Words to Live By

01/06/2025

Breaking Point

The trauma bond that we called love
Has like a spell been broken
Free of all the little lies of false hopes that were spoken

I’m breathing deeper now that you’re gone my nervous system restored
Feelin aligned with myself again away from the terror you roared

The image in the mirror is clearer now through the lense of love and light
You were a beautiful distraction
Nowhere near worth the fight

So I’m choosing me and God’s true love and once again I start
Grateful for the growth that came and returned me to my heart

(c) 2025 all rights reserved
Penny M Polokoff

Photo credit: Freepik

01/01/2025

I’m sorry

I never meant to hurt you
Never meant to drive a wedge
Never meant to criticize you
Love’s the cutting edge

Everything that was good was great
Revealing where to grow
Conflict resolution’s student
Learning way too slow

Reactive is not love but
Everything that betrays
Wash and rinse the shadow out
Until it’s only love that stays

The transformation of intimacy
The opening of a soul
Connecting to another
As the future life unfolds

Fearful and unrehearsed
Is easy to sabotage
Underneath the love awaits
An arsenal of rage, a barrage

And when unskilled and waivering
Resisting loves sweet grace
Bad behavior exemplified
Leaving without a trace

Unrequited broken hearts
So perfect yet such a mess
If only to apologize and
My wrongs confess

We loved with all our heart and soul
We did our very best
And it just was not enough
To move theough lifetimes of stress

I feel you ripping from my life
My body hurts, mind is scattered
Missing everything that was good
And the pieces that now lie tattered

Yes. This is love when you’re healing
This is love no matter what
And in the wake of love now reeling
And feeling it in the gut

Love is not to apologize
Love is not to try
Love resolving to stay on course
Love is not goodbye

Photo credit: bluerose publisher

12/22/2024

Lies

I won’t diminish the fact that you contributed to my life
But it won’t change the truth
I’m someone else’s wife

I loved you with transparency
I gave you my whole heart
You used it all against me
When you chose to part

I’m certain this was hard for you
But the truth has been revealed
And now I definitely would not choose you
For the lies that you concealed

A criminal, a pervert
Your hidden ill intentions
All the crazy little things
That you forgot to mention

You saw the opportunity
To take what you could from me
All the benefits of having a wife
With no responsibility

I am angry and beside myself
Although this grief will pass
Until you do your own work
Nothing good can last

No more worrying about you
Or trying to play along
I had a moment of weakness
And now my resolve is strong

You pretend really well
I thought you were my friend
A supportinve and evolving trip
Right up to the end

It was always me
I projected so much good on you
I’m doing better now you’re gone
And only time will prove

That we shared in a perfection
That two have seldom shared
I walk away with self respect
Knowing that I cared

Photo credit: On Emotional Intimacy - Elizabeth Gilbert

12/22/2024

Faith

You made me believe in love again
Then reminded me why I stopped
Trusting what we were creating was real
Until the other shoe dropped

It all worked while I played perfect
You lost interest when s**t got real
I would have stayed forever
You just couldn’t deal

Immature and frightened
Are we still little kids
Going tit for tat again
Look at what you did

Okay, so you felt some pain
You’ve been avoiding it for a long time
But you chose to play victim
And pretend that all was fine

Didn’t want to face your anger
Tried to avoid a broken heart
We should’ve known we’d end up here
Resisted from the start

So the next time I have a chance to love
I’ll be sure a man has the guts
To go the distance with a woman like me
And not define me as “nuts”

Because my faith is bigger than
Than the darkness that tries to break
Every beautiful opportunity
That might be worth the stakes

I will always dive in head first
And risk it all for growing
You didn’t have what it takes
Your true colors showing

I’m still me and I don’t quit
I will continue on my own
And keep the love inside flowing
Inside my faith I’m home

By Penny Polokoff-Kreps
(C) 2024 all rights reserved

Photo credit: kenneth copeland ministries - Faith in Love

12/21/2024

Gone

Deleted all the photos
Erased your memory
I never imagined
This is where we’d be

You put on a great performance
You really had me wrapped
Around your little finger
Until you had me trapped

Gaslighted to perfection
Surrendered fear unto your rage
You love bombed me relentlessly
Built me a guilded cage

A cage it was nevertheless
I’ve finally broken free
You were right in the beginning
You meant way too much to me

I was being authentic
Honest, open, and real
I mistook your promise of love
As my permission to heal

And heal I did beyond my dreams
No longer feel aligned
So I let go of all we had
And move on with what is mine

No longer willing to contribute
Not mine to shape and hold
The love affair has ended
I didn’t need to be told

I do what is best for me
There’s nothing left to say
What we had’s completely gone
And I’m better off this way

Photo Credit: sandjest

12/21/2024

Projection

I have wounds of my own
And yours are hard to see
How can I know
If you don’t tell me

You say I should be capable
You say I should be able to tell
Sometimes being with you
Is nothing short of hell

You love me than you disappear
You are present then shut down
You don’t want to interact
But still want me around

You are a great communicator
Love bombs all the time
Until you have your feelings hurt
I only know because you try to hurt mine

How could I possibly know
That you’re in all this pain
You never say a single word
And then level me with blame

You say I’m disrespectful
You say that I’m unkind
You withhold your love from me
And then leave me behind

You have me so confused again
Your gifts and poetry
You pull me close, push me away
Why not just set me free

I gave my heart and honesty
I loved with my whole being
But nothing changed inside you
Incapable of seeing

The beauty in my reflection
That was yours for the taking
You resisted and you made me wrong
No interest in waking

You’re love is so conditional
I had no idea
That you live in a world
That is run by shame and fear

That’s not the world I live in
I wish I could have seen
The darkness that was plaguing you
And why you were so mean

Now I’m glad it’s over
I’m detoxing from it all
The manipulation game you played
That I made you feel small

I never wished you anything
But light and love and grace
And now I’m peeling out the hurt
That remains in your place

I will always love you
It’s all I ever meant
But I no longer settle
There’s nothing I resent

My heart is forever changed
My love was pure and sweet
And I will treat you with dignity
If ever we should meet

This time has meant the world to me
My experience Divine
I wished you could have felt it too
Separate stories yours and mine

The honesty and integrity
You hoped would set you free
Could not be destroyed
By the judgement you had on me

So I’m happy that it’s over
That my light is shining true
Letting go, whatever it takes
To detox myself from you

I projected all my love on you
And it colored you in a perfect way
I could not see the real you
Until you broke my heart that day

Image Credit: https://www.existentialistspodcast.com/show-notes/ep-6-ghosting-projection-withdrawal-amp-abandonment

12/18/2024

We lose

I can’t stand this feeling inside
I could have done better
Should have let my heart decide

I reacted and you reacted, too
That version of us is gone forever
Can we still break through

We should have taken a break
One to allow for healing
Neither of us had the courage
To share what we were feeling

Fast forward, it’s over and done
Two hearts broken, nobody won
Love and trust let go and destroyed
Adult lives run by inner girl and boy

A beautiful relationship thrown away
Everything might have changed
Had we waited one more day

Two impetuous fools fighting against eachother
Two heartbroken children seeking freedom from the smother

It’s scary stuff this intimacy
We want it and resist it too
I know I could’ve done better
And now I’m missing you

We said some ugly things and I can’t even remember what
But now I’m left in tatters with a pain deep in my gut

I love you more today
and even more tomorrow
That was our promise made
and now we’re left in sorrow

The healing that it takes
to create a loving space
is one so hard to recognize
caught up in life’s rat race

We stopped putting in the effort
and took ourselves for granted
Love was lost inside the pain
and hurt that we both ranted

Neither of us listening
saying the same things
And now to feel all over
the pain the break up brings

I still really love you
and I don’t want to go
You said you won’t do the work
that it takes to grow

Maybe you’d have changed your mind
if I’d backed off a bit
But it’s too late and now you’re gone and I just feel like s**t

Exhausted and confused
that we could not stand together
and weather the storms of emotion
in the promise of forever

There is no turning back now
on what was said and done
Two hearts now separated
and the war for love not won

Found on Google from findmycenter.org

12/17/2024

Tired of waiting
12.17.24

Now it’s over
What dreams may come
My heart is broken
I’m nauseous and numb

We planned forever
A day at time
Grooved together
Two poets in rhyme

Two p’s in a pod
Now separate, alone
I’m lost and confused
I wanna come home

I miss your smile
Already you’re fading
But I’m on the move
Got tired of waiting

Comforting the wounds
Of your broken little boy
Wouldn’t do the work
It killed all the joy

I wanted to be there
Just couldn’t hold on
The connection and fulfillment
Was all but gone

I tried to be there for you
A loving friend and guide
I wish I was more patient
But I guess it was more pride

Self righteous and indignant
Does not speak of love
Selfish control and defiance
Prioritized above

The longer term vision
Of what we would create
I got tired of waiting
On the things you’d contemplate

Actions speaking louder
“I don’t need another mother”
I could not condemn you
I own it, there’s no other

So now I’ll journey by myself
And take on the mirrored issues that were revealed
And maybe we can try again
Once these wounds have healed

I’ll give myself all my love
And all of my attention
And continue to authenticate
Bring this worlds conventions

You always knew that I was different
And you knew it in a soulful way
I just didn’t trust the process
And so I ran away

My heart is broken open
I love you even more
I’ll always believe in greatness
I’m always keeping score

So go on in your own way
And I’ll go on mine, as love will never fade
This experience with you is one I’d never trade

So thank you for all you gave
The best of love at heart
The growing now begins again
As two lovers now set apart

I wish you everything that’s good
I was wrong and that’s on me
But we’re traveling different roads
When we met I could not see

I’m on my path and you’re on yours
Separate not alone
And part of me will always
Consider your heart my home

Image by freepic

10/16/2024

Hello! It’s a new day!

I am feeling!!!
My heart is open wide.
There is truth of healing,
Expressed from deep inside.

Some call this the glory,
Of God and faith and love,
And it is unfolding like a priority,
set above.

To thine own self be true,
Health and wealth will be,
On the side of my commitment,
I now celebrate victory!!!

(c) 2024 All rights reserved.
Photo credit Penny M Polokoff-Kreps

10/02/2024

In honor of my mother, Patricia May Polokoff (nee Tamaroff)

10/02/2024

10/02/2024

Meet me for a moonlight kiss?

Meet me for a moonlight kiss?
Let me feel your breath upon my soul.
Let me nourish and fill you to your depths…
Let me savor the passionate flow.

Meet me for a moonlight kiss?
Allow me all the way in.
Allow me to ride the wave of your love.
Allow me to see where you’ve been.

Meet me for a moonlight kiss?
Show me the depth of your heart.
Show me the passion you have dreamed,
then show me where to start.

Meet me for a moonlight kiss?
Direct me to the core of your being.
Direct me to know the parts that need love.
Direct me toward what you are seeing.

Meet me for a moonlight kiss?
Share your heart so free.
Share your vision and what you hold sacred.
Just promise you’ll share it with me.

(c) 2024 all rights reserved property of the author Penny M. Polokoff-Kreps

Artwork by cosmofunnel.com

09/05/2024

If I believed…

If I believed for a single minute in growing old I might decide to grow old with you!

If I didn’t know that life was for the living, I might just die, not to have to wait for forever with you.

But, if I believe in anything at all, it’s that my heart decided to heed when you called.

Beyond any beliefs that I may have, just know that with you, my heart is glad.

Now that you know just how I feel…come to me beloved, kiss me now and seal the deal.

Love just cannot wait much longer. My hunger to express grows ever stronger.

I roll in a circular formation that entwines two lives in a single station.

A viewpoint once separate and alone, beside yours has found its home.

And in it, furnished —————> with love and joy…I believed I’d find my joy.

(c) 2024 all rights reserved Penny M. Polokoff-Kreps

08/28/2024

Truth!

08/28/2024

I didn’t know who to give credit to for this but could not help but share it.

08/26/2024

Just Enjoy the Ride

Pushing and pulling
Jockeying for position
A hard earned place
A soul’s contrition

Making wrong and
Proving right
The defenses of ego
A dark demonic plight

The separation of lovers and friends
In a battle of wit that never ends

A bottomless pit of hurt and despair
When no one surrenders and no one cares

But the open heart does not pick sides
By love and fulfillment it does abide

It trusts and it dances
It burns up in flames
Its passion and defiance is all that remains

Expansive and global
Impactful and pure
All that is needed
You can rest assured

The proof of life
The healing of hearts
Restoring the light comes
When the ego departs

Let’s drop the games
And get over ourselves
When we do, the deeper in love we will delve

Trust the open heart to guide
Then sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

(c) Copyright 2024 All Rights Reserved
Penny M. Polokoff-Kreps

Photo Credit: SpiritHeal Institute

08/19/2024

I am hugging you to me right now, feeling the pristineness of our fit, like the perfect pair of blue jeans, cascading over body parts with an air of respect; rockin the fit, and impossible to ignore. Everyone turns their head to look.

Comfort in every step, a stride filled with pep. The longing for ease now surrendered, and pleased. Indigo dreams with white linen seams, fabrics so unique, made better by blending.

You are the cloth from my thread, I am the quilt of woven pieces, stories of the past made evident in the artistry.

Feel the safe haven of warmth that is the love that is found within the folds.

© all rights reserved 2024
Owned by the author Penny M. Polokoff-Kreps - To be shared and copied to print with permission

Photo credit: www.listsforall.com

08/13/2024

True Love Is Integration

Is love enough?
Is it even real?
Can I trust my heart?
Is this what I feel?

My intuition says that it’s right.
My brain has a different plan in sight.
Can I stay the course and trust what I feel?
As I experience the layers as they peel?

Is this what I want?
Can I align?
Is this what is meant by a grand design?

Go toward the resistance!
Go where you’re scared to.
This is uncharted territory!
Nothing to compare to!

A pioneer of heart and soul.
Without you as reflection can I remain whole?

Should I break my own heart and see where it leads? Assume there is payoff as my dream bleeds…

Could it be you?
Will you tow your own load?
Will you be the one I love?
To the end of the road?

Can it be you?
Will you own the reflection?
See that it’s you!
Drop the protection!

Will you dive deep with me?
Under the covers…
Soul to soul…
Dreamers and lovers?

We’re not that different!
Our path’s not the same!
Once again, lover…
With a different name.

Will I attract the partner for my heart?
Will he be strong and play his own part?

Can I stop the game of caretaking a man?
And truly step up to the right order plan?

I commit every day from the depth of my heart,
And by afternoon, from my vision I part.

I want to destroy you!
You could not possibly know!
How I sit and I seethe!
Where’s the rope you tow?

I can’t do it for both of us!
Heed your own calling.
Or align with the path to greatness, the true love for which I’m falling.

I cannot turn back or play catch-up with you. I look within now for love that is true.

So, can I hold space for the man who is real? When I too, become it!
The deal will be sealed.

It’s a lifetime of promises and I just let go, the stories of the past and the love that I know.

Higher ground awaits me. Will I meet you there?
In the place of all lovers?
In the place beyond fear?

Will you follow me or walk beside? As our karma depleats and our dharmas collide.

In unison, two souls, merge and are one.
On the other side of integration where true love has begun.

(c) all rights reserved. Shareable content is the property of the author Penny M. Polokoff-Kreps

Photo Credit: themilitiaofmary.com