07/11/2024
I never ever thought I would live every day in fear of what is next . But that is how it has been . It all began March 10 2018 My son Johnny my sweet boy with Down Syndrome unexpectedly past away from choking he lived 9 days. Then Covid took over our world. I lost my job of 15 years. Before I worked several jobs and I was able to comfortably provide as a single parent.i was trying to stuff my pain and grief as deep as I could to figure out what in the world was I going to do . No matter what one thing is for sure the bills just didn't go away. I didn't even make enough to pay the necessary bills after losing my son and the impact of covid. So the bills just kept adding up. I ended up losing my car I had already paid over 25k on . So now I have no transportation for Zaileys appointments and to meet the requirements of the job I found ,the lights were adding up ,the water my house payment, not to mention any other bills and needed things. My credit I had worked so hard to build was destroyed. I was running out of time to get a car or be without my job. I then got tied into the worst car financing if my life I was lied to mislead ignored after and it's been a living nightmare,they saw desperation all over me. So how could I pay all the bills that stacked up during Covid plus not get further behind and make sure Zaileys need was being meet. I lost health insurance I lost everything I had spent the past 22 plus years digging into with all I had to give my children the best I could. It was all fine my life was no more I woke up one morning nit knowing it would be the last with my child as well as my life as I knew it. I knew I had to get Zailey to her appointments out of town . I am telling you many times it became too much to bare to even think. I fell so hard into depression. I know Zailey was given to me to as a lifeline because I wanted to die the pain of losing my child right after almost losing Zailey and fighting with everything I had to bring her home to fighting for justice for her that took 5 years. I would not wish this in anyone ever. No one can know the magnitude in which losing a child has in ones life unless you live child loss. Then combine that with the rest and here I am barely above water. Unless one has experienced the same you can't know the magnitude it has. But for myself I don't worry ,but my Zaebug has endured enough. There are things I had planned to do to improve her life. I have a small home I need to replace my unit for heat and air I need to build a room or more room for Zailey to use her equipment to get her in and out of the bath I carry her now and it's not easy the bigger she gets. She loves to be outside she loves the water . I was looking into getting her and Johnny pool before all of this because the Dr said it would be very beneficial for her body and help strength her and reduce the pain. That would become unrealistic quick because if the cost. So I looked into DIY things she could be in her wheelchair and have little areas on the deck to play in sand and then water. And enjoy her time outside but I needed the back deck to be covered to protect her from the direct sun it beats right down and no one can stand it back there for long . Zailey absolutely can't endure high heat conditions I try to keep sunglasses for her eyes to protect them because of the damage that was done she is legally blind. So that became a dream of mine for her quickly. It has came to the point I can't put off what was so behind it's just too much and then it keeps getting more and more . If I could just come up with enough to get caught up I make enough to stay that way. But not enough to do all the things I know would be so Beneficial for Zailey and her health and happiness. I know I am not supposed to question God but I have and do I ask for forgiveness I pray and talk with him daily . I have tried so hard to have faith but right now I feel absolutely hopeless I feel that it's my fault before and many times I made a way when there was no way. I worked I cooked and sold food. I did a little bit of everything to give my babies what I could. Now I am facing losing everything if I can't get caught up. I do not know what to do that is the absolute Truth. I need to get out of this car and the absolute robbing me with my eyes open payment and price I need to get a van for Zaileys needs and wheelchair but I dnt see how Imma make tht happen. I need to secure my home that I worked so hard to get and pay for never missing a payment until all of this. This is where Johnny's room is. This is Zaileys Home that will be left for her to live in.I was so proud of our little home. If not for the things endured the past 6 years I would more than likely have it paid off I owe less than 20k on in my home. I could go on and on but the bottom line the truth is I need help to raise money to pay these things and then hopefully raise money to do what needs to be done to improve the life of a little girl who deserves it she paid and is paying will forever pay a high price for doing what some 2 month old babies do and most all babies do and that is crying a little too much at times so in return for her crying she was brutally abused and basically left to die because they knew what they had done and when her little body just couldn't endure all the pain and injuries caused to her she was unable to tell anyone she needed help she was so tiny just a 2 month old babygirl she began to quickly decline. Her Brain was basically shaken so violently she began to have seizures then she was too weak to even get a cry out. I will never forget the call and hearing what I didn't dream was her my poor baby barely had the strength to cry I will never forget her cry when I was finally called when she was taken to the hospital Zailey ended up having a stroke that paralyzed the right side of her body. Her Brian suffering from being shaken so violently she now lives with only half a brain that actually is alive. She had broken ribs and a leg. It didn't look good. Her life was thought to be very short and with very little quality a vegetable they say. I say look at God. Yes she is severely disabled, yes she has many health issues and faces so much but she sure isn't a vegetable. One thing God made sure of is she would have a voice that she would learn things that bring her happiness. She talks so well she sings she tries to help so things for herself and yes she has some pretty bad behaviors but she will never not be heard that for sure . She is a Miracle. So I am believing that God Will place an Army of supporters in Zaileys life and those supporters will grow and Multiply bringing forth support for other SBS children and families. It was suggested I make a Go fund me I will tell you I have never successfully raised money for anything in my life. I dnt know how to be successful with it. I'd rather ask for guidance from some of you. I would like to have a trustworthy person to oversee anything financial. Because we all know we're gonna have some yeah you know the ones.
I just want to give Zailey every chance at a healthy life , to meet her full potential and also to have some things that make life happier for her . The only thing I need is to make sure she has what she needs nothing else matters . Please feel free to message me . Please be kind here and to others if at all possible I pray we grow Into a team that helps other children and families. Listen I love each of you and Imma leave this right here. please like comment and share . You can also show support thru sending stars.
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