚❤️💛🦋

15/12/2023

Checking in.

How are you?

Sorry I've been M.I.A.... I've been taking time for myself while taking care of my babies. Figuring everything out while grieving and healing.

Photography is my therapy and way to get my mind off things.

It’s Okay to not be okay sometimes.

Happy birthday to my brother-in-law! I hope you're well. We miss you every day!
Rest in paradise! The kids and your big brother and I miss you every day.

Friends:
Don't forget to be kind and patient with yourself & others.💙💚💙💛🦋

Don't forget to check in on your strong family and friends.

04/12/2023

My boy Ivan turns 13 years old in a couple of weeks.

He's autistic and has speech delay. For those that don't know.

Hello new followers and Hi my old followers since day 1. 👋

All of these years of teaching him to fold his own clothes paid off.

As soon as the clothes came out of the dryer. Without being asked or reminded to fold his clothes. He went and dump the clothes on the bed and start folding his clothes and help me fold the rest of our laundry. 🥹🥰

My sweet boy.💕
Thank you for always helping out.

Reminder:
Every child goes at their own pace.
Be patient. 💙💚❤️💛🦋

02/12/2023

Isaac is 11 years old and autistic and non-verbal.

For the first time in 11 years, he knocked on the bathroom's door because he needed to use the bathroom. We practice 3+ times a day.

It's not something kids on the spectrum would remember to do when they have to go. It has to be taught over and over again to them.

Recently, he's been knocking on the door whenever someone is in the bathroom instead of trying to open the door when it's locked.

I'm very proud of him!!!

💙💚❤️💛🦋

Reminder:

Be patient.
Everyone goes at their own pace.

15/11/2023

Ivan is 12 years old and is autistic and has speech delay.

I picked him up today alone. My husband usually goes with me to pick him up.

Right when we arrived home, he entered the door and handed a piece of paper to his dad and said out loud "It's for you and mom!"

How considerate of him for having the patience and waiting until he got home to show my husband and I this.

He told us that his teacher gave him this paper to write it for anyone he wants to.
He picked us. (My husband and I)🥹🥹😭😭

My sweet child. 🥰🥰
💙💚❤️💛🦋

Reminder:

Just because you're different,
Don't let the world turn you bitter.
Stay true to yourself.
Be kind always.
There's always ones that appreciate your kindness and love YOU just the way you are!

13/11/2023

The photo is an old photo of my oldest Ivan when he was younger with his uncle (my brother in law) who passed away this year.

***I asked Ivan for his permission before posting this. He gave me permission to make this post.

After the funeral, Ivan seems to be his old self.
He didn't show any sign of being sad or nothing seems off. He's back to his old routines. I thought that he's probably okay again and forgot about everything.

It's been 4 months & 4 days since my brother in law has been gone.

Today, I found Ivan alone in his room under his blanket in tears. He was sobbing quietly in the dark.

I asked him what's wrong?
I asked if it was anything my husband and I said?

Ivan said "no" in a low and sad tone.
He stuttered and tried to get the words out. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath and said "I miss uncle M"

It shattered my heart into a billion pieces!

I gave him a hug.
I told him that his Uncle is okay now. He's not feeling sick anymore and it's okay to miss him cause we miss him, too.

Ivan broke down.
Ivan said "He's a great uncle because he takes care and protects me, Isaac and Zyana." 🥺😭

Ivan is 12 years old. He's autistic and has speech delay. Most of the time he has a hard time expressing his feelings. He takes a bit longer to process things.

Some professionals & some people feel like autistic people don't have feelings since they seem to not be aware of some things.

THAT'S NOT TRUE!

Autistic people are very aware and THEY DO HAVE FEELINGS! THEY CAN THINK FOR THEMSELVES.

We just need to be patient and listen harder to hear their message. Allow them to express themselves.

Reminder:

Whatever it is that you're going through right now,
Hang in there! You'll get through it.
Everyone grief differently.
Go at your own pace.

Just don't give up!
Life is short.

We only know what's going to happen today.
Tomorrow isn't promised.

Be patient and be kind to others and yourself. 💙💚❤️💛🦋

08/11/2023

Today's quote.

I hope you all are doing okay.

💙💚❤️💛🦋