The Swan of The Arghandab River Valley

02/23/2021

Mennonite vs women o’ night

02/23/2021

04/17/2019

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Facebook,
I will fear no ratio,
for you are with me;
your likes and your RTs,
they comfort me. (Psalms 23-4 New Millennial Edition)

04/03/2019

WILCO.

My Dearest Children,

48 hours ago, I procured my first sack of jazz cabbage. A Fallujah vet at the VA told me smoking that gas was like a good fire fight; “you might embarrass yourself, but either way you end up feeling pretty good by the end.” I was intrigued.

After I roasted a bone to Pink Floyd’s “Us and Them” on repeat, I eventually mapped out how to save humanity- but woke up the next day with a McChicken in my pocket and my notes looking like my nephew’s coloring book. No hangover though.

Until next time, lads; wake, bake and make it great. Mahalo.

-Papa Chaos

04/02/2019

Slow is smooth.....smooth is fast.

04/02/2019

That sweet, sweet analog.

04/02/2019

Gotta get ‘em with the L shaped yam bush.

04/02/2019

Sometimes I miss my ASIP.

04/01/2019

When the Commander yells “ZONK!” on April 1st.

04/01/2019

Customer: What am I going to need for my grass to grow?

Me: BLOOD! BLOOD! THE BRIGHT RED BLOOD!

Everyone else at the hardware store:

03/31/2019

Who got papers?

No, this is not a secret sting operation by the Drug Enforcement Agency.

03/31/2019

The Taliban Spotter starter kit.

03/28/2019

On point.

"Look, I only do like one bracket a year"

03/27/2019

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03/23/2019

Where is the dude’s road guard vest? This is completely UNSAT!

03/23/2019

*Jacking it after a long day of patrolling the Arghandab*

Guy on the top bunk:

03/23/2019

The Big Bang Theory is so terrible it got cancelled before the Afghanistan War.

03/23/2019

The 3 percenter LARP starter pack.

03/23/2019

The militia will save us.

03/22/2019

My Bro: What kind of gun do you have?
Me: A Mercedes.
My Bro: Swan Mercedes makes cars.
Me:

03/22/2019

Do you all think the investigation should happen?

03/21/2019

The truth in this.

03/21/2019

My first published story, check it out.

http://www.f**kinginappropriate.com/2019/02/20/gatornade/

On the first day of basic I stood holding my duffel bag full of equipment over my head while the drill sergeants ran around screaming in people's faces to keep their bags above their heads. They got in my face. I could feel their wet hot breath on my face while the knife hand hung in my peripheral v...