09/01/2021
Welcome New Member,
Before you continue, let me share with you who I am and why I created this page.
Ever since I was little, I always felt out of place or too different. I first noticed this when I was between 4 - 6 years old.
I had noticed that most of the girls who were my same age played with Barbie dolls, had sleepovers, and liked to wear "girly" clothing. Me on the other hand played with Legos, played sports against the neighborhood boys, and liked to wear shorts and t-shirts everywhere I went.
Elementary school years were relatively "normal" besides one incident. It was Valentines Day. At this point in time I had a kid crush on one of the boys in my class but nobody but me knew. At least that is what I thought. One of my classmates found it funny to write a letter to the boy I had liked and signed it with my name. The 4th grade teacher took the letter and read it aloud to the class and needless to say I was humiliated. Looking back on this, I think this is where I started to be more reserved with the people I called friends. I would try so hard to please my friends and always do what they wanted to do instead of voicing my opinion. I reserved my passions, such as building Lego sets and puzzles, and tried to mirror what my "friends" liked. No matter how hard I tried, my friends would stop talking to me without letting me know the reason why, so eventually I gave up.
During my junior high and high school years, several times I thought about building my friend network but it instantly reminded me of past memories that left me wanting to roll up into a ball and cry. There were a few amazing people who I ended up connecting with and was able to hang out with and I can't express how thankful I am for that.
Making friends wasn't the only thing making me feel out of place. I would have a crush on a boy in my class, start talking with him to build a better "relationship" and several weeks later they would ask me if I could introduce them to one of my teammates from basketball or track & field. Once again, I wasn't enough, but this time as someone's girlfriend. Just writing this part of my story brings tears to my eyes and a heaviness to my heart.
So with a limited amount of friends and boys out of the picture, I focused on my athletics where I could excel and be proud of my achievements. I was the MVP of our JV track & field team and was awarded the Coach's Award my senior year. My focus led to a college scholarship at a university.
Things really didn't change in College but I met an outstanding person who has continued to be my friend ever since graduation. I am blessed to have him in my life and he is one of the few reasons I feel like getting up every day, besides my parents.
Today as I write this, I still haven't been "good enough" of a boyfriend or having friends that respond to me reaching out to them. It weighs heavy on my heart but because of my one amazing friend from college, I have to believe that someday I will be.
So until that day comes, I will be continue to be myself.
Finally, the reason I made this Page was to provide a safe environment for people who have gone, or are going through similar circumstances just like me.
Posts throughout the week will gear towards the three pillars I believe will guide me and you in our journey to reaching a sense of peace with ourselves and achieving all the dreams we have kept deep inside. Those three pillars are; Authenticity, Teamwork & Individual Growth.
Thank you for taking the time to learn a little about me. I can not wait to meet every one of you and watch you grow throughout your journey. Always remember that you are enough and you are loved.