02/13/2024
Loving your body, really loving your body is not easy. A morning manifesto. 🧘🏽♀️
We are conditioned as women to look a certain way and our society has our mind in a vice grip so much so we can’t even understand the repercussions. I once too hated my body, at one point in high school I self abused. My once 300lb frame was not acceptable by most, I was stared at often ridiculed and sometimes ostracized.
Fast forward to 2003 when i lost over 100lbs and finally felt like I made it, but did I??? At this stage it was a mental game of weight loss, how much can I lose and if I went up on the scale the depression that followed. I was confused and felt like things were better but I still didn’t like what I saw and wasn’t satisfied. I took laxatives to aid in weight loss, I would starve before weigh ins, all the while feeling twisted in what I desired. I wanted to be skinny, have a boyfriend/husband, get married and live happily ever after dammit! Well, I actually got what I wanted but it didn’t last. My marriage didn’t last, the weight loss didn’t last, my confidence was shattered, and I was left with only one person to comfort…myself. Which didn’t happen but what did happen was a decade of a messy life and no love given to comfort my broken soul.
My father’s passing, a major break up, covid, and isolation changed it all. I was forced to be with myself all day everyday. I had to make amends with my inner child and apologize to her for how I treated her. I had to sit with difficult feelings, major grief, depression, and other deeper emotions that I wasn’t prepared to handle.
Today I thank God for the time I had alone, I thank God for the break up, the isolation, and even the sadness that had to flush out. What was left was the strength God revealed was still inside of me, it had never left, in fact it had never been used properly until now. I love every inch of my body, the saggy parts, the little parts, the big parts, because all the parts are making me the best most beautiful version of myself. The God-like image we all know is there.
