24/09/2026
Sometimes our reactions feel much bigger than the moment in front of us, and there may be a reason for that. đź’™
When something in the present reminds our nervous system of an earlier experience of fear, rejection, shame, abandonment, or helplessness, our response can be influenced by much more than what is happening right now. An ordinary disagreement can suddenly feel threatening, a child’s defiance can feel deeply personal, or a relatively small mistake can bring up an intensity that surprises even us.
And I think this is especially important to understand as parents because our children will inevitably touch places in us that still hurt.
Their tantrum may trigger memories of never being allowed to express anger. Their crying may bring up discomfort because our own emotions weren’t welcomed. Their independence may feel like rejection, and their mistakes may activate fears that were placed on us when we were young.
Understanding where a reaction comes from doesn’t excuse hurtful behavior, but it can give us the awareness we need to respond differently. Instead of only asking, “Why is my child behaving this way?” sometimes we also need to ask, “Why is this affecting me so deeply?”
That moment of curiosity can create space between what we experienced in the past and how we choose to parent in the present. We can notice the trigger, regulate ourselves, take responsibility when we get it wrong, and choose not to hand our children wounds that were never theirs to carry.
Healing doesn’t mean never being triggered again, it means becoming more aware of what belongs to the present, what belongs to the past, and what we want to do differently moving forward. 💙
