Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver

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Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver

We're a dynamic duo of sisters sharing our caregiving journey w/ a mom & a spouse - the good, bad & funny! She’s the peacekeeper. She’s the athlete. Our rock.
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The Original Sisterhood

Known since childhood as “The Elliott Girls” or simply, “The Girls”, it makes sense that we work together to support our mother, and each other. Our trio begins with Jenefer Jane “JJ” who was and always will be “in charge”. The responsible one, ensuring Natalie and Emilie remain alive. Next is Natalie, the middle child, who was and always will be Miss Congeniality. The reb

el responsible for three babysitters exiting the summer of ’84. Then there is Emilie, the youngest, who was and always will be “the baby”. At 6’1”, she is the sensitive and quiet soul. The one responsible for the guinea pig that begged for lettuce and the stray dog we adopted from the school bus stop. After high school we went separate ways, from New Mexico to North Carolina. JJ would go on to get her Master’s in Business Administration and work in the finance world before partnering with her now husband, Dexter, to run a variety of businesses. Natalie would go on to get her Master’s in Social Work degree, and work in the mental health field, advocating for children and families to receive the most appropriate services. Natalie would marry and divorce early on but later marry Jason. Emilie would exit college early to marry and gift us with Owen and twins, Maxx and Natalie Jane aka “The Kids”. Emilie would later divorce and work with county government, focusing most of her time on their care and activities. The source of the sisterhood falls to Jim aka “Big Jim” and Connie, small town high school sweethearts married for almost 40 years. In 2005, at the age of 52, mom would be diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. She hid the disease for years behind dad’s 6’2” frame. The tremors and sudden inability to move were both calmed and steadied by his arm and simple presence. He was her rock. Close family and friends knew of her chronic illness, but to the rest of the world, everything was “fine”. Life would turn upside down when our dad unexpectedly passed in 2011 of a massive heart attack at the age of 58. The assumption was Dad would always be mom’s caregiver but that wasn’t God’s plan. Mom would spend the years following our father’s death desperately seeking a cure for Parkinson’s while trying to manage her symptoms. As the years went by, the cruel symptoms associated with the disease increased, negatively impacting her body while her mind remained clear and in tune. We lived our lives checking in to make sure she was “okay” but knowing the day would come when we had to do more. And then it did. The summer of 2019 changed everything. That’s where the real caregiver story begins for us. Little did we know she would be only the beginning of our caregiving journey. In March 2022, Natalie’s husband, Jason, was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. From the first time Jason detected something off about the swollen lymph nodes in his neck, to the formal diagnosis, and the decision to move to New York City to participate in a clinical trial at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the journey would push them to their limits. The silver lining of his diagnosis was the cancer brought them closer to God, restoring their faith in Him while also experiencing a myriad of blessings through the kindness of family, friends, and strangers. Their story is a testimony that will inspire and offer hope. And this is just a glimpse of this trio past and present - caregivers by default doing their best to do the best for a mom and a husband. We hope you'll join our journey as we confess the good, bad, and downright funny of our caregiving adventures.

12/17/2024

In this "looking back" episode of Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver, we had an amazing discussion with Charisma Sydnor. She met her husband, Cole, while working at a rehabilitation center where he was undergoing therapy for a spinal cord injury he sustained at 16. They started dating soon after they met and married a couple of years later, in 2020.

As Cole's caregiver, Charisma took on many of his care responsibilities, including helping with transfers, cooking, and cleaning. She talked about the challenges she faced when transitioning from his mother being his primary caregiver to taking on that role herself. Charisma emphasized the importance of communication in their relationship and the need to maintain intimacy, even amidst her caregiving duties. She also spoke about the significance of promoting Cole’s independence whenever possible. Charisma and Cole openly shared their experiences on social media to raise awareness and demonstrate that individuals with disabilities can lead fulfilling lives and have meaningful relationships.

You can listen to it on your favorite streaming platforms, such as Apple and Spotify!

🍎 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/confessions-of-a-reluctant-caregiver/id1661715005

12/16/2024

Self-care matters, especially for caregivers. This week's guest, Charisma Sydnor, discusses the importance of putting your needs first to support those you care for more effectively. Hear her story about tackling challenges and finding new solutions, like learning skills to share responsibilities. Catch the full episode tomorrow!

12/13/2024

✨ Feeling the weight of change this holiday season? ✨

The holidays can bring mixed emotions whether it's from grief, distance, or caregiving challenges. Even in tough times, you can create meaningful moments. Focus on gratitude, act with love, and honor loved ones. Light a candle, cook a favorite dish, or start a new tradition. Grief and joy can coexist. Your well-being is what matters. What intention will you set this year?

12/12/2024

Support That Actually Supports 🌟

Ever been given a solution to a problem you don’t have? Annoying, right?

Real support starts with a question: What do YOU need? It’s not about assuming or offering generic fixes. Every person is unique, and their support should be too.

12/11/2024

It is the holiday season, and we all know that caregivers are the unsung heroes who give so much of themselves to support their loved ones. Let's show them just how much they mean to us! 💕

Small acts of kindness can make a difference, whether gifting them time off to relax, a thoughtful gift basket, or even a warm homemade meal.

Looking for more ideas? Check out CaringBridge's article "10 Thoughtful Gifts for Caregivers to Show You Care" for creative and heartfelt ways to express gratitude.

https://www.caringbridge.org/resources/gifts-for-caregivers

12/10/2024

It’s a profound experience when you speak to a 16-year-old who has wisdom far beyond his years. Far beyond what he should have. Aditya Akella is just that young man. When we interviewed him for the Caregiving Youth series this past summer, I left the interview a better person. He has grown up in “care” with a younger brother with special needs. A scholar and advocate, he plans his life knowing he will always be his brother's caregiver. Regardless of age, listen to this episode for a fresh view on caregiving and one young man’s hope and vision for a better care community tomorrow.

You can listen to it on your favorite streaming platforms, such as Apple and Spotify!

🍎 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/confessions-of-a-reluctant-caregiver/id1661715005

12/09/2024

What’s it really like to be a young carer? In tomorrow's episode, we listen back to Aditya Akella's story about how his school misunderstood the experience of caregiving. Instead of offering practical support, like flexibility with homework deadlines, assumptions were made about mental health challenges. While well-intentioned, this highlights the need for understanding over stereotypes.

Join us as we explore young carers' unique challenges and needs, and why listening can make all the difference.

12/06/2024

Emily is back with a perfectly timed topic - handling the holidays when there's been a change in your life. Life changes, and so can our traditions. Whether it’s losing a loved one or not gathering with family, meaningful memories are still possible. Traditions are about love and connection, not the how.

Show up for each other—wherever you are. ❤️

What new tradition will YOU try this year?

12/05/2024

In this week's episode, former Wisconsin Governor Marty Schreiber shares his wife Elaine's story. After her Alzheimer's diagnosis, Elaine kept journals capturing her thoughts and challenges. Marty talks about what he learned from her writing, her bravery, and his role in supporting her. Be sure to listen to this moving episode to get a clear look at their experience.

12/04/2024

Tis the season to be jolly, but could there be too much 'jolly'?

Caregiving can be overwhelming, and many turn to alcohol as a way to cope with the stress. But how do you know if you're drinking too much? This AARP article explores the signs of problematic drinking among caregivers and offers self-assessment tools to help you take control. Recognizing the stressors and finding healthier ways to manage them is key. Check it out here: https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2021/drinking-too-much-alcohol.html.

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12/03/2024

We are so grateful for our relationship with Fisher House and want to help them spread this message on Giving Tuesday!

As we enter the giving season, we want to recognize a nonprofit organization that supports service members, veterans, and their families during times of medical crisis.

Fisher House Foundation provides no-cost lodging to military and veteran families while they receive care at Veteran Affairs and Department of Defense facilities nationwide and overseas.

Donations are being matched this Giving Tuesday! $50 turns into $100, helping them along the Road to 100 Fisher Houses. Make an impact on those who have given us so much by giving today.

Because a family’s love is good medicine.

Donate here: https://connect.fisherhouse.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donate.event&eventID=812&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=eoy24&fbclid=IwY2xjawG8JSNleHRuA2FlbQIxMAABHUWqeamnxmsVAEBmOqU7ypeQ2VkOFFQJn8xtqETz72FKcnf3PIS9U2DSqA_aem_WmUhUQNpPS0yIe7PptG7AA

12/03/2024

⏳ As the year winds down, we’re reflecting on some memorable episodes from the past two years—conversations that deeply resonated with us and our listeners. This week, we’re revisiting our discussion with former Wisconsin Governor Marty Schreiber.

In this episode, Marty shared his heartfelt caregiving experience for his wife, Elaine. His story resonates deeply, from his vivid “chicken casserole” analogy—showing how caregivers often feel isolated as support dwindles over time—to a poignant moment when Elaine no longer recognized him but told him she thought she was falling in love with him again.

Marty’s reflections on love, grace, and resilience remind us of the profound connections that remain, even in life’s most challenging moments. Tune in to hear his impactful story and insights on caregiving— whether you've heard it before or not, you won’t want to miss it.

You can listen to it on your favorite streaming platforms, such as Apple and Spotify!

🍎 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/confessions-of-a-reluctant-caregiver/id1661715005

11/28/2024

Kendall Cloeter's passion for affordable housing and community revitalization shines through in her work with the Renovation Alliance. As a self-described "social worker by trade," Kendall brings a deep understanding of the challenges low-income homeowners face in the Roanoke Valley and a commitment to making a difference.

Under Kendall's leadership, the Renovation Alliance has grown from a small group of 50 volunteers rebuilding just five homes 25 years ago to an organization that now aims to serve 100 homes annually. Kendall's dedication to preserving affordable housing and empowering homeowners to age in place with dignity is genuinely inspiring. Through a combination of volunteer labor and skilled professional partnerships, the Renovation Alliance tackles a wide range of critical home repairs, from simple tasks like installing grab bars to more complex projects like HVAC replacements.

Kendall's insights into the impact of the Renovation Alliance's work are both heartwarming and eye-opening. By preserving homeownership and the equity that comes with it, the organization is helping to address issues of generational wealth and social justice. Moreover, the Renovation Alliance's focus on prioritizing the needs of older adults, individuals with disabilities, veterans, and single-parent households with young children underscores their holistic approach to community revitalization. Kendall's passion for this work shines through as she shares the stories of homeowners who have regained their independence and sense of pride in their homes while strengthening the fabric of the Roanoke community.

You can listen to it on your favorite streaming platforms, such as Apple and Spotify!

🍎 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/confessions-of-a-reluctant-caregiver/id1661715005

This series, sponsored by CVS Health, TENA USA , Norwegian Cruise Line, CareForward , Tactical Recovery , and Fisher House Foundation, highlights the incredible strength and dedication of military caregivers who stand by our Veterans every step of the way.

** Caregiver Action Network Caregiver Help Desk offers free support to family caregivers via phone, chat, or email Monday through Friday, 8:00 am - 7:00 pm Eastern. Get answers, resources, support group info, or a listening ear. Visit www.caregiveraction.org/helpdesk/ or call 855-277-3640.**

Thank you to our partners and sponsors in Heroes Caring for Heroes!

CareForward Norwegian Cruise Line Fisher House Foundation Semper Fi & America's Fund Elizabeth Dole Foundation Caregiver Action Network National Alliance for Caregiving Forge Health Helping a Hero Mutts With A Mission PBS Appalachia Virginia Blue Ridge PBS PsychArmor Institute Renovation Alliance Rock Island Farm Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregivers Tactical Recovery Summit BHC U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Wounded Warrior Project Sugarwish No Barriers USA

11/27/2024

Renovation Alliance is making a difference for Veterans in Roanoke by improving affordable housing! From tackling aging infrastructure to addressing historic underinvestment, they’re working to lift existing homes so they’re safe, livable, and welcoming. By preserving current housing stock and revitalizing vacant properties, they’re helping Veterans stay in their community and thrive. Tune in tomorrow to hear all the ways they're helping!

11/26/2024

Thom Deleuw's story reflects dedication and a father's love. After a 34-year career in law enforcement, Thom found his true purpose when his son, Jack, had a serious motorcycle accident that left him paralyzed from the chest down. Thom became Jack's full-time caregiver, viewing it as a "willing obligation" that highlights their strong bond.

Thom's journey has been marked by resilience and adaptability. He prepared for the “new role” by taking online courses and utilizing the VA caregiver support program, ensuring he was equipped to provide the specialized care Jack required. Despite the challenges, Thom maintains a positive outlook, emphasizing that the work doesn't "seem so bad" when you're caring for someone you love so deeply. His willingness to take on the role, rather than outsourcing it, speaks volumes about his unwavering commitment to his son's well-being.

Throughout their journey, Thom and Jack have faced setbacks, including a second motorcycle accident that left Jack paralyzed from the sternum down. Yet, their unbreakable spirit shines through, with Thom expressing pride in Jack's determination to regain his mobility and independence. The duo's shared sense of humor and camaraderie have been instrumental in navigating the ups and downs, demonstrating the power of a father-son relationship rooted in unconditional love and support.

You can listen to it on your favorite streaming platforms, such as Apple and Spotify!

🍎 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/confessions-of-a-reluctant-caregiver/id1661715005

This series, sponsored by CVS Health, TENA USA , Norwegian Cruise Line, CareForward , Tactical Recovery , and Fisher House Foundation, highlights the incredible strength and dedication of military caregivers who stand by our Veterans every step of the way.

** Caregiver Action Network Caregiver Help Desk offers free support to family caregivers via phone, chat, or email Monday through Friday, 8:00 am - 7:00 pm Eastern. Get answers, resources, support group info, or a listening ear. Visit www.caregiveraction.org/helpdesk/ or call 855-277-3640.**

Thank you to our partners and sponsors in Heroes Caring for Heroes!

CareForward Norwegian Cruise Line Fisher House Foundation Semper Fi & America's Fund Elizabeth Dole Foundation Caregiver Action Network National Alliance for Caregiving Forge Health Helping a Hero Mutts With A Mission PBS Appalachia Virginia Blue Ridge PBS PsychArmor Institute Renovation Alliance Rock Island Farm Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregivers Tactical Recovery Summit BHC U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Wounded Warrior Project Sugarwish No Barriers USA

11/26/2024

In tomorrow's "Heroes Caring for Heroes" series, we sit down with Thom, a full-time caregiver for his military veteran son Jack. Listen to this moment when he knew what he needed to do to take care of his son full-time.

11/23/2024

🌟 Did You Know? 🌟

There’s an incredible resource many don’t know about! VirginiaNavigator is a nonprofit dedicated to connecting veterans, older adults, people with disabilities, and caregivers to vital resources—free of charge.

💡 What They Offer:
🌐 Trusted websites: VeteransNavigator.org, SeniorNavigator.org, and disAbilityNavigator.org
✅ Directory of 27,000+ programs and services
✅ Expert advice via "Ask an Expert" and live chat
✅ Tools like the Caregiver Tech Tool Finder

We’re thrilled to spotlight VirginiaNavigator in this year’s Heroes Caring for Heroes podcast series. Thank you for empowering caregivers and families every day!

📢 Bookmark this amazing resource and share it with someone who might need it!

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Videos

✨ Feeling the weight of change this holiday season? ✨ The holidays can bring mixed emotions whether it's from grief, distance, or caregiving challenges. Even in tough times, you can create meaningful moments. Focus on gratitude, act with love, and honor loved ones. Light a candle, cook a favorite dish, or start a new tradition. Grief and joy can coexist. Your well-being is what matters. What intention will you set this year?

Support That Actually Supports 🌟 Ever been given a solution to a problem you don’t have? Annoying, right? Real support starts with a question: What do YOU need? It’s not about assuming or offering generic fixes. Every person is unique, and their support should be too.

What’s it really like to be a young carer? In tomorrow's episode, we listen back to Aditya Akella's story about how his school misunderstood the experience of caregiving. Instead of offering practical support, like flexibility with homework deadlines, assumptions were made about mental health challenges. While well-intentioned, this highlights the need for understanding over stereotypes. Join us as we explore young carers' unique challenges and needs, and why listening can make all the difference. #YoungCarers #Caregiving #CaregivingYouth

Emily is back with a perfectly timed topic - handling the holidays when there's been a change in your life. Life changes, and so can our traditions. Whether it’s losing a loved one or not gathering with family, meaningful memories are still possible. Traditions are about love and connection, not the how. Show up for each other—wherever you are. ❤️ What new tradition will YOU try this year?

🌟 Did You Know? 🌟 There’s an incredible resource many don’t know about! VirginiaNavigator is a nonprofit dedicated to connecting veterans, older adults, people with disabilities, and caregivers to vital resources—free of charge. 💡 What They Offer: 🌐 Trusted websites: VeteransNavigator.org, SeniorNavigator.org, and disAbilityNavigator.org ✅ Directory of 27,000+ programs and services ✅ Expert advice via "Ask an Expert" and live chat ✅ Tools like the Caregiver Tech Tool Finder We’re thrilled to spotlight VirginiaNavigator in this year’s Heroes Caring for Heroes podcast series. Thank you for empowering caregivers and families every day! 📢 Bookmark this amazing resource and share it with someone who might need it! #VirginiaNavigator #CaregivingSupport #VeteranCaregivers #HeroesCaringForHeroes #FamilyCaregivers

❤️ Semper Fi & America's Fund is spreading holiday cheer to service members, caregivers, and their families with parties and events. From stuffed stockings to supportive communities, they ensure no one feels alone this season.

Catch Crystal Lane's episode tomorrow and hear about her journey of understanding and accepting her partner's life challenges. Despite societal judgments, Crystal embraced the reality with an open heart, showing how love can look beyond obstacles. Tune in to hear an inspiring story about genuine acceptance and connection.

Don't miss tomorrow's latest educational episode in the Heroes Caring for Heroes series! We're spotlighting the incredible work of the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregivers. Learn how this organization supports caregivers of all backgrounds through innovative programs, advocacy, and resources. Tune in to hear from Mandy Barr, a caregiver coach and engagement specialist, as she shares the institute's mission to promote all caregivers' health, strength, and resilience.