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Masturhaters, Suffolk County, NY (2025)

07/14/2019

https://youtu.be/2MlaSkfvm-A

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07/02/2019

https://soundcloud.com/user-701771320/ep-38-the-chinese-social-credit-system-police-hiring-hit-men-unclear-packaging

This week on a special all straight white male edition of Masturhaters nerds cry about Belle Delphine's not so p**ny p**nhub account, we tackle the ever epidemic of m**h fueled attack squirrels, and make fun of incels. Also this week Jon hates the Chinese Social Credit System, Rich hates cops that stupidly hire hit-men and how little the FBI does to stop them, and Ron is nearly murdered by a poorly labeled Gatorade!

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This week on a special all straight white male edition of Masturhaters nerds cry about Belle Delphine's not so p**ny p**nhub account, we tackle the ever epidemic of m**h fueled attack squirrels, and m

06/30/2019

https://youtu.be/m7nALmW1eKM

Going live in 10 minutes come hang out!

06/29/2019

Welcome back everybody, sorry its been so long! we've had some issues but hopefully those are past us now. We are BACK!!! we've got a new friend Rich who this week is hating hysterics in the work place, Jon hates Mondays, Ron hates driving his drunk friends to the TacoBell drive thru, and Cara hates apartment rental rules and is also reading a very s*xy Sonic The Hedgehog fan fiction!

https://soundcloud.com/user-701771320/ep-37-mondays-at-work-hysterics-apartment-rules-drunk-drive-thru

Join our facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/821731984635965/

join the livestreams on sundays: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8cNCZsAnu-jKagtpLu3_YQ

Welcome back everybody, sorry its been so long! we've had some issues but hopefully those are past us now. We are BACK!!! we've got a new friend Rich who this week is hating hysterics in the work plac

03/25/2019

New content coming soon!

We'll be relaunching Masturhaters with a new format and better quality content, with a more consistent schedule! We're very excited to be able to bring you more of our comedy. stay tuned for more info on where and when to find the show.

02/21/2018

This week on Masturhaters the gang shoots of some spicy hot takes about the parkland school shooting. Jon looks at the dark underbelly of nature. Chris wants illegal immigrants to assimilate better into the country. Ron is sick of whiny do**he bags who complain about valentines day. Alyssa riffs on how difficult it is to maintain personal relationships.

https://soundcloud.com/user-701771320/ep-34-nature-proud-illegal-immigrants-valentines-day-haters-maintaining-relationships

This week on Masturhaters the gang shoots of some spicy hot takes about the parkland school shooting. Jon looks at the dark underbelly of nature. Chris wants illegal immigrants to assimilate better in

02/14/2018

https://soundcloud.com/user-701771320/ep-33-adam-calhoun-cultural-appropriation-p**nstar-r**e-idiot-americans-extreme-vacations

On this episode of Masturhaters, Jon s**t talks YouTube f**k boi Adam Calhoun for being an unfunny do**he. We explain what r**e is to Chris again. Alyssa is sick of ignorant Americans. Cara hates Halloween costume drama in January. Ron thinks your cliff hammock makes you look like a dick.

On this episode of Masturhaters, Jon s**t talks YouTube f**k boi Adam Calhoun for being an unfunny do**he. We explain what r**e is to Chris again. Alyssa is sick of ignorant Americans. Cara hates Hall

02/02/2018

https://soundcloud.com/user-701771320/ep-32-too-many-choices-90s-cartoon-fanatics-p**n-addiction-happy-people

On this episode of Masturhaters, Chris hates that he can't jerk off without po*******hy. Jon is frustrated by the amount of option he has for every aspect of his life. Alyssa can't stand happy people. Ron is tired of millennial's with rugrats tattoos, grow up fggts.

On this episode of Masturhaters< Chris hates that he can't jerk off without po*******hy. Jon is frustrated by the amount of option he has for every aspect of his life. Alyssa can't stand happy people.

12/22/2017

Masturhaters

12/22/2017

Ep 29: Breakfast, Shifty Coworkers, Celebrity R**e Scandals, Being Pregnant

https://soundcloud.com/user-701771320/ep-29-breakfast-shifty-coworkers-celebrity-r**e-scandals-being-pregnant

On this episode of Masturhaters Jon think breakfast is a hoax being pushed by big breakfast companies to sell your fat ass more jimmy dean sausages you f**king losers. Ron tells us all how he will throw you under the f**king bus if you steal from his dumb job. Cara doesn't give a s**t if you were r**ed by her favorite celebrity,and Alyssa shares the plight of the pregnant woman in modern America. f**k you!

On this episode of Masturhaters Jon think breakfast is a hoax being pushed by big breakfast companies to sell your fat ass more jimmy dean sausages you f**king losers. Ron tells us all how he will thr

12/08/2017

Ep 28: Group Moderators, Mall Pretzels, ASMR videos, R**e Kits

https://soundcloud.com/user-701771320/ep-28-group-moderators-mall-pretzels-asmr-videos-r**e-kits

On this episode of Masturhaters, Cara doesn't understand forum rules. Ron's fingers are all buttery from delicious mall pretzels, Alyssa thinks ASMR videos are creepy. Jon thinks r**e kits are archaic and out of date and are intrusive to people who have been recently victimized.

On this episode of Masturhaters, Cara doesn't understand forum rules. Ron's fingers are all buttery from delicious mall pretzels, Alyssa thinks ASMR videos are creepy. Jon thinks r**e kits are archaic

07/07/2017

Ep 23: Damzels In Distress, Bad Music At Parties, Fighting With Parents, Hobbies=Virgin, Being Cold

On this episode of Masturhaters, Chris argues with his parents, Alyssa hates crying c***s, Jon hates your terrible music ruining parties, Ron doesn't have s*x cuz he's really into star wars and fish, and Cara's cold i guess, whatever suck my dick. Sponsored by Natty Daddy, it'll get you drunk and Simply Nature Kale Chips, they are f**ked.

On this episode of Masturhaters, Chris argues with his parents, Alyssa hates crying c***s, Jon hates your terrible music ruining parties, Ron doesn't have s*x cuz he's really into star wars and fish,

06/01/2017

Ep 21: Claiming Terror Attacks, Chat Apps, Train Passengers, Unexpected Drunk Adventures

This week on MasturHaters Chris hates that poor people can't afford cars, Alyssa gets hit on by squibs an a chat app that has been repurposed for exchanging nudes, Ron gets dragged to taco bell on a drunk adventure, and Jon claims responsibility for every terror attack.

This week on MasturHaters Chris hates that poor people can't afford cars, Alyssa gets hit on by squibs an a chat app that has been repurposed for exchanging nudes, Ron gets dragged to taco bell on a d

05/19/2017

05/16/2017

SoundCloud - Hear the world’s sounds

This week on Masturhaters, Ron shows his pacifist side and cry's when men hit each other, Cara sits in p**s as she goes off on why public bathrooms need a reformation, Alyssa thinks Kelly Clarkson needs to take better care of her demonic offspring. Jon doesn't understand food allergies and thinks old people should f**k off, Chris is out with a case of the aids.

05/09/2017

The Jon & Chris Show Ep3: Bill Nye Bulls**t, Global Warming, The Wall

This time on The Jon & Chris Show, Chris explains his argument against global warming for those who where upset about his rant on MasturHaters and then makes everything worse, Jon and Chris review Bill Nye Saves The World and reveal the agenda the would be science guy is peddling. Then lastly Jon explains why the border wall is stupid and Chris fails to grasp it.

This time on The Jon & Chris Show, Chris explains his argument against global warming for those who where upset about his rant on MasturHaters and then makes everything worse, Jon and Chris review Bil

05/05/2017

Ep 19: Non Tippers, Not Enough Murders, Climate Marchers, Celeb News, ClickBait

This week on Masturhaters, Cara hates clickbait articles on facebook, Ron wants to cull the populace, Alyssa thinks celebrity news is bulls**t, Jon gets stuck on carnival rides and thinks people who don't tip are the pits, and Chris denies science.

This week on Masturhaters, Cara hates clickbait articles on facebook, Ron wants to cull the populace, Alyssa thinks celebrity news is bulls**t, Jon gets stuck on carnival rides and thinks people who d

04/26/2017

SoundCloud - Hear the world’s sounds

This week on MasturHaters, Jon gives his unique perspective on raising cigarette prices, Cara gets turned on by r**e scenes, Alyssa hates how people hate stupid starbucks drinks, Chris thinks fire fighter funerals are a bit much, and Ron believes in reading stars in the sky and thinks your stupid for not.

04/26/2017

Just a heads up to all the apple people out there, we are finally on itunes and every other app you enjoy podcasts on.

03/21/2017

Ep15: Phone Calls, Trans Everything, Not Listening, Facebook Share, No Fat Male Models

This week on MasturHaters Cara tells us how she overcomes her cm cravings and complains that no one is listening, Jon hates phone calls and tells a story about his adventures at McDonalds (of course). Ron wants more fat male models, Alyssa confuses the s**t out of everyone by coming out as two people, and Chris shares Tr**ny p**n with his mother.

This week on MasturHaters Cara tells us how she overcomes her cm cravings and complains that no one is listening, Jon hates phone calls and tells a story about his adventures at McDonalds (of course)

03/19/2017

Ep 14: Attractive And Funny, Fake Swears, Hit On Le****ns, Goya, Gratuitous Gratitude

Ep 15 is being recorded tonight! In the mean time check out Ep 14! Be sure to share if you laugh! Thank you anyone who listens.

The Masturhaters return this week to tackle the issues that truly matter like the Goya aisle, whats up with that? How people are s**tty about getting the money they asked for, le****ns that won't take

03/17/2017

Ep 14: Attractive And Funny, Fake Swears, Hit On Le****ns, Goya, Gratuitous Gratitude

The Masturhaters return this week to tackle the issues that truly matter like the Goya aisle, whats up with that? How people are s**tty about getting the money they asked for, le****ns that won't take no for an answer, people using freaking fake gosh darn swear words, and having people being attractive and funny forcing those who are lacking in being attractive to rely on other social tools like being nice, who the f**k wants to be nice?

The Masturhaters return this week to tackle the issues that truly matter like the Goya aisle, whats up with that? How people are s**tty about getting the money they asked for, le****ns that won't take

03/14/2017

Ep 14: Attractive And Funny, Fake Swears, Hit On Le****ns, Goya, Gratuitous Gratitude

The Masturhaters return this week to tackle the issues that truly matter like the Goya aisle, whats up with that? How people are s**tty about getting the money they asked for, le****ns that won't take

03/10/2017

The Jon & Chris Show Ep1: The Jon System, Love, And Satanic Rituals

New show from Masturhaters

Jon and Chris launch "The Jon and Chris Show". They discuss an alternative to alcoholics anonymous, satanic rituals involving tricking the world into jerking off to child p**n, and what love really is