Cults I'd Join

17/12/2024

Hate sin but love the patriarchy? Do you also look good in blue and enjoy having the COOLEST NAMES IN THE WORLD?? Then we'll see you over at Gloriavale for a little bit of fun and whole lot of work! And wait till you hear about how we'll be getting married! Phew!!!

10/12/2024

A group cause we can all get behind

19/11/2024

We've got magic. We've got capes. We've got exploitation of labor, time travel, and an infallible leader who can GET IT. See you in the worlds coolest underground temples!
Can't wait to join Damanhur with ya'll in the morning!

22/07/2024

Hello Cults I'd Join!!!
It's been a WHILE since I've posted here, or put up new eps... SHEESH I am so super sorry for that, and here, at long last, is the explanation and loose plan!
*Ok 1, where have we been?!?!:,
--As you have already surmised with your kind and patient posts (thank you), Ameran and I have mostly just been REALLY swamped of late, and have not been able to wring the hours this takes out of our work weeks (we both work multiple jobs) to make this happen, so finally we just agreed to let go of the ball for a few months.
--Speaking for me specifically, I've had some significant health problems (they're getting fixed!), some personal losses, piled on top of 3 jobs, momming, and a nervous system that went haywire with all this hitting at once. Unfortunately, I learned about myself during this time that my biggest stressor is social media, so it is likely that this page will be mostly ya'll, with a little smattering of me. Which is maybe how it should be anyway? That's the community model :).
*2, Ok where are we gonna be?!?!:
--As in, what's up with the show? The show as we know it (I tell Ameran all about the cults I'd join) WILL be returning, and those episodes will be the same fun and format as always. HOWEVER, we can't guarantee consistency of release times given our schedules, SO...
I am working out how I can do just Jesse eps in the meantime to keep giving ya'll content, both here and on the Patreon. A few options:
--I interview old community or culty friends about their various experiences or our shared ones.
--I read some fabulous reddit threads or private messages about other people's culty experiences.
--I pick a culty show to recap on my own that ya'll also love-- Plathville? My 5 Wives? M Night Shyamalan's The Servant?
--I do mini-sodes (not that mini, our regular eps are LONG) covering different cult practices, rather than groups themselves-- flogging, sacred garments, food rules, s*x rules...
Let me know your preferences so I can make something we all have fun with!

Ok, that's the long update. Again,
*SO sorry for the long silence, I've been really shut away from the public per my own brain chemistry.
*Regular eps WILL be returning, we're just not sure when.
*New just me eps are forthcoming, if ya'll want them and how ya'll want them
*We all need to agree that social media is my soft spot and I will communicate better but also will not overdo it on the screen time.

I MISS ALL OF YOU AND YOU ARE THE BEST!!! Consider this an online potluck and hug session!!!

01/06/2024

30/05/2024

Keep sweet. No, sweeter. No, SWEETER THAN THAT! It's FLDS time again at CIJ, and we're putting on our favorite dresses and talking CRAZY cult leaders vs average cult leaders. Braid your hair and we'll see you on the inside!
Your next Patreon episode is here and we're out of The Garden and back in Polygamy. You know we can't quit it!
If you're not on the Patreon yet, it's just $4.99 per month, and it DOUBLES your CIJ weekly episodes. We had a blast covering the first half of Keep Sweet this week, and can't wait to chat about it with all of you!

28/05/2024

We're BACK and it's Ameran's turn to teach Jesse a thing or two! This week we'll need you to grab your best matching group tee, your inexplicably decorated wooden paddle, and of course, an irresponsible amount of alcohol. Oh, and bring a few candles and a working lighter, in case we need to perform any midnight oath rituals. We have missed our weekly chats with you, and we can't wait to join the Greek Sorority and Fraternity system with you!!!

17/04/2024

Ya'll. Put down everything you're doing and join this commune with us. The drama is HIGH, and the barriers to zombie hunters are LOW.
See you tomorrow for those of you on the Patreon for episode 2 of The Garden!

02/04/2024

Oh hey giant man in the desert, nice to meet you... oh my! You're on fire! And everyone is dancing around you and they're spinning fire! And there are so many hula-hoops! And why are giant sculptures driving toward me... oh I get it. I've joined Burning Man! Yay! Welcome, fellow burners, it's fire time!!! See ya'll on The Playa!

28/03/2024

The new Patreon is up (I hit the wrong button so SURPRISE it's out now instead of tomorrow morning) and we are SO excited to announce that we are out of NXIVUM and into Plathville! Grab your kombucha and we'll see you there!

Thanks for coming to CIJ Patreon, Ameran and Jesse will now be moving in with the Plath Family (most likely Olivia and co), where everyone rebells by tasting soda and wearing shorts...

21/03/2024

Shhhh... we're getting out of NXVIUM... it's Episode 6. The as****es are headed to jail. Don't pack anything, just grab your BEST sashes and your scar cream, and let's cover this last episode and dance our way to freedom!!!

Patreon Episode 6 drops at 5 in the morning-- if you're not on the Patreon yet, we're not sure you know how money works. 5 bucks a month for double the Cults You'd Join?! Get over here!!!

19/03/2024

Look. We don't like Q talk any more than the rest of you but that's exactly why we have to get to the bottom of this whole murky but extremely shallow pool. Also, this is our new favorite, Cult-V-Cult, so we have to cover the Quirkiest letter in the alphabet, so that we can get to the mashup Cult who we'll be covering next week! See you in the dirty logic whirl-pool that is the current far-right!

Anyone made it to the spoiler alert yet? We can't wait to chat about Q Vs the next group!

14/03/2024

Ok you guys, just a little further into the soul dungeon where Kieth is still on the couch, Nancy is still having s*x w her Keds on, and everyone is imprisoning anyone pretty. We're getting through this together gang, there's a light at the end of the tunnel!!!

Tomorrow's Patreon drops at 5am, and yes, the content we're covering in this one is extra-poo-covered-bananas.

12/03/2024

Hello and welcome to Cults I'd Join's first official Cult VS Cult! It's a battle of the true believers and only one can emerge victorious! Which cult will Ameran and Jesse join? Who has the better food and/or hair? Who is the second cult in this mashup?! Stay tuned to find out, and come on in to visit our first contender... the Q Anon conspiracy theorists! Grab your whisky on the way to hitting play, you'll need it both as an anti-depressant, and a possible disinfectant!!!

29/02/2024

This week on the regular feed we're joining Hillsong! Put your hands up in the air and wave them all around like you just don't... actually wave them like you care a LOT, because this is a Hillsong concert, and it is SERIOUS WORSHIP/ CASHGRAB time. (Disclaimer, Ameran and Jesse agree that Hillsong has some great jams)...

29/02/2024

Now they're ruining culty branding for us! And we have to think of a name for a creature who is half-man-half-couch-all-dungeon master. NXVIUM calm tf DOWN! And Nancy-- get a real job.

Patreon Episode 3 drops in the morning, and we're all up in The Vow, Season 2. You guys. The wackadooiness is off the scale.

22/02/2024

Nancy is really impressed with herself and Keith. The rest of us are reeling in horror. Nancy! Why are you ruining cults for us?!?!

Patreon season 2 is all up in The Vow season 2, and you guys... it's a LOT. See you on the Patreon where we're plumbing the depths of a s*x cult we no longer want to join!