08/24/2023
THIS IS MY TESTIMONY
REVELATION 12 : 10-12
10 And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of His Christ. For the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, he who accuses them day and night before our God. 11 They have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; and they did not love their lives so as to shy away from death. 12 Therefore rejoice, O heavens, and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea; with great fury the devil has come down to you, knowing he has only a short time.”…
Casey Stevens
My story starts off as a child . A childhood of trauma. Abuse on every level...sexual, mental, physical and emotional. Memories of being sexually molested as early as being in diapers and all through childhood and early teens. Physically abused , beaten and emotionally brow beaten. I suffered abandonment and rejection issues .
My mother left when I was 6 and my 3 younger siblings and I were with dad. I was 6 helping daddy raise kids. My childhood taken away through r**e, molestation at the hands of my grandfather and other relatives on my mom’s side.... Never truly ever experiencing love. My bare necessity as a child needing love and protection did not exist. Into my teen years I was placed everywhere and anywhere while others were chosen before me because of my behavior or whatever reason seemed acceptable for a person to choose someone or something over their own child; if there were ever any acceptable excuse.
My search for love was a desperate one. I found a taste of it with my grandmother’s love and others who took me in who had compassion on this “throw away”. I started seeking it in anyone who showed me the slightest attention....and accepting the lesser of ...the counterfeit as the “real thing”. I strongly believe we live what we learn. Having children before ever realizing that I was not ready, but thinking it was a solution to finally have something that would love me that would be mine to keep and no one could take it from me ... as Love was always a conditional love in my life. I failed. I was not ready to love a child when I had no concept or point of reference for how to love my children. I was burnt out from taking care of kids, never being one and now had to take care of the ones I choose to have for selfish reasons, of wanting to be loved.
I started experiencing PTSD and other mental disorders due to the abuse. I needed an escape from the flashbacks I started experiencing and turned to a cousin who quickly pointed me to drugs and how to get them through prostitution . I self medicated. It was the escape from the pain I had longed for, or so I thought. It took me away from family , my children and everyone I knew. I was so lost that I ran from even myself.
I was completely broken. I ran to the streets of Philadelphia to not have to subject my children to this thing I had unburied. The shame at the hands of others. I hated what I had learned. How could I ever be anything but this object of pain that others inflicted and took out on me? So I ran...I changed my name so I could not be found. I placed myself in a world of unknown and fear, facing demons I had no knowledge of. In the midst of trying so hard to erase who I was and not afraid to die in doing so, I placed myself in the most dangerous situations and thrived on it. Was beaten to the point of no recognition, shot and shot at, kidnapped by a serial killer and escaped. Witnessed overdoses of those I ran with, witnessed more than I can speak on for reasons I also can not speak of..
For obvious reasons, God knows. You see, God always had his hand on me. Attempts on my life were a daily experience. I know this is long, bear with me, there is no short story here. Let me do my best to wrap it up. God had a plan to use every hurt and pain to bring me where I am today, back where I tried to bury “Casey” so he could give you all a message of hope and a future as he gave to me.
God had angels on assignment in the streets, that chased me down to tell me it was time to go home. So I returned home and tried to put things back together, I was unable. I took things to a new low. I became a madam, and using other woman from the same background and all the while feeding my addiction. I still had not completely surrendered. I wanted my life, I didn’t know how to get it.
A few more years of hurting until finally one day, I said,” God Nothing I have ever tried has filled this open void in my heart, the only thing I have not tried is YOU. I need you now. I had never felt more broken than at this point, To be living clean doing all I could to be who and what I was supposed to be to live up to others expectation to be accepted and loved , to only yet again , be abandoned and rejected by everyone who I “thought” was suppose to love me and I’m all alone. Use me God. I am ready to serve you “ .
Immediately God showed himself to me...things began to happen. He started bringing meaning to my life and showing me how to Love who he created through being alone with HIM now, and not alone with myself. I was amazed at how he taught me to love who I am and value time alone with him. He had a plan and a purpose. He only needed for me to completely surrender.
My Life is so full of joy, love and happiness now. I have a hope and a future, one that no longer harms me, rather prospers. I am here telling you that he wish none of us shall perish. He has a plan for each of us. I dreamed every hurt and pain I endured, God would use, and that is happening. I am serving the Lord and living my dream he placed in me before he placed me in my mother’s womb.
Much is missing from this testimony because I’m not writing a book and that is what it would take. To all my sisters who have suffered what I have. A fact that a mass majority of us who have been sexually molested turn to drugs and prostitution.... Know that God loves you. He wants to heal you from the inside, out. What happened to you was not from God, but from the hands of the enemy who set out to destroy you, but has FAILED. You are here, you are valuable, and God LOVES YOU. Only HE can heal the heart he created. I have forgiven everyone who hurt me, I ask forgiveness for all those I hurt and I have learned to also forgive myself. I have been tried, tested anointed, appointed and approved by GOD . Only he can transform you and renew your mind, life, and heart. Teaching you a NEW way.
Love Always,
your sister in Christ, Casey Stevens
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
