The Smatter

To amuse and enlighten. By Matt Rhodes & Friends http://TheSmatter.com/ Thoughts and opinions constantly fly at us from Left or Right. Behold, The Smatterfesto!

The Smatter is a digital publishing platform and forum for creative, open-minded capitalists. We publish spirited comedic commentary and debate on current events, business, and technology. Important ideas generally germinate most effectively in the Middle, where treads The Smatter. This is not to extol the virtues of being indecisive, but of being rational and good-humored. The Smatter is publishe

d by Matt Rhodes, with contributions from writers like Sean Deveney and Mary K. Moore. Rhodes dwells professionally where technology and investments intersect. He went to business school, implying he suffers from conservatism and money-lust, but he did so at Berkeley, implying he’s also kicked a lot of hacky-sack in his day. A journalist, poet, and CFA charterholder, Rhodes yearns to transform the consumption of good writing and astute social commentary into an enjoyable and engaging experience for all. By “all”, he means those of a certain socioeconomic class that is highly attractive to advertisers. He is honest, and therefore from the Midwest. In his spare time, he enjoys writing self-congratulatory third-person accounts of himself.

12/16/2017

Holiday Still Life, With Infant
https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2017/12/16/holiday-still-life-with-infant/

Visit the post for more.

07/20/2017

My two favorite writers, side by side, as they should be...

11/19/2016

"I don’t know about this, JoJo,” said the supposedly socially liberal landowner with royal ties. He was speaking to Johannes Gutenberg in the mid-1400s. “I’m just not sure this is the best idea.” “The printing press will bring radical ideas and untold knowledge to the masses. It is the very best idea!” said Herr Gutenberg. “Yes, but what if someday we have not ginormous physical printing presses, but digital words on tiny screens that lead people to create ideas and fake news and share them broadly and instantly? [ 731 more words ]

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2016/11/18/noise-more-noise-and-missed-signals

You know how sometimes the class clown or some random goth kid wins the high school class presidency, just to shake things up? That just happened to America.

10/26/2016

"No I wouldn’t dare to bring out this awful bliss.”—Guided by Voices

If I won the lottery, I’d travel the world for a while. But then I’d wander the Northwestern campus for the remainder of my days, spending hours reading in Deering Library on dangerously unco…

07/02/2016

Listening is a dead art, and changing a deader one still.

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2016/07/02/the-they

Listening is a dead art, and changing a deader one still.

04/23/2016

I haven’t slept in days. How could anyone sleep? Look at the headlines: The millennials are coming There are more millennials than baby boomers Millennials don’t shop at Victoria’s Secret Are millennials even a real thing? Microsoft Word puts a red squiggly line under “millennials.” That means they don’t even exist! We (Generation X, 4 life!) don’t like baby boomers because they’re our parents. [ 551 more words. ]

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2016/04/23/the-convenience-of-generational-labeling

12/22/2015

Old people rejoice! This Star Wars is for us. Much has already been said of The Force Awakens, the heralded return to form of the once-fading Star Wars franchise, so I'll keep this short and about me. But first, I'd like to dole out one quick Medal of Bravery, Leia-style: J.J. Abrams should be enshrined in the French Legion of Honor, or whatever the U.S. [ 312 more words. ]

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2015/12/22/escape-now-hug-later-the-nostalgia-awakens/

J.J. Abrams should be enshrined in the French Legion of Honor, or whatever the U.S. equivalent might be.

11/28/2015

Today seemed like any other day in Paris. My wife and I were just two more tourists on the hunt for Jim Morrison’s grave in Père Lachaise, walking clichés walking purposefully in Paris—how novel. We had finally located Proust when I heard the Pixies blaring from what appeared to be a funeral service. As I turned toward the columbarium I noticed dozens of people lined up at the door, and more around the edges of the stairs and the building. [ 817 more words. ]

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2015/11/28/an-american-in-paris-now/

11/15/2015

Paris is burning. I wish that were some sort of metaphor. But it was literally true on Friday evening, New Jersey time. As I boarded yet another quotidian Newark-to-San Francisco flight, the news was scrolling madly. Mass shooting at a restaurant in the 11th, 18 dead. More shooting at a concert, maybe hostages. The Eagles of Death Metal were playing in Paris and someone was shooting up their show! [ 609 more words. ]

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2015/11/15/nous-allons-a-paris-punks/

11/10/2015

Let me be clear: I have no dog in this pointless Starbucks cup fight. But I drink coffee every morning, coffee that tastes good, meaning it comes from Peet’s and not Starbucks. In light of the baffling controversy about Starbucks’ plain old holiday cups, I thought I’d share a photo and an observation: Peet’s cups are pretty festive. Christmas trees! Snowflakes! [ 228 more words. ]

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2015/11/10/dept-of-just-sayin-peets-cups-are-pretty-festive

Now let's discuss what's really important here: Peet's cups do a terrible job of delivering coffee to my mouth.

11/08/2015

Because of Davis at HP tech support, I will not worry. I may not ever scan any of my precious childhood photos into my fancy new computer, which is the whole reason I bought said fancy computer, but I will not worry. Thanks, Davis.

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2015/11/07/dept-of-reassurances

11/02/2015

I hate when things end. My father never cooked particularly well on the grill, but my most delicious childhood memories involve the process of grilling with my old man. I was allowed to help prepare the hallowed BBQ vessel (I now recognize this as child slavery), which meant I stacked the Kingsford briquets pyramid-like in the middle of our rusty spheroid Weber grill and doused them liberally with lighter fluid. [ 501 more words. ]

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2015/11/01/the-end-of-things

10/22/2015

I was recently wandering through Fells Point, a Baltimore neighborhood nestled staunchly between past and present, thinking about how old becomes new. I stayed at the Four Seasons and I was wearing a Black Flag t-shirt. I was too punk for my hotel, and too yuppie for my t-shirt or the grittier, not-yet-gentrified corners of the neighborhood. I felt like a fraud. [ 644 more words. ]

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2015/10/21/authenticity-or-why-hipsters-love-old-stuff

09/20/2015

John Kasich, you are not Ohio. Forgive me, but I’m going to generalize. Ohioans are humble. You are not humble. Ohio pride is rooted in the fact that Ohio shouldn’t have all that much to be proud of. We’re in the middle of the country, far from any glorious coastlines or mountain ranges. We have miles of flat nothingness. We have tornadoes and trees full of beautiful poisonous nuts. [ 341 more words. ]

https://thesmatter.wordpress.com/2015/09/20/an-ohioan-speaks-out/

09/09/2015

Let's apply an old lesson from The Simpsons to : "Just don't look, just don't look."

03/26/2015

The circle of life, only with pathetic technology addiction.

I might be crazy. In order to waste time, all the time, I do several things, all of which exist only in the fantasyland of my iPhone. My malaise is quite brand loyal, as witnessed by my tangled whi...

03/24/2015

A rags-to-riches story about how we should never talk about rags or (especially) riches.

I sit down to write with little focus, my digital tunes on random shuffle to provide inspiration, Sonic Youth crashing together on "Kool Thing," its "K" representing the oppressive rampancy of raci...

12/20/2014

A blog post about meeting a writer's parents on a plane? This has to be interesting.

The conversation began as it sometimes does, with me offering to help put a bag in the overhead bin. I'm a tall, polite Midwesterner; I do this kind of stuff. The older gentleman targeted by my lar...

10/18/2014

Hipsters getting theirs.

09/28/2014

Nothing's funny in the post-iOS8 world, but I'm trying.

Fitbit never lies, but I do sometimes, to get closer to the truth.

07/20/2014

Riding my bike, judging the lot of you.

I morph into everything wrong with Silicon Valley and the world. It's actually kind of pleasant.

05/12/2014

04/29/2014

My wife publishes her first blog post. I pay her nothing.

Devon Rhodes had a few thoughts while she was running a marathon the other day. I probably shouldn't put them on the Internet.

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