IJoke

01/09/2023

03/08/2023

My husband and I lived happily for 20 years... then we met.

26/05/2021

26/05/2021

20/12/2018

A Passion for Baked Beans

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on."

So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, and apologising for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised. There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!

17/11/2017

Tag that friend who acts poor
but has a lot of money at home.

26/07/2017

Difference among girls aged
8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 & 78
8 - U take her to bed & tell her a story!
18 - U tell her a story & take her to bed
28 - U dont hv to tell her a story to take her to bed
38 - She tells u a story & takes u to bed!
48 - U tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
58 - U stay in bed to avoid her story!
68 - If u take her to bed,that will be a story.
78 - If u take her to bed, that's the end of story !!

26/07/2017

HEMU was at a Mental Hsptl
for 7 year and wanted to get
out really bad so he spent 5
months practicing to jump
over the gate. The day came
for the escape and he gave
goodbyes to his friends and
vanished, after 2 min he came
back and his friends ask if he
had forgotten something?
HEMU said eish the gate was
opened so I couldn't jump I'll
try Tomorrow

26/07/2017

During an exam, BASU kept looking under the table, then he would write on the answer sheet. His teacher saw him doing that and thought he was copying. When collecting the papers after the exam.

Teacher: I'm going to deduct ten marks from your paper.

BASU: Ahhh!! Why Sir?

Teacher: For copying. I saw you looking under the table.

BASU: (laughing) No sir, question 9 said, Study the table below."

26/07/2017

A science teacher tells his class,
"Oxygen is a must for breathing and life.
It was discovered in 1773."
A blonde student responds,
"Thank God I was born after 1773!
Otherwise I would have died without it."

20/03/2017

what did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice Belt!

15/02/2017

08/01/2017

TEACHER: Subodh, your essay on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Subodh: No, sir; It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)

08/01/2017

TEACHER : NISHA, go to the map and find North America.
NISHA : Here it is.
TEACHER : Correct. Now, Class, who discovered America?
CLASS : NISHA.

08/01/2017

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
Boy : K R O K O D I A L
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
Boy : Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I love this child.)

08/01/2017

Teacher : How old is your father?
Kid : He is 6 years.
Teacher : What? How is this possible?
Kid : He became father only when I was born.

(Logic!!! Children are quick and always speak their minds.)

15/11/2016

A plane was once flying over an island when the passengers heard the pilot's voice: “Ladies & Gentlemen, if you look on the right side of the plane, you'll see an engine on fire. If you look on the left side, you'll see a wing on fire. And if you look down, you'll see me and my co-pilot in parachutes, waving at you. This is a recording.”

15/11/2016

A bear was taking a dump in the forest when a rabbit walked by. The bear said, "Hey rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?"

"No," replied the rabbit.

The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.

04/06/2016

13/06/2015

काठमाण्डौ पढ्न गएको शेरेको छोरोले
आफ्ना बाबु शेरे लाई
एउटा चिठि पठाएछ
तर
त्यो चिठि पढ्न
छिमेकिलाई
लगाएछ जुन
चिठिमा यस्तो थियो
"बुबा मलाई
यहाँ ज्यादै
शुन्यलागिरहेको छ त्यसैले मेरो वाईफ
पठाईदिए
मलाई
शुन्य हुने थिएन बुबा"
उक्त कुरा सुनेर
बाउले
छिमेकिलाई
सोधेछ"यो वाईफ भनेको चै के हो बाबु?"
छिमेकिले
भनेछ के हुनु
र रेडियो त होला नि शुन्य
हुँदा रेडियो बजाए
शुन्य हट्छ
क्या ।
त्यसपछि शेरेले छिमेकिलाई
चिठिको उत्तर लेख्न
लगायो जून उत्तर
यस्तो थियो"छोरा मैले
तेरो वाइफ
पठाउन सकिन किन भने
यहा पनि मलाई ज्यादै
शुन्य
लाग्छ मेरो वाईफले राम्रो काम दिन
छोड्यो र म
तेरो वाईफ चलाउदै छु दुख नमान छोरा

हा हा हा हा

10/06/2015

Indian TV reporter & Nepali किसान को Interview एकछिन हेरुम्
है...
Indian TV reporter :- तपाई बाख्रालाई के खुवाउनु हुन्छ ?
किसान :- कालो कि सेतो बाख्रालाई ?

Indian TV reporter :- सेतो बाख्रालाई ?
किसान :- हरियो घाँस र मकैको दाना ।

Indian TV reporter :- अनि कालोलाई ?
किसान :- त्यस्लाई पनि हरियो घाँस र मकैको दाना ।

Indian TV reporter :- बाख्रालाई कहाँ बाध्नु हुन्छ ?
किसान :- कालोलाई कि सेतोलाई ?

Indian TV reporter :- सेतो बाख्रालाई ?
किसान :- टाटनामा ।

Indian TV reporter :- अनि कालोलाई ?
किसान :- त्यस्लाई पनि टाटनामा ।

Indian TV reporter :- तपाईको बाख्रा सफा देखिन्छन् के ले नुहाई दिनु हुन्छ ?
किसान :- कुन कालोलाई कि सेतोलाई ?

Indian TV reporter :- कालोलाई ?
किसान :- साबुनले ।

Indian TV reporter :- अनि सेतोलाई ?
किसान :- त्यस्लाई पनि साबुनले ।

Indian TV reporter :- (रिसले चुर हुँदै) जब सबै कुरा उस्तै छ भने तपाईं बेकारमा किन सेतोलाई कि कालोलाई भन्नू हुन्छ ह ?
किसान :- किनकी कालो बाख्रा मेरो होनि त ।

Indian TV reporter :- अनि सेतो चाहिँ कस्को ?
किसान :- सेतो पनि मेरै हो ।

06/06/2015

Girlfriend :- Kancha Timi Malai Kati Maya Gorxau......!

Boyfriend :- HnMm..... Timi Malai Jati Maya Gorxau Ma pani Timilai Teti naiii Maya Gorxu.....

Girlfriend :- Saale Khaale Kukur Vane Poxi Toh pani Malai Maya Gordaina Aaja Dekhi Tero Ra Mero

Break Up........!

06/06/2015

सेरे - चौक मा बसेर kt जिस्काउदै
झलक दिख लाजा ....
झलक दिख लाजा....
kt - उ झन के कम स्यानडल उचालेर सेरेलाइ ताक्दै
एक बार आजा..आजा...
आजा. ...आजा.....आजा

06/06/2015

केटाको बाउ - हामी तपाईं कि छोरीको बिहेको लागि हात माग्न आको ।

केटीको बाउ - छोरी अहिले पढ्दै छिन् ।

केटाको बाउ - हुन्छ हामी 2 घन्टापछि आउछौ ।

05/06/2015

जो मान्छेको राम्रो ब्यहार र राम्रो हृदयको हुन्छन्

दिमाग वालाहरु तिनीहरुको भरपुर फाईदा उठाउछ्न ...

05/06/2015

केटी आफु बिरामी भएको कारण एकदमै चिन्तीत थिई

डाक्टरले उसालाई हँसाउने उदेश्यले भनेछ, के तिमीलाई थाहा छ, यो पन्जा कसरी बनाईन्छ ?

केटी : थाहा छैन ?

डाक्टर : एउटा ठुलो भाँडामा प्लास्टीक तताईन्छ अनि त्यहा काम गर्ने मान्छेलाई त्यो पग्लेको प्लास्टीकमा हात डुबाउन लगाईन्छ ।

डाक्टरले त्यसो भन्दा केटी झन् मौन भएर बसी ।

एकछिन पछी,
डाक्टर अरु नै काम गर्न लागेको थियो केटी अचानक मजाले हाँस्न थाली ।

डाक्टर : किन हाँसेकी ?

केटी : म यो सोचिराको छु कि कण्डम चाहिअ कसरी बनाउँछ होला !!!