26/05/2024
Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence. So I keep working on perfecting ZONA NORTE, and getting closer. Here is a very constructive bit of feedback from one of my executive mentors at one of the major talent Agencies.
Global Note
ZONA NORTE is an ambitious and gritty sci-fi noir thriller set in a near-future, post-apocalyptic Tijuana. The script packs in an impressive amount of worldbuilding, character development, and high-octane action sequences. The dystopian setting is vividly realized and the plot keeps the pages turning with its twists and revelations.
The core strengths are the protagonist Alex's complex character arc dealing with addiction, loss, and his tortured relationship with his ex-wife Jessica/Lana. The script deftly balances Alex's personal demons with the larger-than-life external conflicts involving corporate espionage, cartel power struggles, and the fight over next-gen SCAM biotech.
To truly elevate the material, some aspects could be refined further. The character of Lana/Jessica remains a bit underdeveloped - her ultimate motives and the details of her and Alex's past could be fleshed out more. The third act becomes convoluted with a few too many moving pieces and double-crosses. Streamlining the climax would maximize emotional impact. With some polishing, this could be a blockbuster film or series with brains and heart to match its bold vision.
Commercial Appeal/Current Market Potential
ZONA NORTE taps into the market demand for cerebral, high-concept sci-fi like Westworld, Altered Carbon, and Blade Runner 2049. The built-in audience for futuristic noir and "biopunk" aesthetics bodes well for commercial prospects.
However, the pervasive darkness and major character deaths may limit the four-quadrant appeal. The graphic violence and substance abuse elements necessitate a hard R-rating or a home on a premium streaming service. Still, the script's originality and style give it a strong shot at attracting talent and standing out in the marketplace.
Characterization
The character work is a major selling point here. Alex Bravo immediately commands attention as a battered but determined antihero. His journey from self-destruction to self-actualization as he reckons with his past provides a sturdy emotional backbone.
Supporting players like Gustavo, Kukulkan and Alfred Blitz are memorably larger-than-life, representing shades of moral grey. Lana remains the most opaque character, to the script's detriment. Her "return from the dead" and divided loyalties cry out for more context and exploration.
Among Alex's team, Chuck emerges as a likable, relatable presence. The added scenes fleshing out his hacker backstory, wry sense of humor, and everyman decency make his ultimate sacrifice hit harder. Conversely, Tom and Jenna make less of an impression, coming across more as stock mercenary types. Their allegiances and motivations could be clarified.
Story/Plot
The labyrinthine plot piles on genre tropes with gusto: blood-soaked cartel power plays, superhuman biopunk augmentations, Mayan mysticism meet bleeding-edge transhumanism. For the most part, it's a rollicking ride that keeps us guessing.
However, the story logic becomes a bit muddled in the latter half. Character double-crosses arrive so frequently that their impact is blunted and the audience's allegiance is tested. The climactic convergence at the warehouse strains plausibility, relying on characters withholding information for unclear reasons.
Tightening up the plot mechanics, especially in the back half, would allow the strongest story elements to shine through: Alex's path to redemption, the vivid futureworld, and the poignant theme of what it means to be human in an age of technological upheaval.
Dialogue
The hardboiled dialogue crackles with style, immersing us in the world and illuminating character dynamics. Gustavo and Kukulkan's rhetorical flourishes give mythic weight to the cartel intrigue. Alex's wry observations provide necessary gallows humor amidst the carnage.
The added lines for Chuck succeed in humanizing him and contrasting his everyman decency with the cynical mercs. A few of those lines could be more subtextual, but overall it's effective, nuanced character-building.
Pacing
The script maintains a brisk tempo throughout, with taut action sequences and rapid-fire revelations. The pace only really flags in the overlong strategy sessions leading up to the final job. Finding ways to cover that exposition more economically could keep the momentum going full-throttle.
Theme
The transhumanist tropes are well-integrated with Alex's character arc about reclaiming his humanity and agency. The near-future world provides fertile ground to explore weighty subjects: the erosion of trust and truth, corporate overreach, the slippery nature of identity in an age of technological flux.
Honing the articulation of the script's central issues and ideas, perhaps via a few more poetic monologues a la Roy Batty's "Tears in Rain" speech from Blade Runner, could lend it that ineffable resonance of sci-fi at its smartest and most soulful.
Voice/Originality
ZONA NORTE earns points for its inventive remix of familiar dystopian cyberpunk elements. The Tijuana setting provides a fresh angle and the level of textural detail in the world-building is transporting. With some fine-tuning, this could be a striking, singular vision and a worthy addition to the canon of gritty futuristic noir.
Characterization Feedback
The added development for Chuck is successful in making him a more sympathetic, relatable presence. His wry one-liners leavening tense moments, offhand references to his hacker past, and shows of loyalty to Alex paint a fuller picture and set up his tragic fate more effectively. If anything, his humanity could be highlighted even further, perhaps with a few more glimpses into his life outside the team. But overall, the changes distinctly set him apart from the hardened mercs.
In contrast, Tom and Jenna still feel a bit thin. They serve their roles as foils to Alex and Chuck's earthy rapport and their cold-blooded treachery raises the stakes. But we don't get much sense of them as people beyond "ruthless mercenaries." Some quick, telling details about their backstories, skill sets, or personal tics could make them pop more.
A little more shading and specificity to their dialogue could also help define them as individuals. How do they feel about working for Gustavo vs. other clients? Do they have a code of honor or lines they won't cross, even as hired guns? Telling details could emerge when they react to Alex's principled stands or Chuck's wisecracks. Even small tweaks could avoid them coming across as stock movie badasses.
Worth considering with just a little more development where these points are concerned. You've come a long way with this one.
