12/26/2025
🙏❤️
12 Days of Reflection – Day 12
Standing in the Doorway
After twelve days of pulling gently at different threads, what I’m left with isn’t a feeling of completion so much as the sensation of standing in a doorway, aware of the ground behind me but far more conscious of the space opening up ahead. This year has been less about reinvention and more about ownership, about learning to hold the full shape of my work without apology or reduction, and without the urge to compress it into something easier to explain or more comfortable for other people to categorise.
There’s been a quiet confidence in allowing all of these strands to sit alongside one another, rather than constantly trying to resolve them into a single narrative. Instead of feeling scattered, that diversity now feels like something to stand inside of, a reflection of how I’ve actually worked for most of my life, even if I haven’t always trusted it publicly.
Looking toward 2026, I don’t feel a pull to narrow things down. If anything, I feel more curious about widening the frame again, while also consolidating the heavy lifting that’s already been done. The Shadowmaker still has room to breathe through more intimate solo performances, or through hybrids that sit somewhere between live sets and DJing, but alongside that there’s a growing interest in art-led projects, installation-oriented ideas, experimental work, and music created with sync in mind, all of which feel like natural extensions rather than departures.
Owning my own sound system and performance setup has played a bigger role in this shift than I expected. It’s changed how I imagine shows not just in terms of scale, but in terms of agency, opening up possibilities around pop-ups, smaller runs, and taking things on the road in ways that feel manageable and intentional rather than reactive. There’s something grounding about knowing that I can shape the listening experience from start to finish, and that sense of autonomy has been quietly energising.
Public speaking sits somewhere within this landscape too, not as a replacement for music, but as a companion to it. I don’t feel any urgency to define exactly where it belongs, only a sense that it might weave itself into the broader picture over time, in the same way many of the most meaningful things this year have done. One of the lessons I’m taking forward is that not everything needs to be fully formed all at once in order to be valid.
Underneath the aliases, formats, and platforms, what remains consistent is the restlessness. A need to keep making new work, to stay engaged, and to honour the shared history I have with people who’ve followed me for years while still allowing myself to evolve. Despite how productive this year may have looked from the outside, I’ve actually spent very little time in pure creation mode, and returning to the studio now feels less like ticking a box and more like coming back to the centre of things.
I don’t feel pressure to define the next phase too tightly. What does feel important is intention, having a clearer sense of why I’m doing things, when they’re happening, and how they fit into a life that also needs financial stability and emotional balance. At this point, success feels less like hitting visible markers and more like alignment, doing work that feels honest, sustainable, and connected.
There’s no sense of arrival here, and I don’t think there ever really is ... just a quiet readiness to step forward, with more clarity than I’ve had in a while, and enough trust to believe that the path will continue to reveal itself as I walk it.
Hope you all have a wonderful festive period - see you in '26.
