The Donny Crew

21/05/2024

richards din dins yummy yummy yoo yoo ah hahaha nan made me sosigs potato balls bagutette & loadsa tommy k & americans musterd mmmm om nom nom nom nom a were like lovely ty so much nan but a says to her soz like not ya best effort tbh the sosigs look like ma floaters & me grandpa snapped &were shoutim ya ungrateful tosser richard so a says ok am gonna shove that bagette right up ma own ar****le then & he were f*k off out me houze & grow up eh, oops shudnt go places wen am off me nut ah hoyyyyy by richerd smear aka dr hard wang

19/05/2024

richerd ere ,family all been ill asf wiv flu. me nan & gramps been proper bad like,ma flu were so bad a shat meself bout 16 times & gramps were in hospital coz he hurt his leggie fallin over wen he tried to go to the shop for his scotch. be bk on soon m8s helping clean up the world wiv exiting donny crew projects hope yas are all ok like ###z

03/05/2024

richerds super lucky treasure find of the week ,,,ello little bit of jigsaw puzzle ah ha thats class that like innit wtf ya doin there like? sumone indoors doin a jigsaw puzzle & there like ffs a hate this jigsaw puzzle it too hard cant be doin wiv this like sonf*k off out me window ya sad s**te thing & they fling it out there window lols that must of happened eh, am gonna look round & see how many more bits a can find. even better than the mouldy sandwich a found in me neighbors bin last nite. btw me grandpa got flu so he aint gonna be online much he been proper bad the last week or 2, nan said he just lying in bed everday coughin farting & shoutin at her, shes sick of him ah ha bless her

29/04/2024

richards delish tasty super lovely yum yum plate mmmmmm ah ha nan & grandpa come over me flat today & helped me make yum yum meal well tbh nan helped but she were like why do ya wanna eat that lot richerd ya bit odd ya need help & me grandpa stood there whole time rantin & callin me worlds biggest spacka but mmmmmm look chippies mash sosig onions indian triangle thing cheesy pasty salad cream tommy k bakery beanys gravy bready steady roll & pints yessssss best meal since me last meal deffo ###x

20/04/2024

Richard it's your grandfather again. Any danger you could return my telephone calls and the abusive voicemails I left you? Sh*t for brains. Why is there lager spilt all over my sofa with cushions placed on top of it to try and hide it? Your moron grandmother was saying, "Oh it might not have been Richard" of course it f***ing was! You owe me a new sofa.

20/04/2024

richerds lucky find of the day omfgggg just bought waterin can & now found another waterin can sumones dumped ,how can they do that like come see mr or mrs waterin can ya comin bk to richards flat of fun wiv me awww see am not allowed pets altho av got me goldfish alan & the flies in the sh***er room so ma waterin cans are bit like pets to me lolssss

20/04/2024

richards diary 20,04.24.,,

been to market to buy me new waterin can for me collecton yesssss get in it blue waterin can lmao thats class that like innit normaly they green or silver a wonder if they donrainbow colour ones that wud be even classerer. ah ha up above the streets & houses paint the whole world wiv a rainbowwwwww remember that tele show that were class wiv geoffrey & bungle bots & george & zippy & rod & jane mmmmmm & freddie. they had a bunny rabbit on one episode wonder wot happened to it probs dead or george shoved it up his arse or summet lols soz m8s am rabbiting on pmsl ah hahahahaha aye just me & bezza been takin loadsa drugs today coz it sesh saturday. clive the pub landlord were like plz go away ya annoyin me customers ah ha shut ya trap clive we ya best customers ffs talkin of customers am gonna have another pint, wot use lot up to this weekend? any1 seshin or wot? ###x

15/04/2024

richards lucky find of the day,,,

look at this m8s av been out & about gettin off me face & a found huge big patio furniture brolley behind 1 of me fave bins. always find good treasure ere like. av not got a garden & the only patio furniture av got is in me front room but now av got a brolley am gonna get a garden for it to go in. get innnnnn

15/04/2024

impotant donny crew update ffs look at this mess ere, omg it terrible. this lot could kill sumone walkin past imagine a stupid old granny walkin past "doobie doobie do oh wot a lovely day am havin as a old lady doin ma shoppin & am gonna buy sum bread n butter pud pud from marks & spencer doobie doobie do" & shes all happy but then she slips over & dies & catches fire. not on our watch. the donny crew is here to clean up the city startin ere wiv this broken glass even tho it were actually donny crew member teabags mackenzie who done it in 1st place. he got cross & went offit in a shop coz they didnt sell cups of tea oh well me, bezza & darren gonna tidy it up & help ppl to not hurt themselfes or die. then later we got top secret exclusive announcment to make shhhh wait & see ###x the donny crew is ere for u because ere for u are the donny crew yes

by richard smear aka dr love machine ###x

14/04/2024

ello m8s it richard ere wow omfgggg ty for makin our page so mint we finally reached the magic numbers of 100 & 264. thats class that like innit. look at the numbers there. plz continue to help us grow our band of comrades by doin reviews we aint.had non yet & also invitin ya m8s to like follow & share the page even if they r m8s ya dont like & ya cant stand em just get em to join anyways & also m8s av super weekend. am sat on the bog atm listenin to me songs on youtubes,wot use lot up to like ###x

13/04/2024

The Misery Of Keith...

What a horrific morning, traipsing tens of thousands of miles around Doncaster at the crack of dawn with my annoying wife. As if going shoe shopping wasn't bad enough, we also went to the supermarket which damn near drove me to a mental breakdown - overpriced food, wall to wall people, unruly brats running amok and causing chaos, terrible music blasting out the speakers, then to top it off my wife spotted this table and chairs in the middle of the supermarket and practically wet herself with excitement.

"Oh Keith, they have one of these seating areas now, look. I've heard of these. Let's have a sit down, it'll be fun!" so we sat down just to stop her yapping on. Wow, and what an experience it was! She was right, talk about fun! I don't think I have ever enjoyed sitting down at a table so much! The sheer amazement of it! I am so glad I haven't died yet just so I could be here for this moment! That is me being sarcastic by the way, it was the most boring and pointless ten minutes of my life so far, even worse than the last time we slept together.

The saving grace of the day was I bought three big bottles of Scotch to enjoy with the awful takeaway that she wants to subject me and the rest of the family to later. That should help me cope or at least put me to sleep through it all.

12/04/2024

Richard it's your grandfather Keith here. I wish I wasn't related to you but I guess that's my own fault for starting a family in the first place. I would have worn contraceptions on my p***s every single time I porked your grandmother if I had known that getting her pregnant would set off such an endless chain of disappointments, misery and regret.

Why aren't you answering our damn messages? Too busy galavanting around with your little idiot friends again to answer your grandmother's texts or my telephone calls and faxes. Remove me from this bloody page will you! I am sick to death of the whole charade, especially seeing your pathetic DiArY uPdAtEs all over my news feed. Also telephone your poxy grandmother would you, she is worried because you haven't been in touch to ask her to lend you money for two days now. That must me some kind of record for you.

"Oh Keith, where is our grandson?" moan, nag, whinge. It's giving me a cluster headache all this fuss and palaver. Contact her you bag of sh*t.

10/04/2024

richard diary 10.04.24,,,

had importent donny crew meeting tonite to make plans for future stuff in the world. was sick 3 times & bezza were on a comedown crying so we had to get sum druggyyyyys from his uncle to sober us up bit & sort us out ya know wot a mean. tightfist tony were like we shud do summet about the enviroment then dodgy darren were like we shud do summet about the richard problem pmsl ah hahaha darren u madhead your a proper madhead u like. we was all cryin wiv laughter m8s, swear down its non stop super fun round ere at richards flat of fun. teabags mackenzie punched himself in the head 19 times coz he were frustrated wiv life & havin us as his m8s & apparentlu roidrage did big mandy in me bog bezza told me. thats class that like innit ah ha proper romantic him chuckin his ding d**g up her ning nong wiv strong awful whiff of richerds blocked sh***er up there noses. anyway talkin of massive things like ma s**tes, the donny crew got summet massive to announce this week proper class it is ok but u wait & see ok m8s ###x wot yas up to like?

09/04/2024

The Misery Of Keith...

This packet of crisps that my wife got me from the supermarket are inedible, just like everything else that her demented mind instructs her to purchase. They taste like bits of a soggy cardboard box covered in salt, onions and sweat. Yuck! Oh and she also bought me an apple aswell because she thinks I need more healthy food in my diet to prevent any more heart attacks. What a blood palaver! I really don't see the point, not just in that but anything else in general too. The one and only downside to all the heart attacks I have suffered in recent years is that none of them have done me a favour and finished me off. That's for true.

Mrs Hi**er has just shoved a small slice of lemon cheese cake in front of my eternally disappointed face. What the hell is this muck? Why is she doing all this now? No doubt she and the rest of this joke of a family have all pumped the so called, "cheesecake" full of rat poison or cyanide or whatever. I had better try and force some of it down anyway. I would rather be poisoned to death than starve to death.

09/04/2024

The Misery Of Keith...

My wife has announced a special family meal this weekend at our house, much to my disgust. I will never understand why people invite other people over to their houses to sit around eating food together and talking. It's pathetic. She can't be arsed to cook either so we are having a takeaway apparently, which I refuse to contribute towards by the way. Why pay for something I don't want? You wouldn't go into a shop and pay for a load of cheese and onion crisps if you hated cheese and onion crisps. This is no different to that.

"Oh cheer up, Keith! We can always order from that curry house you like" said my wife, to which I asked her what she was banging on about now. Not once have I ever liked or even had an adequate meal from a curry house. Quite the opposite in fact. "Oh come on, Keith. Richard's coming along and his friend Bezza. It'll be nice for you three to catch up and have a beer together!" No it bloody won't, Margaret. I try and live my rotten life avoiding those two d***heads as much as I can. Why would I want to spend time with them or anybody else in this God-forsaken family? I will be in my shed thanks!

Thankfully my 37 stone granddaughter won't be here as she wants nothing more to do with me, thank goodness, so at least the fridge and all the food cupboards won't be ransacked for once.

08/04/2024

richards diary 08.04.24,,,

alright m8s hows it hangin? am sound asf me like wot bout u lot eh? nan invited me & me best m8 bezza over for monday meal yum yum but me grandpa werent happy & said f off ya pair of spackas & he ate his din dins in his shed but nan said ignore mr grump grumps he just in a mood coz she hid his scotch again so oh well mmmmmm bang on meal like, top grub nan ty ###x av had better tbh but was ok ish & the mash were nice & thick so it blocked me up a bit & helped me diareea issues. went from splatters to constapton in minutes nice 1 nan. dunno why gramps hate her so much & goes on about how much she makes him wanna die coz she the best nan ever & nice & non violent unlike gramps whos put me in hospital all those times ### eh look wot nan cook

05/04/2024

richards diary 05.04.24,,,

fell asleep off me face this morning wiv lit ciggie in me gob & burnt me pillows & me hair damnnnn ah ha nvm but am havin to use a bag of cement as a pillow tho. all me sofa cushions r drenched & all me clothes r at nans house coz she washin em for me so bag of cement were all a cud find. dnt bother me av slept in bins before am hardcore me like deffo eh, anyways friday nite sesh nite tonite me & the boysies r off down the pub coz they doin special offers on bottles of booze so we gonna see who can drink the most & also discuss importent donny crew business but shhhh cant say too much but we got huge massive annountment to make next week things r proper getting movin wiv our plans for the country u wait & see

04/04/2024

The Misery Of Keith...

Here we go again. Big bad evil Keith has somehow managed to upset most of the family at the dinner table, to the point where my daughter Kevin locked himself in the downstairs lavatory and my 37 stone granddaughter and her children all went home early. My granddaughter didn't even stay for pudding which shocked me to the core. All I did was make a few innocent remarks about how disappointed they all make me and I bellowed at the kids a few times for laughing too loudly so now suddenly I am being a, "miserable sod" according to my wife and a, "bitter old f***ing fossil" according to my granddaughter.

I had hoped that I would get a bit of peace and quiet once they all did me a favour and buggered off home but no chance of that! I wanted to watch the soaps and drink my Scotch without constant noise and chaos but my bloody wife is now upstairs giving Cousin Norman his bath and he's roaring with laughter, splashing about and making his weird noises. My grandson Richard keeps ringing the telephone over and over again trying to borrow more money off us for his drugs and alcohol so tomorrow if I have the misfortune of seeing the useless w***er then he is going to get his skull thumped. That's for true. Also there is a lot of noise going on next door which I am very unhappy about. Rupert has guests round apparently so I shall be keeping a close eye on them in case any of the riff raff come round here to try and rob us.

Oh by the way my wife has just popped downstairs to let me know that our granddaughter wants nothing more to do with me. That is the first bit of good news I have had in years, possibly even decades.

03/04/2024

It's Keith here. Richard don't you ever come round here again after your disgusting drunken behaviour tonight. You are banned. You completely ruined everything as you always do and you are damn lucky your poxy grandmother wouldn't let me physically knock some sense in to you. Also remove me as an admin of this pathetic page will you! I am sick to the back teeth of the notifications. The whole thing has been a bloody shambles anyway just like your life in general and I want no part of it.

02/04/2024

richerd ere this is ma fab idea for donny crew theme tune, it identical to old neighbours theme but the lyrics are lil bit diffrent right ok so look it goes

donny crew, everybody needs the donny crew
just a pint & line each morning,
helps to make a better day

donny crew
they already know each other.
next pub is only
86 footsteps away

donny crew, everybody needs the donny crew.
wiv a little bag of druggys
ya can find the perfect friend.

donny crew
always there for one another
we are the donny crewwwwww & we porked ya maaaaaaaam ah ha hahahahaha pmsl only jokin m8s non of us porked ya mam well probs not anyways mite of done but also wen ya look at the titles on the vid imagine it says like starred richard & produced by richard & director richard & music by richard & neighbours ty & tc ###xx

http://perfectblend.net/ presents: Neighbours 1990 Closing Credits

01/04/2024

richards diary 01.04.24

had super special april fool day brekkie at the pub mmmm full english & pints then a did me brill april fool gag wen bezza, dodgy darren & the mackenzie bros walked into the beer garden a lied down & pretended to be dead but teabags mackenzie were like ya still got lit ciggie in ya gob ya stupid tossa & we saw ya lie down & make yaself comfy ffs get up before a batter ya richerd ah ha he only jokin tho it all fun & bants tho ah ha now me & bezza sat doin druggy wugglys & watchin neighbors everybody need good neighbors april food sesh timeeeee innit eh awwww & nan rang earlier to say it bank holiday so av nice lovely day from her but not me grandpa coz he dont do well wishes awww ty nan oh aye bezza says he thinks shoppin centers shud go on holidays too to spain or kenya coz it not fair only banks get to go pmsl ya off ye nut u like bezza ah ha but he still ma best m8 tho dj bezzlaar & mc ricky dicky smear for life

31/03/2024

Keith's Meal Reviews...

"Bowl Of Stew"

My neighbour Rupert has just brought this round for my wife and I (disturbing us late at night on an Easter Sunday no less). I thought he was presenting us with what he had unblocked from a drain or something but supposedly it is some kind of stew that him, his wife Michelle and their children spent the afternoon cooking. What a weird family.

I am not being ungrateful in the slightest and I will try a small spoonful. I just think Rupert needs to realize that me and Margaret may be elderly citizens with health issues but we are not dribbling vegetables incapable of cooking our own food yet. He is always bringing leftover food and nonsense he has grown on his allotment round. Yuck! I also do not care for people trying to dictate what we eat. Takeaway pizzas and burgers for my supper would have been satisfactory instead of this muck.

My wife said the, "stew" smells delicious but I am not so sure, plus the presentation of the bowl is a bit of a shambles, everything is just thrown in there. On closer inspection, it is also lukewarm so while they both stand on the doorstep nattering away for all eternity it will be me who will have to fork out countless millions on electricity to reheat it. At least I have my Scotch to wash it down with to get rid of the taste. What a crap weekend it has been!

31/03/2024

richard ere, ppl say am weird coz a like waterin cans but they very handy for stuff specially garden activitys & makin stuff wet mmmmm ah ha sounded naughty wot a said there didnt it ,am mentle me like. how u lot doin yas all havin nice lovely super fun wkd? ### also like pavenments too coz they good to walk on ###x

30/03/2024

richerds diary 30.03.24

look wot a found earlior wen a were walkin to the pub eh comfy chair. sum bloke or sum bird left by rubbish bin near bezzas uncles gaff. av taken it ,mine now like deffo. av been on & off the streets all me life & ya find sum proper goodies ere like av found old bikes, roadkill, loose change, sofa .food stuffs, loadsa waterin cans all sorts really ayeeee treasure innit. clive, teabags & gina who work in the pub were like ffs richard ya cant bring ya own chairs in ere & it stinks of p**s but ya know wot wud happen tho m8s if a lefts it outside sum nob wud rob it z cant av that. been too easter wkd so far wot yas all doin like ###x by r. smear

29/03/2024

richards diary 29.03.24

today me, me best m8 bezza & me heffalump sister went shoppin wiv me nan & we put sum heavy doggie food in the trolley for her so she bought us all sum sweeties yesssss get in, also gots me cans & bezza sorted us sum druggy wuggys ah ha mmmmm deffo gonna be a easter weekend 2 remember now like ah hoyyyyyy av great easter m8s & ty & tc ###x

28/03/2024

It's Keith here, Richard's long suffering grandfather. It pains me to admit being related to that bag of sh*t. He was arrested again last night for being loud and annoying on his way home from the pub. I hope they lock him up and chuck away the key and I also hope they give him a good seeing to with their police batons.

27/03/2024

richards diary 27.03,24

mmmmmm made me own tea tonite well done richerd. sent me nan a pic & even shes proud of me but me grandpa were like your a stupid worthless tossa richard but nvm am proud av done good & gonna enjoy me nite gettin off me nut lols even me big cuppa teas got whiskey & drugs in it waheeeey gonna be bouncin off me walls in a minute like ahhhh come on bezza lets get the tunes on it sesh timeeeee the donny boyz av the best seshs like oh oh ere come the bakey beany farts

26/03/2024

Keith here. Ignore every word that useless excrement stain Richard posts on here. His posts about picking up litter and doing the pathetic dOnNy CrEw LiTtEr ChAlLeNgE are pointless considering how much him and the wasters he hangs around with actually litter themselves. Just this morning I was screaming out the window at him and his friend Bezza for chucking empty lager cans at each other on the pavement outside my house. You should see the mess and chaos they cause round here. "Rebuilding the country" what a joke.

26/03/2024

richard ere aka ricky dicky smear. the donny crew r doin there bit to rebuild the country look. me, bezza, dodgy darren ,stains mackenzie & tightfist tony on our way to the pub & we each picked up 10 bits of litter to pop in this bin so thats 60 bits of litter gone today includin crisp packets, ciggie ends & a newspaper. we cant do it all tho m8s, am not bein a nob or owt but use lot gotta do ya bit too ok so am promotin the donny crew litter challenge. pick up 10 bits of litter & feel free to post ya pics or ya storys of wot u done & ty for the support m8s. we off to the pub now to get apsolutely smashed & play rate that stink ###xx

26/03/2024

important donny crew update ,,,by richard

today bezza, dodgy darren,stains mackenzie & tightfist tony come over me flat for impotant donny crew meeting. we sat& got p**sed asf & ate sum lovely tasty monster munch (me nan calls em monster scrunch ah ha ha hahahaha lmao aw bless ya nan ,wot is she like? she even said monster crunch once & we was all in tears laughin apart from me grandpa who were like will u lot s**u, but anyways shhh look listen right, we also all had long very serious talk over wot to do about the litter problems in donny coz it a bit messy in sum parts & it is in different places too coz ppl do litter so wot we gonna do is on way to the pub later we gonna try & pick up 10 bits of litter each & pop it all in dustbin. we urge u to do the same were u live too coz it little things like this that show the donny crew is gonna make the future better & clean up the world. also bezzas gonna stop flingin bags of dog s**t at ppls houses & shops, well done bezza lad u on your way to winnin the first donny crew special achevement star sticker, great dayyy