In June of 2017 one of my Soldier’s opened up to me about his recent 3 failed su***de attempts in 6 months. This Soldier did not believe that his suffering mattered or that he mattered. I immediately knew that this was him pleading for help; to show him that what he was feeling was inaccurate. I was determined to show him that this was not true. Together we fought for his will to live, utilizing all the known resources, including my personal experience in learning how to value myself while feeling hopeless and overwhelmed by my burdens. But, my efforts alone were not enough. He needed a team to provide and evidence that he did matter.
So, that’s what I did. I formed a team of 8 Soldiers who wanted nothing more than the opportunity to help him fight for his will to live. Everyday for almost 3 months, at least one person from the team would talk with him and report any changes to the team.
Many tears were shed over late night phone calls between him and I. But, I refused to quit and our team refused to quit fighting for him.
This team deserves much of the credit in the fact that, today this Soldier is not just surviving, he is thriving.
I am beyond grateful for this opportunity to serve one of my Brothers In Arms for many reasons. But, what I am most grateful for is how this service opportunity was truly life changing. It was the catalyst for self understanding and rapid personal growth.
I remember the exact moment I realized the journey had started. It was a hot summer evening, even with my vehicle's air conditioning on full blast. I had just completed the final day of my two week Annual Training with the Utah Army National Guard. It was during this training that I first learned of this Soldier’s needs. I remember the strong emotional pain I felt as I imagined a future without him in it.
I cried.
I cried a lot.
In an effort to distract myself emotionally, I began listening to an audio book I had been meaning to finish called “Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter” by Liz Wiseman. In her book she says that there are two types of leaders: Multipliers and Diminishers. To summarize the book in one sentence: “Multipliers” are leaders rather than a boss, that get twice the capability from people than “Diminishers”.
It was on that drive home I committed to being a better leader; to be a “Multiplier”. I was going to be the leader my Soldier needed throughout his suffering, no matter how long that would be. To be the leader that he needed, I needed to love him for who he was.
On my Birthday, Christmas Eve of 2018, my Soldier gave me a gift. I was puzzled once I had opened his gift. It was the flag of England. He then proceeded to remind me of its significance.
In the summer of 2016, our Annual Training was in Germany. On a chilly Saturday afternoon a friendly soccer match was being played on TV between Germany and England. We found our way into an American Bar that was open broadcasting the match. Inside this bar, were two drunk British soccer fans who seemed destined to end up in a fight by the end of the match. One of them was wearing the flag of England across his shoulders as if he were Superman. They found the fight they were looking for and as the chaos erupted, both of us sober, I somehow convinced him to take Superman’s cape and we left the bar.
Later that night I would find him passed out in a bathroom stall, wedged between the toilet and wall choking on his own vomit. I had arrived just before it was too late.
As he reminded me of this day in Germany, I thought his gift was a sweet sentiment to a memory we both laughed upon But, I wasn’t ready for what he said next.
He said “This flag is from the night the first time you saved my life.” “Twice you have saved my life and I would not be here if it weren’t for you”.
I cried.
But this time I cried tears of joy. I never thought I would have such an influence on another's life.
This experience has ignited a fire inside of me as I have arrived at the point that I am done watching anyone else believe that their suffering didn’t matter and they did not matter. I am done watching people quit and give up on their dreams, goals, improving themselves, their circumstances and eventually their life. Nobody should suffer like my Soldier and feel alone. I am compelled to do more to fight for others' will to live.
I believe the best way I can be of aid to those experiencing, hardship and suffering, and unable to find hope is by creating a podcast, focused on finding our own ability to overcome hardship through consistency, fortitude, and grit.
On Christmas Eve last year my team and I launched the Mettle Mentality Podcast Every Monday a new episode is published with a unique guest spotlighting their experience on how they have overcome their own suffering.
Mettle Mentality is not just a podcast. It is a growing resource of content and tools for Veterans, First Res-ponders and anyone else experiencing hardship, to forge their mettle, and discover their pre-existing ability to graduate from suffering.
The mission of Mettle Mentality is to make an impact for good, inspire individuals to aspire to their goals; while alleviating the suffering of others through sharing the wisdom and knowledge of mettle-minded individuals; focusing on the foundation of Consistency, Fortitude and Grit; by helping individuals be better than they were yesterday.
Our mission will be accomplished through our actions, that each life we individually encounter, may come to know and understand that THEY MATTER.
We each already have the ability within ourselves to overcome hardship, pain, addiction, insecurities and can grow because of our suffering. Most of us just don’t know this yet. Sometimes we need someone to guide through our suffering and teach us how this is done. Mettle Mentality aims to be the vehicle to deliver those needed guides.
