11/22/2013
If you've played in a working band, you've been through the routine a thousand times. Pull in at a club, haul your gear in, set up and hope you have time to check the sound before downbeat. Below is a list of things no participant at a sound check said. Ever.
From the band leader:
The levels are perfect! Wow, that didn't take long!
Whatever it says on the sound plot I sent you is exactly what we need.
No worries, we can skip the sound check. I trust you to get it right on the fly.
No thanks. I don't drink.
From the singer:
My mic is too hot. Can you turn it down?
I can't hear enough lead guitar.
Too much reverb!
No thanks. I don't drink.
From the guitarist
Of course I can play quieter.
Turn up the singer's mic. She's our real focal point.
The drums need to be louder. MUCH louder.
No thanks. I don't drink.
From the drummer
Yeah, that was me speeding up. Sorry.
Wait. I need to check my charts.
No thanks. I don't drink.
From the bass player
Thanks for adjusting the amp while I was gone. It sounds way better now.
Hey, can someone get these groupies outta here?
No thanks. I don't drink.
From the sound crew:
The sound plot you emailed last month? I have it right here.
We'll be happy to help you load in.
Wow, thanks. I could really use your help running the board.
Take as long as you like to get your guitar sound perfect
Go ahead and move the mic's wherever you want them.
No thanks. I don't drink.
From the club owner:
No problem if your crowd doesn't show, our regulars usually fill the house.
Of course, drinks are free for your girlfriends/boyfriends too.
Play for however long you want. We'll pay you for the extra time.
Thank you.
