The Professional Step-Dad

08/10/2023

“You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever.” #❤️

08/05/2023

Happy 14th Birthday

All I wish is that God helps you achieve your dreams, conquer all the success in life and make you happy.

May all of your wishes come true and know that as your Dad, I'm very proud of you and I always will be! My world revolves around you, and that's why I call you SON❗️

07/18/2023

Manuel Antonio 2023 🇨🇷

07/03/2023

Excited to be a guest on the Step Parent World podcast this week to discuss the complex journey of being a Step-Dad.

I have Franco Zavala from The Professional Step-Dad on my podcast show this week.
We will be discussing what it takes to be a step dad and the challenges it brings. Definitely a podcast for all you wonderful step dads out there.
I will also be asking Franco for his opinion on why some men find it so difficult to share their emotions and feelings.

Don’t miss this one guys its going to good.

Remember to visit www.stepparentworld.com to subscribe for free to receive all my new podcasts and blogs the minute they go live.

06/22/2023

One of the things I love to do is support fellow Step-Dad's who are not only making their family better but they are also making their community better.

Today I want to highlight Bo Burmylo a Step-Dad who has a small company he started because of his love of animals. After losing his Dad, Bo wanted to share, with the world, exactly what his father meant to him. Bo dedicated countless hours and become laser focused on keeping his passion alive.

Please help me support Bo, and his fathers memory, by taking a look at his website SLB reptiles....

https://www.facebook.com/realSLBReptiles?mibextid=ZbWKwL

SLB Reptiles breeding program brings you an assortment of reptiles such as geckos, snakes, and drago

12/30/2022

❤️Couples Goal Retreat 2023

Each year .zavala and I book a hotel near home, break out our notebooks and tabletop easel, turn on some relaxing music and spend the day setting personal goals, professional goals, fitness goals, relationship goals, family goals, spiritual goals, and of course ONE BIG ASS GOAL.

Spending time connecting, communicating and creating with one another has strengthened our relationship with each passing year. I am so incredibly grateful that we made the decision to start our little tradition!

11/28/2022

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.

10/10/2022

Thank you again Jamie for having me on your show and for the wonderful conversation. The Kick-Ass Stepmom Podcast

You all asked, and it's finally here. I am often asked for resources for Stepdads and to be honest, had never really found one that resonated until I found today's guest.   Franco Zavala is a coach, speaker, podcast host and stepdad to 5. He is on a mission to build, grow, and maintain a strong...

08/23/2022

You have to let go and move on from your past so you can become the Step-Dad you want to be! If you continue to hold on to your fears, doubts, or worries of becoming a Step-Dad you will never grow to your full potential. LET GO and MOVE ON

08/06/2022

Son, success isn’t something that happens by accident or wishes. It’s the result of working hard and never giving up. Remember these words as you journey through your teenage years. Happy Birthday Young Man

Love Dad

07/26/2022

I am so proud of all your amazing accomplishments and of course your beautiful ❤️ Never forget how much you inspire those who follow your journey. I hope you always know that you are my whole world, my everything, the greatest love of my life.

07/09/2022

“I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” - Paulo Coelho

06/19/2022

Happy Fathers Day Step-Dad’s 🍻🍻

06/10/2022

A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss… That’s the trade-off. But I’ll take it all!

05/25/2022

Had a wonderful time on the Encouragement Engineering Podcast with host Bob Brumm. Thank you again for having me on good sir and keep changing the world one episode at a time.

04/27/2022

You go through life wondering what is it all about but at the end of the day it's all about family.

04/25/2022

My favourite words are possibilities, opportunities and CURIOSITY. I think if you are curious, you create opportunities, and then if you open the doors, you CAN create possibilities.

04/24/2022

There are no perfect parents and there are no perfect children, but there are plenty of perfect moments along the way.

04/22/2022

Step-Dad’s, believe me when I say that my journey has not been a simple journey of progress. There have been many ups and downs, and it is the choices that I made at each of those times that helped shape the man, leader, and father I am today.

03/24/2022

I recently read in an article about the 6 things successful people do that separate them from virtually everyone else. In every success example each one of them had their own morning ritual. Whether it was mediation, reading a chapter of their favorite book, or simply looking out into the morning while envisioning their life. The common ground that they all share is that they prepare for their day, on their own terms, understanding that they can’t plan every moment out but they can prepare on how they will REACT to it. They all understand that the real problems of life will blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

So what is your plan Step-Dad’s? What are you going to start doing today that will ensure your opportunity for success in your blended family? What are you doing everyday that could potentially sabotage your opportunity? What can you do to avoid this self sabotage?

Make plans to really change or don’t! That is the beauty of life, we can choose to change and become better at any given moment for ourselves and for our family or we can choose continue to make excuses on why it’s everyone else’s fault that we’re not successful. In order to accomplish this we must first learn how to get out of our own way and allow greatness to be born through PATIENCE.

So set your goals, follow through with your action steps, and really see change in your life or don’t do anything.

It’s your choice.....

The Professional Step-Dad

03/23/2022

Have patience Step-Dad’s. It’s all worth it when you stay focused on your WHY.

Welcome to the Professional Step-Dad Show, a place where we share stories, strategies routines, and ideas for men just like you. Our mission is to help you answer one question and one question only; how can I be a better Step-Dad?

03/18/2022

Family should be your rock not your excuse.........
This just happened to me and I wanted to share it because the outcome was amazing!

While at the bank, I was talking to the gentleman behind the counter, Justin. I have been waited on by Justin several times in the past but this day was the first time we really had a conversation outside of bank business. He asked me if I had done a commercial for Cisco Systems recently, which I replied yes. He congratulated me and then proceeded to tell me how he always wanted to be an actor but gave it up 12 years ago when he got married and had a baby. I was interested in what he said next and this is the reason for this particular blog today.

He said that he thought about going back to acting several times, but when his second child came that is when his dream became more distant. So, for his family, he decided to get a job as a banker. That was 9 years ago.

**Before I go any further I want you to really understand how precious life is and how quickly it flies by**
Then I asked him why he didn't try and pick acting back up. I could clearly see how passionate he was about it from the tone of his voice and the way he lit up talking about the past. He then proceeded to list around 15 different excuses on why he couldn't go back and out of those 15 excuses, only one was a legitimate reason (kind of).

#5 My wife would definitely not agree with me going back to acting because my current job is stable and provides benefits. She would absolutely hate it if I brought it up.
I of course agreed with Justin, I mean having the support of your loved ones is very important. I asked him if his wife got upset when he mentioned giving acting another try. He smiled and shook his head and said "Oh, no no no I would never actually bring that subject up to her. There is no chance she would ever go for it." "Wait" I said. " You have never actually mentioned this to her?" He explained to me that over the years he brought it up in passing, but it's usually treated like a running joke.

You see, Justin does not see his family as his rock he sees them as his excuse not to chase his dreams. He is using them as a shield to block out his passion and then assumes that his family would resent him if he ever mentioned it. I could definitely understand where Justin was coming from and when I first got into acting my family treated my decision like it was the worst thing in the world. Then I re-met my current wife, took on the responsibility of her five kids, and in a lot of peoples eyes, complicated the s**t out of my acting dream. My wife knew what I did for a living and instead of resenting me for it, she gave me her full support and so did my kids. That love, that support, that belief, has allowed me to not only chase this dream but to do it with a full heart. But all of that was only possible because I shared my passion with my wife and explained to her why I was doing it. I was honest with her about not wanting to give up; and to be honest, over the years I actually quit acting twice but my wife brought me back.

This is the information I shared with Justin. I explained to him that is was time to see his family as the reason to chase his dream not the excuse to stay away. You could see his wheels turning! "I'm going to bring it up to her" he said. I gave him my personal cell phone number and asked him to keep me in the loop. Two days later I received a text from Justin that simply said -She's in-. Today at the bank I asked him how everything was going and he replied, Great! He had signed up for a few acting classes and is getting his mojo back for the business. He is not sure when he will completely walk away from his full time job but is excited to know that his dream is alive and well.........

Your family is your rock. Your family is your drive. Your family is your heart.....
They are not your excuse.......... Stay Focused

03/11/2022

Changing The Narrative: No More ‘Evil Stepparents’

What does it mean to ‘Change the Narrative’? One definition I’ve read says, “Changing the narrative is synonymous with changing the story. This means either something has happened that changes things or you are making something happen that changes things. Or, you are choosing to focus on something else that happened which changes the story/narrative.”

Although this definition is good, I still want a more simplistic way of looking at this. So, I’ve decided to look at the movie Jaws. The movie Jaws is a story about an insatiable man-eating shark. All the stories about insatiable, man-eating sharks add up to a broader narrative of sharks being dangerous and predatory creatures. The narrative and stories about sharks rest on powerful deep narratives about the human relationship to nature and a fear of the unknown.

Basically what this means is that our FEAR can be directly linked to our first introduction and mental images of the narrative we’ve been conditioned to believe as true.
This was so interesting to me, especially when I really took a moment and thought about why I can’t stand the ocean. (And why my biggest fear is being eaten alive by a shark.) This fear is largely based off of my untrue, and yet self-created understanding of sharks from the first movie (narrative) in my head.

In order to change the perspective, you have to change the narrative.

Sure, you get the point with Jaws. But what about family dynamics? When I think back and remember the first time I was introduced to the phrase ‘stepparent,’ I remember the quote “NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!” I remember watching that movie as a kid and thinking to myself, man, stepparents must all be evil people who only want to deliver pain and suffering.

I kept that mental image throughout my childhood and into my teen years. Any time I referred to the phrase ‘stepparent,’ I immediately and unconsciously labeled them in my head as evil or scary.

“When you begin to change the way you look at things; the things you look at change.” — Wayne Dyer
In a way, I am grateful for the narrative I had growing up because it prepared me for my future. I knew that becoming a stepparent was not going to be an easy road, but I was optimistic.

I assumed that because I was marrying one of my childhood friends it was going to be a walk in the park. But I learned, very quickly, that my wife, her mom and dad, the grandparents and a few of her friends all shared the exact same narrative towards stepparents that I had. To make matters worse, my wife’s mother and my wife’s grandmother were both abused and molested as kids, so you can image how closely they watched my every move until they saw how invested I was in building a strong family dynamic.

Today, I find myself fighting for a progressive narrative change, as it pertains to the way society values stepparents from all walks of life.

As a stepparent, I don’t want to be compared, labeled, or seen as anything else other than someone who stepped up and committed to the journey.
I have worked my ass off over the past ten years to build the perfect amount of trust within my family, but I was only successful because I chose to approach this journey differently. I had to challenge the status quo and change the way I valued myself and my worth within the family. Once I did that, my entire world changed for the better.

I was finally able to narrow my focus and build a strong foundation for the future. The best part was that I finally altered my personal narrative towards being a stepparent and never looked back.

The steps I took required patience, discipline, and most of all compassion:

First I worked on myself.
Then I worked on my relationship.
Then I focused on the kids.
It took years of trial and error before I was able to create this method of positive family growth. The trick, honestly, is balance. And reminding yourself that what you’ve been conditioned to believe doesn’t have to be (and isn’t always) the truth.

03/10/2022

The Honest Truth About Being A Step-Dad

My reason and purpose for being a stepparent is to cultivate a power family dynamic centered around trust that will withstand the test of time.

When I made the decision to become a stepparent 10 years ago, a common phrase I heard repeatedly was, “You are a better man than I am.” I took that statement literally and at face value. I just naturally assumed that they were all referring to the fact that because I was accepting responsibility for five kids that are not biologically mine, that they couldn’t or wouldn’t ever do it.

Fair enough. I mean, there are not a lot of men that I know, in their 30’s and single, who would drop everything they are doing right now and fully commit to parenthood. And that’s completely understandable.

However, as time passed, I began to realize that embedded deep inside that statement, were life lessons and values that I needed to learn if I ever hoped to succeed at being a stepparent.

Sometimes being a stepparent feels like a never-ending battle that you’re (sometimes) fighting alone.
Stepparents always have to try harder. We over stress about things we can’t control. We tend to walk on eggshells to avoid awkward situations and scenarios. We all hold things in when we shouldn’t. We don’t enjoy ruffling feathers or causing problems of any kind. We tend to “go with the flow” to avoid unnecessary arguments. We sometimes feel afraid to confront or suggest things in fear of actions or reactions.

We all feel like it takes longer to secure our place in the family due to outside interference and distractions (Ex: bio parent, other stepparents, step-grandparents, bonus aunts, uncles and cousins) as people often assume we are living with one foot out the door.

We all walk around, either consciously or unconsciously, with the feeling that people view us only by the social labels associated with being a stepparent or by the people we were in the past.
It has been 10 years since I committed to my family and I went through almost everything listed above. And honestly, sometimes it doesn’t feel any easier.

As a stepparent, I’ve walked on eggshells:

My mother-in-law and her mother (grandma) were treated horribly by several step-fathers in their lives. So, even though I’ve known both of them for almost my entire life, that did not change the way they looked at me when it came to being the “new” dad in the house.

For the first 5 years, I had to constantly hold back my ideas, thoughts, feelings, and actions when I was around them, in fear of their reactions. It did not matter what I did as a stepparent, their perspective would never change until my wife and I took control of the situation and showed them they had nothing to worry about.

As a stepparent, I’ve overexerted myself trying to be ‘perfect’:

My kids lost their bio dad to a heart attack when he was only 37. He was a hard worker, owned two successful companies, and was an all-around great Dad. Those are not easy shoes to fill, nor did I try to fill his shoes in any way.

I instinctively knew that if I wanted to succeed, I would have to do things my way, instead of trying to compete with his legacy. The amount of effort I put into the family, on a daily basis, can be measured by the amount of love and trust we have for one another.

As a stepparent, I’ve had to battle stereotypes and labels:

One of the biggest obstacles I faced as a new parent/stepparent was the perception people had of me as a MAN.

When I entered my family ten years ago, I was 31 years old, just starting out as an actor, and my only means of income was checks I received from the military. How was I going to stack up against a dentist that built two successful practices that translated into real financial stability?

The very first time I was introduced to his (bio dad’s) side of the family was a day I will never forget. Let me paint you a picture: Chris (bio dad) was a caucasian, blue-colored businessman, who was raised in the church. I was a retired Army Vet, who transitioned into the entertainment industry at an age where most men my age are building their careers. I was covered with tattoos and at the time I had my ears pierced, so naturally, I felt like I was being judged at every turn.

For several years I received nothing but anger and hate from his side of the family because they all felt like I was not there for the right reasons. It wasn’t until I started to find real success as an actor, that they changed their tone about me as a man and as a father.

What I learned years later was that the anger and hate was a mixture of pain and loss on their side and concern about the kind of father and husband I was going to turn out to be. They didn’t care about my tattoos, the car I drove, the career path I chose, or my Hispanic heritage. All of those reasons were self-inflicted judgments on my part.

All of this has taught me that when people say, “You’re a better man than me for being a stepparent,” they were really referring to all of the obstacles I would eventually face along my journey.
In many ways, being a stepparent is similar to that of a superhero. Think about it for a moment: We go where no man/woman dares to go. We fight evil and negativity almost every day of our lives in the hopes that one day there will be peace and happiness. We do little things for other people, sometimes with little or no appreciation.

But we go through all of it because as stepparents, we share a common goal and dream: to cultivate a power family dynamic, centered around trust, that will withstand the test of time.

If I had known then what I know now, I am not sure I would have jumped into the pool with both feet. Maybe I would have chosen the path of least resistance. Maybe I would have listened to my friends and family and walked away when they told me to.

But, as it turns out, my purpose on earth was to be a stepparent and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

03/08/2022

How To Change Your Life As a Step-Parent: Choose Gratitude

As step-parents, we all tend to get overwhelmed by the rigor of life in one way or another. We get caught up and neglect the good, simple moments. We forget to choose gratitude. Instead, we worry and stress about our jobs, we begin to seriously doubt our self-worth, we second guess every action and decision, and we fail to cultivate and maintain the positive relationships in our lives that truly matter.

In short, we are losing precious time that we can never get back.

I am a Step-Dad of five kids and it’s safe to say that my house can get loud and out of control at times. Yesterday, I found myself annoyed and frustrated because my older kids were screaming and yelling. I wanted to watch my show, and all my son wanted me to do was sit there and watch him play video games all day.

Who’s got time for that?

All I wanted to do was sit there and enjoy some peace and quiet and instead I had NO peace and TONS of loudness.

Put yourself in my shoes for a moment. Maybe you don’t have five kids, maybe you only have one or two. You understand why I was frustrated right? All I wanted was some peace and quiet so I could hear myself think. So yes, I was upset for a few moments, and then I realized something very profound.

“I will never be able to get this time back will I?”

Let’s look at the facts. My oldest daughter is now married, my other daughters are growing up way too fast, so playtime with dad won’t last much longer, and my son is getting to that age where soon, dad will no longer be the center of his world.

What will I miss by focusing on the negatives rather than what this situation could be?

So in that moment, I took a deep breath, scanned the room, and closed my eyes for a few seconds to express my gratitude instead of focusing on my attitude. I opened my eyes and all of the feelings of anger and frustration were replaced with smiles and laughter.

“You can always pause a movie, but you can’t ever pause life.”

I talked with my oldest daughter Brinley about boys. I got a huge hug from my daughter, Emma, which never happens. I played piano with my daughter Clara. I snuggled with my daughter, Aften, and yes, I even sat in front of the TV and watched my son play video games for about an hour. Then, to top the night off, I was able to spend quality time with my wife, free of distractions.

Everything changed the moment I chose gratitude over attitude.

Welcome to the Professional Step-Dad Show, a place where we share stories, strategies routines, and ideas for men just like you. Our mission is to help you answer one question and one question only; how can I be a better Step-Dad?

02/25/2022

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.”

02/23/2022

"Families are the compass that guides us. They are the inspiration to reach great heights, and our comfort when we occasionally falter."

12/23/2021

Short Clip 🎥 Episode 100

12/23/2021

I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down and interviewing fellow Step-Dad and all around badass for our 💯th episode 🎧 This is an episode you don’t want to miss!
•••Release Date: 12-30-21•••

11/16/2021

Confront Your “Dark Side”