ManDad

10/26/2024

Here’s an invite to my Community - ManDad Magazine:

For Dads and Men who care for children.

10/26/2024

Let's talk about decent parenting.

If your child has complete autonomy over their smart phone and social media accounts, you have FAILED as a parent.

We spoke to a parent recently who had gone through their daughter's phone (aged 10).
Checking out the various apps, they came across a couple of A.I. chatbots.
Within these apps were multiple conversations with the bot that were so explicit, they'd make your toes curl.
Can you image your child s*x-talking with anyone (bot, or not)? Do you think they'd "never do such a thing" - think again!

It's perfectly normal and natural for kids to be curious, but children need access to the right information in a safe way.

Here are some things to think about:

1. Does your kid 'need' a smart phone? - why?

2. Do they 'need' to have a SIM and/or access to the internet? - why?

3. If yes to the above, HOW are YOU going to manage their consumption of material and interaction with others? How will you keep them SAFE?

4. What education have YOU provided around internet and social media safety?

5. Have YOU created a safe environment at home in which you can discuss all of these topics, and will your child come to YOU with questions when they have them?

6. Have you laid out rules and responsibilities concerning use of the internet and social media (if they're old enough to have apps such as Facebook, Inst and TikTok - it's age 13, BTW), with CONSEQUENCES for breaking the rules?

7. Have YOU decided what chat apps they're allowed, such as Messenger or WhatsApp?

8. Have YOU installed and connected appropriate software to monitor and block usage? - if not, WHY NOT?

This is absolutely YOUR responsibility as a parent.

Google Family Link is an excellent tool - YOU get to decide what your child has access to and you have to 'approve' apps before they're installed on your child's device.
You can also block certain search terms and web pages, and set age-appropriate limits.

Parent Shield is another amazing tool - YOU get to see what your child is up in REAL TIME.
It's a SIM that works on any network, and all text messages are stored for you to view and all calls are recorded for your to listen to... this is not to 'spy' but to keep them SAFE - wouldn't you want to know if your child was being groomed for s*x or drug dealing?!

Combine it with Family Link, and YOU get to set the times kids can access their phone, so no messaging mates at 2am, or doom scrolling the entire night through - it's locked, goodnight!

There are kids being bullied online or via messaging, and taking their own lives, and there are children accessing inappropriate material. Is that ok with you?

9. YOU set email addresses and passwords when setting up social media accounts. The child is NOT allowed to change passwords, ever. YOU control and have access until they become an adult - for THEIR safety.

10. If they don't like it - tough! Play by the rules or go without smart tech... THEIR choice!

And don't be afraid of auditing their messages, emails and social media accounts.
No, they do not need 1,050 "friends" on FB, and they don't get to hook up with people they don't know!
Kids also do not 'need' A.I. chatbots! Some apps can slip through the net, so thoroughly do your research before approving one.

05/13/2024

Female s*x offenders.

They're pa******les and rapists - no different to male offenders.

Yet, the way we view them, or report on them in the press/media, is typically so different.

This teacher didn't simply 'have s*x' with a male student. She groomed him, r***d him, and then sought to control him.

DBS checks mean nothing. They're barely worth the paper they're printed on.

You never know who is going to prey on kids, until it happens. Though unfortunately, so much still goes unreported.

Can we stop demonising Men, and just accept that predators are everywhere?



https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/27782811/teacher-had-s*x-with-two-schoolboys-pregnant/?

A TEACHER had s*x with two schoolboys before giving one of them an “I love my daddy” babygrow when he got her pregnant, a court has heard. Rebecca Joynes, 30, “groomed” a 15-year-old student by buy…

05/12/2024

We want to talk about crappy Mothering.

Dads get a bad wrap.

The whole 'dead beat Dad' thing was 'in' for a long while, and then we were watching idiots like Homer Simpson on TV.

We've created a stereotype whereby it's assumed that Men are rubbish at raising kids, that they're not interested anyway, and that 'nurturing' should only come from Women.

Couple that with 'all Men are potential rapists/ pa******les' and you've created an anti-male/fathering society.

Thanks for that!

We don't have enough male role-models or teachers. We don't have enough Men wanting to put themselves forward for mentoring, youth work, social work, nursing, or teaching roles - and is it any wonder why?

We could harp on about all the stats which clearly show that kids do better when Dad is around (even if he's not living in the family home). But, we'd rather focus on some real life stories - see below.

Yes, some kids are fatherless, either due to illness, death, abandonment, military service, or intentional single mothers and le***an couples.

But, where Mum and Dad have had a child or children together, it can be incredibly damaging when Mum isn't doing her job properly... something that happens a LOT, but isn't spoken about enough.

Here are some things we've heard from real Dads over the years:

"She just sits there on her phone all day".

"She doesn't engage with the kids".

"She doesn't talk to them really".

"I get text messages demanding more money on top of what I'm paying. Otherwise I'm not allowed to see the kids".

"She gets benefits, but I still pay the rent and all the bills. I don't even know what's going on".

"She plays online bingo all day".

"My son decided he wanted to live with me. So she gutted his room and sold everything, including his school uniform. I had to go and re-buy everything".

"Their mum 'accidentally' messages me to some bloke she's so-say seeing. I swear she's just trying to wind me up".

"I was stopped from going out. I couldn't see my friends. She'd even take my keys off me and lock me in the house".

"I'd leave when things got heated and in front of the kids, she'd tell them that I didn't love them and was never coming back".

"She called my boss and told her that I was a pa******le. All because I wanted to leave the relationship."

"My ex got a couple of guys to come to my flat in face masks. They had weapons. They tried to get in and they were going to kidnap my son" - from a Dad who'd had custody since 3 months old.

"She couldn't be bothered to take them to school. I was already at work and there was nothing I could do. I even asked my boss if I could leave, but was told no".

"I didn't even want another baby. I don't even remember having s*x. But now we have another one on the way".

"I had to fight really hard in court, for months. But I eventually won. Now I get to see my daughter all the time, despite the lies she told about me".

All true. All from good Men, just trying to be decent Dads.

05/09/2024

Mr had this to say (on LinkedIn) about kids and social media...

Parents - take back control, FFS.

I've seen a couple of posts recently about kids and teens having access to "harmful" content online.

Well folks, it's down to YOU to stop it.

Yes, the social media companies need to have better controls in place, however, we (society) have created a monster that has become almost impossible to tame.

PARENTS - your kid does not 'need' a smart phone with access to apps such as SnapChat, WhatsApp, TikTok, etc. Many apps are 13+ as designated by their designers. They also don't 'need' every platform under the sun.

My 10yr old had a tablet from age 3, and a phone from age 5 - to access things like Netflix and YouTube Kids (she has ADHD and needs stimulation and input). We age restrict EVERYTHING and move this along as she develops.

She doe not have SIM in her smart phone, but she has one in an old-style Nokia for to/from school and when out with friends (not to mention we know where she's going, who with, and for how long, and there are consequences for being late home).

Her smartphone and laptop connect to our WiFi (or my hotspot if out) and my wife controls EVERYTHING via her own phone. My daughter cannot download an app unless my wife approves it. It is 'locked' overnight, so she cannot just pick it up at 2am and chat to friends - her tech is therefore only accessible during certain times and my wife can 'lock' it at the touch of a button.

We can see what apps she's using, what search terms she's using on Google, and I regularly go through both phones to check messages and images, because I know how dangerous the digital world is.
We also have regular conversations about the dangers and provide examples - d!ck pics for your 8yr old anyone?

My daughter has access to Skype and JustTalkKids (https://kids.justalk.com) and we approve all "friends" that she connects with online. When it comes time to put a SIM in her smart phone, she'll have RESTRICTED access to platforms that we consider age-appropriate. We'll install a SIM that also allows us to follow her messaging in real-time (https://parentshield.co.uk).

We have conversations about online 'challenges' and the dangers - kids have died! We talk about adults posing as children, and in time, we'll talk more about grooming, and p**n.

This guys and girls, is NOT rocket science. It's basic parenting.
Tech is a 'tool', not a babysitter, educator, or 24/7 source of entertainment.
We also don't have mainstream TV, don't watch the news (but do discuss world events) and we tell our kid that other parents are "doing it wrong" - because they are if their children are accessing harmful content and/or staying up all night gaming or chatting to friends.

Our kids' tech will continue to be controlled and monitored until they turn 18. And if they don't like it? - tough!

YOU have control and the power really is in YOUR hands.

And I'll add that my nearly 4yr old has had a tablet since she was 2.
She's sensory-seeking Autistic and the tablet has been a life-saver! It has also helped with her learning and development. Shows like Ben & Holly and Word Party have been incredibly useful, as well as In The Night Garden and Teletubbies. She knows her ABC's, shapes and colours, and can count to 40 by herself. She is learning to read, and loves to sing and dance to all things Barbie. Tech has its uses, but it must be controlled!

If you, as a parent, are social media obsessed, what kind of message is that sending to your kids? - that all that matters in the world is the latest TikTok dance (if you can call it dancing!) or how 'fit' someone looks on Insta?! Frankly... I have better things to do with my time!
.. like baby gym, soft play, walking in the woods and playing in nature, going to the beach, and pillow fighting!

04/26/2024

At we champion and .

We understand the challenges Men face and how these are compounded once they become fathers.

Expecting a baby is supposed to be an exciting and happy time. However, requesting time off to attend appointments can be frowned upon, and then priming an employer that you might have dash off at any moment close to the due date, can create some anxiety in the workplace.

Dads worry about the impact on their jobs or careers and this is typically driven by their need to provide for the family - regardless of how 'outdated' that view might appear to be.
(Providing and protecting is an evolutionary thing and it's not going away any time soon, so let's just get over that).

If all goes well with labour and delivery, then it should be straight home for some bonding and adjustment time.
Until recently, Dads have taken up to 2 weeks off, though many take just a couple of days - some, don't take any time off. Many companies have shifted to 6 weeks , which is great!

Mum usually stays home for a while, often up to a year, and is typically considered the primary care giver and as such, all medical and educational conversations go through her. Dads are often in the dark when it comes to Health Visitor appointments and chats with school. Things are getting a bit better, but we still have a long way to go.

Dads feel ignored by healthcare professionals, out of touch with their non-Dad friends, and because they weren't pregnant and didn't give birth, quite overlooked in the workplace too, because to most colleagues, it looks as though Dad just took a two week break.

Yet, they have returned different. Priorities have immediately shifted and this new bundle of life is now the most precious and important thing. It comes before any relationship and before any job.
Back in 2017, the Working Families Index saw that out of 2,750 mums and dads surveyed, 47% of men would like to "downshift into a less stressful job" (John L. Adams/ Working Families charity - https://lnkd.in/eEtPHrUy).

Men recognise that they need more time and energy for their family once they become fathers and often, a career becomes less important.
Requests for flexible working might be successful, but still, Dads feel guilty for being at work and not with their partner and child, and they are gutted constantly due to missing important milestones or significant events.
There are so many "firsts" that Dads miss out on and it makes us wonder if all this work malarky is even worth it.

So many Dads were at home with the kids during C-19 lockdowns and many took to flexible or part-time working. Some even opted to stay working from home, or to become fulltime Dads. Amazing!
Our kids need to see their Dads more - it's essential to growing healthy, well-rounded children. Studies show that kids do better when Dad is around more - their life chances improve!

04/07/2024

The best things about Sundays...?

- fry-up.
- roast dinner, either at home or down the pub!
- lazy morning... or maybe the whole day?
- DIY.
- washing the car.
- cutting the grass.
- catching up with family, wife/partner and kids.
- taking a nap!
- binge-watching a series.
- long bubble bath.
- getting rid of last night's hangover?!

Whatever you're doing, we hope it's a good one.

03/25/2024

You can read back issues of ManDad Magazine here - https://linktr.ee/mandadmedia - 100% FREE!

Drop us a DM to let us know what you think - we'd love to hear from you.

03/25/2024

Sometimes, you don't even need to engage in play. They just want your presence. It helps them to regulate and feel safe. 🤗
You provide company. And you're on hand just incase you're needed to help build or fix something. 🔧🪛

You could be reading, studying, working, writing, drawing... anything really.
Use anything as a 'desk' - an exercise step, an upturned laundry basket 🤷‍♂️

And, always have snacks! Add tea, coffee, or a cold drink, and get some s**t done whilst also spending time with your kid!

02/07/2024

Hey chaps... how many of you are getting hitched this year?

We're interested to know!
Are you looking forward to becoming a 'husband'?
Do think it will change the dynamic of your relationship, or it simply a formality?

Are all the plans in place?
Do you have everything covered?
Will you be giving your new wife (or partner/hubby) a present on the big day? - keep it clean fellas!

Weddings can be both a source of joy, and stress! But, planning well in advance and leaving nothing to chance, takes the heat off.

More couple are choosing to manage things themselves rather than hire a wedding planner. But, some expertise is still required.

Do you need someone to oversee events and keep everything on track?
How about experienced people behind the bar?

If you're based in the South West of the UK, then look no further than Serve HQ
Serve can provide awesome staff that'll be right up your street!

Find out more at https://servehq.co.uk/

01/14/2024

Hey Dad - how was your weekend?

Did you sit on your arse, or do something epic?

A well deserved rest after a hectic week, or pushing yourself to the limit after driving a desk... it's all good.

Whatever you did, we hope it was intentional and worthwhile, and will move you forward into next week.

Make like a ManDad, and set your intentions now... decide how you're going to show up tomorrow morning, and then all through the week. What will you do? How will be? What do you need or want to achieve? Who needs something from you? How will you parent? What examples of being awesome will you provide? And how will you take care of yourself whilst delivering for others?

Find more stuff here: https://linktr.ee/mandadmedia
Hit us up at: [email protected] (because some 3rd-party idiot lots us our website, databases and access to email)

01/12/2024

We have featured @ inside previously, but we're on a mission to connect more Men with relevant info and services.

So lads, let's talk about your nuts...

"Infertility is not just a female issue - men account for around half of all infertility problems – and with male infertility rates reportedly on the rise, it’s time to face the issue head on" - HimFertility, 2024.

Infertility affects approx. 1 in 7 couples.
Sometimes the issues are due to medical problems and/or related to medications.

Sometimes, it's just down to lifestyle, and there are things you can address, such as physical weight, recreational drug and alcohol use, smoking, caffeine consumption, and poor diet.

You may need to discuss some stuff with a Doctor, such as hormone function and problems with getting it up or finishing.

But rest assured, support is out there.
Visit https://himfertility.com/ for more info, and contact your GP to get personal help and advice.

01/10/2024

Have you heard of Nick Fletcher?

He's an MP for Don Valley, North Yorkshire, a Dad, and a husband. He's a Tory and has said/done some stuff not all of us will agree with (but we'll try not to get too one-sided here).

Nick is campaigning for a Minister for Men and Boys, which we think is great!
He's the Chair for APPG Men & Boys - a cross-party, UK parliamentary group to develop policy on disadvantages/poor outcomes faced by and .

Why?

Well... there are some significant issues facing Men & boys - some are listed in Nick's report for International Men's Day (Nov-23) - read it here: https://www.nickfletcher.org.uk/news/international-mens-day

Also, there are "1.76 million boys without a dad at home", Nick says.

What are the issues?

- lack of care/ support shown to Men during conception, pregnancy and birth (including lack of paternity leave)
- it continues post-partum, and through the early years, with Dads often missing important appointments and development reviews
- lack of engagement with services
- not enough Men fighting for their kids (often not knowing that they can, or how to)
- lack of Legal Aid and support for Dads fighting to see their kids
- biased Family Courts
- mothers deliberately keeping Dads from children (when previously, they were perfectly happy to get pregnant by them, and even be in a relationship/ marriage - sometimes, for years)
- mothers demanding more money in exchange for 'access' to their kids
- Dads having to leave the family home and afford two lots of costs across two houses, plus CMS, plus extra! Relationships often break down due to the stress.
- Dad working more hours to pay the extra, which means less time with kids
- Dads being 'forced' or feeling that they have to be the ones to leave the family home, when in fact, they have just as much right to stay!
- parental alienation
- step-Dads or multiple partners in and out of the family home, displacing Dad
- false allegations (typically, in order to win full custody, which means benefits and/or more money from Dad)
- and probably some more that we haven't listed.

Share your story...
Web: https://www.nickfletcher.org.uk/
Email: [email protected]

01/05/2024

Following on from in Nov-23, we're highlighting the work of the Mental Health Foundation.

There's heaps to read on their website, but we'd like to break it down for you fellas.
So, what can we do to help ourselves?

4. Talk to someone you trust for support.

As difficult as it might seem, opening up and talking to someone can save a life - yours, a mate's, or both!

"Talking may also change how you see and feel about the situation in ways you find helpful" - Mental Health Foundation (2023).

The stuff going around in our head is often far worse than the reality of a situation. And fear, mulling things over alone, and not seeing a way out can feel overwhelming - so much so that it can lead to a mental breakdown, and even su***de.

It's easy to grab a drink (or ten), or snort a line or two - you can block stuff out and even appear to be having a good time.
Instead, take a deep breath and pick up the phone or go see someone. It takes guts and vulnerability to talk... but you'll be glad you did. And it could help to put an end to coping mechanisms such as drink & drugs.

Drink, drugs and debt can also become a vicious cycle. If you're caught in the loop, perhaps it's time to talk!

For help with drugs: https://www.talktofrank.com/
For debt-related stuff: https://www.nationaldebtline.org/fact-sheet-library/debt-and-mental-health-ew/
And look here for Money Saving Expert - debt & mental health:
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide/

01/01/2024

Hey Dad!
Happy New Year!
It's Global Family Day today - did you know?

So, it's time to come together and celebrate all that you have.
- parents
- siblings
- children
- extended family
- family that you've chosen (blood isn't always thicker than water)
- friends
- those close, and those living far away...
- the ones you've lost, and the ones you've gained.

Here are some suggestions for how to celebrate today:

- spend physical time together if you can
- make video calls to those far away
- go for a NY's Day walk / take the kids to the park
- eat dinner together
- draw a family tree and discuss who's who with your kids... you could even develop your own "Who's-Who" game (print pictures of family members and have others ask questions and guess the person)
- watch a movie together (and nibble on Xmas leftover sweets & treats)
- plan 2024 with your nearest and dearest... dreams, goals, needs, wants and desires - how are you going to have the best year ever?
- discuss with partners and children, how you all might love each other just a little bit more, and how you can bring more peace into your home
- decide who you need/want to see more of, and make plans... get dates in the diary, and arrange finances around connection and experiences, rather than just buying 'stuff'
- and lastly... celebrate your Dad - because chances are, he's frickin' awesome!

#2024

12/28/2023

Following on from last month, we're highlighting the work of the Mental Health Foundation.

There's heaps to read on their website, but we'd like to break it down for you fellas.
So, what can we do to help ourselves?

3. Get more from your sleep.

"Anyone who has struggled with sleep will know what a difference it makes to our bodies, minds and ability to cope with life", says the Mental Health Foundation.

So many things can affect our sleep - everything from new babies and cheeky toddlers who won't stay in bed, to worry, stress and money troubles.

Here are some ManDad tips for better sleep:
- create a daily routine for bedtime, to include winding down without a phone or tech.
- aim to get into bed at the same time every night, and get up at the same time each morning, even if the night hasn't quite gone to plan.
- maintain a cool temperature in your room, but have a decent duvet or blankets available.
- remove electronic devices/ tech from your sleeping space.
- write down a 'worry list' so that you can get everything off your chest and out of your head before you hit the hay. Then, park it until the morning... laying there worrying will not fix the problem!
- use things like essential oils or diffusers to fill the room with a relaxing scent.
- practice meditation before bed, or use a body-scanning mindfulness technique to work from head-to-toe to relax your body.
- work to discover your best formula for the number of hours shut-eye that's best for you. Some folk need 9 hours, whilst others will function better on 7. Find your magic number!
- give some thought to your alarm. Do you want or need something banging or beeping, or would you wake up easier to something more soothing ang gentle? Sometimes, the wrong alarm can cause us to feel pi**ed off before we've even stepped out of bed.

Let us know if you have some super sleep tips!

12/27/2023

How was your Xmas Dad?

For many of us, it will have been a fun, festive and family-filled time, with plenty of presents, food and drink.

For others, we will have been dealing with sharing the kids across two families, or worse, not seeing our kids at all.
Perhaps it was wasn't 'your year' or maybe you don't get to see your kids year-round due to parental alienation.

We do hope Dads, that you managed to get through it with your sanity in tact! Whether it was a Xmas alone, or coping with the stress of it all and finding the strength to tolerate certain family members - you know, those that you'd rather not see, but feel obligated - we hope you got through it and can look forward to the New Year.

It's hard to keep everyone happy, but do remember, that if you're not happy, then no one around you can be either.
If you're not serving your family from a place of love and strength (and you're just putting on a brave face) then they're not getting the best of you, or seeing your authentic self.

Take some time to reflect this Xmas period.
Think, meditate, journal, chat with mates... whatever suits you best. Take a look at the last 12mths and evaluate your performance as a Dad, a partner/husband, a friend, family member, colleague or team mate - how did you do?
How happy have you been?
What's been stressing you out and pi**ing you off?
What has made you happy and brought you true joy?
How did you show up? Were there things that got in your way, or did you get in your own way? Are you on a road to self-destruction, or the pathway to super-heroism?

What is going to make you HAPPY next year? What does 2024 need to look like for you? Map something out on paper and start writing out some simple action steps that will move you in the right direction.

More on this as we approach the New Year!
Get your thinking cap on Dad... because a happy Dad also means happy kids, and a happy family!