15/06/2024
A man's wife is in a car accident. He rushes to the hospital to meet the doctor.
"I'm so sorry," says the doctor. "Your wife is paralyzed with severe brain damage. She's lost all use of her arms and legs. She's awake but unable to speak coherently. She's lost bowel control and the nurses must spoon feed her. She's going to require extensive care for the rest of her life and might not even ever recognize you again.
The man is near catatonic with tears when the doctor says "I'm just fu***ng with you. She's dead!"
A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".
A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps. She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.
"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty nappies!" the doc says.
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.
"No, you've got bowel cancer."
A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and says "I hope the p**n is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular p**n you sick f**k."