22/07/2024
Hey y'all. Hope all is well with everyone.
I "took the weekend off" to try to rest. I didn't read, I didn't write, I didn't edit/format....literally the ONLY "work" I did was e-mail 3 people who had submitted to an open call that I'm having to now put on hold due to lack of interest. (I can't make an antho with only 3 stories! I mean, I COULD, but no.)
So what DID I do? I spent time with my kids. We played cards, yahtzee, charades, and hangman. They're 20, 18, and 17 - so these times are becoming more and more rare and will only continue to decline as they grow older - so I soaked up EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE. of it all.
I'm not leaving with Tim in the morning. I'm off tomorrow and have a TON of paperwork to fill out and mail in for my oldest dudes disability case. Then I plan to rest some more.
Tuesday is uncertain - but as of right now, I'll be going to the plasma center for my first 'donation', then POSSIBLY will have to drive 1.5hrs down to the 'yard' to meet up with Tim to possibly work Wednesday. But, that may get pushed back to Thursday.
Being off ALL my mental meds has me a MASSIVE MESS. I'm so out of it. My moods are all over the place - literally within minutes of each other. Yay for rapid-cycling. But mostly I feel drained, disoriented, and just flat out YUCKY.
I have no interest in what usually brings me joy - my writing, reading, sublimations, laser engravings, nothing is grabbing my attention.
I just pulled up my story for our upcoming charity anthology - read a few sentences, and literally just wanted to trash the whole thing. In fact, I had the entire thing highlighted and was just about to hit that 'delete' button... but then I took a deep breath and clicked out of it. I don't know that I'll use it, or just run through a bunch of edits, or what, yet... but I honestly felt like it was all trash. So, needless to say, I'm still going through my writers block and my head is messing with me hardcore right now.
I think I'm just going to go ahead and crawl into bed for the night. Try to get a good sleep (I actually HAVE been sleeping better now that I'm off all those conflicting medications!), and see what tomorrow holds. Maybe I'll feel better, maybe I won't. Only time will tell.
Anyway, sorry for the long post.... I hope everyone has a wonderful evening.
Stay safe and much love,
Tracey.