Stephanie Burton, MA, MSEd, LMHCA

12/12/2024

Something that comes up in therapy often is when clients share with me that they intentionally avoid having hard conversations because they don’t want to make their partner upset, and they fear conflict means the relationship will end.

When we pull back the layers a bit, we might discover this fear of conflict is rooted in the trauma of seeing their parents argue, and not manage conflict in a healthy way. It may also stem from deep abandonment attachment wounds created in childhood, or previous romantic relationships. When someone with abandonment attachment wounds experiences an argument with their partner, it may trigger feelings of fear that their partner might leave them. It may literally feel like their world is ending. They may ask for extra reassurance, and may take disagreement personally, due to perceiving the disagreement as criticism.

Conflict is not a guaranteed indicator of the end of a relationship. If that were the case, there would be no coupled people at all. Conflict occurs in even the healthiest of relationships. It’s just “how” you navigate the conflict that makes all the difference. For example, using “I statements,” listening to understand vs. respond without interruption, and avoiding disrespectful and harmful language or tone. Also, being intentional about apologies and repairs to the relationship through changed behavior.

It’s important for both partners to be committed to open, honest and clear communication to foster a sense of safety and security in the relationship, even in moments of conflict. Couple’s therapy can be very helpful in teaching couples how to improve their communication.

12/10/2024

Music has healing powers. It’s one of my personal go-to mediums for feeling my way through things. I live for creating a good themed playlist. Today, I’m sharing a few of my favorite encouraging and comforting soulful songs from a playlist I created during grad school called, “Beautiful Dreamer: Healing through Music.” Hope you check them out, and that they feel good to you.

I’m sharing 36 songs out the 146 that are on my original playlist. It was hard to choose my favorite favorites lol. 💚🫶🏾

12/09/2024

Coloring is one of my favorite pastimes. Coloring allows me to tap into my creativity, connect with my inner child, and to focus on something, intentionally, as a healthy distraction from screens and other peace stealers. It gives me a colorful reason to slow down and chill. I also love the gradual gratification and watching the magic unfold on paper.

12/08/2024

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Ever feel like helping someone starts to feel more like an obligation than a choice?

This chart breaks down the difference between codependent ‘helping’ and healthy support, showing how boundaries and mutual respect can make all the difference.

12/08/2024

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“When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty or fifty years.” —Dr. Dan Wile

According to research by foremost relationship therapists and researchers, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, 69% of relational conflict is perpetual, not solvable. That means the conflict is rooted in ongoing differences between partners (e.g., personality, preferences).

Some people find this statistic to be disheartening or alarming. I actually find it to be comforting. It means that no matter who you’re in partnership with, there will likely be conflict. It’s not the presence of conflict that’s necessarily a problem. It’s whether the particular perpetual conflict you deal with is something you can manage and negotiate long-term.

Based on this research, the goal is not to solve all conflict. The goal is to better navigate conflict with respect and kindness.

Disclaimer: Content is for informational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. I don’t specialize in abusive relationships, therefore my content doesn’t speak to those circumstances.

12/07/2024

One of my goals as a parent who also happens to be a therapist, is teaching emotional awareness at an early age.

This book is AWESOME! It’s become a bedtime favorite in our home, and has even taught my 2 year-old the beauty of taking deep breaths.

“My Mind is a Mountain” helps children identify their emotions, as well as healthy ways to address them. I especially love the fact the main character is a Black boy. A new generation of Black boys are growing up in a world that is working toward helping them assert their humanity, part of which includes the fullness of their emotions, and not being taught to avoid them, or that emotions are for girls. From happy, excited, mad and sad, I highly recommend this book.

I needed books like this when I was a child.

Plus, it’s in English AND includes Spanish translation!! 💚🫶🏾

12/06/2024

Emotional avoidance is the intentional suppression of, and distraction from unwanted emotions.

When we avoid our unwanted emotions, they don’t just disappear. Like energy, I believe unchecked emotions are transferable from one thing to the next. There are several ways emotional avoidance may manifest itself, including...

12/05/2024

The hustle and bustle of the holidays can make us feel overwhelmed. If when looking at our “To Do” list, we feel anxious, it’s important to remind ourselves, we can’t do everything. And that’s ok. 💚🫶🏾

12/05/2024

Look closely at how you do love. Do you really think love means unfair, one-sided relationships where you have to change who you are to get what you want, while the other person sits on their ass? Do you think love means you have to keep tracking them and managing them to get what you want?

If you are not careful, you will allow your childhood strategy to run the show in your adult partnership. And when you do this, you’ll allow the hurt child in you to drive. This is not only irresponsible, it won’t guide you to a mutually satisfying, secure, strong adult partnership.

You must look in the mirror and get super clear on how you love and how you receive love.

Do not betray who you are to get what you want. That will not work.

If you need help, I have a great starting point for you to get the proper view of love, partnership, and connection. Get oriented with a very simple 30-day course and you’re on your way to changing this. Start here.

12/04/2024

Hey, friends! I’ve created a new professional profile on IG dedicated solely to mental health topics. Join me over on .burton_lmhca for some .

12/04/2024

Hey, there! Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is HOV... (If you rhymed along to that, you’re alright with me). Nah, but for real, I’m Stephanie. Aside from being a full-time mental health therapist, I am:

A life partner to my amazing husband (married 5 years as of 2024).
A mom to a really cool 2 year old.
An only child.
Dog mom to Bentley Lamont Burton, a Shi-Pooh.
A lover of humanity, and an advocate for marginalized communities.
A Christian.
A millennial.
A midwestern girl, born and raised in the 46806.
An HBCU alum.
A Soror. 💙🤍
A lover of MUSIC and other art forms.
A social, cultural and historical documentary aficionado.
An Anita Baker stan.
A 90s Black sitcom geek.
A survivor.
A person with lived experience of anxiety and depression.
A therapist with a therapist.
A creative.
A listener.
A feeler.
An observer.
An ambivert.
An Type 1, w 2.
A beautifully and uniquely complex human being…as we all are!

Inside the therapy space, my specialties and areas of interest include:
•Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders
•Depression
•Anxiety
• Trauma
• Grief
• Cultural Identity
• Gender and sexuality
• Communication
• Relationships

Thanks for reading this far, and thanks for joining me on this journey of healing, education and advocacy. Let’s heal, learn and champion each other TOGETHER. Cheers to mental wellness! 💚

12/04/2024

‘Tis the season for setting, reinforcing or standing on family boundaries around the holidays! 💚

Boundaries over the holidays can sound/look like:

“I do not want my baby passed around. If I give her to you, please pass her to me before passing to someone else. If you won’t do that, you will not be allowed to hold her.”

“I don’t give [insert random food/drink] to my child. Please don’t give that to her.”

“I understand you did things a certain way while parenting, and I respect that. This is how I’m choosing to parent my child(ren). I’d like for you to respect that as well, and I’d love for you to be part of her village. If you can’t respect my boundaries, that may impact the extent to which I allow you to be apart of their village.”

“Please don’t kiss my baby.”

“Please don’t force unwanted physical touch onto my child.”

“I am starting a new tradition by cooking a meal for my family. You are welcome to stop by.”

“I will be able to come over for 1 hour, and then I will need to leave.”

“I won’t be able to make it this time.”

“[Insert family member/random person’s name] isn’t here to share their side of the story, so I’m not gonna talk about their situation with you.”

“I will not sit quietly and let you talk negatively about marginalized people [Black, Brown, LGBTQIA, etc.].”

“I will not talk about politics today.”

“I respect your beliefs, and your right to believe as you feel most meaningful to you, but I don’t share the same beliefs.”

“If you comment about what’s on my plate or my weight, I will leave.”

…Just to name a few. 💚

Happy Boundary Setting!

12/03/2024

This was such a good time! If you missed it, don’t worry! We got more in store! 💚