27/04/2023
Post 4 of 5: 2018-2019. What a blur. I was in my busiest wedding seasons ever, traveling often, began therapy for anxiety & depression, our family was dealing with some difficult situations and in spring 2018 we started clomid. Clomid for me was the worst fertility drug I’ve been on to this day. Now that I was down a tube, we would try it for a few months and then if we weren’t pregnant discuss further options. I was angry all the time, bloated, hot, and cranky. Sorry if you had to deal with me in the year 2018.
After clomid was proving to be unsuccessful, my OBGYN referred us to I had dye tests to be sure my remaining tube wasn’t blocked, polys and cysts removed which delayed IUI cycles which means more waiting. We would start with IUI treatments and go from there. Lee and I both felt unsure of IVF and really didn’t think we wanted to go down that route. Adoption had always been part of our family planning and we decided we weren’t getting any younger so we started the adoption process WHILE going through IUI treatment. DO NOT DO THAT. That is too much & someone should have told me. I was still in therapy but if I’m being honest I wasn’t doing the work. I was pretending I was to check off a box to make myself feel better.
Fall 2018 was what I refer to as the epic mess. I was overbooked, overworked, medication was wrecking havoc on my body & mind, burning out rapidly. It all came to a head when I heard God say “you cannot be a mother like this. You cannot be the mother you want to be if you continue on this path”. I knew it was time to make some big changes personally & professionally. Pics from fall 2018 on our 10 year anniversary trip. We had paused IUI for this trip, and received our first adoption no while we were there.