12/02/2024
Why I don’t want my daughters to become STEPmothers...
I love my husband and the family we have built. He’s funny, he’s witty and most of all he’s a great husband and father. I couldn’t have been more blessed to have fallen for a man like him.
I also love my step daughter as well! In my eyes, she’s the one who made me a mommy first. I may not have given birth to her or carried her for 9 long hard months..... but I fell for her just about as hard as I did her father and to see them interact set my heart on fire. I love them both so much and I love my role in her life as her bonus mama and in his life as his wife.
But honestly, since day one our family has grown exponentially. We now have three daughters total including my bonus baby and one son. And what I don’t want for any of my daughters, is for them to become a step mom. I don’t want them to feel the indescribable pain and heartache that comes and goes in this role.
Just because she came into someone’s life at a different time... doesn’t mean her role is less valuable to the household and those within it. I don’t ever want her to question her worth. I don’t ever want her to feel like she is living someone else’s life, or that she comes second to another woman just because she gave birth to his child first.
I want her to feel confident in her role as a mother & step mother and know she’s just as worthy of her husband and bonus children’s love.
I don’t want her to be depreciated by being the second wife and not her bonus child’s “real mom” nor do I want those facts to be used against her. Either in court, by the ex wife or the children themselves.
I don’t want her to know how it feels for the bio mom to lash out at you personally while constantly saying “you’re not their mother”. I don’t want her to be accused of being the reason that “mommy and daddy aren’t together” anymore. I don’t want her to feel the heart ache and pain of loving a child endlessly, just to have the bio mom resent their feelings and turn them against you.
I don’t want her to know the pain of a custody battle or to see her husband fighting endlessly for his rights to his own children and there’s almost nothing you can do about it to help him. I don’t want any of that for any of my girls.
I don’t want her to feel the worlds judgment of stepmoms. In a lot of cases, there’s a lot of controversy over “step moms” and their roles when it comes to her role as such. I don’t want her to doubt her role in her bonus babies lives. I want her to OWN IT. I don’t want someone saying, “you’re just a step mom” to be the reason she breaks down and feels useless and hopeless. I want her to always have the respect and recognition she deserves.
I want her to be lucky enough to be someone’s first and only marriage. I want her to walk down the isle only once and live her forever fairy tail life with no outside circumstances able to tear her self confidence down. I want her to be strong and confident as a mother and wife no matter what.
I’ve learned a lot from being a step mom, and one of the most important thing is self love and self care. We strive to do so much for our family and sometimes forget to do for us. Being a step mom is like being on a crazy wild emotional roller coaster. We sacrifice so much, we love too hard, we care too much, we “overstep” in the eyes of the bio mom, and sometimes we feel unheard, unappreciated and unloved. At the end of the day, I don’t want my daughters to feel this.
I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made in my life. In fact, I love my life. But I don’t want this life for any of my daughters.
✍️: Sarah Ashley
