25/11/2025
Reality: in 2025, it was not very realistic. In a year when AI images of ALF dunking a basketball through Saturn’s rings overtook podcasts rating hot sauce as the most valuable economic sector, perhaps it was inevitable that the weather would follow the bots, the stock market, and the rest of us into post-reality fever dreams.
And, indeed, this was a downright strange hurricane season, perhaps one of the most unusual on record. Yet somehow, amidst the cavalcade of exploding Starships and diseased monkey escapes, the most impactful storm of 2025 on the Gulf and Southeast Coasts was not a hurricane, but a blizzard. In fact, this hurricane season had less U.S. landfall activity than 98% of the last 125 years. That’s weather I wouldn’t modify, even if illegal weather modification in Florida wasn’t now punishable by a $100,000 fine.
It was far from a quiet season, however, as 2025 saw three Category 5 hurricanes and more Accumulated Cyclone Energy (ACE) than two out of three years since 1950. If there is no additional activity to come, that will be— I am not making this up— a 67th percentile performance. (I will pause so readers under 15 can scream 6-7 for several minutes.) Thankfully, like detailed plans for bombing Houthi rebels, 10 of this year’s 13 named storms were sent directly to the Atlantic. While the continental U.S. remained at 100% OPSEC, reality bit in the Caribbean, where merciless Melissa ravaged Jamaica and vicinity.
Pour yourself a tall glass of nutritious, delicious beef tallow and click below to read the rest of my look back at the dizzying highs and soporific lulls of the bizarre 2025 hurricane season, a year that defied logic, convention, and, often, convection.
We've got 67 problems, but the 2025 hurricane season wasn't one (on the Gulf Coast, anyway).