Dimples & Adoption

23/01/2024

Hey all! Thanks to covid we are rescheduling our event for February 17th. We connected with guests already signed up but there are seats available if you’d like to grab a ticket.

Each ticket will include dinner and a drink. I can promise the drinks are excellent and my favorite bartender will be working. (Not biased at all) 😏

This event is open to EVERYONE. Adoption can impact many folks regardless if you are an adopted parent, adoptee, or birth parent.

Rachael and I will share many of our lived experiences and what we’ve learned over the years. We are going to cover reunification, relationships with biological and adoptive siblings, labeling biological family members, what to do when you’ve lost a sense of control, and so many important topics surrounding adoption.

Here is the sign-up link: https://dimplesandadoptionevent.rsvpify.com

06/12/2023

We are back at it! 👋🏼

02/11/2023

Registration is open! Limited seats available. Each ticket includes dinner & a free drink. Full bar service throughout the night. If you have any questions please send me a dm!

https://dimplesandadoptionevent.rsvpify.com

25/09/2023

We were so inspired this weekend that we wanted to continue creating opportunities for this community to get together. On January 27th, 2024 we are hosting our very first event. The intention for this event is to create a space for all members of the triad to learn and connect through shared experiences. We will have appetizers and dinner available in addition to a full service coffee & cocktail bar. Tickets will be limited due to available space. More details to come. 🤗

24/09/2023

We had an incredible evening at our first adoption event. 🥰

19/04/2023

We are back!!!

We are excited to start this podcast back up and share new episodes with all of you.

If you are new here, Rachael and I started a podcast in 2019, sharing our adoption story. Unfortunately, after 20 episodes in, we decided to take a break which ended up lasting two years. 😲 oops.

In this episode, we cover why we stopped recording, what we have been up to, and how adopting impacts our lives today.

*Our original podcast host went out of business, so we will be working on re-uploading all of our previous episodes.

Listen here!
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2xQriCs4CNcqYIuQAruH15?si=bb0d89129ad74996

Listen to this episode from Dimples & Adoption on Spotify. Dimples & Adoption is officially back. Check out this episode to hear us explain why we took off 2 YEARS of recording and how adoption shows up in our life today.

14/02/2021

Part I of II
Let’s talk doctor visits. I just had my first mammogram and as I was standing there answering the routine medical questions, I was asked “Have you had any pregnancies?” “Yes, four.”  “How old were you when you had your first child?” And there it was, the question that immediately brought me back to the day I delivered my first child and placed her for adoption. As I stared at her and replied “19” I couldn’t help but wonder if she knew. If somehow this stranger knew my past and the years of trauma it brought with it. I knew this was foolish thinking, but I was unable to control my thoughts.  

As I drove home from my appointment, I couldn’t help remembering the years of doctor visits I had after placing my daughter for adoption. I can’t speak for Hannah, as an adoptee, or for her adoptive parents but as a birth mother I was not prepared AT ALL for post placement doctor visits. Every physical, annual exam, emergency visit, and future pre and postnatal assessments - the digging into my past was unavoidable.  In that moment as I was driving along, I thought, why was there so much societal pressure to suppress something society was never going to let me forget?  

Choosing adoption does not have to be a shameful decision. In fact, as you grow you will find the more you suppress it the more you fuel your trauma. If you feel the need to silence your voice in order to protect yourself, then do so. However, do not hide behind the pressures of society. Allow yourself to practice the openness in adoption. It will free you!

My thoughts didn’t stop there...it was a long drive. Stick around for Part II

06/02/2021

We are back with season 2 of Dimples & Adoption!!

Check out our latest episode below 👇👇

Welcome back to season 2 of Dimples and Adoption. In this episode, we discuss different things we have learned since starting this podcast. 

15/01/2021

25 years ago I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl I ever laid eyes on. The love I felt that day was unexplainable. I am beyond grateful that I get to have Hannah in my life now, as she brings me and my family such joy. Her personality is infectious and her laugh is contagious. Thank you for your courage, openness and fight for bringing us all together in your adoption journey. 25 years ago was the best and worst day of my life. 25 years later my life couldn’t be more complete. Happy birthday !!

09/12/2020

As I look at this photo, I cannot help thinking to myself, “Will she always turn back”? As my relationship grows and flourishes with Hannah, I am finding with feelings of happiness also comes bouts of insecurities. I have now come to terms with the fact that fear of rejection goes hand and hand with adoption. It is not exclusive to it, but a staple. I cannot think of one entity from the adoption community that will not experience this fear. We talk “triad” often, but this goes beyond even them/us. Think about it… agencies, extended families, friends, and even acquaintances on social media have thoughts of being rejected on some level. So, the question is, how do we manage something that is inevitable in our relationships and with our loved ones.

I am not going to lie, I struggle with the fact that as a birth mom I am the origin of Hannah’s first ultimate rejection. I heard the phrase “ultimate rejection” from other adoptees, and I wanted to fight it so bad. I found myself defending my decision and being in complete denial about what I had done. I now know that it is not about shaming myself but rather accepting it as the way it is. My therapist once told me to stop making my anxiety disappear and learn to live with it. This was a game-changer for me. Once I accepted the anxiety, I stopped fighting it, and instead, focused more on learning strategies to cope with it.

I know it is important to not let my insecurities define my relationship with Hannah. We all have worked so hard to be where we are at that I don’t want to disrupt it. So, when my self-doubts rise to the surface and fear of rejection rears its ugly face, here are a few things that help me cope. I use my support system to talk through my thoughts and feelings. It may come as a surprise but one of those individuals is Hannah! Yes, I will just tell Hannah how I am feeling or what I am thinking. Other times I lean on close family and friends. I am also a huge advocate for therapy. A therapist can provide unbiased feedback you accept differently than individuals close to you. I have learned so much about myself through this self-reflection and communication with others.

I have insecurities. They are part of my life. So are happiness, love, and hope. I look forward to my relationship with Hannah growing stronger as I learn to live not in fear but rather in the moments she keeps turning back.

20/07/2020

When your child expresses big feelings, do you try to fix them or validate them? My initial response is to fix them. Turn the feelings into positive thoughts so my child doesn’t hurt or feel sadness. However, I’m not actually hearing my child when I try to fix it. For example, if my child comes to me and says “I hate myself, nobody loves me”. My typical response would be “oh honey, that’s not true” “So many people love you” I would proceed to list all the people that love him/her. Problem solved, right? No, because I didn’t validate her or his feelings at all. My child just left the conversation not being heard.

For adoptive parents, when your child says “why don’t I look like you” do you try to fix it or validate it? We tend to go down this road of reassuring children that we love them to help them feel better. Guest what...children already feel loved. They come to us with big feelings because we have created a safe and loving environment to do so. Instead of convincing them you love them even though they look different, validate it. Be honest and maybe say something like “honey you don’t look like us because you look like your biological family”. “Do you want to talk about that”? “How does it feel to not look like your other family members”? “What can we do to help address your feelings of not looking like me”?

Yes, families don’t have to match to provide unconditional love but children do need to talk about their origins.