09/11/2021
9/11 made it into the 13th chapter in my book, Awakened Addict:
To Live and Serve
Employ a number of designated activities to get you outside of your self-identity, such as walks in nature alone, volunteering or creating artwork, serving others in a way in which you receive nothing in return. Iâm not talking about forcing yourself to go out and be a do-gooder because someone told you to. What Iâm suggesting has to be done willingly, in a particular attitude.
For example, over Thanksgiving one year, when I was 12, I spent the morning in my grandmotherâs kitchen, doing crafts for the holiday while she was cooking. The sweet aromas in the house were wonderful, and they put me in an inspirational, creative mood. I cut out a few hand-shaped turkeys and proceeded to decorate them in all manner of what my 12-year-old self could come up with when I stopped and looked up at the TV.
There was a story about 9/11 being aired on the news. I sat and thought about everything that happened in the past few months, where I was in school when the first plane struck. I had just arrived in science class, my first class of the day, and sat down in my seat at the lab table. I looked up to the front of the class, at our teacher standing next to the door that led to the other 6th grade science classroom. After a moment or two I watched as the other science teacher walk over from her classroom up close to my teacher and mouthed the words âthey both fell downâ. My teacherâs mouth dropped open in muted shock; they were clearly trying to be quiet, but the classroom was still rowdy before the bell so it wasnât hard to do.
Being the quiet kid myself, I was the only one that noticed this play out between the teachers. Class went on as usual. Later that day the entire school was called to the auditorium and we were told about the terrorist attack. My heart stopped as I realized holy s**t, THATâS what my teachers were talking about. I never forgot what I witnessed then. They handed out a single sheet of paper to each of us outlining what had happened that day and instructed us to take it home that night and talk to our families about it (ahhh, life before widely available cell phones).
To my limited understanding at the time, the big war seemed to be partly influenced by different religions fighting each other in the middle east. I knew about Israel, Bethlehem, and Jerusalem from Sunday school, but the current events of my time confused me because those areas were supposed to be the most holy places on Earth. What was happening was sort of heart breaking, at least to 12-year-old me. Why is there so much war when those places were supposed to be peaceful? I felt myself tear up a little bit thinking about the hate, death, and pain watching that news story on Thanksgiving Day. I felt guilty having so much love surrounding me when so much sadness was in the world.
Then, while sitting on my grandmaâs kitchen floor making stupid, typical turkeys, I got an idea. I cut out a big blue circle, put green continent shaped patches it, and put the whole thing on an even bigger white circle. Then, I made little paper gingerbread men cut outs and put them all around the outside of this globe holding hands. I drew a heart on every one with colored pencils. Inside of each heart, I drew a flag. I looked up in the dictionary for flags of a Jewish country (only one, Israel) and one of a Muslim country (I think I used Afghanistan), and I also used our flag. In the middle, I wrote âIn my heart, this is what I seeâ. My Dad hung it on the wall before we sat down for dinner that night.
This same creative inspiration is an intuition we are all born with and are one with at our core. When we access it with genuine intentions, sharing it comes naturally. The key is to find something that brings it out in us, and it will be different for everyone. In that moment, I was so deeply moved by what I saw around me (pain) that what I had within me (love) reflected out into the world in a beautiful way, attempting to heal the pain around me.
For you, it may be working with animals or working with your hands in crafts, woodwork or even cars. It could be athletics of some sort, or a treasured hobby. It could be through starting your own business, or going to your church services frequently. The important part is having such an activity that brings your creative self out of its small, limited perspective, in order to access something greater than itself.
When you become the bridge over anotherâs troubled waters in ways you personally arenât involved, it strengthens your intuition. Giving freely of oneself means you temporarily identify as an act of love, an instrument of good in the world, not as who you are and everything you have going for yourself. When youâre doing things for the betterment of you only, you naturally set expectations on outcomes, ensuring disappointment if things donât go your way. However, when the actions youâre taking are selfless, something else happens. A strong rush of endorphins works through you as there is no avenue for disappointment to creep in, and this naturally boosts your self-esteem. You arenât focused on any lack in your life or past circumstances that once defined you. Youâre completely here and now, feeling good because youâve made a difference in this life of another.
This is why mindfulness practice goes hand in hand with programs like AA. They complement one another at different levels of experience; the inner world and the outer world. If you are actively engaged in both, they each contribute a treatment that boosts your chances of maintaining sustained sobriety, the kind where the thought of doing drugs no longer frightens you because you have truly walked away from them for good. There will no longer be the psychological impulse to use. And that is truly what every addict wants. Many donât believe itâs even possible and instead accept the mental turmoil of being in a constant urge for a fix.
