Sue Schleifer, Life and Leadership Coaching

02/05/2024

Want to read my latest blog post? Memory Play.

My friend Masha has been sorting through old family slide carousels. She has sent me several photos that she took of the slides that include my family, as our parents were best of friends. And now, after many years, Masha and I have reconnected and re-energized our friendship! What is so great about...

07/04/2023

How Do We Help?

I heard her voice first and then stood up and peeked into the next room to see Clare (not her real name) in a cap and gown. She was smiling and crying at the same time as she stood tall to have her picture taken. While I probably shouldn’t admit it, Clare has been my favorite student among the many that I have tutored during the past year.

The adult students who come to the non-profit center are studying to get their high school diploma. For one reason or another, they didn’t complete high school and are now giving it another chance through an individualized self-study program and with the help of volunteer tutors as well as a dedicated staff. Most of the students that I have worked with are smart and motivated. Most are eager to finish and some are hungry to learn.

What I loved about working with Clare was her enthusiasm, desire to learn, and ability to show her gratitude. I helped her with writing, a subject that I enjoy and that I happen to know something about. For an assignment, she decided to write an essay about taking her kids to Disneyland. What started out as a boring piece anyone might write, became more personal and poignant as I asked her to tell me more about her experiences and the senses that were enlivened. Tears came to her eyes. We explored her emotions, and I encouraged her to write about what she was experiencing. She asked, “I can do that?” “Yes, that’s what makes your writing unique,” I told her. She ended up writing a piece filled with detail, emotion, and power. She was so happy with her writing and what she was learning, and so was I.

This week I was working with a student (I’ll call him Jason) on his government textbook and answers to the boring questions that accompany the text. He wasn’t into it and I tried to enliven the text with real world examples. The Supreme Court had just that morning made the decision that overturned affirmative action in colleges. I asked him if he had heard the news. No. Did he know about affirmative action? No. Did he want to know about it? No. He just wanted to get through the assignment. I’m sure he left our tutoring session just as dispirited as I was.

How do I help Jason and show the same respect and encouragement for him as I did for Clare? How do I find a way to engage him and spark a desire for learning and curiosity that will last him a lifetime? These are the questions that teachers and parents ask themselves every day. I will continue to reflect on these questions, ask other tutors and the staff for suggestions, and explore different ways to be of help.

I’m reminded of a book that I read many years ago, “How Can I Help?” by Ram Dass & Paul Gorman. Perhaps it’s time to reread this book.

05/05/2023

It Felt Good

I must admit that it felt good, satisfying even, to hear laughter several times on Monday as my scene was read out loud by two classmates. And this wasn’t the first time. The week before the same thing happened. My writing actually caused these serious-minded activists and mostly retired Bay Area progressive intellectuals to laugh out loud during our playwriting class.

I don’t think of myself as a particularly funny person. I am incapable of telling a joke and rarely come up with funny one-liners in response to someone else’s comments. What I am learning in class is that I can use my observational skills to write dialogue that illustrates how absurd or comical our language and our ideas about ourselves and others can be especially in contrast with one another. And I am having fun putting these thoughts down on paper.

As I play with writing lighter, funnier scenes, I am also questioning this idea of myself as a serious person who needs to write about serious topics. We all have these images of ourselves that may or may not be necessary or may have morphed over time. If we give ourselves the opportunity to question our beliefs or try a new way of being, thinking, or doing, we might just develop more flexibility and more options in our lives.

This week I examined photographs of the wild gowns that celebrities donned for the Met Gala and tried to imagine wearing and posing in such a get up. It wasn’t just the elaborate fabrics, jewels, hairdos, make-up, high-heels, nails, body-exposing gowns, and tattoos, it was the looks on their faces as they composed their attitude for the camera.

I can imagine writing about this scene, but I cannot imagine putting on a show like that personally. It would even be challenging for me if I were acting it out in a play.

We each have our limits. What relationships or causes are worth stretching and flexing for? When is it potentially fun, and when is it just too scary to imagine? Perhaps we don’t know until we try something, and then practice at it until it feels more comfortable. Or, perhaps we don’t really want to find out. We each get to decide over and over and over again throughout our lives.
🤣

04/04/2023

Experiment with ChatGPT

We have been hearing about the advances in artificial intelligence a lot more recently, so I decided to give ChatGPT a try. I was curious if it could write a blog post that might mimic my writing style. I gave ChatGPT the following prompt:

Write a blog post in a similar style to Sue Schleifer on the topic of finding one's voice. What follows is its second attempt (written in approximately two minutes) which in my mind was better than its first try.

Below is an excerpt from ChatGPT's post:

Finding Your Voice: A Journey of Self-Discovery

Have you ever felt like you're not being heard? Or that your words don't have any impact? Finding your voice is about more than just speaking up - it's about discovering your true self and expressing it authentically.

For many people, finding their voice is a journey of self-discovery that requires time, patience, and a willingness to explore their inner selves. Here are some tips to help you find your voice:

Reflect on your values and beliefs: Your values and beliefs are the foundation of who you are. Take some time to reflect on what matters most to you and what you stand for. Write them down and keep them close to you as a reminder of what you hold dear.

Explore your interests and passions: What makes you come alive? What activities or hobbies do you enjoy? Exploring your interests and passions can help you discover your unique talents and strengths....

Remember, finding your voice is a process of self-discovery, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and a willingness to explore your inner self. But when you find your voice, you'll be able to express yourself authentically and make a meaningful impact on the world.

So, what do you think? Does this sound like a piece that I would write? I’ll share my thoughts on this question below.

I then asked ChatGPT whether the content was plagiarized?

No, this content was not plagiarized. This is original content written by me, ChatGPT, as a response to your request for a blog post on the topic of finding one's voice.

I’m happy it didn’t try to write a personal sounding story, as I almost always do that at the beginning of my posts. Why? Because that is what makes my writing unique to me. If it had made up a story that sounded like I could have experienced it, that would have felt creepy. I enjoy writing and thinking about what my readers might be interested in so I intend to keep writing.

Could AI become a substitute for a life and career coach? Probably. But I’m not worried about that because real, live coaches bring their whole self to their work with clients that includes their unique experiences, skills, knowledge, compassion, and personalities. That is what makes me different from the other coaches out there in the world. And that is what my clients respond to and feel engaged by.

So, while I am concerned about the rapid evolution of AI without the controls in place that many journalists and experts are speaking up about, I’m not too worried about its replacing me as a writer and coach.

Do you think Chat GPT wrote a piece that sounded like my voice? What concerns and excites you about AI?

Lagniappe

Check out The Ezra Klein Show for his take on AI in both his March 19 and 21 podcasts.

Can A.I. Treat Mental Illness? By Dhruv Khullar, The New Yorker Magazine, March 6, 2023.

03/06/2023

I Believe in Magic

Or it often feels like magic. Let me give you an example. Anthony, our playwriting teacher, sends us a writing prompt each Tuesday evening. I read it and often think to myself, “what am I going to write?”

The next day or the day after, I read the prompt again and think a bit about it. I wonder if any idea will come to me for a scene. Sometimes I’ll sit down and brainstorm ideas and write them down. Sometimes I’ll share the prompt with my husband as we go for a walk and maybe think about ideas. But usually, I let the prompt simmer in the back of mind.

And then, like magic, an idea arises and I sit down to write the scene. The dialogue for the scene or scenes usually come quickly, and I write it in one sitting. Often, I have written some of the lines in my head prior to typing them into the computer. I let it sit for a day or so and then read what I’ve written out loud and make edits.

Then I email the document to Anthony by Monday at noon. At 1pm that day, we cast the parts with our fellow writers, read each other’s works out loud, and then give feedback.

I love this process! Writing a scene every week in response to a prompt, I learn playwriting conventions, sharpen my tools, keep the ideas flowing. This both helps me produce a body of work and prepares me to write a new play. I’ve been waiting for a new play idea to form, and I think I see it emerging from the twists in my brain, just as the new growth is sprouting from the ground and trees around me. Lots and lots of weeds! And, bright yellow bulbs, soft pink blossoms on trees, and delicate new leaves.

Creativity is exciting. I see it in my husband as he now has time to sing in a chorus and take up the new experience of writing poetry/lyrics to songs. I see the spark of joy emerging in him.

I see this spark emerge also from my coaching clients when they bring back some form of creativity into their lives that has lain dormant for many years. Or it may come from experiencing art as an observer.

I am listening to the novel, “This Is Happiness” by Niall Williams and loving it. Here is a passage that speaks to me: “It seems to me the quality that makes any book, music, painting worthwhile is life, just that. Books, music, painting are not life, can never be as full, rich, complex, surprising or beautiful, but the best of them can catch an echo of that, can turn you back to look out the window, go out the door aware that you’ve been enriched, that you have been in the company of something alive that has caused you to realise once again how astonishing life is, and you leave the book, gallery or concert hall with that illumination, which feels I’m going to say holy, by which I mean human raptness.”

How do you experience creativity? How and when do you feel illuminated?

11/04/2022

Creativity Takes Courage

It was with curiosity, excitement, and trepidation that I headed to the first session of the World Harmony Chorus rehearsal. The last time I sang in a chorus was as a senior in high school!

I left the house early to make sure I could find my way to this new place in the dark. As it turned out, I had trouble finding the right building, as did a few other people. We entered the correct room as the vocal warm-ups were on-going. No problem. We squeezed into a space that was a bit too small for my Covid comfort level.

As we began to learn by ear first a song from Galicia and then one from Brazil, I found that my tension eased. I know it will take time before I can wrap my tongue around the syllables and memorize the correct notes for my part. And, I’m excited to do something new in a community of like-minded people.

The message, “Creativity takes courage” is attributed to the artist, Henri Matisse. I sure feel that way about my play writing. It takes courage to write some of the characters I bring into my plays that don’t reflect my own beliefs. It takes courage to send out a play that I have worked on for a couple of years to a contest (or 50) and not hear anything back or maybe get word that it was not accepted for the development workshop that received more than 500 submissions for three available spots. It takes courage to turn over a play I have written to a director and cast and allow them to interpret and translate it to the stage.

I keep at it because I find enjoyment in the process. While it certainly would be great to have a play produced again, I’m enjoying writing, reading other writer’s plays in progress, discussing them, and seeing plays on stages and screens. It gives my life meaning.

At points in my life, I struggled to find anything to dig into. I dabbled in lots of different activities, rarely sticking with anything for very long. I thought that this was a problem. I wanted to be good at something and not a dabbler; I just didn’t know what it was I wanted to be good at. In truth, I was probably “good enough” at a lot of things. And now I can see that most of the activities and jobs that I have done throughout my life have contributed to and enhanced my current pursuits.

Dabbling may be a helpful way to discover what interests us. It’s not that the dabbling is a negative, it is the thinking that dabbling is a problem or somehow bad. Creativity comes in lots of different forms.

What thoughts do you have that might be getting in your way? How might dabbling help you to be present, curious, and creative?

10/06/2022

Finding Home/Finding Center

Our next-door neighbor, Charlie, plays baseball on two teams. As you might imagine, that means he attends many practices in addition to going to games (and attending Middle School). He also practices in his backyard within the batting cage they have set up. He and his parents often ask us if the thumping sound of the bat hitting the ball bothers us. I can honestly say that it does not. I like the reminder to practice, whether it be meditation, writing, Pilates, or some other activity that is important to me. If Charlie can do it, so can I!

Practicing helps me to find/build/strengthen my center. I have realized that after our big move from Louisiana back to California, I’ve been off my center. Once we had almost finished the grind of unpacking, figuring out where all of our stuff would go, and arranging and rearranging furniture, I felt a bit lost. Now what?

What is my life going to be like now? What do I want to focus on? How do I rebuild a community in a big city? These are not questions that I will be answering quickly. I realized that I need to take small steps and constantly remind myself to come back to my center. I do that by creating a routine around those activities that I have chosen: walking, participating in a recorded Zoom Pilates class with my beloved teacher from Lafayette; weekly playwriting class and creativity group, and meditation practice.

These activities, both physical and mental, are helping to give me a structure around which I am meeting with coaching clients and checking out where I want to volunteer.

I told my husband that I finally feel like we are getting back integrated in the community after on Saturday we took in the neighborhood Oaktoberfest, and that night headed to San Francisco to hear a piece composed by a friend. We enjoyed the concert and then going out for a drink with him afterward, catching up after not seeing him for way too many years. And then on Sunday, we attended a potluck picnic with the choral group that my husband recently joined. It was great to be out and about being social again, and it made us feel more connected to our new environment.

Feeling at home and in community for me involves finding my center and then reaching out from a place of strength to be with and help others. How and when do you feel at home with yourself and others?

09/05/2022

Savoring

I’m getting better at savoring small moments of enjoyment and bigger moments of success. I wasn’t always this way. When I was younger, I would often move on quickly and not acknowledge to myself when I had done something well or tasted fresh herbs and lettuces from the garden.

I don’t know whether my ability to savor has come with age and/or whether it is from consciously making an attempt to slow down and notice how I am behaving or thinking. Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, a social psychologist who studies positive emotions, describes savoring as a positive state that leads to more happiness. By practicing everyday savoring, we build up resources that we can then use at other times when life’s difficulties arise.

This is similar to how we can build emotional strength from meditation. When we practice meditation and learn to be present in what is, we are not only practicing in the moment, we are also building the capacity to be present at other times in our life.

I recently listened to a podcast conversation between Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg and Fredrickson where they talked about, among other topics, how the practice of meditation and positive emotions intersect. Fredrickson’s research into positive emotions was influenced by the practices of meditation that Salzberg and others teach.

My husband and I have adopted ways to honor small achievements. When one of us completes a task that has been hanging over our head or when something positive happens, we will both raise our arms above our head and shout, “yay!” This has become a ritual in our lives. It is a way of acknowledging ourselves before moving on to the next thing. We often laugh afterwards.

For those who spend a lot of time at their computer or at their desk, taking even a few seconds to look out the window and really notice what you are seeing can lead to savoring. What plant is blooming today? Do you hear the song of a bird? Feel a slight breeze coming from an open window. The sound of a child’s laughter. These small moments bring us back to the present moment and an opportunity to savor. When we go back to our work, we may feel a bit refreshed or even more productive.

08/09/2022

Surprised

I received a letter from Assessor, Phong La with the County of Alameda. I was happily surprised by the words written on the back of the envelope:

“Make time for yourself: Attend to medical appointments you missed; Get outdoors with your loved ones; Get enough sleep; Eat healthy meals; Practice mindfulness and self care; Get your COVID-19 vaccine and boosters.”

All great advice. What surprised me was who was offering these reminders and how: on the back of an envelope containing our property assessment. It made me pay attention and then read the messages to my husband and to friends on a Zoom call. Not something I would normally do after opening a letter from the County Assessor.

One of my friends on the Zoom call, Clare, shared that she had recently purchased a puzzle where all of the frame pieces were the same. Each of the outside pieces could fit anywhere. What?! For those of us who start puzzles by first completing the outside frame, this puzzle presents a problem or challenge. Clare thought about putting the pieces back in the box and giving it away because she knew this was going to be hard.

With this puzzle, she’d need to come up with a new strategy. She didn’t give up. She ended up starting in the middle and then worked her way to the frame. She had the satisfaction of thinking outside of the frame and trying a new way toward completion.

Surprises, new experiences, and challenges to the ways we normally do things serve as wake-up calls. They present us with an opportunity to try something new, think about things in a different way, clear away the fog in our brains.

When we allow ourselves to be surprised, we are present in the moment and our curiosity may contribute to insights about ourselves and others.

07/08/2022

Everything Is Always Changing

I’m looking out the window of my office/guest room at the overgrown magnolia tree in our front yard, and if I stand, I see a distant view of the San Francisco Bay. This morning it is covered in fog, but it will most likely be clear by this afternoon. I’m wearing a sweater. While I am sitting at the same desk from which I wrote my newsletters over the past twelve years in Louisiana, my view and perspective are different.

To continue reading, https://www.lifeandleadershipcoaching.com/blog-1

09/08/2021

Thought Exercise for Organizations

What if you received a call from MacKenzie Scott (see below) informing you that your organization was the recipient of a sum of money larger than any you’d ever received? After the initial shock and perhaps the thought that this was a prank, what would you do?

While this experience probably won’t happen to most of us, it does raise important questions that any organization might want to think about. You don’t need to answer all of these questions or in this order. However, spending some time with yourself, staff, board members, and community to reflect on these questions will contribute to an organization that is healthy, responsive, and fulfilling your important mission.

10 Questions to Reflect Upon if You Are Given a Boatload of Money
• What impact will this money have on your organization and community?
• Do you want to expand or change your mission now?
• Do you want to add programs or services?
• Are there people in your community who are slipping through the cracks that you could now serve?
• Do you want to expand and diversify your staff? Who would you hire? Is your staff representative of the people in your community?
• Does your staff earn a living wage and receive benefits? How can you ensure that they are treated with respect and recognized for their work? Would you offer more flexible schedules and hours?
• Would you reach out to other organizations to share the wealth or would you keep the money for your own organization? Would this be a time to partner with other organizations and/or re-grant some of the funds?
• Would you make decisions quickly or would you take time to consider these questions and others?
• How much of the money would you spend in the first year and how much would you reserve for the future and/or for an endowment?
• What process will you use to think about these questions and make decisions? Who will be involved?

I believe that any organization would benefit from thinking about these big questions. In fact, if you think about them before hand, you will be much more prepared if you do receive the call.

Even on a limited budget, you may re-imagine your organization. Who do you serve? How do you serve them? How do you treat your employees? What is your direction? What is the best way to get there now and into the future?

And if you never receive that infusion of cash, you will have thought about your organization’s programs, services, and staffing in meaningful and significant ways that may result in important changes going forward.

Wondering who MacKenzie Scott is? https://mackenzie-scott.medium.com/

08/09/2021

Finding Inspiration
If you are like me, you find inspiration from stepping outside your daily routine or in noticing intimate encounters in nature.

In a recent writing group session, I shared the quote from the photo below as a writing prompt. I was inspired to write the poem that follows.

Sorrow Falls Away

Insatiable. in. sat. able.
Curiosity. curio. Rio. sit.
Intellectual. in. tell, lecture. all.
Disintegration. inter. integrate. on.
Archenemy. arch. enemy. my.

Words fall away.
Disintegrating. Integrating.
Curios dancing across the page.
Sit. Sat. My.
Sorrow falls away.

(Photo taken at Edith Wharton's estate, The Mount) To see more photos from my travels that might inspire you to reflect, please check out the Life and Leadership coaching blog. https://www.lifeandleadershipcoaching.com/blog-1

02/24/2021

The next Creativity Working Group starts March 3, from 3-4:30pm Central via Zoom. This weekly group is fun, builds community, and is a way to focus on a project or activity of your choosing. Contact me soon to learn more and to register as space is limited. www.lifeandleadershipcoaching.com Click on Blog and read the story, "What Moves You" to learn more about the Creativity Working Group.

Sue Schleifer helps her coaching clients to design their life and career goals, communicate clearly, and develop meaningful relationships.

02/05/2021

What Moves You?

I am writing this newsletter on Groundhog Day. It got me thinking about the film and wondering if I could choose a day to repeat again and again, which day would that be?

I decided to ask the members of our Creativity Working Group, during check-in, to share a day that they would like to repeat in honor of it being Groundhog Day.

One person described sitting on the front porch with her four month old granddaughter and the love and connection that she felt so strongly. She decided on that day to move to the town where her son lived so she could babysit daily for her granddaughter’s first two years of life.

Another group member told us about a day she wanted to redo so that she could learn from her mistakes and communicate more clearly the next time.

The day that immediately jumped out for me was a wonder-filled day. It was summer in the Berkshires of Massachusetts, and it was an art and nature-filled day. It started with a walk of the grounds and a rehearsal of the Boston Symphony Orchestra with soloist Sophie Mutter at Tanglewood. Then we attended an intimate play at Shakespeare & Company, followed by a dance performance on the outdoor stage at Jacob’s Pillow Dance Festival. I told my husband that the Berkshires were my “happy place.”

This special day moved me because of the creativity that I witnessed while also being out in nature and beauty. When we think about the experiences that move us, they can be a window into how we want to spend our time. To what do we want to devote our energy and resources?

During this period of COVID-19 isolation, it sometimes feels like every day is Groundhog Day because of the sameness to each day. It has been especially dull for me recently because I am in between creative projects. I haven’t had an idea for what I want to work on next. I usually get inspiration when I am out and about exploring, traveling, being around other people. I see, hear, learn something that sparks an idea that I want to explore further.

Last night I had a dream that I know was a reaction to something disturbing going on in my town. I have been upset about recent decisions made by the public library board. In my dream it somehow got connected to another place in my past. It was an anxiety filled dream, but when I wrote it down, suddenly an idea for a new play emerged. Now I feel excited to explore this idea.
We may often be surprised by what moves us to action, to emotion, to creativity. What moves you?

If you would like to join a Creativity Working Group, I am starting a new Zoom group in March. We meet once a week for an hour and a half. I offer a short mindfulness exercise, a quote or prompt to get us thinking creatively and then we each work independently, with sound muted, for about an hour. Then we check in again at the end of the hour.

In our current group members have bonded and developed new friendships, focused on independent projects (music, collage, art, databases, writing, and more), learned new creative ways to move forward, and had fun. One group member wrote me, “Once again, thanks for spurring me back to making music by starting our creativity group. What a treasure it has been.”

Please email me if you would like to learn more about this new group and to sign up.

01/08/2021

DoBeDoBeDo

Last month my husband Mark and I watched the Ram Dass memorial service, sponsored by Seva Foundation. Ram Dass was one of its founding members. The footage of the service was made available a year after Ram Dass’ death and included music by Krishna Das and short remembrances by Larry and Girija Brilliant, Wavy Gravy and his wife Jahanara Romney, among others.

This moving tribute led me on memory trips and appreciation for some of the influential people in my life. In the 80s I attended talks and entreaties for us to do good in our community by Ram Dass at a large hall in Oakland over the course of several months. I read his book, “Be Here Now,” and many years later, “Still Here: Embracing Aging, Changing, and Dying.” This book, and free airline tickets that needed to be used before they expired, led to Mark and I attending a short retreat on Maui in 2007. Both of our mothers had died during the previous year, and we thought a retreat with Ram Dass, Sharon Salzberg, and Krishna Das could be healing. And it was. We also got to see the Dali Lama on that trip!

In the 1980s, I read “How Can I Help?” by Ram Dass & Paul Gorman, given to me by my mom. I have referred to this book often in my life and work. I was especially struck by passages about Wavy Gravy and how he used his clown persona to uplift others and create change. I often refer to Wavy as my “hero.” If you haven’t seen the documentary, “Saint Misbehavin’: The Wavy Gravy Movie,” then it’s time do so! I’m grateful for my brother, Robert, who has been a co-conspirator in our appreciation of Wavy Gravy and Ram Dass.

At the memorial service both Larry Brilliant and Jahanara Romney talked about Ram Dass’ impassioned reminders in the early days of starting Seva to “slow down and be here now.” He was the “be” while others, including Jahanara and Brilliant’s boss, Nicole, wanted to get to work and “do” what needed to be done: build a hospital, raise more money now! Brilliant described it as the “clash of the titans.” Ram Dass saying, “Settle in, you are moving too fast. You’re going to lose your soul.” And Nicole shouting back, “What does it matter if I lose my soul if we can eradicate blindness!” And that’s when other board members chanted, “DoBeDoBeDo.”

How do you dobedobedo? For those inclined more to be doers, take time to be, to settle in and reflect. For those of us who lean more to being, how can we be of more service? What might I do to help build a better world? We each must find our own balance of being and doing, which might shift on any given day. An inspiring reminder as we embark on 2021.

Happy New Year and Be Well!