Blame Ziggy

24/10/2023

In a few days, a lot of creatures will visit your door. Be open minded. The child who is grabbing more than one piece of candy might have poor fine motor skills. The child who takes forever to pick out one piece of candy might have motor planning issues. The child who does not say "trick or treat" or "thank you" might be painfully shy, non-verbal, or selectively mute. If you cannot understand their words, they may struggle with developmental apraxia of speech. They are thankful in their hearts and minds. The child who looks disappointed when he sees your bowl might have a life-threatening allergy. The child who isn't wearing a costume at all might have Autism or SPD. Be kind, be patient, smile, pretend you understand. It's everyone's Halloween. Make a parent feel good by making a big deal of their special child. ♥

06/08/2023

06/08/2023

This woman stole my iPhone in Sheffield last week, and doesn't realise that it uploads all the pictures to my iCloud account.
If anyone recognises her, please tell her that ive bought more storage space and can send her the charger incase the battery runs out, Cheers.

23/04/2023

Facts.

18/04/2023

My political views are whatever the f**k this is.

01/03/2023

Pros and cons of being my friend:
>Pro - You have a friend.
>Con - It’s me.

19/01/2023

Wanna troll your friends and family? How ‘bout 3 trolls in 13 seconds?

08/01/2023

Quick guide to the horse trainer’s language.

19/12/2022

Friendship Between Women:

A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:

A man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her Husband’s 10 best friends. 7 of them confirmed that he had slept over, 2 said he just left, and 1 said he was still asleep on the couch.

19/12/2022

A brand new store has just opened that sells husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increases as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item
from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

The 1st floor sign on the door reads:
Floor 1: These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads:
Floor 2: These men have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework.
Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

I once visited the New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st first floor has wives that love s*x.
I didn’t visit floors 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6.

19/12/2022

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

19/12/2022

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.