13/01/2022
I read this on a friend's page today and it absolutely wrecked me. It made so much so clear.
I think we can take this even deeper because as a society we no longer have our "village."
When I was raising my daughters solely as a single mom and was not receiving any support from their father ( and still haven't ) I was usually met with "Have you tried...." scenarios instead of "I was thinking of you and here's some groceries."
I think one of the times that struck me most was in a time of extreme lack and joblessness. As I took all the strength I had and reached out to ask for for help, I had the person to whom I had asked for help respond with: "I don't know why you can't find anything; they're hiring everywhere here."
Pointing out a person's lack, doesn't provide the support. ( by the way, they didn't give me the $50.00 I needed to keep my insurance, because they couldn't "help at this time." They had a big family vacation forthcoming so there's that. )
Oh, but a village. See, I love the idea of the early church. ( Acts 4 ) No one did without. And, to be fair...I don't think there were too many conversations...no let's call them "inquiries" about what the people should be doing. I mean, hello? Remember that thing called discernment? People sold what they had so others' needs could be covered! Wow. love it.
But, back to the village. I think now, we have becomed too concerned with our own little quantities that we hold tight and white-knuckled to our possessions, family, careers, ideas, and lives that the idea of sharing? Well, maybe WE are also too worn out to the point that having discernment? OR just really opening our eyes has been written out of our DNA.
Just like those curves that used to be there about a generation ago, that waistline became a hip-line, became a "no line." That village became a select few, became less, became only your church small group or work clique.
When I moved to New Bern in 2017, it took 3 years before I was ever even invited into anyone's home. Three. YEARS. It took another year, before a real friendship was made.
Now, at a 5 month job where I have been out of work for a few days with Covid symptoms, ( Now confirmed: POSITIVE no one( but one..the nurse ) has checked on me or asked about..well anything. Covid. No ONE has checked but, there is no more village. ( yes...of course my family has ;) but they aren't a stone's throw up the drive. )
For all our advances, and all our remarkable breakthroughs, we have slowly but surely pushed civilization away. Our ancestors' fireside communities, and the results of simple ideas like: "We have too many eggs, here! Or, you were up all night with your baby again? Here, give her to me go take a nap! You're new in town? Have lunch with us Sunday. You're not feeling well? Tell me 5 things you need right now as I am walking in the grocery store.
That cough sounds terrible, let me bring you some soup.
You've been out of work? look outside your door. I dropped something off!"
It's not there anymore.
It's heartbreaking.
I only hope there are a few of us that still feel that call, that conviction, that discernment and will not become so calloused that we forget to stoke that village fire. I hope our own weariness can still push through to add a few logs to our neighbors' and coworkers' fires. And if I have ever responded to you in your crises with "Have you tried...," instead of "What can I do?" please forgive me and come sit by the fire with me.
Don't let us strong ones fool you. Yes, we are strong, but we are not invincible. We are often strong because there's been no choice. It is 100% through the grace of God that many of us have even kept moving forward. Period. But strength doesn't mean we don't need a village, it just means we look like we don't.
It’s not you, mama. It’s the absence of the village.
