Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver

Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver We're a dynamic duo of sisters sharing our caregiving journey w/ a mom & a spouse - the good, bad & funny! She’s the peacekeeper. She’s the athlete. Our rock.

The Original Sisterhood

Known since childhood as “The Elliott Girls” or simply, “The Girls”, it makes sense that we work together to support our mother, and each other. Our trio begins with Jenefer Jane “JJ” who was and always will be “in charge”. The responsible one, ensuring Natalie and Emilie remain alive. Next is Natalie, the middle child, who was and always will be Miss Congeniality. The reb

el responsible for three babysitters exiting the summer of ’84. Then there is Emilie, the youngest, who was and always will be “the baby”. At 6’1”, she is the sensitive and quiet soul. The one responsible for the guinea pig that begged for lettuce and the stray dog we adopted from the school bus stop. After high school we went separate ways, from New Mexico to North Carolina. JJ would go on to get her Master’s in Business Administration and work in the finance world before partnering with her now husband, Dexter, to run a variety of businesses. Natalie would go on to get her Master’s in Social Work degree, and work in the mental health field, advocating for children and families to receive the most appropriate services. Natalie would marry and divorce early on but later marry Jason. Emilie would exit college early to marry and gift us with Owen and twins, Maxx and Natalie Jane aka “The Kids”. Emilie would later divorce and work with county government, focusing most of her time on their care and activities. The source of the sisterhood falls to Jim aka “Big Jim” and Connie, small town high school sweethearts married for almost 40 years. In 2005, at the age of 52, mom would be diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. She hid the disease for years behind dad’s 6’2” frame. The tremors and sudden inability to move were both calmed and steadied by his arm and simple presence. He was her rock. Close family and friends knew of her chronic illness, but to the rest of the world, everything was “fine”. Life would turn upside down when our dad unexpectedly passed in 2011 of a massive heart attack at the age of 58. The assumption was Dad would always be mom’s caregiver but that wasn’t God’s plan. Mom would spend the years following our father’s death desperately seeking a cure for Parkinson’s while trying to manage her symptoms. As the years went by, the cruel symptoms associated with the disease increased, negatively impacting her body while her mind remained clear and in tune. We lived our lives checking in to make sure she was “okay” but knowing the day would come when we had to do more. And then it did. The summer of 2019 changed everything. That’s where the real caregiver story begins for us. Little did we know she would be only the beginning of our caregiving journey. In March 2022, Natalie’s husband, Jason, was diagnosed with head and neck cancer. From the first time Jason detected something off about the swollen lymph nodes in his neck, to the formal diagnosis, and the decision to move to New York City to participate in a clinical trial at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, the journey would push them to their limits. The silver lining of his diagnosis was the cancer brought them closer to God, restoring their faith in Him while also experiencing a myriad of blessings through the kindness of family, friends, and strangers. Their story is a testimony that will inspire and offer hope. And this is just a glimpse of this trio past and present - caregivers by default doing their best to do the best for a mom and a husband. We hope you'll join our journey as we confess the good, bad, and downright funny of our caregiving adventures.

Remember those Halloweens?When Star Wars costumes were epic —you swore you didn’t roll the neighbor’s yard (never!)…and ...
10/31/2025

Remember those Halloweens?

When Star Wars costumes were epic —
you swore you didn’t roll the neighbor’s yard (never!)…
and you definitely didn’t steal all your sister’s candy.
(Natalie — I know it was you!)

Here’s to hoping you’re bringing a little fun to caregiving this Halloween.
Hang a paper spider.
Throw some candy in a pumpkin.
Or just laugh about a costume that was unforgettable.

Because every day holds a glimmer —
even on the hard ones. 🎃💙

I was going to hold off on sharing this—because I know our outcome will be positive. I say that because we won’t stop un...
10/30/2025

I was going to hold off on sharing this—because I know our outcome will be positive. I say that because we won’t stop until it is. But this moment deserves its own spotlight—maybe someone needs it today.

Many of you know Mom uses the Duopa pump for her Parkinson’s. It’s been the godsend that changed everything—eliminating 20+ pills a day is one of the greatest parts.

Yesterday, I got the call: we were approved for the latest and greatest device! Could anything be better? This is! 🎉

The process? Let’s just say it’s been a ride. The nurse ambassador warned me—“It’ll be denied first.” (It was.) “Then we’ll go back, explain it’s new, not yet on the list, but FDA-approved.” And sure enough… yesterday, victory! Sort of.

Approved and ready to ship—with a $1,100 copay.
I laughed. Because honestly, what else can you do?

But here’s the thing—it shouldn’t feel like a gut punch to access better care.

So today, if you’re the advocate—discouraged and exhausted from closed doors and wrong answers—don’t stop. Ever. You, your loved one, every one of us, deserves the best care, not just the “approved” kind.

Our grandmother Bird used to say, “Never worry about anything money can fix.” Now, I’m not sure if she was a bank robber or just lucky, but she never worried. She worked, and she found a way.

Today, three tenacious and ferocious daughters have gathered our team, called on some saints for help, and are ready to fight like hell.
We’re not alone. Neither are you. 💙

This is a story for anyone who has ever felt torn between family, career, and caring for an aging parent. 💔In this week'...
10/28/2025

This is a story for anyone who has ever felt torn between family, career, and caring for an aging parent. 💔

In this week's deeply moving episode of "Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver," Ed DeVaney joins us to share his journey as a son, a father, and a caregiver.

Ed was building his career and young family in North Carolina when his mother in Chicago was diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer's. He speaks with raw honesty about the guilt of missing his children's moments, the tension with siblings, and the heart-wrenching struggle to honor his mother's wish to never go into a nursing home.

His reflections on vulnerability, the importance of asking for help, and finding grace for yourself and others will resonate with many of us walking this path.

We know this story will touch your heart. Please share it with a friend who might need to hear they are not alone.

Tap the link to listen to Ed's powerful story: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2101429/episodes/18015768

Yesterday we all went our separate ways —Self-Care at Sea cruisers stepping back into the world of care.Some to loved on...
10/27/2025

Yesterday we all went our separate ways —
Self-Care at Sea cruisers stepping back into the world of care.

Some to loved ones.
Some to work.
Some to care for ourselves in new ways.

Would our paths ever have crossed if not for care?
Care for a parent. A partner. A child. Or even… finally, ourselves.

Probably not. But in one unforgettable week, 22 people came together and touched each other’s lives. It’s amazing what time away can do — laughter, learning, ziplining, snorkeling, talking, dinners shared, waterslides, Monopoly, card games, and even a little needlepoint.

Here’s to lava cake, laughter, no dishwashing, and someone else making the bed. Until our paths meet again… take care. 🌴💙

So many reason - we’re grateful. 💙

If you’ve been missing our posts… well, we’ve left the country! 🌴Since last year, we’ve been planning the Self-Care at S...
10/22/2025

If you’ve been missing our posts… well, we’ve left the country! 🌴

Since last year, we’ve been planning the Self-Care at Sea Cruise with our incredible co-hosts onboard the NCL Aqua — Elizabeth Miller of Happy Healthy Caregiver and Vidya Ayyr of BrainCharge.

And on Sunday… we set sail! 🚢 Surrounded by old friends, new faces, and the promise of rest, we’ve been reminded that self-care looks different for everyone.

Today, part of our crew headed off for a day of island fun in St. Thomas — an impromptu adventure pulled together on WhatsApp (because caregivers know how to organize on the fly!).

JJ and Dexter chose quiet time together — a simple walk into town, a stop at KFC, no tours, no expectations. Just time. 💙

And Emilie? She went solo to Magens Bay — big straw hat, sunglasses, and a shady spot all to herself. 🌊

The lesson?
Whatever fills your cup — do that.

A walk with someone you love, a group adventure, or time completely alone. It’s not always easy to make it happen… but it’s always worth it. 💫

10/21/2025

“The identity I claim most proudly now is ‘Dad.’” 💙

This week’s episode features a conversation that will stay with you. We meet Chris Schuler, whose world shifted when his father was diagnosed with an aggressive brain cancer.

Chris takes us on his journey—from being adopted from Colombia and raised in a close-knit New York family, to becoming the primary caregiver for his father. He shares the raw, real, and often overlooked side of caregiving: the immediate shift into crisis mode, the physical and mental exhaustion, and the struggle to balance being a parent himself while caring for his dad.

But amidst the hardship, he found strength in his family's legacy of love and laughter. He learned to cherish every moment and bring light to the darkest days. His story is a powerful testament to the fact that family isn't just about blood—it's about choice, commitment, and unwavering love.

If you've ever cared for a loved one, know a caregiver, or simply need a reminder of the strength of the human spirit, this episode is for you.

👉 Listen to the full episode here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2101429/episodes/18011367

Yesterday we did a thing. Again. 💙As Natalie introduced CareForward at our kickoff, I saw the tears well up and heard he...
10/18/2025

Yesterday we did a thing. Again. 💙

As Natalie introduced CareForward at our kickoff, I saw the tears well up and heard her voice shake. Twenty-five years in corporate America and this isn’t how “professionals” usually do business.

But CareForward isn’t business as usual — it’s personal. It’s purpose.

And yes, I needed a full box of tissues to catch the snot sandwich (you know it’s real when the mascara starts running). Because this is our “why.” For a time such as this.

Yesterday, we officially launched our first four localities in Southwest Virginia — Grayson, Russell, Smyth, and Washington Counties.
In December, we’ll announce more across the Commonwealth.

And in 2026… we’re headed your way, neighbors!

👉 Tennessee, are you ready?
👉 North Carolina, will you join us?
👉 West Virginia, will you stand with us?
👉 Kentucky, will you ?

Because when neighbors care for neighbors, communities change. One connection at a time. One act of kindness at a time.

💙 Learn more or sign up to volunteer at careforward.io

What we think life’s supposed to look like:A straight path, maybe a few curves, smooth sailing.What it really looks like...
10/15/2025

What we think life’s supposed to look like:
A straight path, maybe a few curves, smooth sailing.

What it really looks like:
Mountains. Ravines. Sinkholes. (And sometimes a few detours through Crazy Town.)
We laughed at this image because we never really saw life as a straight line—even as kids. Maybe a curvy road, sure. But now? It’s more like roller coasters and backroads combined.

Lost jobs to big raises.
In love to broken hearts.
Supermodel figure to sumo wrestler (okay… maybe that’s just me).
Good health to “how did I get here?”
And through it all, I’ve learned.

At 28, I opened my first savings account—because jobs weren’t forever. I realized Chick-fil-A wasn’t a food group, and fruits and vegetables weren’t out to harm me. Most importantly, I learned you can’t prepare for everything… but you can hold on tight, keep showing up, and keep learning.

I became a caregiver, an advocate, and discovered I could be fierce. I could be strong.

Life will keep throwing bumps, valleys, and maybe even the occasional sinkhole. The question is—what have you learned about yourself that you carry with you when the valleys return?

10/14/2025

For any parent who has ever had to fight for their child’s health, this one’s for you. ❤️

This week on the podcast, we sit down with Tricia Fitzgerald, a mother of six whose family navigates the complexities of chronic autoimmune conditions. Her caregiving journey began in her own childhood with undiagnosed symptoms and continues today as she advocates for her children.

She opens up about the real, raw side of caregiving: the exhaustion, the frustration of being dismissed by doctors, and the toll it can take on a marriage. But she also shares the beautiful, practical ways her family stays strong—like using code words "mashed potatoes" and "mockingbird" to lighten the mood during tough moments.

Her story is a powerful reminder that you are not alone in the fight. It’s about finding joy in the small things, leaning on your partner, and teaching your kids to use their own voices.

If you’ve ever been a caregiver, a patient, or a parent who feels unheard, you need to hear Tricia’s message of perseverance and love.

👉 Listen to the episode here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2101429/episodes/17933410

We try to eat healthy.Put Nat on a desert island with scrambled eggs and avocados — she’s basically on vacation. 🥑Em scr...
10/09/2025

We try to eat healthy.

Put Nat on a desert island with scrambled eggs and avocados — she’s basically on vacation. 🥑
Em scrapes off the top of the pepperoni pizza and calls it low-carb. 🍕
JJ… well, let’s not talk about the Oreo issue. 😬

But even our “healthy” choices might not save us from what’s hiding in our food.

Today we came across a Milken Institute study that drug-resistant E. coli from meat may be linked to rising UTI rates — and some strains don’t respond well to antibiotics.

👉 Curious (and maybe a little concerned)?
Read more about what the researchers discovered here:

Since the early 1990s, cases of urinary tract infections have grown and become more challenging to treat due to a puzzling increase in antibiotic resistance.

While most UTIs aren’t very dangerous, when untreated they can lead to serious complications, or even death.

With UTIs generating over $2 billion in U.S. healthcare costs annually, scientists have been trying to understand this rise. Recent studies reveal a surprising source—contaminated meat.

Learn more about what’s behind this increase in infections and how to avoid it: https://on.natgeo.com/46VitW6

10/07/2025

Have you ever been a caregiver for a loved one? If so, you know how overwhelming it can be—both emotionally and financially.

This week on the podcast, we're talking with Neal Shah, whose life was turned upside down when he became a caregiver for his grandfather and then his wife. Those personal experiences opened his eyes to how broken the system is, and he decided to do something about it.

He left his high-powered finance job to start CareYaYa, a fantastic non-profit that helps families find reliable, affordable care by connecting them with motivated student caregivers. He's also fighting back against unfair insurance denials with his AI platform, Counterforce Health.

His story is heartbreaking, inspiring, and so important. It will resonate with anyone who has ever cared for a family member or felt frustrated by the healthcare system.

Tune in to hear his incredible journey and learn about his mission to support the unsung heroes of healthcare: caregivers.

👉 Listen now: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2101429/episodes/17933402

Caregiving isn’t just about helping someone live longer — it’s about helping them live better.Some days, that means jugg...
10/06/2025

Caregiving isn’t just about helping someone live longer — it’s about helping them live better.

Some days, that means juggling deadlines, emotional outbursts, tears in the car — and still showing up with love.

I came across this essay, “The invisible burdens of caregiving for aging loved ones,” where Jackie Norris shares what it’s really like to work full time and come home to caregiving tasks that never end.

It hit me hard — not because it was dramatic, but because it was honest, raw, familiar.

If you need to read someone else’s truth today — someone who’s carrying both your workday and your nights — take a few minutes and read this. You’re not alone.

https://fearlessbr.com/guest-essay-the-invisible-burdens-of-caregiving-for-aging-loved-ones/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

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