That's So Deep

09/07/2022

Hi Friends!
We are taking a little break to rest, rejuvenate, read and spend time with family. We will be back in a few weeks with some fresh episodes. In the meantime, we hope you find some time to rest as well. We love you and we will see you in a few weeks 💜💙💜

Love,
Phyllis and Julie

28/06/2022

Yes 🙋🏻‍♀️ that's us! Anyone else feel this? Thanks, Wild Goose Counseling ❤️

25/06/2022

Hello So Deep Peeps!
Today on Episode 30 we are talking about Making Decisions: Are You A Satisficer or a Maximizer?

Some deep things we cover:
1. What kind of decision makers are Phyllis and Julie?
2. How does people pleasing factor into decision making?
3. Decision Fatigue: This occurs when there are too many options and your brain can’t quite process it all.
4. Hard Choices vs. Big Choices: Not all big decisions are hard and not all small decisions are easy. Sometimes the converse is true.
5. “On Par” Decisions: Sometimes decisions are hard to make because what you’re choosing between have equal pros and cons. In other words, the choices are on par.
6. When Pros and Cons Fail to Help You Make a Decision…Try Ruth Chang’s “A.U.T.H.O.R.” Hack:
A - Ascertain what matters in the choice
U - Understand the pros and cons of the alternatives
T - Tally up the pros and cons (these 3 steps lead you to agony when making a hard choice. Now you need more steps.)
H - Home. Settle into the fact that this is a hard choice.
O - Open yourself up to the possibility of making a commitment to this choice.
R - Remake or Realize yourself as someone who has committed. Make yourself into someone who has the most reason to make this choice.
7. The worry of “Am I Making a Mistake?” can prevent us from making a decision: Getting in the “right” or “wrong” mindset can keep us stuck.
8. Who Can You Commit to Being? Might be a better question when making big life choices.
9. Are You a Maximizer or a Satisficer? Do you evaluate and stress over every single detail of a decision or are you usually okay with a “good enough” decision?

Take-aways:
1. Roasted Brussel Sprouts or Carrot Sticks: Sometimes decisions don’t need to be that hard. You don’t have to roast brussel sprouts when a bag of carrot sticks will suffice. If you’re a maximizer like Phyllis, practice satisficing. Good enough is good enough!
2. A.U.T.H.O.R. - When the pros and cons fail you, take some extra steps to own your decisions. Ask yourself who you can commit to being and then be the person who has the most reason to make that decision. Be the author of your life choices!

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis & Julie

Listen Here or wherever you get your podcasts:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1855169/10850501

17/06/2022

Hey there So Deep Peeps! We are enjoying the start of summer and hope you are too! We’re back next week for Episode #30! In the meantime…got any vacation plans coming up? Share them with us! We want inspiration.

11/06/2022

Hello So Deep Peeps!
Today on Episode 29 we are talking about Vulnerability - Part 2: What Armor Do We Put On? (based on work by Brene Brown).

Last week was my kids last week of school and I was having a blast with them so I didn’t get around to posting on socials about Ep. 28 on Vulnerability - Part 1: What it is and What it isn’t.

Soooooo, if you missed that one, you can listen to it here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1855169/10735345

For this week’s episode, here are some deep things we cover:

Some deep things we cover:
1. Fitting In vs. Belonging: When you fit in, you change yourself to enter the community. When you belong, you show up as you are and are embraced by the community.
2. Vulnerability in Parenting vs. Authoritarian Parenting: Phyllis is experimenting with parenting by being a human next to her kids by being vulnerable with boundaries.
3. Phyllis wonders if the armor that she used as a child still serves her as an adult.
4. Masculine and Feminine Norms: According to Brene Brown, a shame trigger for masculine norms is weakness and for feminine norms it is imperfection.
5. How does perfection show up for Julie and Phyllis?
6. Phyllis discusses how insecurity causes her to armor up.
7. Julie discusses why she armors up when it comes to her partnership.
8. Self Talk: Do you engage in guilt talk or shame talk? Which one is better?
9. A Mantra to Combat Imperfection: Brene Brown uses this one and Phyllis has adopted it too: “I don’t want to be right. I wanna get it right.”
10. How do we create inclusive spaces so people can be a part of the conversation?

Take-aways:
1. What Armor Can We Do Away With That No Longer Serves Us?
2. Where Does Perfection Show Up in Our Lives?

We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis & Julie

Listen Here or wherever you get your podcasts:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1855169/10773961

28/05/2022

Hello So Deep Peeps,
It’s been a heavy week. We were not sure if we should release this episode because we recorded it before the tragic murders of the teachers and students at Robb Elementary School.

We decided to release it anyway to shine a light in the darkness and to talk about one of the most powerful forces of connection that we have at our disposal. The power of music.

We hope it speaks to you.

Episode 27 is titled The Power of Music to Create Human Connection.

Some deep things we cover:
1. Phyllis and Julie share how music was such a joyful part of their upbringing.
2. Phyllis and Julie love to dance

21/05/2022

Hello So Deep Peeps!
Today on Episode 26 we are talking about Love Languages: How to Love Our People by Speaking Their Language (based on the Book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman).

Some deep things we cover:
1. What are the 5 Love Languages? In no particular order: 1) Acts of Service 2) Words of Affirmation 3) Gifts 4) Quality Time 5) Touch
2. Phyllis and Julie Take the Love Languages Quiz: Find out the results!
3. Are We Monolingual or Multilingual? Can we speak more than one love language?
4. Ruling Out Love Languages: Identify which ones you can live without and the last one standing is probably your primary love language.
5. We Give Love the Way We Receive Love: How can we translate love languages so we can feel loved and how can we love others the way they would like to be loved?
6. Showing Love Sometimes Means Cleaning Up Cat Vomit: If your loved one’s love language is acts of service, sometimes you need to suck it up and do the gross things that they can’t quite tolerate.
7. A Cultural Aspect: Phyllis didn’t hear the words “I love you” growing up because it was not a part of her culture.
8. The “Frommers”: Learn what this term means in Phyllis’ family and hear more about her kids’ love languages.
9. Have You Filled a Bucket Today?: A children's book about what it means to love and be kind.

Take-aways:
1. Write down a few memories of a time you felt really loved by a loved one. What category of love language does it fall into? Chances are, this is one of your primary love languages.
2. Take the Love Languages quiz and then have a conversation about it with a loved one. Have you been speaking different languages this whole time? What would it look like to learn each other's love languages?

We hope you enjoy this episode! And let us know your thoughts in the comments!

We love you and we can't wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis and Julie

Listen Here or wherever you get your podcasts:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1855169/10654040

14/05/2022

Hello So Deep Peeps!
Today on Episode 25 we are talking about Loneliness. What is it? How does it feel? And what can we do about it?

Some deep things we cover:
1. What is Loneliness? Mental health professionals define it as the gap between the level of connectedness that you want and what you have. It turns out that loneliness is incredibly subjective.

2. Loneliness is a Distress Signal: Just like hunger tells us we need food and thirst tells us we need water, loneliness tells us we need connection.

3. We Often Don’t Recognize That We Are Lonely: Loneliness is tricky to identify because we have these “weapons of mass distraction” called phones that help us numb out our need for connection.

4. Work Centered Lives vs. People Centered Lives: Our world does not put people first. It puts work first and we are lonelier and sicker than ever. What would our world look like if we truly put people first?

5. Tend and Befriend Instinct: It turns out that in times of distress, people often help one another. Helping others is a great way to cure a lonely heart.

Take-aways:
1. Loneliness is Often Masked by Overwhelm, Boredom or Feeling Unsettled: If you’re scrolling through your phone aimlessly, chances are, you might be lonely. What can you do to feel more connected?

2. Lend a Hand When You’re Lonely: Find ways to volunteer or help out a friend when you’re feeling lonely. It turns out that helping someone else feel like they matter helps you feel like you matter.

3. Find Common Ground: If you struggle to find ways to connect with your loved ones, lean hard into the things that you do connect on. By leaning into the areas where you do connect, you are building the groundwork for deeper relationship.

We hope you enjoy this episode! And let us know your thoughts in the comments!

We love you and we can't wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis and Julie
Listen Here or wherever you get your podcasts:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1855169/10615470

07/05/2022

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Today on Episode 24 we are talking about Forgiveness: Why Forgive and Forget is NOT the Goal.

Some deep things we cover:
1. Apologies and Forgiveness are not a Gift Exchange: They are separate processes that happen for people on their own time. They take work, time and patience.
2. Forgiveness is the deliberate decision to release feelings of anger, resentment or vengeance. Forgiveness is work that you do for yourself. It is a pathway to inner peace.
3. Forgive and Forget is not Possible: This saying seems to again highlight our society’s inability to process and integrate unpleasant emotions into our lives. We need a new catchphrase! What should it be? Forgive and Integrate? Forgive and Flourish? Help!
4. Can Forgiveness Be Just as Compelling as Revenge on TV?: We see it in soap operas, in reality TV shows, in movies…why is revenge so compelling? Forgiveness can be sexy too! Forgiveness = The New Revenge?
5. Decision Based Forgiveness & Emotional Forgiveness: What is the difference?
6. What are We Really Asking for When We Ask for Forgiveness?
7. Apologizing and Forgiveness are Key Components of Healthy Relationship With Your Loved Ones: In a healthy relationship, we sometimes need to hold in tension our desire to reconnect and also give space for the other person’s process to forgive.

Take-aways:
1. Forgiveness is not a destination. It is a journey.
2. Forgiveness is an internal pathway to peace.
3. Sometimes when you ask for forgiveness, you may not get it.

We hope you enjoy this episode! And let us know your thoughts in the comments!

We love you and we can't wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis and Julie

Listen Here or wherever you get your podcasts:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1855169/10573921

30/04/2022

Hello So Deep Peeps!
We made it through another week! Good job us!!

So today on Episode 23, we are talking about Fake Apologies vs. True Apologies: What’s the Difference? (based on Dr. Harriet Lerner's Work from her book "Why Won't You Apologize: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts.")

Some deep things we cover:
1. Fake Apologies: Conditional apologies, blanket apologies, silencing apologies…we’ve heard them all and done them all.

2. True Apologies:
Keep the focus on your actions and not on the other person's response.
Don't overdo.
Don't get caught up in who's more to blame or who is right or wrong.
Do not serve to silence someone.

3. Apologies are the beginnings of conversations…not the end.

4. Apologizing to your children builds connection: Let's normalize this practice!

Take-aways:
1. Separate an Apology from Raising an Issue: If you’re going to raise an issue, then raise an issue. That’s okay. If you are going to apologize, then apologize and mean it. Separate the two. They are two different conversations.

2. Apologize When You Feel Remorse and Make it Specific: This is where “fake it ‘till you make it” is not a great plan. If you don’t feel remorse then you have some work to do before you apologize.

3. Apologies are a Gift to the Other Person and to Yourself: When you give a gift, you need to do some work to prepare it. Don’t just throw it in a used grocery bag and toss it to the other person. Take the time to do the emotional work necessary to really prepare the gift for yourself and for the other party. Your relationship will be better for it.

We hope you enjoy this episode!

We love you and we can't wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis and Julie

Listen Here or wherever you get your podcasts: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1855169/10531245

23/04/2022

Hello Friends!

We are releasing Episode 22 today on Toxic Positivity (based on the work by Susan David in Emotional Agility).

Some deep things we cover:

1. The “Everything Happens for a Reason” Mantra: In an effort to make people feel better with phrases like this one, we actually make people feel worse by trivializing their pain.

2. Myths and Truths about Unpleasant Emotions:

Myth: Unpleasant Emotions are Something to “Get Over” You are supposed to feel happy all the time. Unpleasant emotions are an obstacle to your true state which should be perpetually joyful. If you’re not happy then you’re doing it wrong.

Truth: Unpleasant Emotions Contain Beacons of Meaning - We are hardwired to feel unpleasant emotions. It is 100% human. They are essential emotions that point us towards meaning and what we value most.

3. “Emotions are Information. They are NOT Directives.” - Susan David: Emotions don’t own you. You own them. Think about how they can be useful to you to help you grow.

4. Ditch Bottling and Brooding. Embrace CURIOSITY. Getting curious is a healthy way to interact with your feelings. There is rich learning to be had when you ask why.

We hope you enjoy this episode! It was a good one!

We love you and we can't wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis and Julie

Listen Here or wherever you get your podcasts: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1855169/10486888

22/04/2022

So this is happening next week...I'm speaking at Good Morning SLO with the San Luis Obispo Chamber of Commerce to tell them about That's So Deep! I would love to hear how the podcast has impacted you and if you would be open to me sharing your story, let me know! You can private message us or leave a note in the comments. You can also email us at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 805-288-0884.

This is so exciting! Thank you for being on this journey with us! ❤️❤️❤️

16/04/2022

Hi Friends,
Today we are tackling the light and fluffy topic of REGRET. In this and culture, we unpack why it is really important to actually look at our regrets and not just try to sweep them under the rug. We discuss how regret can be a brilliant teacher and point us towards the things that we value most in life.

Some deep things we cover:

Reclaiming Regret: We are joining author Daniel Pink in reclaiming regret as a useful emotion for our humanity.

The Beautiful and Ephemeral Quality of Life: Regrets can be painful because there are moments that we cannot get back once they are gone.

Phyllis & Julie Get Deep About Their Regrets: We talk about some of our regrets and how these regrets speak to what we value now.

Abandoning Our Sisterhood for Bad Romance: We explore the messages that have reinforced the lie that our value lies in the eyes of men instead of in our own hands.

We Discuss the 4 Types of Regret from Daniel Pink’s Book The Power of Regret:
a) Foundation regret b) Boldness regret c) Moral regret d) Connection regret

When We Crack Open Our Regrets We Uncover Meaning: Could it be that in exploring our regrets, we find what we value most in life?

We hope you join us in this light and fluffy conversation. And we hope that in hearing us talk about our regrets, we make it a little less scary to talk about your own.

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis and Julie

08/04/2022

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Today we are celebrating our 20th episode with 20 Questions with Phyllis and Julie!

Today we find out:

What subjects Phyllis and Julie were bad at in school.

What Phyllis and Julie find hard that most people find easy.

What Julie’s pets would sound like if they could talk.

What Phyllis and Julie think are essential for a long term relationship.

Whether or not Phyllis and Julie think aliens exist.

Don't you want to know...🤣

Hope you have fun listening to this episode because we sure had fun making it for you!

We love you and we can't wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis and Julie 💜

Listen here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1855169/episodes/10405139
Or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts or anywhere you get your podcasts.

02/04/2022

Hi Friends!!

We just published Episode 19!! Woo Hoo!

It's titled - Feedback: It's Everywhere...so why do we get it wrong?

As humans, we give and receive feedback all the time. Most of us barely even know it is happening because it's just life.

Feedback is everywhere! It's how we get information about ourselves from others. And it's how we get information about ourselves from...ourselves!

Feedback can range from: "Man, I'm sore from that workout" to "I don't like that hat" to "I'd like you to take more initiative" to "I need more space in our relationship" to "We need to discuss your work ethic" to "Are you wearing new deodorant?"

There are so many types of informal and formal feedback that we are processing from moment to moment that we thought it would be a good idea to break it down. (insert record skip here 😆)

Some questions to consider:
Do you think you're good at giving feedback? Why or why not?
Do you think you're good at receiving feedback? Why or why not?

Feel free to comment below as you listen. We would love your feedback :) See what I did there?

26/03/2022

Happy Friday, Everyone!

We just released Episode 18 Pt 2: Unsolicited Advice. In this episode we ask the question: "What Motivates Us to Give Advice?" We are excited to continue this conversation with you and talk about some of our helpful and unhelpful motivations for giving advice.

Thank you to those who have been engaging with us through voicemails, texts and on our That's So Deep Community Group! It is so meaningful to hear your thoughts and feelings. Keep it coming!!

We hope you have a great weekend and we can't wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis and Julie
[email protected]
805-288-0884

18/03/2022

Happy Friday Everyone!
We just released Episode 17 today! Woohooo!! Today's episode is about Unsolicited Advice: the thing we love to give and hate to receive. Ain't that the truth!
This is the first in a series of podcasts about this idea of Feedback. Feedback is such a broad term and it really ranges from someone complimenting your shirt to your kid spitting out the food you've just made to a sigh, a look, a smile, a frown or a formal evaluation. We are in fact swimming in feedback all day everyday and it is so close to us that we don't even know when we are giving it and when we are receiving it. So in these next few episodes we want to make the invisible visible, offer some categories and talk about how to navigate our lives in this feedback saturated world. We hope you will join us!!
We have in fact received some lovely feedback from you all through texts and phone calls. So thank you so much for that! Another way you can help spread the word about our podcast is by sharing your feedback in the form of a review. We would love the help in spreading the word.
And if you would like to share your feedback with us personally, you can join our That's So Deep Podcast Community or you can email us, text us or leave us a voicemail. I'll leave our number and email here so you can let us know how our conversations are impacting you.
[email protected]
805-288-0884
We are so thankful for your support and encouragement and hope you have gotten some value from our conversations.
We love you and we can't wait for our next deep conversation!
Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis and Julie

04/03/2022

Hi Friends!

We just released Episode 15: Finding Your Inner Mentor (Based on the work from Playing Big by Tara Mohr)

It was a fun episode to record and we hope you enjoy it as well!

If you haven't listened to Episode 14: What Your Inner Critic Sounds Like and How to Get it to Shut Up, you may want to listen to that one first so you can get a bit more context.

Either way, we hope you enjoy it and come away feeling a little more known, a little more connected and a little less lonely.

Love,
Phyllis and Julie

03/03/2022

Advice giving:
Why do we do it?
What impact does your advice giving instinct have on your friendships?

01/03/2022

In what instances is it the most challenging for you to hold space for your friends? Comment below if you have a story to share! 💜

28/02/2022

Episode 1: Friendship -

Some deep things we cover:
1. Holding space for friends: What does that mean? How do we do it?
2. Advice giving: When is it appropriate? Is it ever appropriate?
3. The Upstairs and Downstairs part of the brain: How to be a good friend by bringing your friend a blanket when they’re stuck in the basement of their brains.
4. People are sparkly disco balls: How social media can fool us into thinking we are seeing “whole” people.

Resources and articles we referenced in the episode:
1. Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World by: Dr. Vivek Murthy
2. Listen to Glennon Doyle’s Podcast “We Can Do Hard Things” anywhere you get podcasts.
3. The Whole Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.

27/02/2022

Hi Friends!!!
Thank you for liking our page!
We are so excited you're here and can't wait to connect! 💜💙💜💙

27/02/2022

Finding some incredible wisdom from Untigering today.

What do we need to calm our storm?
•
Posted • One of the best ways to help our kids realize their full potential and thrive is to be their safety zone. 🚦 When our kids know we're there for them, their nervous system is primed for optimal development and resilience in the face of challenges. ⁠
⁠
⁠That's why finding our own emotional balance matters. ⁠
⁠
Keep looking for the tiny things that calm your nervous system, restore you from stress, and protect you from burnout.⁠ ⁠
⁠
"If we want to be a safe harbor for our kids, we can't be the storm ourselves." - Thank you ⁠
⁠•


HT Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. Via Wild Peace for Parents

26/02/2022

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26/02/2022